


blue lips, blue veins

by fresharold



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Art School, Because they kinda share that really, Blow Jobs, Bottom Harry, Bottom Louis, Chatting & Messaging, Childhood Trauma, Drug Use, Fluff and Humor, French Louis, I'm Sorry, Kink Discovery, Laughter During Sex, Light BDSM, Light Bondage, Louis in Lingerie, M/M, Mention of eating disorder, Nude Modeling, Panic Attacks, Riding, Rimming, Sex Toys, Top Harry, Top Louis, every deep talk mostly happens when they're in bed, i forgot blow jobs, i want to tag more things but i think it's enough now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-14 09:10:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 173,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4558926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fresharold/pseuds/fresharold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Want some advices?"<br/>"No thank you." Harry answers, trying to brush off Niall's hand from his shoulder, with no success.<br/>"I'm going to give them anyway." Niall continues casually. "Just do like, baby steps. Day one say hi and smile. Day two suck his dick." </p><p> </p><p>au where Harry takes art classes on Fridays before going to work and Louis is the French nude model who drops the robe and doesn’t let him focus. There are plenty of text messages, a mess of emotions and a lot of time spent in bed. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>[I don't allow translations anymore, im sorry]</strong>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I. A bit of yourself in everyone;

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this took me around six months to finish when i was planning on taking only one and post it last christmas. It ended up being a +100k fic, which i'm kind of proud of even thought it was supposed to be a short story and i had no expectations for it. I'm not 100% happy with the first chapter but i couldn't manage to do better yet i can promise that the next ones are way better and more exciting and realistic.
> 
> This whole thing wouldn't be possible to exist if it wasn't for tuva, [neqx](http://neqx.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, who had the plot idea and let me write this big ass fic. This is for you basically so hope i didn't disappoint you or anything oh my and look how long it took me, woah.
> 
> Big thank you to my lovely and amazing friend [anne](http://lestroispomme.tumblr.com/), who helped me with the french and with my writer's block as well. Without you i would be on google translator and writing bullshit.   
> Tittle comes from the song called [Blue Lips](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccZuKOTb6ug) by Regina Spektor.  
>  **disclaimers:**
> 
>  
> 
> i used some prompts and quotes as inspiration and reference from tumblr, which most of them i will credit at the end of the chapter where i use them. i did ask for permission for the prompts i saw so just leaving this here now in case it causes trouble. Also, i don't have a beta so this is all reviewed by me reading it plenty of times hoping to get through all the mistakes so be gentle with me. english is not my first language and believe me, comparing this to my other works, i've improved a lot really.
> 
> I would appreciate some feedback on [tumblr](http://fresharold.tumblr.com/), i'm always a slut for constructive criticism.
> 
> Don't forget to read the general warnings in the tags but i will make sure to point out when such things happen, i know how triggering it can be.
> 
> This got long but it was needed. Thank you if you read.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Harry while he meets a cinammon roll.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [to build a home](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkP6Tf79UrM) by cinematic orchestra 
> 
> [philadelphia ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSF_Jxrk56w)by ron pope
> 
> [someone new](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPJSsAr2iu0) by hozier 
> 
> [sweet disposition](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxKjOOR9sPU) by the temper trap
> 
> [feel this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaR747plC6g) by enation
> 
> [wake up call](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8phg58HrQek) by nothing but thieves

**Chapter I. A bit of yourself in everyone;**

"There's an art to life's distractions,  
To somehow escape the burning weight, the art of scraping through,  
Some like to imagine,  
The dark caress of someone else, I guess any thrill will do"

**\- Someone New by Hozier**

 

~*~

He goes to the usual coffee shop, his green scarf around his neck, his old jacket that he wears everyday button up until the end, and sits by the bar next to the glass windows to look out as if he was alone on earth. He looks at all the people running to catch a train, all the girls with one too many shopping bags, all the couples too in love to care. Then he sees it — a bit of himself in everyone. And somehow, sitting alone in a coffee shop has never felt so good. It always feels amazing.

The waitress attends his order, the same who attends him every time he comes here and she still doesn't remember his face. She looks at the same green eyes, same messy curls but doesn't recognise him. That's when Harry thinks he is too irrelevant to even be a familiar face, he is just a normal costumer, not worth knowing his name. And Harry is okay with the oblivion, he is okay with the loneliness because he accepts himself and accepts what is in front of him. He accepts happiness in which form is there and takes advantage of the time and moments reserved for him.

He drinks his coffee, doodling on his sketch book – probably something that won't be finished and will be forgotten, or something that he won't even like and will be ashamed to even keep - and the day goes on, as normal as it can be. He isn't the type of person who helps the old ladies crossing the street and the cats struggling to get out of the tree but he spends a big part of his day helping others, the way he can, being as nice as possible. It's not much, is offering 5 pounds to a homeless guy not even considering if he will use them right, is saying a good morning to every lady he opens the door to, is giving a flower to a small kid... He always gets something back. Gets the feeling of joy and the kind smiles and thank you's they give him.

Harry is a sap, a guy who asks for the less and doesn't expect more than he feels comfortable with but honestly, he lives like this and he is okay. He is happy. He lives for himself and to see the happiness of the others. He lives each day as if it's his last chance. He doesn't live to regret things, he doesn't live to upset anyone... he survives. He takes care of himself, he loves himself and... he doesn't waste time thinking because he always has a plan so he doesn't have to fear if he does _something_ , it will affect him too much. He is easy and simple.

Probably boring as well and maybe that's why his boyfriends always got tired of him after some months. He didn't have one night stands at college because that's offending the human body, that's using someone and it can hurt the person. He had relationships and friends. He can’t make people love him and he is conscious of it.

He had himself. Himself mostly because most of the time being alone was okay, the only option but bearable and Harry always liked – and still likes  – that time to focus in what he likes, _art_.

He walks around the city of London after his coffee, looking around, trying to read people who walk next to him, trying to know their story by their faces, the way they walk, the way they greet each other or the way they just keep their head down. Trying to figure out if they're in a hurry because of work, a date or because they just like to walk too quickly to get in time to everything. He thinks if they're happy, in love, sad or if they're there in body but not in soul. He memorises scenes, the way the light hits the buildings, the way the sky looks and he tries to get the best details possible because later on he would like to capture this in a drawing on his book.

Even though Harry prefers anatomy, he thinks that drawing in a paper with ink what's around him is part of living, knowing how to appreciate what the world gives and what's here to be valorised. He likes to give the value things and people deserve.

With his bag on his shoulder he gets to work in time, he is organised, he doesn't want to live in a hurry and run around in the streets, bumping into people because he is late.

He greets everyone, puts his scarf and jacket in the hanger and dresses his uniform. Harry works in a restaurant, it's not what he expected but in this case, there it is, he didn't expect anything. He finished college with a degree in arts and psychology and he did nothing afterwards. The thing is that Harry loves art but it's almost like a hobby to him, so he keeps having classes every Friday in the evening before going to work the night shift, doing it _for him_. And it's hard to find a job. Really hard. So he found this rather posh restaurant, the people seemed nice and he had qualifications, especially because he had worked for this type of things before as a teen and student, so they hired him. And Harry is still happy.

Today isn't a particular busy day. People come and go, aren't too strict with their orders and Harry doesn't need to spend the sole from his shoes by walking from table to table and get a headache with the shouts from the chef. This place he works is probably the loudest his life gets and that's also needed.

He even has time to chat a bit with Zayn when Rose, Heidi and Niall are taking the last orders and cleaning some tables.

Zayn is Harry's best mate. He remembers him from college but they never talked so when Harry applied for the job here Zayn smiled at him and in that moment Harry realised that he was worth being remembered. Zayn remembered him so they started talking and Harry... Harry got a friend. He learnt a lot about Zayn and maybe it was too quickly, it wasn't a challenge even though he still thinks Zayn is a bit mysterious but that's something Harry can't complain about.

He is also a good artist but like Harry, he didn't continue with it. Now, Zayn only draws when he is at home and maybe bored, which Harry thinks it's a waste. Zayn doesn't show much what he does but Harry had the opportunity to see it once and he is amazing. He is perfect. Harry believes in perfection in some sort of special shape in things even though he shouldn't being the person he is. But he believes in it in order of what the human being can do and what Zayn does is perfect and it's going to be thrown away.

Zayn has more plans than Harry does whatsoever, he is engaged, his fiancé is a lawyer so he has a house and doesn't live in a small flat like Harry does. Soon he will look for another job, perhaps moving out and starting a new life, trying to build a family. Harry had to put in mind that Zayn isn't a forever. That his life right now isn't stable. But he doesn't think about it because he lives the present.

He goes back home around 1am, Zayn gives him a ride as usual and Harry might be tired but he isn't sleepy so being laid down in bed doing nothing and looking at the same ceiling he sees every day is a waste of time. So he turns on the lights from his atelier and continues his sketch, _double exposure, human nature_. Harry draws like he is doing a normal thing on a daily basis, every line he does, comes naturally, every feature from the human body, every branch and leaf from the trees, every shadows he creates it fits perfectly.

He might only get in bed around 3am when he thinks the pencil he is using doesn't seem to be the right one, _because too thick or too thin. It's breaking too much and it's starting to come out shit. The light isn't helping and I'm tired of this goodbye._

_~*~_

Harry loves Fridays and it usually is when the sun decides to come out from behind the clouds the most. The morning is cold, he would like to go for a run but he stays for a shower that this early isn't the warmest one – it helps to wake up – so he finishes quickly and has breakfast while reading a lost magazine that was found around the flat.

He gets boring during the day so maybe that's why he is the first one reaching his art class, not even the teacher is there. It happens a lot of times. So he just gets comfortable and ready for when class starts. The room is quite big, he has his chair in the front row with easel prepared. He knows this time they're going to have a practical class – no offence, Harry loves theoretical classes because he knows, since college right, that they're important. He sure loves listening to what the teacher has to say about figure drawing, he totally does but in practical ones, he makes everything happen. He can show how worth it he is, he loses himself in the art, in what he does. He doesn't listen to what other people say but what himself says. His intuition or not, it's just his work in the result.

He is always excited for these classes, especially when today they're going to have a model. He has been doing this for years now so he knows how it's done and everything and the nudity never gets him flustered, it's always been objective to him and he always thanks the models afterwards because he is Harry Styles and all. And okay it's not much of a challenge anymore but it still doesn't take its magic away, of course, but it’s vulgar. He feels like he needs something beyond the people he sees on the street, beyond the way the wind blows the trees in the park, beyond a coffee shop with the same chairs near the window... something like the sky. Unpredictable, unimaginable, challenging... impossible.

So is nearly half past four and the other people are starting to arrive along with the teacher. Harry greets them, he has this classes for a long time but he never really had the _time_ to know these people better, to make some acquaintances. The most he talked with them was to ask _how are you?_ and it wasn't enough to start a conversation. He thinks he is too focused on the aim of being here to even talk with someone.

He bets they have incredible stories. There's this one girl with green hair next to him who has such a unique style and she has a story, she paints a story. There's that other old guy, with a weird moustache who paints with passion and Harry would want to know what his motivation is. And this young lady, with long hair that comes every day wearing a new and improved makeup on her eyes – Harry asks himself how she gets the energy to do that. Or maybe that one guy by the corner of the room, who doesn't talk much and Harry knows he isn't English so he'd sit and listen to what he has to say about life.

Harry is just Harry. He doesn't really have an amazing story, he wears weird scarfs in his head sometimes and his clothes hardly ever match. He doesn't have a motive for that, it just –is.

"Good evening everyone." The teacher greets, it's a rather old lady, with pink pastel hair, big glasses and nice clothes. Harry likes her, he likes her voice too but he never memorised her name. But not that she isn't worth it, it just isn't important. "Like I had announced last week, today we're going to have a new model. He is recent here in London since he was working in France. He is a very admired model so it’s a blessing having him here today." So is a French _guy._ Different. Good. "I'm going to try to give you some tips along the process, going to watch your technique and precision with the details according to the style you opt to do but we need maximum concentration. So does Louis Tomlinson, the model." She smiles. _Louis._ Harry thinks it probably is pronounced more like _Lewis_ since he is French. "Louis, you can come in darling." She keeps grinning and joins her hands in front of her body, interlacing her fingers in each other in a way of waiting.

The door is opened and Harry gets his material all ready, puts his hair back with the scarf he was keeping in his bag so it doesn't bother him in front of his eyes, or tickles his forehead. No distractions.

_No distractions._

And Harry looks up and there's this rather short man in front of him, wearing the usual dark grey robe and _what is this._ Who is this person? Harry is immediately taken back by the sheer beauty of this boy upon first seeing him. It's probably rude the way he is looking at him but Harry is too distracted listening to his own fast heartbeat and looking at... _this_. This amazing art work.

Defined cheekbones with an amazing bone structure, his plucked eyebrows are shaped into a deceivingly perfect arch that follows the slight curve of his eyes and oh, _oh_ , his eyes are so blue, so blue that Harry would never be able to paint the same exact shade in a paper. Sharp and strong jawline, physically pleasing as well as signing strength and dominance, the perfect size for a nose – it's cute, it's a damn cute nose -, lips with such natural shade but that at the same time girls would be begging for a lipstick of its colour and his hair, his hair is an offence, is a bit messy but it has a fucking curl on top of his head, making it look like a cinnamon roll. Is this guy even real? Is this a dream? An illusion? Harry feels the need to sink his fingers on his hair, it looks so unreal, so soft and Harry is attracted to softness. Harry is attracted to what is visibly appealing.

And this person  – Louis Tomlinson is his name, not masterpiece apparently –is so visibly appealing, he is... he is, damn, Harry is so mad and annoyed because beauty is a social construct and very opinionated thank you very much. Harry is no one to be checking this man out and thinking about such things, describing him in a way that maybe isn't the way Louis sees himself. He looks at the model as if he had never seen the human race, Harry is amazed.

He might be thankful or not for being sat in the first row so he can see Louis closer but he feels intimidated for having such person in the same room as him, being able to be noticed by those eyes. The same eyes that see himself every day in the mirror and how? How can Louis be so lucky to see himself every day, being the only person knowing himself better than anyone else, Harry is... jealous.

Harry feels attacked and severely disrespected when Louis drops his robe without warning. Or maybe there's a warning, the teacher might have said something but he is just so... he can't listen to anything.

He sees Louis naked and _oh my goodness_ he is gorgeous. He isn't even trying, he is just standing there and making magic in his own with his _oh so smooth_ and tanned skin, with his strong thighs, his curved waist perfect to have two hands holing him steady, with his defined arms and perfect, just perfect everything.

How is Harry supposed to draw him? How is _anyone_ in this room supposed to draw him? It needs to come out the right way. Is Harry the only person feeling and thinking this way? He can't be. Louis can't be drawn. There's no way Harry can do a fair representation on paper. Harry can't do a detailed sketch. _Fuck._

He looks around and oh god, everyone is starting their work and Harry has a blank paper in front of him and didn't even grab the pencil yet. He is sweating, his hands are shaking when he grabs the utensil. He puts it above the paper and gives another look at Louis and no. _NO_. He can't even draw a line.

Louis strikes extra bendy poses, which causes his muscle to flex and Harry can't focus. He can't focus, he feels aroused and so annoyed. He is not supposed to have these feelings for a nude model goddammit it's unprofessional and perverted what the fuck.

He wanted a challenge, he wanted the impossible but he didn't ask for this French guy. He didn't need this in his life right now. Right now or ever.

He tries he swears he tries but Louis' eyes are even directed at him  – he thinks, or he is just so into him, so head over heels that he is even seeing things  – and there's this pressure of the teacher walking around, getting close to him that makes it all worse. She isn't looking happy with the work of his classmate. Harry has a blank paper maybe she'll feel better with it since there's no way someone can draw this person with blue eyes and a cinnamon roll in his head.

Harry is feeling so bad, he can't do a thing, he feels extremely offended and wants to lay down on the cold floor and ignore everything. This never happened, this can't be happening, this is horrendous.

Twenty minutes passes and Harry hits his limit. Louis Tomlinson knows what he is doing and he is good. He is good and Harry can't move a finger. He isn't giving up, he promises he isn't but he just can't do it. There's this difference, it's useless keep trying if it's impossible and he knows he simply _can't do it_.

He gets his bag from the floor and stands up. "I'm really sorry but I've got to go" he quickly says, his eyes fixed on the floor while he walks out of the door. He can't stand looking at the way the teacher stares at him and the students' glare. Louis probably never loses his posture.

So Harry is walking, he is _quickly_ walking out of the school and along the path to go to work. It starts raining and he doesn't even get his umbrella out because this way he can give the excuse that he is walking in a hurry because of the rain and not because he is running away from a nude model, flustered and embarrassed.

In thirty minutes more or less he gets in the restaurant, dripping water, his coat too heavy in his body, his bag falling out from his shoulders and breathing as heavily as he was previously inside of the classroom with that naked man posing in front of him.

Everyone turns their heads to look over at him in the entrance but he does his best to ignore it. He walks in to the employees’ area where Niall greets him with a smile and jokes about how wet he is. Harry ignores. Harry is ignoring people and he –fuck he was so rude and impolite leaving class that way, not even thanking Louis for his magnitude. He is a terrible human being, he feels shattered, he is a loser.

"Harry? Mate?" Zayn, is Zayn’s voice he is sure, if his senses are still in place. "What the hell happened to you? You aren't supposed to be here until half past six." He says, it's a surprising case, you don't see Harry Styles off his schedule on a normal day.

Harry is taking his coat and scarf off from his head, putting them in the same place he puts every weekday in the handle, ignoring the way his bag is also wet and he is sure going to get a cold by his state but he is still so out of himself, still in trance with this whole thing.

"Zayn, I'm a disaster." He groans, taking his hands to his face and Zayn is frowning, looking at him in the strangest way a friend can look at the other.

"What are you saying, man?"

"I just saw the most beautiful man in my whole life. Probably the most beautiful man I will ever see. You're after him Zayn, no offence. But you had to see to believe. He was wow... he was wow." Harry rambles, his voice higher pinch and faster than the normal, not even looking at Zayn. He is like looking into the horizon as if he is having flashbacks of Louis making those poses, showing his hipbones and his... fucking hell, his collarbones. His body is sculpted, Louis is art himself and Harry is probably never going to see him again. "His body and his face and he is French. I stopped breathing. She made us draw him, draw him!" he almost shouts, in indignation, not even listening to what he is saying and if it makes sense or not. "As if it was possible drawing him, if I were him I'd be offended. He shouldn't be a nude model, he should be exposed in a gallery. Zayn," he grabs Zayn from the collar of his shirt and pushes him close to his face. "help me, I think I'm in love."

"Harry," Zayn laughs at the way Harry's eyes are wide opened looking at him and he looks like a mad man close to his face. "Chill. You're crossing my invisible line of my comfort area." he gently pushes Harry away by his shoulder and adjusts his clothes. "You met him today."

"Zayn, I think we," he points at his friend and then at himself at time "are having a problem in communicating. You don't understand that even you, one hundred percent not homo -"

"Ninety five percent."

"Ninety five percent not homo," Harry corrects himself causally. "would fall in love with him too? God, what about -oh no," he takes his hands to his face and starts walking in circles. "the others, my classmates. They're still in the same room as him. Falling in love as well. I can't let this happen," he grabs Zayn by his collar once again. "Help me Zayn, they're going to take him away from me."

"Harry!" Zayn shouts and takes Harry's hands off of him by his wrists. "Calm the fuck down, if the chef listens to you, he won't give you time to dry, you're going outside again for a shower." Zayn says way too seriously. "Breathe." he rolls his eyes, his hands still above Harry's wrists, while the taller guy keeps his hands on his face, breathing heavily. "Now listen, does he even know your name?"

Harry bites his lip. "No."

Zayn sighs loudly and drops Harry's wrists to rub his temples. "This again."

"No, no, no! It's not what it seems to be."

"Yes it is, Harry. You found him beautiful and you felt attracted and now you are freaking out."

"He isn't just beautiful. He is gorgeous, Zayn and it's not like that, I promise."

"You probably didn't even talk." Harry opens his mouth and then shuts it again. "I knew it. Jesus Harry."

"I saw him naked." He looks down.

"How many people have you seen naked your whole life?" Harry doesn't answer. "Exactly."

"I couldn't draw him." Harry confesses. "Like, literally, I saw him standing there and just... my mind went blank and I couldn't control anything. It's like I had lost my ability. I stood up and left class."

Zayn looks at him carefully , almost in pity, Harry doesn't even dare to look back, too ashamed to even being confessing this, this way. Telling Zayn this and giving importance to the subject. To the fact that he is missing class, he is freaking out, he is in love with Louis' beauty and he is being the worst.

"Babe," Zayn puts his hand above Harry's shoulder. "let it go, yes? No need of thinking about it now. You're amazing, you can still do it. Maybe you were just tired, or in that moment you weren't feeling that well. It's okay now, right?" He squeezes Harry's shoulder and tries to look at his face. "Right?" he repeats when gets no response.

Harry nods. "Right."

"Good boy." Zayn pats his head. "Now go dry yourself and get ready because it's a Friday night and we're going to have a full house tonight."

~*~

Harry forgets about the whole incident – let's call it the _impossible to be human French edition_ – during the night. He keeps a big smile on his face –which makes Zayn patting his back every time they walk into each other –and attends to every client's order, his or not, being polite and useful. Doing something until the end, being able to carry the dishes without breaking them, entertaining the kids with his corny jokes... So he finishes the night almost relaxed even, completely all right with himself, even though he is tired and his legs and feet hurt but he doesn't need to walk in the rain this time because of Zayn, his _lord and saviour._

Harry gets home, drops his things and he is literally on the verge of going to bed to sleep but instead, he goes to his atelier once again. Turns on the same lights, leaves the big window opened so it can _inspire_ him and opens his sketch book. He gets his favourite pencil and puts it above the sheet. He is going to do it. He is going to draw Louis Tomlinson. He has that vision in his head, he never memorised so well anything but this time he has even the most difficult and absurd detail implanted in his memory.

He is going to do it.

He is so going to do it.

He –He can't do it. He can't fucking do it.

This time he draws a line but _what_ , it's ugly, it's not _right_ and it's just a freaking line.

He keeps trying though, he knows it's impossible but he keeps trying. Until he reaches the point that yes he drew something but it's not Louis. It's someone else, it's something else. Well, at least he can still draw, he just can't draw the French guy.

But Harry starts again and fails but starts one more time and his eyes are burning, his hand all black from the coal, he has a few creased paper landed on the floor yet he keeps not doing it. He throws his pencil against the wall and lets his face fall into the desk.

Lost cause, he is a lost cause.

He falls asleep in that position and only realises everything when wakes up the next day, cold, feeling the breeze from the morning coming out from the window, with a massive backache and his mouth tasting like shit. He is hungry and feels more tired than what he did last night. He has a sheet glued on his face when he sits straight, letting out a groan from pain when tries to stretch himself.

Sometimes Harry hates living alone. That's a fact. He loves being independent, loves his time just for himself in his comfortable space, in silence and peace but living alone is just the saddest thing ever. He has to do everything in the house, he doesn't have someone to cook him a good breakfast in mornings like this, he doesn't have someone to make him company when he is bored or to comment XFactor when is playing on TV. It gets lonely sometimes and when Harry wakes up like this –feeling like complete shit and probably calling for a cold –he doesn't want to be alone. But he will have to. So he decides instead of going to eat breakfast –too in pain, sleepy and tired to do it –he goes to his room, shuts the blinds, takes off his clothes and sleeps until 5pm.

He wakes up worse but that's not something he wasn't expecting, the moment he gets out of the sheets and blankets he feels the thermal shock and _nope_ , to the shower he goes. Warm and not smelling like death he finally goes to the kitchen and this is the worst, this is other con of living alone, he doesn't have other head to think about what they should eat and –other head to remind him that when he goes to do the grocery shop he can't only buy pasta and cereals.

Fucking useless. There's this brief moment he thinks about just putting the pasta and the cereals in a pan and cook it  – he had taken it out and everything  – maybe he could even add some nuts since, apparently, he also remembered to buy it yesterday.

After all, Harry only tries to be organised in some things because in others he is still a loser.

He gets his jacket, shoves his wallet in his pocket, puts a beanie in his head, grabs his keys and walks out of his door, down from his flat. One thing Harry should think better about it is the fact that he doesn't drive. He doesn't own a driving license, he doesn't own a car and he thinks he doesn't need to. _It just brings pollution and more traffic._ So he gets the tube and stops in the closest road – read _the further_ Harry has ever gone to – where there’s a grocery shop.

He ends up putting in his shopping bag chicken and salad because he is trying to be healthy – not working because he also gets a pack of sweet popcorn to put in the microwave, but the salad will compensate everything. Harry is great to make himself feel better with daily stupid concerns with a plastic smile on his face.

And if he takes popcorns why not going to buy a DVD because Harry is a classic person. He needs to choose a movie, right, so here's the time he complicates the situation because he doesn't know if he has it or not, or if he is in the mood to watch this one or not, or if it's worth it to buy or not...

He sighs loudly crouched in front of the shelf with all the movies, passing his fingers through each one as if in the slightly difference of movement he makes, that will be a signal that it is the chosen one.

"I know, it's such a though decision." Harry hears behind him, making him jump and almost fall back, losing his balance. Can the stranger repeat that again in the same tone of voice? It's angelical. "Don't worry, I'm just looking." He says the exact moment Harry moves, supposedly to give him space to look at the shelf he is in front of. But then Harry looks around and _shit._

Louis Tomlinson.

If this isn't an illusion he must be right. And Harry being the fucking asshole he is, he keeps crouched down in the same place, looking back at the man, probably with his mouth opened in surprise and shock  – complete shock  – as if Louis' look is affecting him  – which he is, but let's not confess it yet. But he is smirking – _Louis?_ Is smirking at him, looking down with such smug expression, his arms crossed against his chest and _what the fuck?!_ Harry looks at him from head to toe, as if being in his situation wasn't humiliating enough he has to check him out with no chill. And oh Christ, he is wearing the ends of his jeans rolled up showing his ankles and why is Harry so fascinated with his ankles? It's just... ankles. Ankles with a tattoo in shape of a triangle. Okay.

"You're that one student from yesterday, aren't you?" Is destiny playing around with Harry? Or fate. Maybe fate is. If such thing exists. If it did, it wouldn't happen with him for sure... _Okay Harry, too much._ "I hope you are or this is going to be really embarrassing."

"Nothing will be more embarrassing than me." Harry says out loud, not meaning it, he isn't even sure if it makes sense or not. But Louis chuckles. Louis is chuckling in front of Harry by something he said – something stupid he said and that's Harry's good thing from the day. That's... that's wow, it's a good day, who needs the sun shinning up in the sky when we have a Louis Tomlinson chuckling?  

"Don't put yourself down boy." He jokes and _right, Harry_ , time to stand up because you're awkwardly looking at the man from the floor, in a weird angle and you aren't even listening to what he is saying, you are looking at his lips and the way they move. Shame on you. "Hi." he smiles when Harry gets on the same level as him and please no, it's painful. First of all it's not even the same level, Harry is way taller than him. But who isn't shorter than Harry these days? And second, the way he smiles... Harry needs a doctor, Harry needs to get the hell out of this place. He should have cooked the pasta with the cereals, it'd spare him this torture and humiliation.  

Louis looks so good, like fresh and clean and... well rested. Wearing a dark blue shirt and a quiff because he can be formal and casual at the same time apparently, while Harry looks like the death in person. Pale, purple spots underneath his eyes due the tiredness, chapped lips and wearing an old sweater and some jeans he doesn't dare to wear on a daily basis. He is under a curse.  

"Hi." Harry awkwardly answers.  

"I'm Louis. Even though you knew it already but I like to introduce myself properly." He offers his hand and Harry looks at it for a few seconds. He wants him to... shake his hand?

But wait. "Louis? Like... Louis? Not, _Lewis_?" He says pronouncing it the best he can to make his point, clearly ignoring Louis' hand in front of him. Be polite, you're polite Harry.

"Yes..." he narrows his eyes, slowly putting his hand down. "Oh, I get it. Yes," he smiles again and Harry's world drops. "like, I'm English, I just have been living in France for a long time."  

"Oh." Harry says then and suddenly he has so many questions to ask him, he literally feels like this urge of asking Louis everything that comes in mind so he can know him better. "That explains a lot."

"So... your name." Louis repeats, taking his head a bit forward, waiting for a response. "Unless you don't want to tell me then I'll just accept the fact that this episode was just a bit weird." _Agree._

 _"_ Right, no, yeah. Sorry." Harry rambles and then shakes his head, putting his ideas in order. "My name is Harry." It’s his turn to extend his hand. Louis shakes it instantly.

"Nice to meet you, _Harry_." He says, smirking again by the way he pronounces Harry's name, as an opening _a_ and emphasising on the two _r's_. Just a proper French accent and Harry might just melt. "So _Harry,_ you spend a lot of Saturday's groaning about which movie you are going to watch and buying chicken at the end of the day?" He finishes, tilting his head to look at Harry's shopping basket.

"Is there any proper hour to buy chicken?"  

"Not really I was just trying to be embarrassing."  

"You did a good job." Harry laughs not understanding why Louis is talking to him. Especially with a _weekend look Harry_. "But yes, these are my Saturdays. You?" _Play it cool, play it cool._

"Well mines are usually different but since I didn't established myself here yet and didn't contact my friends, I'm stuck on my flat with nothing to do." And wow, Louis even has friends in here without even _living_ here previously.

"Well that's good. I mean..." He cringes. "Awful. In a way." Louis laughs again and Harry takes a deep breathe.  

"In a way." Louis repeats. " _Harry_... may I ask you a question since, coincidentally or not, I found you here?"   

_No, no, no._

"Sure." _Fuck_.

"Erm, how can I put this out..." He looks away, fighting for his words. "Why did you ran out of class yesterday?" And he asks easily.

This is the moment everything crashes down into Harry's shoulders. Of course. He can't just _play it cool_ and act naturally when _one_ , he had seen this person in front of him naked, which yes it never was a problem with Harry with other models but he never saw them out of class and then, what takes us to point _two_ , he ran away because he couldn't draw Louis. It’s a new thing for Harry and he doesn’t like different.

So this is awkward and Harry wants to go away. He is starting to feel victimised by Louis' beauty again and now by his own stupidity.  

"Oh," Harry tries to look away from Louis but he can't. He is actually looking at him with no problem at all, as if the question he asked wouldn't make Harry uncomfortable, as if he is here for this purpose and this purpose only, he wants to hear Harry speaking. "you know... I wasn't feeling all right." So he lies because who would tell the truth? 

Harry, Harry would. But apparently Louis is making him act like the person he isn't.

"You weren't?" Louis raises his eyebrow. "I was watching you, you know." and fuck again. "I don't think that was it." he points out, bowing one of his brows and looking at Harry in a way that almost makes him want to confess a crime he didn't do and also makes him feel naked, which is ironic.

"It was... Even now I am... not feeling well, I mean." Harry stammers and this is not going well, he wants to disappear. "I think I might be catching a cold. This weather..." he says dramatically. Way too dramatically, pointing around. You're not even outside, dumbass.

Louis laughs. This is a joke, a not so funny joke.

"That never happened to me, you see. Someone not being able to draw me." Louis says slowly, suddenly getting closer from Harry, seeming very interested on him. 

"With me neither." Harry finds himself saying and now that Louis is so much closer he can see the colour of his eyes more precisely and he was right. He will never be able to paint such blue on a paper. Beautiful, just beautiful.

"So you weren't able to draw me then?"

Harry nods. Because Harry is stupid. And then shakes his head desperately. "No. No... I could I was just... feeling..." Harry gulps, Louis' face is too close to him –he is probably one, two steps away from him but it still is too close for Harry to handle, especially when Louis is looking at him in such way. Stripping him with his eyes basically. "Yeah... I'm sorry, this is embarrassing." he says jumbled and grabs his shopping basket from the floor to walk away.

Harry can't do this to himself. He listens to Zayn's words, he has flashbacks from what happened with him and pretty straight and even gay boys, and just focuses on the bad things that happened. _Bad things._ They can't happen again. They won't happen.

"Hey!" Louis stops him by grabbing him from his upper arm. "It's okay." He says, somehow softly, but in other way a bit cheekily. "That is just, interesting." He comments and then smiles again, probably trying to make Harry comfortable.

It's not working but at least he is trying.

"Yeah..." He scratches the back of his hand with his available one, while Louis drops his arm.

"I hope this isn't inconvenient but... what about you giving me your phone number so we can chat? Maybe you can try draw me again." He keeps grinning and Harry heart might have stopped again and this is the third time in two days. Louis is no good for his health. "Yes... it is kind of inconvenient, isn't it?" He frowns, still chuckling and Harry hopes he isn't doing a bad face that makes Louis say this. "But this never happened and your reaction was... interesting." He repeats _the word_.

"It never happened to me and believe me I freaked out." He says the first thing that comes to his mind. Actually, it's a lie, it's the second one because the first one would be something like _you're fucking gorgeous and your body is breath taking how did you expect me to react?_ But that would be inopportune. "Okay I –“ he takes his hands to his pockets, then to the one from his jeans and "shit," he curses, "I left my phone at home." of course, looking his worst while bumping into Louis at the end of the evening wouldn't be enough, he also needed to forget about his phone.

"Well tell me your number, I have mine here." The blue eyed man says as if it is the most obvious thing ever.

"That's the problem. I don't know my number." Louis frowns looking at him and yes, he hates him. This is the moment that Louis Tomlinson starts hating Harry Styles. It's a remarkable event in the history of Harry's life.

"Is that so?"

"I've never had the need to call myself." He shrugs, can't you be more idiotic?!

"I see..." Louis presses his lips together, making his cheekbones even more salient.

"I'm sorry. I really am." Harry sights and remembers he is wearing a beanie when tries to get his fingers in his hair. "I should go now. But I will see you around." He says as if this whole episode didn't affect him and as if he isn't in a hurry to get the hell out of here.

"Sure." Louis says and _nope_ , that's not disappointment present in his French/British tone of voice. _Amazing_.

"Yeah, well bye." He quickly says and grabs the first movie he can get from the shelf and walks away directed to the cashier, always mentally face palming himself all the way, the minutes he waits in the small queue, the minutes it takes him to pay and the minutes it takes him to get on the tube to go back home.

At the end Harry literally face palms himself because he also bought a movie that he already owned.

Great fucking day.

~*~

"I've never had the need to call myself?" Zayn says loudly, literally almost peeing his pants. Harry hides his face behind his hands and presses his eyes shut tightly. "No, really, you don’t exist Harry." He starts laughing and Harry is considering if he made the right choice of letting Zayn come into his life as his best mate. He isn't supposed to laugh at him this way.

"Well, at that moment I wished I didn’t.” He says, while finishing undressing his shirt from work. Good that he told Zayn about this now because otherwise he would have been bullied the whole night. "I'm awful, am I not?" he gives a look at Zayn who is now leant against the wall waiting for Harry to get ready to go.

"You're not." Now he says seriously. "Maybe this was the best?" Harry sighs, Zayn still doesn't understand...

"Maybe." He says not having the strength to prove his point. "Humiliating myself is always the best." Harry jokes, not really knowing if he means the words or not, Zayn laughs a bit but a part of him makes him stop.

"Hey lads." An Irish voice comes from the table area, shutting the door behind him. "What are you here talking about?" He grins at them, starting to undress his uniform as well as Harry and Zayn did previously.

"Hi, Niall." Zayn greets the dirty blonde haired guy. "Harry's love life." He jokes.

"Zayn!" Harry rolls his eyes

"Oh, I love having a good laugh after a hard night at work."

"Very funny, Niall. Very funny." Harry applauds, irony clearly visible, although Niall starts bowing whispering _thank you, thank you_ , in their direction. "Pains me to say, but we weren't talking about my love life." Harry says strictly, looking at Zayn.

"It pains you nothing." Niall snorts but then falls into laughter, changing his shoes to his trainers.

"You're right, it doesn't." Harry smirks.

"Time to go Harry." Zayn says raising his arm so Harry can get underneath it for a cuddle.

Harry nods and gets his bag from the corner and walks next to Zayn, who puts his arm around his shoulders to get him closer. It's impressive because is probably uncomfortable since Harry is taller, but he knows Zayn will keep his arm there until they reach the car.

"See you tomorrow, Ni." The two guys say.

"Drive safely." Niall shouts while they walk away.

"It’s going to be okay." Zayn whispers then against Harry's temple when they reach the car, before pulling away. Harry looks a bit weirdly at him with the sudden gesture and words, but doesn't have time to react when Zayn gets into his car and shuts the door, making that his cue to go sit on the passenger seat.

He reaches home and goes to sleep, not even daring to grab a pencil and his forgotten book on the same place he left on that Friday night.

~*~

The week passes rather quickly and not bringing any joy to Harry whatsoever. It's not that he is complaining is just that it has been some boring and tiring days. He is walking to school to have his usual art class and he doesn't even know how to feel about that.

He can't let minimal things affect him this way, that's Harry's motto. He can't make himself feel sad when there are no reasons for it, when he can prevent it. So he gets inside class and even though he doesn't reach as early as usual, he greets the same people, puts his scarf around his head to hold his hair and gets the utensils he needs and somehow, Harry's worries are pushed to the back of his head. And what worries? There's no worries. He loves Fridays because he has art classes and tomorrow is Saturday, which motivates him through the day.

He is making what he is good at, what he loves and today he is focused, today he is concentrated. However maybe a bit disappointed because apparently Louis isn't going to pose for them again since _today's lesson we're going to get into detail about the human eye,_ which is something that fascinates Harry a lot, that actually makes him look at everything that starts with a sketch of an eye and think that is beautiful. There's always so many things to do, shapes, and there's an immense variety of details that Harry falls in love with every time he learns and tries something different.

The thing is while the week went through Louis got more and more unreal, as if what happened on Friday and the next day was just kind of a dream and illusion. Maybe Louis doesn't exist, maybe Harry got a bit crazy for a moment... Whatever it was now he is just limited in trying to get a similar colour of Louis' eyes but even that... even that he had forgotten a bit.

Harry doesn't want to forget about Louis' features, he wants to keep the details. Louis was the only person Harry _looked_ and got the most details possible and that's an achievement.  

It's an achievement and maybe there's someone listening to his thoughts and wishes that makes him discover that Louis has a tiny little freckle in his temple, close to the left centre of his forehead. And how does he see that? Because Louis is waiting for Harry at the end of his class, outside the school.  

"Louis?"  

"Hi, _Harry_." Okay, Louis is real. And he is still saying his name in his French accent.  

Harry adjusts his scarf on his head, then holds his bag strap with one hand and puts the other in the pocket of his coat. "Hi." He greets showing his clear confusion. "Are you here for a job?"  

"No," Louis smiles and instead of getting closer to Harry, he gets closer to the post lamp from the street, leaning his arm against it. "I came here because of you." And Harry wants to shout _what's wrong with you and how can you say such things so easily_ , they only talked once for god's sakes and the first time they saw each other was for professional reasons. However, Harry ends up blushing and wanting to punch himself.

"Oh."

"This was the only place I knew I could find you. I hope it isn't weird that I just came up here to see you." And Harry is nervous. Harry is fucking nervous right now, his heart is jumping out of his chest, his hands are getting sweaty and it's hard to control his breathing. What's wrong with this guy and his rude long eyelashes, soft hair, nice two days scruff and who is he to smell like expensive perfume?!

 "Erm... I don’t  – it's fine." And Louis keeps smiling, a full grin, more like, making the corner of his eyes wrinkling and his lips get thinner. "How are you?" He gulps in dry and _shit, shit, shit_ , he should be on his way to work already but he can't just let Louis here like this. Saturday's incident was bad enough, yet not enough for Louis to not want to see him again.

"I am good. What about you?"

"Good. Good." he answers and Louis doesn't need to know that he repeated the same word because _good that you're good_ and _good, I am good._

"So _Harry_... God, I hope you don't take this the wrong way." He chuckles nervously and finally Harry isn't the only one feeling awkward. Maybe. "I have this party today and I hate going alone to parties, do you, by chance, want to go with me?"

What is this? Harry needs to hear this question again because he is super confused. Louis is here to see him, to ask him to go to a party together after only seeing him twice –one of them being him naked, which isn't that great? –after only talking to him once and ending up being a disaster and... that's just it. Why is a person like Louis wanting to talk with Harry?

"You're playing with me, right?" Is the words that come out from Harry's mouth and most definitely weren't the ones that Louis was expecting because his face changes completely and he isn't the only one confused and shocked now.

You see, Harry is just trying to protect himself. He can be sweet, friendly, polite and never, ever being able to hurt anyone. Unless they try to hurt him, then Harry needs to do something to avoid it because he is still in the first place, even though on a daily basis he behaves like the otherwise. But he needs to protect himself, otherwise no one will do it for him.

Louis doesn't look the innocent type, Harry has settled it, he has a pretty face, doesn't scream heterosexuality from everywhere but still looks good beside a girl and has a sweet smile that can get everyone to think that he is a saint. Harry has seen a lot of guys like him... however, he still looks at Louis and finds something, something hidden that tells him that he is still worth it, still worth his vote of trust. Something hidden that makes him want to explore. But Harry is afraid, he is afraid of being wrong, especially by how suspicious this whole thing is.

"What?" Louis finally speaks what seems ages after Harry.

"You heard it. I don't want to sound rude, I just... Why are you doing this?" Harry sighs, his voice softening.

"I'm not doing anything." Louis' tone keeps steady, his eyes looking at Harry the same sweet way they were when he first saw him walking out from school.

"Yes you are, _Lewis_." Harry tries to break a little bit the ice, but still looks serious at the shorter guy.

"Right." he scratches the back of his head. "I knew this was going to be weird. I understand... Jesus, this was never this hard."

"This?" Harry raises his eyebrow.

"Okay, let me rephrase everything." He takes a deep breathe. "Hi." Harry doesn't answer. "Right. I was just asking for you to come to a party with me."

"Why?"

"I need a reason to do it?"

"Well, yes. There's always a reason behind everything." Harry says strictly and he is actually amazed by how steady he is being able to speak. "We only talked once and let me tell you, what I did was just a reason for you not wanting to see me again."

"Don't try to guess what I would think." Louis looks at him carefully, this whole moment is getting harder and harder to handle because it's just in time for the sunset, the sky has a shade of pink and purple, Harry's favourite. And doesn't Louis look like an angel? Isn't Harry being a complete asshole? "What happened just made me feel interested on you. Don't get me the wrong way please, it's not what I intend. But what's the problem with it?" Louis confesses softly.

"Interested?"

"Yes, Harry." He says his name the way Harry is so used to hear and it almost causes him shivers. He actually liked to hear Louis calling him in his French accent better.

"I have to go to work." He says straight away. "Actually, I'm getting late."

"Oh. Well, what time do you finish? If I may ask." Harry notices the way Louis chooses his words carefully now and it almost makes him feel guilty.

"One if I'm lucky."

"That's fine."

"Isn't it a bit late?" Louis shakes his head. The sun is disappearing almost completely, which makes Harry missing it. He didn't even appreciate it nicely today while in union with the clouds.

"I can pick you up. If you want. If you want to come with me. I don't want to force you... I just thought that it would be, erm -"

"Interesting?" Harry completes him with a slight cheeky raise of his eyebrow.

"If I want to embarrass myself even more then yes, that's the word." Louis laughs a little.

Harry takes some time to answer. He is so going to regret this, he doesn't even like parties, especially after work. Maybe then Louis can notice how boring he really is and will leave him alone.

"Okay." He decides and the face expression Louis does, makes him look younger.

"Thank you." He smiles. "I can drop you at work now, so you don't get late and I can get to know where it is." Harry nods. "Oh and... do you happen to carry your phone with you today?"

~*~

"If I tell you that I don't need your ride home will you act like a worried mother?" Harry asks Zayn while they walk in and out from the kitchen's part to bring the food to give the clients. He has his tricks and this way Zayn is too busy to think properly and talk too much.

"What?" He stops midway but Harry keeps walking, a bottle of wine and two glasses in his hand. He serves the couple, one table ahead and smiles before leaving.

"Just answer it. And keep working." He says passing by Zayn, who starts following him with a rather upset expression.

"You don't need a ride today?" Harry gives Zayn two dishes so he can go serve his table.

"You're not working neither answering my question. But yes, I don't need it See the good side, you'll get home earlier to Pezz's side" Harry comments with a grin after serving the table and passing by Zayn again. This is what he was talking about, this way they talk less, there's not much questions and he has time to think about what to say next, not letting Zayn speak first.

"Only I can call her Pezz." Zayn protests walking behind Harry, both in a quick pass with their white cloth in their arm. "But why?" He asks and Harry is quick to attend to other's people order, then telling it to the chef and warn Rose about the table she has to attend.

"Going out." He answers Zayn quickly, stopping next to him now.

"You're..." Zayn frowns and looks at Harry warily, Harry presses his lips together looking back at his friend. Zayn shakes his head and Harry knows that he gets what's happening, when he opens his mouth to try to speak. Zayn doesn't allow him to. "I can't believe this, Harry." he keeps trying to speak, although Zayn still doesn’t let letting him to. "Are you really doing this again?"

"Zayn, you're not understanding what's happening." Harry sighs in frustration. "And you're not letting me trying to make you understand. You're jumping out into conclusions and not letting me choose what to do for myself." he tries his best to speak lowly because of the clients and being as calm as possible so he prevents them to argue. "Now let's get back to work." he gets more orders and leaves Zayn looking at his back while he walks away to the tables from the restaurant.

Harry isn't really one of avoiding people but he tries his best not to talk to Zayn during the rest of the night. He knows it'll lead to other things so he ends up talking to Niall the most, which is still not a lot since it's Friday and once again, the restaurant is full.

He can't deny that it's a miracle that he doesn't have a headache and is one in the morning when they're cleaning everything and some people getting ready to go home. He was expecting being here one more hour, so gods are in his favour this time. Or in Louis'.

**_1:05am I'm outside, how long will you take?x_ **

Harry reads from Louis, the fucker even adds a kiss in the end. He shoves his phone back to the pocket from his coat and dresses it up and decides to take his scarf from his head now, shaking his hair and trying to brush it with his fingers. He takes one peppermint gum from his bag to chew it and looks around to see if there's something else that needs to be cleaned. Zayn is not even there anymore since it wasn't their turn to do the cleaning but still, he didn't even say goodbye. He cannot be mad, he has no reasons for it, which just makes Harry feel a bit pissed off with his behaviour now.

He says goodbye to everyone left in the building and walks out from the big glass door. When Harry feels the breeze from the night when gets outside, he spots Louis stood up next to his car right in front of him. His face, previously dull and centred on the floor, gets a bit more of life and his lips twist into a polite smile when sees Harry.

He has changed clothes, although still being wearing a pair of black jeans, he switched for some black shoes – showing his freaking ankles again – and a turtleneck shirt, tightened to his body. How can he pull off this outfit? If Harry wore this, people would say he was going to rob a bank but Louis looks like he is about to walk on the red carpet.

"Hey!" Louis greets him and then Harry is being leaded to the passenger seat and the door is opened to him. He smiles at Louis and gets inside, Louis shuts it for him again and gets in his seat. Louis is making this so hard. "Tired?"

"A little bit." Harry answers and Louis starts the car.

"Well, let's not stay too much time. We can drink a little bit, I'll introduce you to my friends and when you feel like to, we can leave." Harry looks at Louis for a moment and then nods. Louis gives him one more happy look before looking forward and drive away.

~*~

Harry doesn't know where he is and it doesn't help the fact that he is in those scary parties. Well, every party would be considered scary for a person like Harry. Not that he is considered a nerd, he is twenty five he thinks that it can't be implied to him. Then again, he is twenty five and is in a party. In a party with posh drunk people around his age (but not older) looking like college kids and he is wearing a shirt with flamingos on it. The gods aren't in his favour after all.

Louis introduced him to his friends like he said so. But he forgot to mention that his friends included people that owned art galleries, expensive sport cars and the one who is hosting the party tonight, owns the same bar they are in. Louis is only a nude model is he that well known? Does he have that many contacts? Harry can't understand.

What he also can't understand is why so many people in here are faking being drunk, are doing drugs against their own will even though they say they want to do it and are snogging people who they clearly show any interest in.

Seriously, Harry is in a party and he is reading people and thinking about what he can draw next, inspired on this repugnant ambient.

He only doesn't leave because he doesn't know the way to his flat and he isn't the type of person to disappear without saying a word. He only needs to say something to Louis, obviously, but it's not like he has been next to Harry the past thirty minutes.

In the past an hour and a half Harry has been here, he had fun, it's not like he had been wearing a frown all the time and being sat on some couch like a little kid waiting for her mother to finish her conversation with her friend on the mall. He has been there, it's not like that. He had at least thirty/forty five minutes of enjoyment.

Harry realises that the fun went away along with Louis, who said that was going for a drink and talk to some guy he knew but didn't come back. Louis is good with people, Harry had realised, he makes them laugh and smile and enjoy his company. It helped Harry to be surrounded by someone for some time, at least. But he also realised one thing. While Louis talked with people and introduced Harry to his _friends_ , he was always smiling. He smiled but Harry doesn’t need a damn course to know that it was plastic and forced. However the more drinks he had, the more he smiled with actual willingness.

Also, Louis takes compliments very easily without actually appreciating them. People are very vague and repetitive so he might understand that Louis reaches a point where they can say whatever they want that it will end up being meaningless for him. Harry doesn't know how to feel about that but it's none of his business.

"Having a good night?" Harry is only able to hear the person's voice since he gets close to his ear, due the loud volume that the DJ is playing the music. Still, it gets hard to understand due the strong French accent.

"Can't you see that I am?" Harry jokes but really, he isn't the best at this.

"I can, that's why I brought you a drink." Liam leads the drink to Harry's hands. Liam is one of Louis' _friends,_ the one who owns an art gallery somewhere since Harry isn't really sure they revealed that detail, but at first sight Liam seems to be French so there's a big chance that it's there.

"Thanks." Harry says and this is the moment when Harry would think twice before drinking from this cup but fuck it, he needs something to get this heavy weight out of his head.

"So where did you meet Louis?" Liam is almost screaming, too close from Harry. At least he doesn't stink like the last person that sat next to him. Liam smells nice, almost as nice as Louis. Well he is dressing almost as nice as Louis, definitely more formal.

"In a class." He answers simply, drinking a little bit more from his cup. It burns his throat but he can hardly taste the alcohol.

"Class?" Liam looks weirdly at Harry, curious even. "Are you a college student or something?"

"No." Harry answers way too quickly. "I take art classes and Louis was the new model we had to, well, draw." He finishes his drink with the memory of that day. "Where do you know him?" Harry decides to ask, at least he is talking with someone.

"I drew him." Harry's eyes go wide and he sits in a more comfortable position, looking better at Liam. "For my gallery." Liam smiles, he even sounds proud for saying it. Harry would too, not only because he owns a gallery but because he owns a gallery with a paint of Louis' naked body on it. Liam also must be an amazing artist, he has that posture and look. Also, he drew Louis so he wins.

"You drew him? How?"

"How so?" Liam chuckles and Harry realises what he just asked.

"Sorry is just... He is..." Harry struggles with his words, he can't believe he is the only person who can see Louis the way he does.

"He is Louis." Liam completes and Harry looks at him. "He is a precious treasure."

"Precious... Treasure?"

"Yes." Liam nods and Harry needs and wants to ask more, he just doesn't figure out what and how. Liam doesn't develops his idea either, only making it harder.

"Is your gallery in France?"

"Precisely. But I started some work here a while now, before Louis moving in. I'm trying to keep helping him with the best I can."

"I see." Is Harry's time to nod. Liam finishes his glass of champagne, ending up to look at the empty glass in displeasure.

" _Excusez-moi._ " Liam raises his glass, gives Harry a small smile and stands up, leaving him alone.

Harry sighs resting his head on the wall behind the small couch. His head is going to explode in any second, if the rest of his body doesn't do it first.

He takes his phone from the pocket of his coat, placed next to him. Almost 3am and no signal of Louis. He is becoming desperate. He stands up, grabs his coat and walks to what he thinks it might be the restroom. The good thing about this party is that since they're in the VIP area, it's not like there's a lot of people and Harry can still walk without being smashed against other people's body and... sweat.

He sees the sign of the male's toilets and goes inside. It's not like Louis has been here the whole time but at least he can –fuck. Harry's eyes go wide with the vision in front of him, he tightens his grip on the handle from the door and he just doesn't drop his jacket because it's under his arm.

Louis is sat on the sink and his body is pressed against the mirror while there's a guy just between his parted legs. Harry almost feels bad for interrupting this because Louis... damn, he is enjoying it, his face is from pure pleasure and once again, Harry doesn't think he will ever forget the sound coming from his swollen, parted lips, the way Louis has his eyes shut and the way he has his hand pressed on the wall, fingerprints all over it and in the mirror behind him. 

But Harry suddenly feels mad. Really mad. Not only because the guy is touching Louis that way, as if he is a toy but also because Louis came with Harry. He came with Harry and he left him to receive a hand job in the bathroom from the bar.

So... "Are you fucking kidding me?" Harry half shouts, at least he sounds louder than Louis' moans, making the guy stop and Louis to open his eyes to look forward at the door.

"Seriously dude?" The bloke looks back at Harry, still holding in his hand his own and Louis’ cock and _oh_ , he looks annoyed.

He shakes his head, he would never imagine that Louis would be capable to do this but then again... he doesn't know him, what he does is none of Harry's business. He was just expecting some respect because Louis kind of asked him for a chance, right?

Maybe Harry got the wrong idea.

He turns around, shuts the door and walks away because he is, once again, humiliating himself.

Maybe he can find an underground around here, if not he will have to choose between walk home or call Zayn. Well let's change Zayn to Niall maybe.

He takes his hand to his face while walking out of the bar. He feels so dirty. He feels because he enjoyed seeing Louis the way he did. Nothing about the dude, it was just Louis. Louis and the way his head was falling back, Louis and the way he looked beautiful with his lips glossy and parted, Louis and his rosy cheeks, Louis and the muscles of his legs trying to hold himself in place, Louis and his messy and sweaty hair. Harry feels awful for this little discomfort he feels in his pants, feels awful for not letting Louis go from his mind and if his naked body wasn't enough now he also has the image in his mind of his face when he is about to come.

" _Harry_!" He hears, confirming that there was really a person calling for him. And of course that person is Louis. So he ignores, he needs to ignore.

The air feels cooler than the last time he was outside. He dresses his jacket once being held underneath his arm, he is going to freeze to death if he walks home.

" _Harry_!" Louis shouts again when he keeps walking through the path from the street.

"Go finish what I interrupted with your boyfriend!" He spits when turns around to face Louis. He shouldn't, he shouldn't have said that. Neither look at Louis right now. He asks himself if Louis is wearing that shirt because he knew this was going to happen so he covered his neck, thus there would be no marks. That just makes him feel dirtier.

"He is not my boyfriend." Louis says angry. "Are you being serious right now?"

“It’s none of my business but do you think what you did was right?” He sinks his fingers in his hair, pushing his fringe backwards. “You invited me. I don’t even like parties but I came with you.”

“I…” Louis opens and shuts his mouth. He speaks though. “You weren’t supposed to –“

“To see?” Harry interjects. “Yeah I sure guess so but you didn’t make it easy since you were right above the sink of a public bathroom.” He sounds pathetic.

“So what? You find me disgusting because I was with a guy?”

“Christ!” Harry sighs in frustration, not really knowing how to explain the bizarre thing that is happening. “That’d be the last thing I’d feel bothered about this night. I don’t care who you sleep with.” Louis looks down and Harry notices him playing with his fingers next to his body.

“Right. Of course.”

“Of course, Louis. Can’t you see what you did wrong here?”

“I’m not… Sometimes I’m not conscious of the things I do, okay?”

“Right. I won’t handle this, I’m sorry.” Harry simply says, there's no way in hell he is going to keep this conversation. He turns away and starts walking again.

"Hey!" Louis shouts.

"What?" He shouts back, not stopping walking this time. Louis is almost forced to follow him in a quicker pass.

"What are you doing?"

"Going home." he keeps walking and there's silence, only the sound of his and Louis' shoes hitting the floor.

"Let me take you home." Louis says almost in a whisper, as if he isn't sure if he wants to say it, his head looking down.

"Go back to the party, _Lewis_."

"It's going to be boring now." he sighs, both still walking one behind the other.

Harry stops, making Louis bump into his back. He turns around to see the shorter guy rubbing his forehead and trying to fix his hair. He almost looks like a kid now.

“It's not like you were having fun with me.” Louis looks at him with a frown. “Shit, sorry. That was a bit rude.”

“Guess I deserved it…” Harry scratches the back of his head, Louis noticing his discomfort. “Let’s get you home, _Harry_. Is the least I can do.” He starts walking in the direction of his car, Harry’s voice stopping him.

“But you –I…”

“Don’t worry,” he looks briefly at him. “I won’t bother you anymore. Unless you want me to.” He says small. “If you do just… text me.”

And Harry was expecting a silent and awkward ride back home. Only his voice is heard once in a while to give the instructions of the way to his place because Louis doesn’t speak. He doesn’t even look at the green eyed lad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter will be up on Monday. I only have to finish the last chapter and start the prologue but i guess it will be quick SO updates will be fast.


	2. II. Like snow;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Text messages and more poses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [autopilot](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJGaFfGJZvk) by kodaline
> 
> [no good in goodbye ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ho9xM9n2USA)by the script
> 
> [unsteady](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4mUXqE29co) by x ambassador
> 
> [be still](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sc4I9MweBy4) by the killers
> 
> [sex](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7BhM8Qch44) by the 1975

**Chapter II. Like snow;**

"I'm trying to connect with you  
To see the world the way you do  
Try 'n' understand what's in your head  
I'm hearing what you said"

**\- Autopilot by Kodaline**

~*~

A week later is Saturday reaches and after a frenetic evening in the shopping centre – because somehow Harry decided that he needed new clothes after two months and a half away from the mall –, Harry sinks into his armchair exhausted.

It is 7pm and even the birds are quiet. There isn't a car on the lane within a three mile radius and the dog from the neighbour probably got tired of barking all day because it has shut up. He drinks in the silence through every pore, soothed by his meditative quality. Saying that Harry didn't think once about Louis is relative. Each time that thought emerged he mentally jotted it down on a notepad, wrapped it around a stone and threw it away into the abyss.

He tries not to think any more about the way _that_ guy was pressed against a mirror moaning with his beautiful thin lips parted in pleasure. Thinking about those eyes, the ones that calling blue would be the same as calling the sun yellow, sufficient but not accurate to capture the burning. Those eyelashes, fine and silky like small needles delicately attached to his skin, making Harry wondering if maybe they are painted on him. Like the rest of him. His body gives no chance to the every other Harry has seen in front of him and appreciated into detail.

He puts in his head that Louis is just a stranger and finally leaches into the void, moving his aching limbs up from the seat to his room, laying down on his bed, wrapping the duvet around his body–even though he is still wearing his jacket – cocooning himself by the thick protective buffer of the absolute quiet. It's not comfortable, but he feels lazy now. Like he is melting.

He looks around his room, his eyes only moving from underneath his small fort. Then sighs. So dramatic, Harry is playing in a movie. The romantic type, all cliché and everything.

"Maybe he is fucking another guy in a bathroom while I'm curled up in a duvet thinking about it." He says out loud as if he is a kid mocking another one, same tone of voice and he even tilts his head to one side and to the other every word he speaks. Because he is Harry and he is now face palming himself mentally. "Wow Harry, you're so mature." He grimaces listening to his own voice. "So stupid." He sighs again, sinking his head on the pillow. "God, I feel so alone. And so stupid." He mumbles, the duvet almost covering his whole face.

Even though he spent all evening in the mall, filled up with people, he dares to feel alone.

None of them noticed his existence neither spoke a word to him, maybe that's why. Maybe that's what Harry needs, he needs a person who truly sees him and speaks to him with a nice smile in their faces. He has Zayn – who Harry acted casually and as if nothing had happened between them this past week – but there's a rule. _I see you every day in the weekdays, I don't need to see you on the weekends as well._ But Harry knows if he texts him asking for something, for company, he would be there.

Harry waits some seconds before taking his phone out from the pocket of his jeans, mainly because it's so tiring and toilsome since he has so many things covering his body.

His phone almost reaches his nose, the light burning his eyes makes his eyelids shut a little due the contrast from the darkness. He only goes through his applications until it hits him what he was truly going to do.

He opens his contact lists and fails his aim when doesn't scroll all the way down to reach Zayn's name. _Louis_ , he reads. While he has two James on his contact’s list and more than five names that begin with the same letter, Louis is the lonely contact in the middle. Only Louis, only _L_ from the list. Bizarre. So maybe Louis feels lonely too, maybe the silence is finally absorbing him after he had enjoyed it.

_7:18pm Hi_

Harry sends.

And Harry regrets it.

He literally groans out loud, covering his face with his hands, forgetting that he has his phone in one of them so he hits himself. _Serves you right._

It should be able to delete messages already sent. It also should be able to delete life when convenient but the world isn't developing the right way, apparently.

So now he just waits until he embarrasses himself one more time. Well, this isn't even about humiliation it’s in terms of moral. It isn't correct doing this after not speaking with each other in a week. The worse isn’t even that, is the little fight they had that ended up with Louis dropping Harry without saying a word.

Though Louis said that if Harry wanted to he could text. That was kind of nice, apart from everything, yet Harry skipped a whole level on Plants vs. Zombies and his phone didn't buzz once. He doesn't even like this game, he only has it there because of Zayn when he is on his break, at work. 

_8:04pm Good talk._

Because if it is to be annoying, at least let the kid be annoying until the end.

He gets up from bed, bringing the duvet with him, only to go to the kitchen to cut some fruit into a bold to eat. He drags himself back to his room, falling on top of the bed with the duvet above his head. This is why he doesn't like going shopping, it's like going to work. He feels the same ache on his legs and feet, he is bloody tired.

He gets his phone then, wanting to go on the internet, since his laptop is too far away from him to reach it without ruining the comfortable position he is in. There's no one lazier than Harry on the weekends.

**_8:07pm Harry, hi_ **

**_8:07pm Well that full stop was a bit offensive, sorry I woke up a while ago and was showering._ **

Harry doesn't need to know that Louis was naked minutes ago, thank you very much. And oh, Louis _is_ lazier than Harry on the weekends.

**_8:20pm I hope you didn't die..._ **

_8:21pm I did. that's what happens when you take more than 30 minutes to answer_

_8:21pm people die._

Okay, Harry is talking with Louis Tomlinson as if nothing happened.

**_8:23pm You're funnier texting_ **

_8:24pm You're nicer when you don't speak_

**_8:24pm Ouch._ **

_8:24pm using the full stop as an offense again?_

**_8:25pm What do you think?_ **

_8:25pm Yes_

**_8:25pm You're correct._ **

**_8:28pm But hey... tell me about your day_ **

And Harry only allows himself to type the next few – amount of – messages pretending that he knows Louis is actually feeling lonely like he is, so he is also doing this for himself as well. He tells Louis about how the mall was filled with people and he felt like a girl all day –which might not be a bad thing though –, tells him about his hard decisions about what shirt he should have bought, that little moment he saw a girl letting her ice cream fall on the floor – _serves her right, who the fuck eats ice cream in this cold weather_ , Louis interrupts in the middle of the texts making Harry protest by saying, _who doesn't?_  – and then of course he complains about all his pain and tiredness, which made Louis boast about how he slept all day because the night before he had had a party  – again, but Harry doesn't comment anything bad, he shows indifference about it, if not he'd be thinking about all those bad things he doesn't even have the right to.

The night goes on and Harry doesn't know how he manages to get more and more subjects to talk about with Louis. He is sweating, already without his coat but still with the duvet on top of his head as a fort. He doesn't want to say that he got to know new stuff about Louis, because he didn't truly get any _important information_. They only text random stuff, comments and sometimes even links to something funny he or Louis find. Apart from that, Louis is twenty six, his birthday is on Christmas Eve – coincidence? Harry doesn't think so -, lives in a _small_ flat in the centre of London – so yeah, probably not that small – he moved from France to here because he likes changes in his life and that's all.

_01:30am You know, I think I'm going to sleep_

**_1:31am Shame on you_ **

_1:31am I wasn't the one who spent the whole day sleeping like a sloth_

**_1:31am sloths are cute._ **

**_1:31am Are you calling me cute, Harry Styles?_ **

_1:33am No I'm calling you disgusting_

_1:33am Sloths are disgusting_

**_1:34am Rude._ **

_1:34am Anyway. I'm going now._

**_1:34am Goodnight homo_ **

**_1:34am *homie_ **

**_1:34am Eh same thing_ **

_1:35am God_

**_1:35 Amen_ **

_~*~_

"So you two now talk?"

"I wouldn’t put it like that… we only text, which is good in a way. I'm not actually face to face with him."

"Yes, it doesn't cause you to droll over him." Zayn rolls his eyes, once again preparing himself to get to work and it's plastered in his face and the way he does things that he knows they'll need to stay later to clean the kitchen.

"That too." Harry sighs in defeat. "Can you trust me on this?"

"Do you trust yourself?" Zayn asks instead to his friends. No answer. "Do you?"

"Maybe." Harry answers carefully, making Zayn to shake his head.

"I'll be here for you at the end." And how can he not fucking trust him?!

"Are we talking about Harry's love life again?" Niall appears at the door his teeth showing with the huge smile he has on his face, his hair nicely brushed in a quiff even though he messily takes his coat's hood with fur back from his head.

"I don't know are we, Harry?" Zayn turns his eyes to him, a teasing look on his face this time but Harry isn't having it.

"No."

"You're in denial." Niall nods, pressing his lips and then he walks towards Harry, putting his hand above his shoulder. "Want some advices?"

"No thank you." Harry answers, trying to brush off Niall's hand from his shoulder, with no success.

"I'm going to give them anyway." Niall continues casually. "Just do like, baby steps. Day one say hi and smile. Day two suck his dick."

"Niall!" Harry's eyes go wide and he looks at his friend who just nods with a straight face and Zayn laughs in the background.

"Wait," Niall shakes his head. "We're talking about a dick, right?”

~*~

Usually Thursdays aren't this crowded so Harry has a bit of difficulty to get used to the fast rhythm right in the beginning of the night. He doesn't understand how Niall is walking around almost like a little girl, with a stupid smile on his face and every time he passes by next to Harry he smiles even wider. Harry only rolls his eyes because he knows Niall is mocking him for his lack of energy. Zayn doesn't even get his back, he only laughs or pats his shoulder, too busy to give much more attention.

"Harry, you have thirteen messages from your sister." Zayn shouts from the employees’ area, on his fifteen minute break, when Harry is walking to the balcony.

"What are you doing with my phone?" Harry takes it away from Zayn's hand when reaches him.

"Oh playing the defensive. I was just finishing my game as usual. What? Do you now have some nudes to hide from me?” He raises his eyebrows, looking at Harry in a creepy way, joking.

"You’re sick..."

"Check your messages, you don't want to leave your _sister_ waiting, do you?" He smirks and Harry gets confused looking at his friend but then he unlocks his phone, while Zayn walks away, probably to the bathroom, and sees the thirteen new messages. Definitely not his sister.

**_7:25pm can you believe that I had a meeting for today but the artist didn't come???????_ **

**_7:25pm and then they say that us models are the ones who should be always on time and never miss a job_ **

**_7:26pm excuse me I'm very professional in what I do_ **

**_7:33pm I'm so bored now_ **

**_7:34pm It feels like I have nothing to do_ **

**_8:00pm Harrrrrrry_ **

**_8:11pm I'm the one who can take time answering not you_ **

**_8:19pm I'm hungry_ **

**_8:35pm just tried to make an omelette and I suck at it_ **

**_8:38pm I smashed an egg on the floor_ **

**_8:46pm my phone is at 10 percent_ **

**_8:46pm as well as my patience with you_ **

**_8:50pm I know we didn't start well but I thought this was the beginning of something beautiful_ **

**_9:06pm reply to me u fucking dildo_ **

_9:15pm I'M WORKING_

**_9:15pm hey don't shout at me._ **

And it’s funny how quick the reply comes.

_9:15pm Sorry princess. Now leave me alone otherwise I'll get fired_

**_9:15pm but I'm bored and hungry_ **

_9:16pm not my problem, bye_

The green eyed boy shakes his head and puts his phone back on his bag. At this point he doubts that Zayn will be able to play something, he will get annoyed since he got upset with Harry on Monday when he discovered that Harry played his game and now he is starting all over again because _those levels should have been done by me, it's my game._

Harry quickly walks away to the other area, making his best not to look like he had disappeared for a moment but it's not like it matters to the others. He serves more tables and starts cleaning others that were the first occupied in the beginning of the night.

Not too long after the one table he had cleaned and prepared again, it gets occupied. He grabs the menu and walks towards it with the correct posture and wearing his polite smile.

"Good night, I'm going to be the one serving you tonight." Harry gets ready to hand the menu to the man sitting on the chair when he is faced with Louis cheekily smiling at him and "What the hell?!" he almost shouts, jumping a bit backwards with the shock. He quickly looks around and then composes himself.

"That's no way to treat a costumer." Louis says, trying to sound serious, shaking his head.

"What are you doing here?" Harry turns his back towards the balcony not to get noticed.

"I told you I was coming." Louis says as if it's the most obvious thing ever, looking at him flushing his lashes up and down, slightly touching his rosy cheekbones. Harry is near out of air, he needs to get outside or just... get the hell away from Louis. One things is texting him, other thing is having him in front of his eyes. After everything that happened, something they didn't even talk about, Louis looks relaxed, too relaxed and Harry is just ten seconds away from running out of there. Once again.

Louis looks expensive and posh and Harry doesn't like it. Doesn't like it one bit. His hair seems to have one more time that fucking stupid cinnamon roll instead of his fringe, like he had the first time Harry saw him. But this time he is dressed. Fully dressed. With a button up black shirt, with the sleeves rolled up until his elbows, a blazer placed on the back of his chair and Harry doesn't want to see him stood up.

This is why he is better at just texting Louis. Now he _sees_ too much.

"I didn't... I didn't see it."

"That's quite all right." Harry nods not really understanding the reason why he thinks Louis looks good underneath the yellow light from the ceiling lamps. He always hated those. "The bow suits you." Louis teases, pointing at the black bow around Harry's neck, above his white shirt. Harry looks down at it and feels his cheeks getting warmer.

"Here's the menu." He coughs awkwardly sliding the book in front of Louis. He needs to be at least professional here.

"Oh no." Louis pushes it back to Harry. "I'm not going to eat." Harry frowns. "I'll be here just waiting." _Waiting..._

"Louis you can't -"

"Bring me a glass of water then. That will be fine. Or wine. Maybe wine is better." Louis starts rambling, looking up as if he is wondering and thinking about what he truly wants.

"I can't just bring you a glass of water."

"Wine."

Harry sighs. "Wine." he corrects himself. "Weren't you hungry? Don't make this hard for me just order something."

"Okay, bring me something. Your choice.” He says looking forward, admiring the painting in the wall.

Harry doesn't say anything now, he couldn't anyway, he is spending too much time on this table. So he nods again even though Louis is not really looking and walks away. He ends up writing down a risotto and a bottle of wine. He continues his work normally, trying not to look suspicious when glances over at Louis. Almost every time he does it so, Louis is looking back at him. It's intimidating, the fact that Louis' eyes are focused on him and Harry doesn't know what he sees.

Harry doesn't know the idea Louis' eyes transmit to him about his persona. It's almost scary that the way Louis is seeing him is probably not the way he sees himself, the way Zayn sees him or even the way a random costumer sees him.

"Everything okay, Harry?" Zayn asks, making him look away from Louis. It's past ten now, Louis has drunk half of the bottle of wine Harry brought for him but didn't touch the food. Harry doesn’t think he will at this point.

"Yes." He answers quickly. Zayn is about to open his mouth when the chef shouts the last dishes coming from the kitchen, interrupting him. That's Harry's cue to walk away from him and get back to work.

In reality when Louis said _I'll be here just waiting_ , Harry wasn't really sure about what he was talking about, but then he realises. He is waiting for Harry and it took him two hours and Louis asking him, discretely, at what time he is finishing – and after having the answering he just nods and keeps looking back at the wall, playing with the glass on his hands. Harry is confused but he likes the vision of a small, handsome guy waiting for him to finish his job.

When the restaurant starts getting emptier and emptier, Louis notices it and when Harry goes there to clean the table and give him the bill, he tells Harry that he is waiting for him outside in his car. Harry sees that it isn't open to discussion. Louis doesn't even comment on the amount of money he has to pay for something he didn't eat, in fact, he does it with a small smile on his lips and then leaves giving a last look at Harry.

The restaurant is cleaned by him, Zayn, Rose and Niall, the usual from their shift and Harry can't understand how Louis is handling waiting for him. He is thinking that maybe he had already gone, yet something tells him he is going to step outside and see Louis leant against his car.

Harry's life is a joke. This time it's really funny.

"Erm, I don't need a ride today." Harry stutters when Zayn looks like is already waiting for him. The brown eyed guy raises his eyebrows, however this time he doesn't look as mad as he did the other day. That's an achievement.

"Was Louis the guy who kept the whole night staring at you and didn't even eat his order?" Zayn crosses his arms against his chest and leans one foot behind against the wall.

"Maybe." Harry doesn't meet his eyes.

"Well... I was right. I definitely am not one hundred percent straight." Zayn smiles a little and walks away towards the door. "Be careful." He whispers, meaning for Harry to listen to him and without any more words he leaves.

Harry sighs deeply to himself, at least this time he didn't get upset and also didn't get a lecture. He is an adult, he can take care of himself. If he falls he stands up by himself, it was always like this. Besides, he won't get hurt by Louis because there isn't a motive neither the situation lets that happen.

He gets his daily bag from the usual corner and takes his phone.

**_9:17pm Then I'm coming to make you a surprise._ **

**_9:45pm Surprise bitch!!!!!!!!!!_ **

**_9:46pm you thought you would see the last of me?!_ **

**_11:13pm you aren't the subtlest looking at me, Harrrrrry_ **

Just by this simple message, Harry can feel his cheeks warming up. He needs to control himself, so when he dresses his coat and walks out of the restaurant, he shows confidence. He sees Louis, smiles and ignores the fact that those clothes fit him perfectly, ignores the fact he smiles back at him and ignores the fact that he is leant against his car in such pose that Harry would say he is posing for some work. Except that he isn't and Louis doesn't need to try, he always knows what to do to look good and make Harry sweat.

However Harry is okay, everything is under control – even though Louis’ position was perfect for Harry to push him against the door, place himself between his legs and touch him in the most obscene way possible. But everything is under control… he will spend the rest of the night acting as normal as possible.

"Hi dude!" or not.

Louis frowns and steps away from his car to walk closer to Harry. Harry is slapping himself, only mentally like he usually does but he wished Louis could do it for him instead.

" _Dude_ ," Louis laughs, like a genuine laugh, which Harry would describe as warm and hearty, relaxing him a little bit. "you're something." He comments making Harry looking away and scratch the back of his head. "So you’re done with your job for tonight, right?"

"Erm, yes."

"Okay, come on in." Louis says and makes signal for Harry to follow him and enter in the car. Harry raises his eyebrow but follows Louis, walking around his car until they reach the passenger door. He opens it for Harry, smiles, extending his hand as a signal for him to get inside. "Go on." He says.

Did Louis Tomlinson just fucking opened the door for him? Was that what happened? Harry was sure there would be no man in the world reserved to do such polite gesture to him. He doesn’t even care if Louis is thinking about kidnapping him and locking him in an attic.

"Thank... you." He says between pauses and after nodding once, he does what said. Louis shuts the door and even that simple gesture is done with elegancy, almost gently so it doesn't make much noise.

Harry follows Louis' figure with his eyes, looking at his pleasant smirk plastered on his lips and then he is opening the door from the driver and getting in as well, next to Harry. It’s such tiny space, just the two of them. Harry is able to smell Louis' cologne in the car, everything is Louis, everything was touched by Louis and this is almost heaven for Harry. He doesn't even notice the way he is grabbing in his fists the fabric from his jeans with the thought of it.

Harry can’t explain the reaction this guy has on him but is something worrisome. For much he tries to ignore it there’s something in Louis’ figure that catches him like a magnet.

"So..." The blue eyed lad speaks and Harry looks at the side to be faced with Louis' oh so pretty profile. "I've been thinking and how about I take you home and you draw me?"

Harry's eyes go wide, he probably lets his lips fall open. There's no air in this space anymore but Louis finds a way to split words easily.

 _All right_ , Harry thinks, _he is a model, it's his job to let people draw him... naked_. But Louis wouldn't ask this to Harry, would he? And he _has been thinking_ , he said he has been thinking about Harry drawing him.

"Excuse me, can you repeat?" So Harry asks because he is an idiot, that’s why.

Louis smiles and shakes his head. "You heard me, _Harry_."

"But like... I don't, I don't have money, to pay you, you see and –“

" _Harry_ , I don't want you to pay me, _oh mon dieu_ , you almost make it sound inappropriate."

"I'm sorry," Harry says almost in panic. "I didn't mean that way is just that, it's your job... and, god," he groans taking his hand to his head. "I don’t want this to sound rude is just that you’re a prestigious model and people hire you –“

"You didn't hire me." Louis interrupts. "I'm offering, I don't want you to pay me anything. I told you that I found you interesting. Everyone always come up to me so confident to draw me with the same self-assurance, yet one day this one guy runs away from class after seeing me and then tells me that he can’t do it. Wouldn't you be curious about how this would go?"

Harry looks at him attentively maybe trying to find something he somehow knows he won't find. A joke. Louis isn't joking about what he is saying and Harry had been played around a lot of time, he is a little bit naïve but he doesn't find on Louis what he'd find in other guys.

"If you don't want to, I can drop you off and leave."

"It's okay." Harry nods and looks away. "We can do that." he answers. "I can try."

Louis takes a few seconds before turning on the car and start driving away. Harry finds impressive the fact that Louis remembers the road he lives in but the truth is that Harry wished he didn't because now they're in silence and Harry uses the silence to think. Now it isn't a good time to think. He is going to act like a fool again, he won't be able to draw Louis and this time he can't run away. Unless he hides in the bathroom. That's out of question.

They reach Harry's building and Louis finds a spot to park. Harry is the first one to get out of the car, so quickly that makes Louis stop his actions to look at him from the inside of the car.

On the way to the door  – and he is probably being the worst, since he doesn't even check if Louis is following him or not  – he thinks about the things he left out of place, then he remembers he cleaned the house before going to work. _The laundry_ , _fuck_ , he left clothes in his room. _Wait_ , Louis isn't going to his room. It's too late for this. He isn't tired, he would come home and space out. He would draw probably until his eyes burnt but he never imagined he would do that with Louis naked in front of him.

Okay, let's see this as something professional and educative. Louis has a lot to teach, to offer. Right, that’s it.

"So, this is where I live..." Harry says, when opens his door to his flat.

"Yeah, obviously." Louis laughs and yes it reminds Harry how stupid he is.

"Of course, of course this is where I live." Why is he talking? "It might be smaller than yours, but I mean... try to feel comfortable."

Harry puts his coat above the handle by the entrance and shuts the door behind them. Louis looks around, they get in the small living room and there's a door on the left that goes to the kitchen and in front of them another one that it is supposed to go to Harry's atelier, for his art.

"It is smaller. But it's better and cosy. I like it." He says and looks at the side at Harry, noticing the taller guy with his eyes locked on him and smiles. "You have stairs too." Louis comments on it looking at the stairs in spiral.

"Since I live in the last floor, I get to have them. It goes to my room as you can see." Louis nods. He can see Harry's room since it isn't hidden by a full wall.

"It's pretty."

"Right." Harry says trying not to focus on the way Louis' lips say the words and then twist into a full grin. Louis sees beauty in his own flat, that's something to look up for. "Do you want something to drink? To eat maybe, since you didn't have your meal back there."

"No, I'm okay. I had dinner at home before leaving. Let's just do this, yeah?" Louis keeps with his smile – Harry wants to say that it's only for polite terms.

"Okay, follow me."

"You have a room just for your art?" Louis asks astonished looking around in the room Harry walked in, he doesn't even wait for Harry to get in completely, he automatically goes to his big desk to see some of Harry's works.

"Yes, this space is quite nice for it." He says turning on all the lights from the lamps, from the floor and ceiling. "I also like this window, it helps to give me inspiration." He goes opening his big balcony and Louis takes his eyes off of his watercolour sketches, whose he simply just passed his fingertips on, to Harry and the window.

Louis looks out of the window with his eyes shining and his mouth opened. "It's beautiful." He says.

The view is simple. The moon looks huge and they're actually able to see some stars. They also see the roof from the houses, all types of colours but that also match with each other. The vastness of lights from the city make all the magic, obscuring the exquisiteness from the stars above on the sky. Harry wants to know everything Louis sees beauty in, and that also makes him fear what Louis sees on him. And now what he can possible think of what he draws.  

The moment Louis looks away from the window he looks again at Harry's works. "If you love art so much and if you do... if you do works like these," he says pointing around. "How could you end up being working in a restaurant? Why not in workshops, classes or even investing on your own gallery?" Louis asks seriously, making Harry give him his full attention.

"Because it's hard, Louis. I didn’t know what I wanted to do after college, I didn't believe in myself enough to actually make something related with arts. I loved it but I started seeing it as a hobby. I also have a psychology degree, which obviously am not using for anything, so I guess I failed a bit in that subject. That restaurant actually pays me well, enough for the month at least and it's not like I hate what I'm doing."

"But how can you live only for the enough?"

"I'm not living for the enough, Louis. I'm living for myself. I'm happy."

"You aren't doing what you love."

"I am. I have those classes every week, I have this atelier where I can do more, I'm healthy, I can enjoy every minute of my day... I love it. Life is never like we expect it to be, so I think we can only go with the flow and protect ourselves. There's always so many things to love, to appreciate around us, I cannot be upset about what I have. Am I making sense?" Harry scratches the back of his head, noticing the way Louis looks at him in curiosity but... he is listening, he is listening to what Harry is saying. "I'm not." Harry laughs but then sighs.

"You are." Louis says slowly. " _La varieté plaît_." Harry looks confused at his guest. "Variety is the spice of life, I think it applies very well in your case." Louis doesn't smile this time, he says it in a plain and natural expression. Harry nods though and almost feels like thanking him, maybe for the proverb, for speaking French, for actually reminding himself about that and thinking about Harry, yet he has no time to answer when Louis speaks again. "Well, let's do this." he walks farther away from Harry. "How do you want me to do it?" He asks now softer and Harry takes a little to answer while Louis keeps stood up in the middle of the room.

"Erm, it can be up to you." Harry says carefully and it only makes Louis look at him as if he had said the most absurd thing ever. Then Louis relaxes maybe repeating those words in his head, in Harry's calm tone of voice and smiles a little.

"Okay." He nods. "Can I use this armchair?" He asks, pointing at the big, dark blue chair Harry has in the corner of the atelier.

"Of course," he answers and finally is able to move, getting his sketchbook and his best pencil.

He gets the chair from his desk and puts it in front of the armchair. Meanwhile, Louis is already starting to undress himself and that's when everything comes up to Harry, more like comes up to his heart because he had never felt it beating this fast only because he is going to draw a naked person. This should be normal for him, he had done it so many times. This is educational, _educational, fucking educational_ , he screams in his head.

"Do you want some privacy?" He brushes out when Louis is starting to unbutton his dark shirt. He slowly turns his gaze to the taller boy, keeping his fingers above the buttons. Then he smirks and Harry could draw him just like that, looking so small, a bit feminine and seductive.

"Why would I need to?"

"To get you comfortable... and stuff. I don't know how you usually do this but I think the models never undress themselves in front of the artist. Do you need a robe? I might have one."

Louis chuckles and Harry wonders if it's by the way he is talking with his hands.

"I'm good." he simply answers, keeping undoing his shirt. Harry gulps in dry watching the way it slides down from Louis' shoulders and arms revealing his sunkissed skin. He does it even with his eyes shut, showing more delicacy. _Fuck_ , Harry is already sweating and Louis is only shirtless. "You are the one who should relax." He speaks again, walking by Harry, leaving a track of perfume, putting his shirt on the back of the chair Harry is going to sit on. "I want something good out of this, yeah? Something pretty." He takes the scarf out from Harry's hair, slowly and carefully. He can't even react with Louis' small hands on his hair, even though he never draws without something pulling his hair away from his hair. "You're talented _Harry_ , I know you can do it."

Louis smiles, pulling some Harry’s locks of hair away from his eyes and forehead, putting the scarf around his own neck.

Then Louis is walking away, turning his strong back and shoulders to Harry as if it's less painful than looking at him in the face. Harry notices him undoing his jeans as well and that's when he needs a seat to recover from his shaking legs and shaking hands and _shaking everything_. He sits on the chair and puts his sketchbook above his lap. He isn't looking. He isn't looking at Louis or he'll sure explode. He takes his hands to his head and then fixes his hair a bit, pulling it back, cleaning any trace of Louis’ touch there. Then sighs and takes as many deep breathes as necessary.

"All right, I’m ready." Louis speaks and Harry almost breaks his neck when raises his head to look up at the guy in front of him.

Louis is still facing his back and _fuck_ , Harry didn't need to have a look at his bum. It's kind of... appealing. Like, it forms a perfect curve at the end of his spine and Harry swears he never had this crazy idea, ever, by looking at someone but he sort of wants to grab it. It's insane and so inappropriate, he feels like he doesn't deserve this, Louis' friendship and kindness because he is being kind, he is letting Harry draw him and... people must pay a lot to have this chance. Harry bets it needs to be a good artist to do this because 1. he is Louis and probably the hardest thing to draw on earth, 2. Liam drew him and has a gallery. Yes, Harry didn't forget about it yet, as well as he still remembers the fact that Liam called him a _precious treasure_.

The blue eyed guy sits on the chair but when Harry thinks he is simply going to stay there he throws his legs above the arms, letting his calf out. He rests his back on the opposite arm, his head falls back, Harry's scarf is still hanging out around his neck and while one of his arm rests above his chest, the other falls out on the side, showing some tattoos on his wrist that Harry wished he could see in detail.

A bit from the fabric of the scarf is touching his skin from his shoulder and arm and _yes_ , it's perfect, his collarbones are exposed, his ribs are a little bit out, his hand correctly placed, his eyes shut forming small shadows on his cheekbones due his lashes, his hair not too much in front of his face but just softly _there_ , and Louis didn't even touch it. Louis knows how to do this, knows how to look good, knows how to be pleasant to look at.

"Is this good for you?" He asks, opening only one eye to look at Harry. It ruins everything because Harry is with his mouth opened looking at the guy in front of him, a pencil in his hand and just frozen sat on that seat. Louis sees it and smiles again, this time not really teasing, yet Harry can't read it.

"Yes." Harry replies suddenly and nods letting his gaze fall on the blank page on his lap. "Keep your eyes shut and... relax." He whispers the last word to himself.

Louis says nothing and keeps his position, his eyes are shut, his hair stays in place and honestly he looks like those Greek statues, where men were sculpted as if perfection existed, with the right proportions, right face expressions, right poses and that's... that's Louis right now. And Harry needs to look a little bit more. And longer. And he even counts how many times Louis' chest goes up and down slowly and wonders if he is cold. He isn't shivering, his face is pacific and Harry has the sudden urge to lay down on top of him. _OKAY, ALL RIGHT_. He is going too far.

Too far.

He looks down at his paper, still blank, not even a shape of an eye, not even a sketch and he doesn't want to think how much time have passed. He nods, encouraging himself and starts doing... something. He isn't sure what it is, just scribbles, then changes pencil and colour and then looks up at Louis. Same position, same expression, same everything while Harry is sweating even more.

It starts gaining shape but it's nothing, it's not Louis, it's not right.

He wonders if his scarf is going to smell like Louis after this, or maybe he will just let him keep it otherwise he will humiliate himself, in front of _himself,_ by sleeping with it.

He wonders if his armchair is going to be the same after being touched by Louis, he wonders what Louis thinks while people draw him, while Harry is drawing him. He thinks about so many things, ending up with doodling more in that page having no results and he... he can't finish it.

He looks up at Louis then at his sketch and sees nothing. Doesn't feel that spark in his eyes that it happens when he looks at art, when he looks at something he actually likes. What he did is beautiful, there is a guy, and there is shape and colour, shadows and lips, eyes shut, not a finished hair and chest but it could be worked out. He could keep going down to the body because it's good is just not... fair. It isn't fair calling this Louis' drawing. And he sure can't draw the rest of his body.

So he doesn't know how he gains the strength to but he stands up, gets Louis' shirt from the back of his chair and walks towards the man.

"I can't do it." He drops the shirt on top of Louis' exposed body and walks away.

Louis quickly opens his eyes and raises his head. He looks down at his shirt, covering his cock and sees Harry walking back to his chair. He drops his sketchbook on the floor and sits down for a second time. Louis only has time to dress his shirt and then he is standing up and getting close to Harry.

The curly haired lad feels his presence but doesn't look up. Too ashamed, too ashamed of everything, of knowing he saw Louis' body naked and enjoyed it, not thinking about this as a job, as something he can learn with. He only sees _LouisLouisLouis_ and a failure of something on a paper.

"Hey," Louis' soft tone of voice lingers in the air, thick and heavy like a blanket. He takes Harry's scarf from his own neck and puts it around Harry's. He can see Louis' legs and the end of his shirt, thanking whoever is up at the sky looking out for people, for Louis' shirt to be long enough to cover him a bit more than the normal, a little above the middle of his thighs. "why are you so frustrated?"

"Because this is not me. I'm supposed to be able to do it, like I draw everyone else.”

It passes a few seconds until Louis drops on his knees in front of Harry and puts his hands above his thighs. Harry is forced to look up from his hands and this should be forbidden. This is almost obscene, the way Louis is basically between his legs, looking up at him with those blue eyes, with the light hitting him, wearing only a simple shirt to cover himself up and... Harry feels dirty. He feels like he is using Louis even though that's not what is happening.

"I'm everyone else, _Harry_."

“You’re Louis.”

“Everyone else…” Louis corrects, he speaks calmly and Harry wants to know the meaning behind those words. “So you can do it.”

"I can't." He shakes his head. "You know, I must not see any person as an abstraction. So I see in every person a universe with its own secrets, with its own treasures, with its own sources of anguish, and with some measure of triumph. When I get to draw them, I try to see them like that as well, with emotion. Because people are made of emotions. They aren't cold, they're warm, they're something beyond what our eyes can see. When I draw you, I see everything all at once, leading me to see nothing. You're in front of me stopping me to think, to do something, to even try to transmit feelings with a pencil... because it seems impossible. It seems such an enormous task above my shoulders that I not only want to pass on the paper emotions but also perfection and beauty and some fair representation of you. What I see isn't enough so I can't draw you." The same moment he lets all these words and sees the way Louis is looking at him, almost scared, he regrets it. "Louis, I'm sorry I didn't mean to –“

"I've been listening to people telling me endless times how pretty I am." Louis interrupts Harry, his hands still above his thighs, this time squeezing them. "How I need to look like and what I need to do so it can be perfect for them. Once they even told me I'm like snow. Beautiful but cold. I didn't like it. Not one bit. They describe me the way they want me to be. Hope me to be. Force me to be. But I'm not cold." He almost shouts, Harry looks attentively at him. Louis raises one of his hand from Harry's thigh and rests it on his face. "Am I cold, Harry?" He asks, his name correctly pronounced and Harry doesn't know if he really wants an answer. "I'm not." Louis says anyway and drops his hand from Harry's face. "I try not to be." the warmth he was offering to Harry's thighs disappears, leaving an unpleasant coldness in place. "I am fascinated with people who are themselves because they are different from me. But it's so hard to find them. But I found you and maybe that's why I found you so interesting. Yet I never... I never thought you were able to say such thing about me. I never thought I would ever hear it."

Harry blinks and what is he going to do? What is he going to say? Louis almost sounds sad, maybe mad with all of this and Harry isn't sure if what he said was bad or good, if Louis feels offended or if he is just surprised. There's no way Harry can understand what he is thinking about right now so when Louis sighs Harry thinks he is going to speak again, or maybe just shrug it off. Instead, he is standing up and walking towards his clothes to dress himself up again.

"I'm leaving." Louis simply informs and Harry is still sat in the chair looking at the guy dressing his boxers, then his jeans.

"Louis, why –“

"Don't try to." He says almost harshly and it's like Harry doesn't recognise him, he sounds and looks like the same guy from that night, in the bathroom. Louis dresses his coat, puts his shoes and doesn't even look at Harry before leaving.

Harry doesn't dare to move and stand up from his seat, Louis truly seemed like he didn't want anyone to follow him... so was he mad? Is it because Harry can't draw him? Is it because of what he said? Harry is the straightforward type but maybe this time he went too far, especially with Louis. Louis who he doesn't understand his mind, who he doesn't know that well, who he had been texting mostly because seeing him in person kills him, distracts him, changes him.

 _I am fascinated with people who are themselves_ , how can Louis say that when Harry doesn't feel like himself next to him?

~*~

**_4:24am hey_ **

**_4:25am can’t sleep_ **

**_4:25am I don’t even know why I’m texting you_ **

**_4:42am three hours later and I’m regretting leaving your house that way_ **

**_4:43am wow I’m an idiot trying to be honest_ **

**_4:50am I think that what I just really want to tell you is that_ **

**_4:54am I’m not the same every day, there are times when I’m loud and chatty, and there are times when I’m really quiet. I don’t think I can define myself. Much less know who I am so it’s not like I can tell you …_ **

**_4:55am I don’t know why I would tell you who I am but_ **

**_5:00am I just feel really lonely Harry…_ **

**_5:01am and you seemed the right guy to change that_ **

**_5:01am did I fuck up?_ **

**_5:05am maybe it’s better if you push me away_ **

**_5:05am I don’t mind… especially after this. After everything, jesus_ **

**_5:16am merde, I wish I could just delete everything I said here_ **

**_5:16am please don’t read these messages_ **

But oh Harry reads them. It’s 10am and he is still in his bed, with sleep on his eyes, with the blinds shut, Harry reads everything and he is probably more awake than he normally would be at these hours. The light from the screen makes his eyes burn but he can’t stop rereading the messages Louis had sent him.

He sees this as a big thing because it makes him go deep into Louis’ thoughts when he can’t sleep at night and is struggling with himself. These text messages kind of define Louis a bit as a person and Harry doesn’t know if he should feel blessed to actually get to know this or if he should feel worried and sad for Louis.

He hovers his fingers on the keyboard from his phones but doesn’t know what he should really type. Or if he should type at all. So he feels frustrated after ten minutes like that and decides to get up, open the window and go for a shower, trying to clean his head.

He wants to answer Louis the way he deserves, carefully not to make him comfortable or even scared. Harry learnt that Louis is the type of person that you should be caregul with. He is made of porcelain.

He gets out of the shower, hair dripping water and goes to the kitchen with the towel around his waist. He makes some toasts with jam to eat and orange juice to drink. He eats stood up against the counter reading some magazine that catches his attention, lost in the pile of the others. When finished he goes upstairs again and by feeling too lazy to actually brush his teeth, he gets a super mint chewing gum. He decides to dress a simple white t-shirt and some sweat pants since he won’t leave home until four and it’s only eleven now.

Just in time when he is fully dressed he hears the bell ringing so he runs down the stairs to get the phone that makes communication to the door downstairs.

“Hello?” He asks frowning. It’s not usual for him to have people ringing in his door, with luck he gets that twice a week and it’s either by mistake or the postman.

There’s silence for some long seconds before a reply “Hi, it’s Louis.” Harry’s heart stops. He takes his phone from the pocket of his sweatpants and checks if he has any unread message, which he hasn’t so Louis didn’t even tell him that he was coming over. “Sorry for coming like this, erm –“

“I will open the door, just a second.” Harry says quickly not letting him say any more word before clicking the button to open the door downstairs and putting the phone on the same place he took previously. That was quite a desperate move, Harry.

Louis appears at the door in record time.

“Hey.” Louis greets scratching the back of his head. “I came here just to make sure you… you didn’t read the messages. Did you...?”

 _What an excuse_.

Harry slowly nods, hoping it works as a good answer. He notices the lack of sleep in Louis’ face and skin. He has bags under his eyes, the dark purple contrasting his surprisingly pale skin. He is wearing a beanie, letting his fringe appear in front of his forehead and looks quite comfortable in those clothes. It makes Harry wonder if he sleeps in them because they’re baggy and fluffy. He looks casual and not like Harry is used to see him. 

“Do you want to come in?” Harry would swear Louis was going to shake his head as a no but then he opens his mouth, shutting it again and nods instead, walking in. “Get comfortable.”

He closes the door behind them while Louis puts his hands on the pockets of his hoodie and looks around. It’s cute, every time Harry had looked at Louis before he would look hot, gorgeous, quite mysterious and cheeky but now the only word that comes to his mind is cute. He even looks smaller and… cuddly. Harry wished he could cuddle the loneliness out of him. Harry doesn’t like to know that some people feel lonely even if they’re surrounded by a crowd. They feel lonely on the inside and that leads to emptiness. People are so much more, people shouldn’t be feeling empty since inside of them there are always so many treasures and good thoughts to share and think about. On the inside there’s a _you_ , it’s where they keep themselves, who they really are. Maybe that’s called soul and a soul should always be embraced.

 “Do you want to sit?” Harry asks, pointing at the sofa in front of them, next to the TV and Louis turns his eyes to him, cautiously nodding.

He sits on the corner of the big sofa and Harry decides to give him space and sit on the other side, as far as possible from him.

“You look tired.” And that’s not really something you should point out, Harry.

“Yeah… didn’t sleep.”

“Does that normally happen to you?”

He hopes Louis doesn’t see this as some kind of interview but… Harry wants to ask questions to him, wants to make him comfortable on this sofa until he is relaxed enough to properly look at Harry, with his lips no longer pressed in a straight line. He wants to prove that Louis is wrong and can actually define himself since everyone should be able to do such thing. Harry will help Louis. Harry wants to help Louis because he believes Louis must be as beautiful on the inside as he is on the outside. He just needs to be attentive to his virtues better than he is to his flaws.

“Not many times, no.”

“Right.” he clears his throat and fixes his hair. “Louis?” Louis hums as an answer and Harry can’t tell if this whole thing is okay for him or not. “When did you first started modelling? Was it always like this?”

Louis takes time, he attentively looks at Harry, examines his face expression and Harry swears he is doing with him what he normally does with Louis, especially in the most critical moments.

“Why are you asking me this now?”

“I’m sorry I –“ he takes a deep breath and looks away from the guy next to him. “I’m just trying to connect with you and understand what’s in your head.”  

“Why?” Louis frowns.

“Because… I find you interesting as well. I want to help you, Louis. I don’t want you to feel lonely, neither want to push you away.”

Once again, by the way Louis looks at him, it doesn’t seem like he had chosen the best words.

“You think I need to be helped?”

“No. It’s not what I mean it’s… it was your messages, I felt like… like you weren’t feeling well. You deserve to be okay all the time –“

“Yeah and I don’t deserve listen to you saying this.”

He prepares to stand up from the sofa and no, Harry is not going to see Louis running away out of his door again, he doesn’t want to have Louis’ image in his head as him running away from him and only having the picture of his back craved on his brain.

“Louis, please.” He grabs his wrist making the blue eyed man look at him right away. “I’m not trying to make you feel worse. I’m not your enemy, I can be your friend. I don’t want you to be here and feeling uncomfortable so, let’s do it on your way, all right? I’m not asking you anything if you don’t want to, but we can talk. I wish you could talk.”

Louis looks back at him, his features relax on his body and then his gaze drop to Harry’s hand fully covering his small wrist. He parts his lips but no sound comes out until he clears his throat in a way of telling Harry to let him go. The green eyed guy does so and Louis sits closer to him this time.

“All right.” There’s a pause and his eyes don’t leave the rug on the floor. “You can ask me questions but I don’t promise you that you’ll listen to the long answers you expect me to give you.”

“No, that’s okay. That’s totally fine. Completely all right. I’m good with that, I –“

“ _Harry_ , _calme toi._ ” Louis says and the fact that he speaks it in French already calms Harry down. He chuckles and keeps a small smile on his lips, looking at the side to face Harry and _okay, yes, completely all right_.

He nods, his half dry curls hanging out in front of his forehead, making him fix them for the third time now.

“Go on.” Louis encourages him to start again and Harry rests his back on the sofa.

“Again?” Louis nods. “When did you start modelling?”

“At a very young age. Maybe fifteen. And no, I started with photography.”

“And do you like it? What you do I mean, are you doing what you love?” Harry asks remembering what Louis said to him last night. Louis understands it and maybe that’s why he looks forward and presses his lips together.

“S _eulement parfois_. I mean, only sometimes.” That’s all he says and Harry nods once again.

“What do you do when you reach home?” Louis laughs and looks again at Harry, knowing by that look he is asking _what type of question is that?_ Though, it’s enough to make Louis rest his back on the sofa as well.

“Sleep? Mostly. I use my bed a lot.” He smirks and it’s Harry’s turn to laugh, regretting right away because it’s his loud type laugh, forcing himself to clap his hands over his mouth to shut up. “ _Charmant_.” Louis jokes referring to the way Harry reacts, smiling right away, giving the impression to Harry that is in fact okay.

He composes himself. When did they start to be cheeky with each other? “What is your favourite place to be?” They’re actually getting to know each other and Harry couldn’t find a weirdest way to do it really.

Louis acts thoughtfully and his smiles drops. “Airplanes.”

“Why?” Harry frowns.

“Because.” His expression stiffens and Harry gets that he doesn’t want to develop his answer.

“What do you want to do?” It comes out of nowhere but Harry notices that the first second Louis feels uncomfortable with the question, on the second his shoulder relax and he lets himself sink into the seat.

“I want to see good art. Drink green tea now that I think of it. And travel the world.” Louis smiles and there’s silence hovering them and of course Harry goes and breaks it.

“You know Louis… you are allowed to be alive. To be somebody different. You are allowed to not say goodbye to anybody or explain a single thing to anyone, ever. And every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling, _this is important_! _And this is important! And that is important! You need to worry about this! And this! And that!_ And each day, it’s up to you to yank your hand back, put it on your heart” Harry leans over and rests his hand over Louis’ chest leaving the guy astonished looking back at him “and say, _No_. _This is what’s important_. Can you understand what I’m saying?” He pulls away, Louis’ eyes keep wide open looking at the taller guy.

The thing is that Harry doesn’t need much more information, doesn’t need to ask much more questions to know that what Louis needs to hear is only this and he is glad he actually has the words for it. It’s not much, not everything, not even half of it, but the enough.

“Right.” Louis gulps but then “So _Harry_ , tell me what you’re good at besides drawing amazingly and having the most charming laughter I’ve ever heard.” And Harry knows maybe is better to stop here and change topic. Maybe stop making Louis talk about himself and let him lead the conversation.

And it goes like that. Louis doesn’t turn the conversation to his side but Harry doesn’t mind, instead he tells Louis how a great of a cooker he is even though he doesn’t really have the time to do it like he used to do with his sister at home – which leads Louis to touch the _cereal and pasta’s subject_ , when they met each other at the grocery shop –, also how he liked to do origami when he was a kid.

Louis laughs and makes him promise to buy a set so they can do it together one day – and that means they’ll see each other more times and Harry didn’t scare him away that much.

He tells him about his book collection, which is mainly about sights and art. He talks about his fascination for anatomy and the human body and Harry thinks no one had ever listened to him so attentively in his life even though he takes about fifteen minutes to describe it. And every time Louis yawns he apologises four times and Harry knows it’s only because he had no sleep during the night.

In the middle of the conversation Harry brings ice cream that Louis politely declines and lays down, spreading his legs out on Harry’s sofa, letting him with the minimal space at the corner. He doesn’t mind, he has a good view and _The 1975_ is playing on the background, when Harry previously stood up and turned on his stereo. It’s a good morning turning to be a good evening afterwards and Harry is being too cheeky for his own health when starts licking the spoon with the ice cream.

He doesn’t even notice because he is usually a mess when he eats ice cream, he doesn’t need to care about that when he is alone at home eating it while on Netflix. He licks his lips too many times, sucks his dirty fingers and parts his mouth in the right shape of an _O,_ sticks his tongue out and leads the spoon in.

He casually talks about his job, how one customer once asked if they could put chicken in a vegetarian order and quickly changing to when a girl once tried to flirt with Zayn by telling him she wanted a cup of tea as hot as him.

Louis puts his hand between his legs, a little bit of his hip bone is showing and he squeezes his crotch area, maybe trying to adjust his pants or just touch himself while calling for Harry’s name. Just like that. Right when the song hits the lyrics _we might as well just fuck._ But Harry just doesn’t fucking get it.

“Yes, Louis?” Harry stops his sentence midway, touches his lips with his fingertips and then sucks his index.

Louis might twist but he speaks “Do you really eat ice cream always like that?” Harry furrows his eyebrows.

“Like that how? As with a spoon?”

Louis sighs but laughs, throwing his hands to his hair and shutting his legs together, Harry almost pouts because Louis’ pose was just the best.

“No, as not keeping your tongue inside your mouth but instead keeping your fingers.” And Harry’s whole face might turn as red as the colour of his lips so when Louis notices it he ends up laughing and stretching his legs to rest it on his lap. “It’s fine. Great show, _très bien_.” Harry groans and decides that eating half of a bold in fifteen minutes might had been enough.

“All right, let’s just follow the previous subject.”

“Go on,” He smirks laying down again, shutting his eyes and putting his arm above them. “I’m listening.”

Harry composes himself, puts his hair in place again and starts a completely different topic. If Louis notices it he doesn’t say it and that’s probably because he falls asleep twenty minutes later meeting the time Harry needs to go to his class before going for work. He can’t believe they kept four hours sat on the couch having a conversation as if they knew each other for years. All right, they might have turned the television on for an hour but it wasn’t like they kept their mouths shut – more like Harry didn’t keep his mouth shut.

Harry stands up, carefully taking Louis’ legs off of him and puts them back on the couch. He runs to his bedroom to get his blanket and covers Louis with it. He decides to get a pen and paper to write _I went to my class and then I’m off to work. I finish before 1 so make yourself as comfortable as possible. I don’t mind finding you here when I get back. -H_

And it actually happens, Harry comes back smelling like food but actually feeling completely different than what he did when he woke up in the morning. He opens the door from his flat and for the first time he doesn’t find it empty and dark. He looks over at the couch and sees Louis curled up in the same blanket Harry covered him up with, only his face showing, being illuminated by the TV in front of him. He is probably with his knees against his chest but Harry can’t really see it since his whole body transformed into the plaid blanket.

Louis is looking at him, is since he heard the sound of the door being opened, and Harry doesn’t recognise him. The Louis he sees is none of the Louis’ he had seen from the past weeks.

“Hi.” He says walking over and dropping his keys on the coffee table.

“You said on your note that –“

“Yeah, I know what I said.” He smiles and sits next to Louis. “And it’s okay.” Louis nods and looks at the TV screen again. “Did you eat already?”

“I spent my whole day here, _Harry._ Of course I didn’t.”

“You must be starving. I usually eat at work but I’m going to do something for you, okay?” Louis doesn’t answer and Harry looks at him attentively until he raises his hand and puts it above what apparent to be Louis’ shoulder. “Is that okay?”

Louis nods as an answer but he seems hesitant for a moment until he speaks out strictly, making Harry jerk away his hand. “I –I don’t want you to watch me eating.”

“I won’t.”

Louis looks surprised with his answer but Harry decides to keep the comfortable ambient. He smiles at the blue eyed guy and stands up to go to the kitchen where ten minutes later a Louis wrapped in a blanket appears to sit on the chair to watch Harry.

“I hope tuna salad is all right for you.”

“Perfect.” Louis answers offering a friendly smile.

When Harry finishes he leaves Louis alone in the kitchen eating and goes to his room to dress his pyjama so then he can go to his atelier. He surprises himself when chooses to continue the drawing he started of Louis – not being Louis anymore for him, of course – this time sketching the body. Might not be Louis but he clearly drew someone.

At this point Louis starts looking and acting like a puppy because Harry hears the water running from the kitchen, maybe him doing the dishes and then there’s him appearing in the atelier. He drags the armchair – yes the one he had been in to pose for Harry – to put it on Harry’s side, closer to the desk and sits there, wrapping himself up with his arms and the blanket above his shoulders.

“Is this still okay?” He asks and Harry takes some time to look at Louis, to _really_ look at Louis before saying _yes, of course_ and he realises once again that what he drew on that paper could never be a fair representation of every different Louis he had the pleasure to meet.

~*~

It’s not like it turns out into a routine but Louis starts coming over at least twice a week, always ending up the same way. He comes by the morning, they spend the evening together, Harry leaves with Louis taking his nap on his couch so when he comes back Louis is re-watching an episode of _Friends_.

Harry cooks him something and while he eats he goes for a shower and then to his atelier. Louis ends up sitting on the same armchair, with the same blanket around him, which it started to smell just like him – Harry will never admit that now he sleeps curled up on that same blanket.

And while Louis watches Harry drawing sometimes he tells him what happened at work until Louis is sleeping again and Harry has to carry him to the couch – even though the last two times he ended up laying him on his bed instead and it was his turn to sleep on the couch.

So there’s that and both might not know really well how that happens as well as every time Harry listens to _The 1975_ it always reminds him of Louis. And they keep texting each other when Louis isn’t with him, obviously, unless he is doing some work or attending to a party so Harry knows he might be a bit too drunk to type something.

But of course Harry expects to get a late drunk messages of Louis and the last time he only read it in the morning already, but it’s 1am now and he is in the car with Zayn in his way home after work so he can actually see it in time and answer.

**_1:03am I rejected a hot giu_ **

_1:03am giu?_

**_1:03am oui wheres mu fun now?!?_ **

_1:04am in bed_

**_1:04am thats exavtlu what I wanted_ **

**_1:04am Harru get with the programe_ **

_1:05am why don’t’ you get with the y’s?_

_1:05am and it’s programme_

**_1:05am and itsyour fault_ ** _._

_1:06am what’s my fault? :(_

And it’s not like Harry will ever know if Louis was referring to the fact that he can’t type the _y’s_ or what because he doesn’t answer anymore and maybe he is also too busy dealing with Zayn teasing him to text Louis once again.

~*~

There’s also those random text, for example when they’ve run out of things to talk about and there’s that long period of silence between them and their phones. Harry hates that, he is constantly checking his phone to see if Louis had sent him something or not but he hadn’t. That happens mostly on Saturdays the day Harry doesn’t see Louis at all because he goes out or because the night before he hung out – if he didn’t go to Harry’s – and sleeps all day. Plus, those days are still the days Harry spends them at home. It’s still considering a crime moving from his position, going out, even doing his bed and cleaning the dishes on Saturdays.

So he might be laid down on his sofa watching for the twentieth time _Mamma Mia_ , because that’s all what plays on British television apparently and of course he isn’t as interested as he was until the first fifth times.

His phone is on the coffee table and he crosses his boundaries for Louis when stretches his arm to reach it and almost falling from the sofa.

_11:00pm My hands are cold_

And they are, they totally are so he is safe.

**_11:03pm Put them in my pants_ **

Harry might blush not only because of the text but because he looks too desperate by how fast he answers _._

_11:03pm Wait, did you just flirt with me?_

**_11:05pm Have been for the past month but thanks for noticing._ **

_11:06pm well then…_

_11:06pm I’M cold ;)_

**_11:07pm buy a heater lol_ **

_11:09pm HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_11:09pm I was trying to flirt back with you_

**_11:11pm i got it ;)_ **

**_11:11pm 11:11 make a wish_ **

**_11:11pm I wish harry could find new methods to flirt with me_ **

**_11:11pm thank you_ **

**_11:12pm I also need milk on my fridge so a bottle would be cool_ **

_11:12pm that last one didn’t come in time, sorry m8_

_11:12pm but you can come to my place, I have lots of milk ;)_

**_11:13pm the first wish didn’t work either apparently_ **

**_11:13pm the stars hate me_ **

**_11:17pm did you take it too personally?_ **

**_11:17pm Sorry bro I guess I can teach you some stuff_ **

**_11:17pm bromeo, oh bromeo_ **

**_11:17pm I want to get in your pants.. no homeo_ **

**_11:18pm I’m so good at this_ **

**_11:22pm you probably passed out by how good I am_ **

**_11:22pm or you went for a shit, why do you always take ages in there???_ **

**_11:22pm im taking the magazines away from your bathroom next time Styles_ **

**_11:24pm …………………………_ **

**_11:26pm YOURE NO FUN_ **

**_11:26pm IM BORED AND YOU LEAVE ME LIKE THIS????????????????_ **

**_11:27pm I’m so disappointed on you Harrrry_ **

**_11:28pm might as well spank my frank_ **

**_11:28pm buffing my banana_ **

**_11:28pm checking for testicular cancer_ **

**_11:28pm holding my sausage hostage_ **

**_11:30pm charming my snake_ **

**_11:30pm aka masturbating in case you find yourself confused_ **

_11:31pm what is wrong with you………………?_

**_11:31pm I’m not getting fucked on a regular basis._ **

_11:32pm is that really your problem? Not being fucked?_

**_11:32pm I also ran out of milk as I said!_ **

_11:33pm oh my god_

**_11:33pm I bet youre laughing your fat ass off_ **

_11:34pm you suck_

**_11:35pm you swallow ;)_ **

_11:35pm Lewisssssss_

_11:39pm but for the record_

_11:38pm I never swallowed, im a strong top love ;)_

**_11:41pm of course…._ **

**_11:41pm I can easily change that ….. love ;)_ **

And this is probably when Harry realises he is fucked. And this time might be literally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo this time is for real, third chapter up on Monday. I just decided to post this one today because of the amazing feedback i got in such little time on my tumblr thank you all :)


	3. III. Searching for something;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They cross some boundaries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ink](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbixLt0WBQs) by coldplay
> 
> [better](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75WxCvH3IuY) by kodaline
> 
> [jealous](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50VWOBi0VFs) by labrinth
> 
> [tessellate](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbcAvzlqVfw) by ellie goulding 
> 
> [ghost ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5hGGYKOle0)by halsey
> 
> [my song 5](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSlmgr15Yh0) by haim
> 
>  

**Chapter III. Searching for something;**

** **

"You say that you're no good for me  
Cause I'm always tugging at your sleeve  
And I swear I hate you when you leave  
But I like it anyway."

- **Ghost by Halsey**

**~*~**

It’s Sunday and Harry has the whole next week off from work, which is amazing, he feels like he can breathe again without smelling food and wine.

However, for much great breaks might be, Harry notices that he has nothing to do besides work and drawing. It’s almost sad the fact that he is laid down on his sofa at 7pm because he spent the day cleaning his house and cooking two doses of food. He sometimes forgets that is the only person in the house so there’s always leftovers on his fridge that will be forgotten for sure.

He asks himself why he owns an agenda because it’s just a visible proof for him that he is in fact the most boring person ever. He has to go to work the whole week, Friday he has the difference that he had written down _doing some grocery_ and _art class_ and then on Sunday it says _house cleaning day_. He needs to fill the blank spaces with doodles so he doesn’t feel that bad.

7 _:10pm I’m going to die_

_7:10pm I’m so bored_

_7:10pm And I discovered that my life is an empty hole_

_7:10pm I’m free from work this week and I have nothing to do_

_7:10pm Going to spend my days at home maybe sorting my closet in colours over and over again_

**_7:25pm Harrrrrrry that’s the worst_ **

_7:26pm why do you keep taking ages answering me?_

_7:26pm don’t you learn from the last time I died????_

**_7:28pm I’m sorry if I have a life unlike some people_ **

**_7:28pm ;)_ **

_7:29pm fucking harsh man_

**_7:30pm oops?_ **

_7:32pm fuck u_

**_7:33pm fuck me instead_ **

_7:35pm no thank you_

_7:35pm not after you being this rude to me_

_7:35pm I can’t tolerate this anymore Lewis_

**_7:35pm not after me being rude to you?_ **

**_7:35pm does it mean that you would if I hadn’t????_ **

**_7:35pm well well well_ **

_7:36pm seriously Louis, fuck you_

_7:36pm ugh forget it_

**_7:37pm young Harry_ **

**_7:37pm you should go out more often_ **

**_7:37pm you could find your soulmate_ **

**_7:37pm I’m going out later today maybe you could come with me_ **

_7:38pm I’m 99% sure my soulmate is a piece of bread and I found it without needing to go out so thank you very much but no_

**_7:38pm what happened to that 1% ??_ **

**_7:38pm C’mon just a party_ **

_7:38pm Bye Louis._

Harry sighs throwing his phone at the end of the sofa, hitting his foot with it. Louis will be no help tonight so he might as well find another plan to entertain himself alone. He had been living like that, he always finds something to do and he never thought too much about what he is doing in his life because he was sure everything was under control. Yet he now realises that maybe he could be feeling better, maybe he wouldn’t spend so many nights like this and questioning his own existence. But lately, especially after he started to get better along with Louis and see him more often, it has gotten worse. It has been crossing his mind things that he never imagined they could actually bother him

He gets his laptop from the ground – because that’s one of his habits and he never learns from every time he had stepped or poured tea on it – and decides to just watch some videos. He never knows how he gets from watching _10 scariest things a kid has said_ to _the Disney Pixar theory_ , but he is okay with that.

The bell rings and really? _Really?_ He has no energy to stand up and is probably too lazy to do it so. He now knows better than anyone else that he needs to check his phone first to know if it’s worth standing up or not

**_7:39pm all right I’m coming princess_ **

And another message pops out

**_8:01pm open it, it’s fucking freezing outside!!!!!!!!!!!_ **

Of course.

He groans and throws his legs out of the sofa, resting his laptop on the coffee table.

“Why are you here?” He asks through the speaker, connected to downstairs.

“To sell you vacuums and then steal all your money, of course.” Louis says in an annoyed tone. “Why would I be here, _Harry_? Not to see the fucking queen I’m sure. Open the door and stop wasting my time. And yours. But mine is more important apparently.” He says joking, which actually makes Harry laugh by his tone of voice.

“Okay, you diva.”

“Oh I’m the diva excuse–“ Harry doesn’t hear the rest of his sentence by rolling his eyes and opening the door, settling the speaker down.

A minute later and he appears all well dressed with that black, posh, turtleneck sweater – that it might be a different one from the other night –, nice and shiny shoes and tight jeans, just, really offending and disrespecting Harry in his own flat.

“Why are you rolling your eyes?” Louis asks chuckling and stepping in right before Harry opens the door for him – because of course Harry needs to roll his eyes when looks at such person and of course Louis makes Harry’s home his home by now.

“Because you are you.” He shuts the door behind him and looks at the way Louis moves his bum while he walks. He is in his house he can check out a handsome man if he wants to, it’s still not that disrespectful.

Okay it can be, so he just shakes his head and ignores that tiny little voice in his head as well as Louis’ one.

“You know, sometimes I feel like you hate me, that’s why you ignore me and look so annoyed around me.”

“You’re a very intelligent person, Louis.” Harry says not looking at him and walking to his sofa again, picking his laptop and laying down there like he was previously.

“Really? I come here to be nice and all, to make you company because you were the one sending me that text about being bored and now I get shit from it?!” He snaps and Harry needs to take his eyes from the screen to look at Louis stood up not too far from the sofa, just to make sure if he is joking or not. He doesn’t seem like it.

“I’m joking, Louis.” He says a bit softer. “I’m sorry? I don’t ignore you, neither hate you, I hope you know that.” He looks at the shorter man carefully but feels some type of flash, making himself look away. Louis’ eyes pierce his own, his body, his soul, his everything and it becomes hard for Harry to breathe.

“You don’t listen to what I say sometimes.” He rolls his eyes and Harry doesn’t really have a proper reply to that since it’d just make him sound more stupid than what he tends to act around Louis. “Whatever.” He ends up saying after Harry remaining in silence. “Do you want me to go then? That’s it?” Harry feels a knot on his throat listening to Louis’ harsh tone. He doesn’t understand why this is happening right now.

“What? No, you can stay of course. Louis,” He sighs and straightens himself up a bit, not being with his whole back laid down on the couch and puts his laptop a bit closer to his knees. “I was kidding, yeah? We joke all the time…”

“Yeah… Okay.” He scratches the back of his head maybe realising what really just happened, with the way his expression softens. Harry tries to give him a tender smile, which Louis only replies with a small and quick one.

He walks towards the coffee table where he puts his keys and wallet, after taking it from the pockets of his jeans. That’s Harry’s cue to look back to the screen, answering a message an old friend sent him – boring days make him catch up with people, at least that.

In the middle of the sentence he is writing he feels a weight on his body and when he raises his head he sees Louis spreading his legs so himself can fit between them and if that’s not weird enough, he gets on his knees and leans over to shut Harry’s laptop, getting close to him. Harry’s eyes get wide looking at the blue eyed guy, this isn’t normal and is most definitely a bit obscene in Harry’s head, yet for Louis it seems like there’s nothing wrong.

“Then give me attention, _Harry_.”

He almost pouts and his eyes get that puppy look, which what the fuck is this? Why is Louis sinking his fingers on his thighs and why is he so close?! Nope, he can’t be human.

“Erm, Lo – Louis…” He gulps when feels one of Louis’ hands pressing over the closed laptop, which might be dangerously close to his groin.

“You’re coming with me to the party, right?” He keeps calm, his tone monotone besides his actions and ignoring the fact that is possible for Harry to feel his hot breathe hitting his lips.

“I –I … you know I don’t like –“

“Parties. Yeah I know. But I want to take you with me. Would that be okay? Showing you off to everyone, make them know you came with me and will leave with me as well.”

 _Shit_ , what is happening?!

“Louis…” Harry warns him, it’s really a warning by the way he calls him.

Louis pulls away but is definitely not because he left Harry on that state, he does it so because _he wants to_ , not because he was told to.

“This is what you have to do.” He says sitting his bum above his own feet, keeping kneeled down between Harry’s legs. The green eyed man frowns, trying to catch up with his breathe. “How you have to talk with people to seduce them. The key is knowing where to touch them and know the right tone of voice.”

“What the hell are you saying?” Surprisingly, his voice comes out quite normally.

“I told you. If you’re coming with me you need at least to meet new people, if you know what I mean.” He winks and Harry gets the courage to sit down completely but not quite daring to move his legs away, letting Louis be between them. That’s once in a lifetime thing.

“I don’t look for any _you know what I mean_.” He makes quotation marks with his fingers in the air while speaking the last words. “And _I told you_ that I wasn’t going to any party.”

“But I hate going to parties alone.”

“You have Liam…”

Louis is usually with Liam if he is not at home or with Harry. Apparently they follow each other everywhere, which Louis explained as a thing Liam does so he makes sure Louis gets home safe, which, okay Harry feels relieved about it. Not only because Louis’ clear words were _he always make me company and drives me home when I’m too drunk_ but also because that means Louis doesn’t take home people with him.

“He isn’t in town.” Louis says with a sigh and gets his knees against his chest, making himself look smaller. “And I want to go with you.” Harry feels his heart beating too fast in his chest and he knows there’s no reason for it to happen. “Besides I want to help you. You always ramble about how you only have work to worry about, how your days are so boring since you spend them at home and only go out to the grocery... That’s stressful and depressing, _Harry_ , you need to go out and have some fun. Find new people, socialise.”

“I socialise with you. And with Zayn and Niall at work.”

“I don’t count as socializing anymore and you’re talking about work once again.” He rolls his eyes and then rests his hand on Harry’s leg. “Please.” Then he pouts, Louis Tomlinson literally pouts and Harry is melting right in his sofa and is probably going to die. That’s it, this was his purpose in life.

“ _Ugh_ , I hate you.”

“Did you forget when you said you didn’t hate me, about ten minutes ago?”

“It definitely wasn’t ten minutes ago.”

“I definitely don’t care.” Harry actually laughs, making Louis tilt his head as if he is not understanding the reason behind such laugh but he doesn’t question it, which Harry is very glad about. Maybe. Because then comes next subject. “So _Harry_ … Have you ever seduced someone in a bar?” Harry frowns instantly and feels like hitting Louis with his leg making him fall from the sofa.

“I’m not going to –“

“Have you?” he asks again, raising his eyebrows in persuasion.

“Not really…” he scratches the back of his head, suddenly feeling a bit intimidated by Louis’ eyes on him, looking at him curiously and attentively.

“I don’t believe you. Not even while you were in college? I’m not even talking about in a bar, just, you know, casually…” he shrugs, _flirting with someone is never casual_ , Harry thinks.

“No. I don’t… god, I was never good at it.” Harry is really waiting for the _oh don’t say it_ joke, but Louis doesn’t open his mouth. “Never needed it though.” Louis scoffs and Harry mocks being offended. “Excuse me, I’m serious. My last boyfriends were always the ones first coming to me. Like, if I would find a guy hot and I’d be interested on him I would always wait first for him to come talk to me. Though some of the times I would take it the wrong way, I’ve been fooled by a lot of straight boys.” Louis looks shocked at him and Harry feels even more uncomfortable for receiving that look after touching this subject. “What? Is it that hard to believe?” he chuckles nervously.

“No, that’s not it.” He shakes his head. “Boyfriends?” Harry frowns once again and finally recoils his legs to sit Indian style, facing Louis.

“Erm, wasn’t it obvious?”

“No is just… you had never like, came out to me. Officially.” Harry notices how Louis’ tone and expression changes a bit and how he also tries to avoid eye contact.

“Did I need to? I thought it was obvious.” Harry laughs again, also trying to release a bit the tension around.

“I don’t know.” He goes to touch his hair but probably reminds himself that is styled and nicely brushed. Then he sighs and looks up at Harry as if he had totally changed to the other Louis Harry is used to. He stabilised that he knows two types of Louis from now. The smug, cheeky and playful one and then the sensible, insecure and easy offended one. They’re both pretty difficult to handle but Harry finds himself interested in learning more about them. Maybe finding new ones. “Seduce me.”

“What the –“

“What?” he smirks, flicking his eyebrows and he might be getting closer again to Harry but that’s clearly something he tries not to think about. “Do you think you can’t do it?”

And it’s not even the fact that he can’t do it – that too but that’s not the main point – the thing is that who’s asking him this is Louis. Louis who’s in front of him and who sometimes takes Harry’s breathe away. Harry feels incapable to do something with Louis, he can’t even find himself to touch him because it makes him feel like he’s going to fade away, like is something impossible to do.

And Harry can’t manage to touch Louis without his consent, something Louis never gave it to him but is not like he will ever reach over him and say _yes you can touch my arm_. Louis though, Louis knows he can touch Harry whenever he wants to, it’s like he knows he doesn’t need permission to do it so. He will knock his legs over Harry’s lap, rest his hand on Harry’s shoulder in a way of supporting his weight when he is on tiptoes, brush Harry’s hand as a way of thanking him when he brings Louis his blanket or makes him dinner – and Louis does that so many times that it became a habit.

So there’s that and the fact that Louis makes him nervous and speechless and he also finds himself too good for him.

“Yeah. I can’t do it.”

And it probably isn’t something Louis was expecting to hear.

“Yes you can.”

“No I can’t, Louis.” He shakes his head and stands up from the sofa to walk towards the kitchen, not checking the offended but curious look the blue eyed man gives him. He needs water for now because this whole episode was bizarre and he doesn’t know how to feel about it.

He fills the glass with water from the tap, he never does that but he is too altered with the whole thing to think. He drinks it all in three gulps and when puts it down he feels some hands touching his back. It’s delicate, barely there but it can be warm.

“Why do you think you can’t do it? How can you think that?” Harry’s heart is probably going to come out from his throat, he can feel it. Like he can also feel Louis’ fingertips brushing on his back and going up and down. If he gives one little step back they might get their bodies pressed together. “Is it because we’re friends?” He asks rather urgently, stopping his hand from moving and Harry needs to answer because he wants to keep feeling those fingers on his body.

He tightens his grip on the empty glass and shakes his head in a way that Louis can visualise it as an answer.

“Then what, _Harry_?” Suddenly Harry starts feeling Louis’ cold fingertips on his bare skin from his hip. Is Louis _fucking_ Tomlinson putting his hands under his shirt? Harry is going to die. “ _Hum_?” He presses the question, his hands move under the fabric from Harry’s shirt up and down his back again and now is worse. Louis approaches him and they’re impossibly close even though his chest barely touches Harry’s back but he touches Harry’s chest.

It’s quick, Harry is quick. He turns around and grabs Louis’ wrists from under his shirt, gets him near his face and holds his wrists almost above their heads. “Look at me.” He says seriously and Louis is looking at him quite shocked now. “And then look at you.” Harry says softly and Louis’ face drops. Not his look, his look keeps locked with Harry’s but his expression falls down and it’s because of the way Harry’s words hit him.

Louis’ expression is familiar to Harry by now but he still can’t figure out its meaning. He is afraid of the answer, honestly, Louis is still such a pile of mystery and he makes sure to show it to Harry every day. Then, as always, he changes his face as if it wasn’t supposed to even look that way, to lose character, and meets Harry’s eyes as if nothing had happened. He smirks, typical, and leans over a bit more.

“See? You actually can.” He releases himself from Harry’s hands, quite brutally and turns around. “I can actually be a good teacher.” His voice sounds like he is just playing around, which keeps leaving Harry confused. “We leave at night.”

~*~

They will surely arrive late but apparently _it doesn’t matter_ _c'est chic_ , Louis says while picking Harry’s outfits because of course he has to do it and of course he has to destroy Harry’s wardrobe and room after Harry had spent the whole day cleaning it. He wants to scream when sees the state of it but at the same time he doesn’t, since he gets to see Louis’ thoughtful expression while looking through his clothes, he can see Louis do something he enjoys doing. _I might be a nude model but I love clothes for much ironic it might sound_ , he comments with his thick French accent, when finds Harry staring at him.

And that’s something Harry learnt about Louis. And he does have a wonderful taste in fashion. He touches Harry’s hair like Harry touches his pencils before starting to draw something and then he looks at Harry like Harry looks at the works he likes after finishing them.

So Harry feels like a work of art in Louis’ hands, he also feels his cheeks getting warm and red when he needs to undress himself in front of Louis. He feels exposed, it makes him see the perspective of the models when he is about to draw them and he honestly doesn’t like it. Maybe if it was someone else looking at him he would handle it, but it’s Louis, Louis’ blue eyes don’t look away any second from his body.

Besides feeling exposed he feels embarrassed because he can’t stop comparing his body to Louis’. He has a long torso, large shoulders and a bit of fatness on his hips that he knows it’s nothing, it doesn’t make him look unhealthy and he shouldn’t be shamed about it but he doesn’t feel comfortable with it. Harry doesn’t feel as good with his body and appearance as he should and the fact that Louis can judge him right now, makes him want to puke.

Louis seems to notice Harry’s discomfort but he doesn’t point that out, neither walks away a thing Harry would appreciate, but it doesn’t happen.

“You good?” Louis asks right in the moment he is buttoning up his shirt. Harry can smell him so it’s just guessing how close they are.

“Erm, yeah…” He answers, unable to look forward because of Louis’ face.

“You look good.” Louis says giving two steps away and admires Harry.

“Sure.”

“You don’t believe it?” Louis raises his eyebrows and Harry might be looking at his direction, but he stares at the wall behind Louis’ shoulders. When the answer doesn’t come up he takes Harry’s hand and walks with him to the front of the mirror. “Look at you!” He says and no one ever did this to Harry, no one ever talked to him this emotionally, as if Louis is desperately trying to make Harry see himself, _actually see._

The way Louis is looking at him reminds him the way he looked when Harry told him that same thing, but he said and then _look at me_. He knew what he meant by it and Louis might have understood it as well. And that is it, Louis understands, he truly does.

“No, look.” Louis says when Harry tries to look away, putting his hand behind his neck and making him turn his head again to the mirror.

Harry sees how the black jeans fit him on his thighs, the way the red shirt fits him not tightly but not as baggy as it would, so he keeps thinking how it would fit Louis, how better it would look on him. The black boots he is wearing makes him taller and it reminds him why he had chosen putting them on the side and go for sneakers. His fringe is nicely brushed to the side, his hair looks longer and less curly. He just wants to sink his fingers on it to look _normal_. 

“You look amazing, _Harry_. Say it.” Harry frowns and looks at Louis over the mirror. “Look at yourself and say that you look amazing.”

Harry shakes his head and actually chuckles but Louis doesn’t look like he is pleased with the attitude. He sinks his fingers on the back of his neck, where his hand had been placed before and Harry groans in protest.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because… It’s needed. You look like you don’t say it as often as you should.”

Harry frowns one more time but then sighs and looks at himself after glancing at Louis one last time.

“I look amazing.”

“See,” Louis grins, drops his hand from Harry’s nape and steps away. “It wasn’t that difficult.”

And Harry doesn’t really understand why this happens or what this really was, but the reality is that he sure looks at himself one last time in the mirror and wonders if Louis, by any chance, meant his words. He quickly tries to follow Louis to downstairs where he sees him picking his keys and wallet, ready to go out.

The party is in a different place from last time Harry hung out with Louis – _really_ hang out, because he had only been spotted outside with the blue eyed man to buy toothpaste once and the other time was to buy a magazine for Louis, so they don’t actually _go out_.

This time it’s in a house, the people are kind of the same, well dressed, all smell like expensive perfume and all seem to love to dance with the sound of the music, which is loud. The lights are bright but there’s wine and shots served in elegant and exuberant glasses. It’s all very weird and Harry feels out of place while Louis grins to everyone they pass by. But that was expected.

“Are you going to leave me alone to another fuck this time?” Harry leans over to whisper on Louis’ hear. Louis looks at him, almost in disappointment but he has no time to apologise or take those words back.

“I stopped doing that.”

“I didn’t mean to… you don’t need to explain me anything I –“

“I didn’t explain. I just said I stopped it.” Louis says strictly and starts walking faster through the crowd from the party, almost forcing Harry to do the same so, to follow his pass.

They stop on the he balcony where a bartender is serving the people around – whoever lives here, is freaking rich. The house is enormous, the furniture looks expensive, even the colours are chosen on point, there are big windows with stylish curtains touching the floor and Harry spots a big garden with a covered pool from where he is leant against to. It almost looks like a palace with the difference the ceiling isn’t as tall as it is on those.

“Have a drink.” Louis interrupts his thoughts, he needs to stop examining everyone and everything wherever he goes.

“You want me to get drunk?” Harry raises his brow in a way of joking.

“We’re here to have fun.”

“We don’t need alcohol to have fun.”

“You’re such a mother, _Harry_!” Louis laughs, drinking his own shot, it wets his lips and makes them look pinkish. Harry sees the way Louis licks them slowly with his tongue. A drink won’t do any bad to him and right now he sure needs it. “Do you have like… a preference?”

“A preference?” Harry looks at him questionably, setting the glass on the balcony next to them. He notices that Louis still hasn’t talked with anybody even though a lot of people have tried to start a conversation with him while he walked by.

“Yes. In men. You only like men, right? What’s your type?”

“Yeah, I guess…” he bites his bottom lip and looks around. He can’t believe he is doing this. He doesn’t want to do this, but he feels like bad won’t do to him. However, he doesn’t see anyone who actually catches his attention, or someone who _screams_ to be his type. “I don’t know if I have a type. Normally it would be very charming straight jerks.” Louis laughs again but Harry nearly wants to tell him that it isn’t really a joke. “Why are we really doing this? I don’t even know how to do it.” Louis shrugs and has another drink. Harry didn’t even realise him asking for another one.

“To have fun, Styles.” He smirks and Harry prefers him calling him by his first name. It makes him speak with his accent rather than what it happens with his surname. “Everyone here is probably thinking the same. Looking around to see someone interesting and that might be up for something. Don’t worry, I can guarantee you that more than half of these people are open to new things. No one judges no one.” Harry looks at Louis as if he is saying the most bizarre thing. “I’m serious, you just wait and see.”

So Harry is the one asking for a drink himself this time as a way of waiting. They don’t really speak to each other but Louis doesn’t take his eyes off of Harry. The green eyed man doesn’t meet his gaze and if he does it’s quick, mostly because Louis smiles at him.

Soon he realises that Louis is calling for someone and that someone notices him. It’s a young man, Harry wonders what he is doing here, yet the clothes he is wearing and the way he speaks says it all. For a moment the guy looks surprise, then happy and maybe the look on his eyes says he is emotional even.

Harry feels a slight change on how Louis’ body feels next to him.

“ _Louis!_ ” The guy says, smiling gratefully and holding Louis by his waist, squeezing it and then gives him a kiss on his cheek, close to his temple, which lasts more than the needed. Harry never got that far and now he is seeing a stranger doing that. That and much more, he keeps his hand on Louis’ waist, who smiles at him and greets him as well.

“ _Comment ça va_ , _Frederic_?”

“ _Je suis très occupé, mais je vais très bien_ , _merci_.” Harry notices the amount of rings the blonde guy, Frederic, is wearing on his fingers at the same time he asks himself why there is so many French people here. “Who’s this gentleman?”

“This is _Harry._ ” Harry shouldn’t be feeling proud for Louis being introducing him with such smile but he is.

“Nice to meet you.” Harry offers his hand so Frederic can shake it. He takes some time until actually accepts it so Harry wonders if in France they do this. Maybe they go straight for a kiss like he did with Louis. Harry is very confused at this point.

“My pleasure.” The guy smiles in a rush and is quick to turn his head to Louis again. Harry notices how he still keeps his hand on Louis’ waist, rubbing his thumb there. He doesn’t know how to feel about it but it sure isn’t something good. “Tell me, have you been working a lot here?” He asks Louis, his accent is stronger than Louis’, he probably isn’t English at all.

“Not as much as I would be doing in France. But yes, it’s been a good experience.”

“We miss you there my love.”

_My love._

_My. Love._

“I will warn you when I come back.”

Harry feels like a fish out of water but something about the way Louis speaks with the guy isn’t comforting. He clearly doesn’t feel bothered with the guy touching him that way, he feels like it’s familiar even but there’s something off in his eyes. Maybe for the first time Harry feels like it’s needed to examine Louis in this situation.

“There’s Arthur,” Louis looks behind Frederic, his hand just slightly touching his shoulder. “I need to greet him if you don’t mind.”

“ _Sûr._ I have _Alexandre_ waiting for me anyway. I’ll still be in England for the rest of the month, we could see each other in the meantime. You know, like the old times.” Frederic smiles and _oh_ Harry knows that smile, is the smile code for sex. The words _old times_ echo in his head, it’s exasperating.

“I’ll try to remember, _chéri_.” _Chéri._ Harry wants to puke. And he still wants to puke when the guy leaves. “See, he was clearly flirting with me.”

“He was…” Harry frowns looking at the back of the blonde guy. “Where do you know him, really?” Louis’ expression stiffens but he is quick to knock it off.

“An agency back in France. I know him for a long time.”

“You guys are used to talk like that?” Louis sighs and rolls his eyes in a mocking way.

“Too many questions, _Harry_. Come one I need to introduce you to this one.” He grabs Harry’s forearm and starts walking in direction to where he was looking before.

“This Arthur, you say.” Louis nods, keeping by his side and not letting him go. “I don’t like his name.”

“Oh, you won’t need to.”

~*~

Needless is to say that Harry is just making Louis having a good laugh by his performance and it isn’t because of the alcohol since he hasn’t been drinking much. He is just a disaster even though Louis is a pretty good teacher. Too good even. Harry thinks that if he wanted to, he would get in bed with at least four men and two woman by now. He exemplifies to Harry, he looks at him when he leans over to someone’s ear, he shows him where he should be placing his hands, how he should be looking at them, everything… Harry would think this is some sort of competition, one Louis is in fact winning.

He can’t find himself talking with the guys Louis introduces him to, they might flirt with him but he can’t flirt back. Besides, if he had a type, they wouldn’t be his. Yes Louis has a good taste and yes they are hot but Harry doesn’t find the connection.

The worst of all is, if he keeps acting like this he will need to keep watching Louis grinding against other guys and flirting with them. _See how I do it Harry_ , he says and it just looks like he is teasing Harry as if he is saying _look what you could have but you don’t_.

Basically, he is pissed and a bit drunk, not only due the alcohol but due the moment and ambient since every time he sees someone touching Louis’ skin, it goes straight to his veins, boiling his blood.

“Louis, I’m tired I wanna go home.” He trails off leaning against the wall close to the door that goes to the pool. Louis fixes his hair, not caring anymore about how styled it is. It looks hot, it still looks amazing. _Fuck off_.

“I didn’t even say hello to the host.”

“It’s been an hour.” Harry groans, his head hitting the wall behind. He pushes his sleeve from his right arm up to his elbow since his left one has been up for half an hour now, done by some Italian guy he couldn’t understand a thing about what he would say.

He still doesn’t understand the aim of this party, why there’s so many people from every part of the world and what’s the theme of the event. Louis doesn’t tell him either and it’s probably because he doesn’t know as well.

“Two and a half actually.” Louis corrects him, laughing a little while looking at Harry’s bare arm. “You spent a lot of time dancing with _Christoph_.” Harry doesn’t even remember about it and if he does he decides to pull the image off his brain.

“I don’t want you flirting with any other guy.” He warns Louis, quite frustrated actually, so just right on point. Louis looks surprised at him but not the way Harry expected him to look.

“Why?” he smirks, he is fucking smirking and Harry can’t handle it at this point.

“Because.” He looks away almost like a kid making a tantrum. “They always fall for your _oh so good charm._ ”

“It’s not my fault that I’m so good at this.”

“Well stop then, it frustrates me.”

Louis doesn’t say anything this time, he just stares at Harry as if this was just a normal thing to say. Harry is fuming and makes his best not to look at that glorious face.

“Talking of the devil.” Louis says quietly but it catches Harry’s attention.

He looks at where Louis is looking at and sees a man smiling back at him, walking towards them. If Harry could describe him he would say he is close to Zayn’s level plus the black hat. Zayn’s level is Chanel’s level so it’s a big and wild one. The fedora is a bonus and Harry likes fedoras. Yet, the moment the man approaches them Harry pulls himself away from the wall and gets closer from Louis. He still doesn’t touch him but he swears he was close to put his arm around his waist and bring him against his torso.

This man is a threat.

“Louis Tomlinson, good eyes see you.”

Of fucking course he kisses Louis’ cheek, placing his hand slightly on his jaw. Is no one in this god damn house familiar with the platonic/friendly label?!

“Hi.” Louis says smiling back at him. This smile is different, this smile Harry can’t handle it. “This is my friend _Harry Styles_.” He says not looking away from the handsome man. Louis never introduced Harry as his friend to anyone why is this good looking man any different? Harry hates him already.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Samuel Joslin.” He shakes Harry’s hand and smiles politely. Yup, Harry hates him deeply. Though he has a posh British accent very present. “How are you?”

“I’m good.” Harry simply answers, his face might look bored and he is really altered because if he was acting normally he wouldn’t forgive himself for not asking back how he is feeling as well.

“Having fun I hope.” He keeps grinning, calling for Harry to look at his well-trimmed beard.

“Sure.”

Louis is observing him and if this is some kind of test he has failed and now he needs to watch Louis showing him how he really should have done.

“Good. What about you, Louis? Having a good time?”

“Yeah, this place is amazing.” Harry rolls his eyes, Louis didn’t even take the time to look at the place properly like he did. He probably doesn’t even know what colour are the sofas. “I’m sure the rest of the house is as well.”

“Definitely.” The man smiles looking attentively at Louis’ face and nods, he gets a bit closer from Louis, which he might be subtle about it. “So have you thought about working for my company?”

“Very direct to the subject, was that why you invited me to this party? To persuade me?” Louis is good in the way he speaks to people, this case is the proof. It makes Harry looking at him fascinatedly.

“Maybe. I fight hard for what I want.” Samuel says slowly and _right_ , he is good too and Louis is falling for it. “I’m usually good at it.”

“So you get what you want, hum?”

“It’s a win-win situation my dear.” Harry rolls his eyes once again, this is also code for sex, he is so sure about it. Wonderful metaphors he must say.

He is so not in the mood for this.

“I’m sure it is.” Louis smiles once again, it’s not as fake as Harry is used to see for the past couple of hours.

“I expect you to consider it really well then.” Harry sees the man raising his hand and touching Louis’ hair to pull a small string to the side, he also sees Louis’ reacting pretty well at the touch by the way he bites his bottom lip. “You’re very unique.”

“Jesus Christ.” Harry mumbles, shutting his fists next to his body when follows Louis’ hand touching Samuel’s that was on his hair. It may look like an excuse to pull it away but he is gentle and even brushes the back of his wrist casually.

“I told I will think about it.” He says somehow softly. “You know I don’t do photography in a while.”

“Oh but I’m sure you still have that gift.” He leans over and grabs Louis’ chin to make him get closer to his face. It’s like Harry isn’t even there and it’s disrespectful. “Like many others.”

 _Enough_.

Harry grabs Louis’ hand and gets him away from that man. This wasn’t Louis flirting with someone to show Harry how it is, this was someone flirting with Louis and him letting that happen. That’s completely different and Harry’s blood is poisoned, making him go wild with the whole view he had.

“What are you doing?” Louis asks confused and Harry stops. He stops on what is supposed to be the hall, too decorated and long to be a normal hall either way.

“What you told me to do.” He turns Louis to face him. “You want someone to flirt with you? You want me to seduce you?” he talks loud due the music playing on the other room and the adrenaline jumping in his veins. He pushes Louis against the wall, placing his knee between his legs and his hands grips Louis’ waist. He sees how Louis shuts his eyes tightly and parts his lips with the sudden touch. “You want all of that don’t you _Lewis_?” he whispers close to the blue eyed guy’s face, his lips start slightly brushing his jaw line. “I can give you that now.” Louis breathes out, clenching his fists next to his body. Harry’s lips start drawing his features with his lips until the crock of his neck. He wants to bite Louis, he wants to lick him but that freaking turtleneck shirt is doing its annoyingly job very well. “If you let me.” He dares to say, his hot breathe hits Louis’ skin like flames, he might be sweating and he doesn’t fucking know how he is letting his body do this now.

However, Louis does some sort of noise, similar to humming and a whimper and then nods. Harry takes some seconds to look at that, to appreciate the way Louis actually gives him permission to do it so. He looks flushed, his eyes are still tightly shut and Harry wonders what the hell is happening in his life, what he did to deserve this.

“Wow,” Harry lets out and it should be embarrassing because this his reaction to Louis.

He licks his lips, leaving them wet and soft, he looks down at how Louis has his legs parted and slowly moves his hips to find some friction on Harry’s knee, showing Harry that all of this is welcome and wanted. Afterwards he looks up back at Louis, whose eyes are opened and literally begging for Harry to do something, _to kiss him_ and that’s when everything stops and Harry isn’t the owner of his body anymore.

He grabs Louis’ chin like Samuel – was that even his name? he doesn’t care – had done to him but this time, otherwise him, Harry can do something. And he will because Louis lets him to.

He leans over and brings Louis with him to slam their lips together and _fucking hell_. Louis’ lips might be thin but they make him want more, make him feel such desire that is impossible to control. He sucks his bottom lip and the sensation is amazing, so when Louis grabs his hair from the back of his head he goes in fully, pressing Louis harder on the wall to kiss him deeply and roughly.

This kiss nearly knocks all wind from his lungs. Hepresses his tongue to the seam of Louis’ lips and, at his grant of access, he delves inside his mouth. It is a very sloppy kiss with the strong scent of alcohol being exchanged in the intermingling of their billowing breaths but Harry is caught on it. Louis’ arms reach up and tangle around his thick, strong neck. In an instant he pulls away and arches up into Harry’s broad chest, moaning with the contact of body heat against his own, before drawing back into the taller man’s lips. Harry bets he nearly feels the slight burn of the alcohol as it rolls off Harry’s own tongue and seep down Louis’ throat with every push of the green eyed man’s tongue against his.

The moment is almost as if it’s not happening, it lasts long minutes but it feels like seconds and those are the best. Those are the best moments, the ones that feel so good that the time doesn’t exist so it’s impossible to be counted.

Harry is getting hard underneath his jeans, he feels it and it grows harder when Louis gets his little hands under his shirt, discretely touching Harry’s chest and then going to the side of his body. His hands give the touch a delicate finishing, they’re soft and it’s like Louis has been used to touch Harry because it seems like he knows how he wants to feel him.

Louis starts thrusting a bit faster against Harry’s knee, his lips parting wider and letting out small puffs of air. Harry shuts his eyes, pleasure filling up his body just by the sight of Louis and the way he is responding to the kiss and to his body pressed against his.

“Let me take care of this.” Harry pulls away his knee and says breathless, his hand going down and grabbing Louis’ bulge from his jeans, squeezing a bit and _woah_ , is he really doing this?

“Jesus…” Louis throws his head back, giving Harry the view of his jaw line and bone structure. Harry is amazed by that, by Louis’ whole, everything. “Please.” Louis says as an answer and while he is still with his head back, Harry leans over and kisses the exposed skin from above the turtleneck.

Louis’ hands get from under Harry’s shirt and he pushes him away, gently to give him space to move. It almost seems physically painful to get away from the touch but before Harry gets the chance to ask why he pulled him away, Louis is grabbing his wrist and walking him out of the house.

Harry probably looks like a fool behind Louis, a grin plastered over his face, his eyes glossy, his cheeks red and his hair all messy but he does look happy even though he is out of this world.

Louis quickly gets them close to his car, opens the door for Harry, who gives him a smirk before shutting it quite strongly and running to the other side, to get on the driver seat. He starts the car, Harry looking over at him all the time and following every movement. He gets the idea to move his hand above Louis’ thigh, brushing it there in a slow rhythm. He notices how Louis gulps but keeps his eyes on the road.

Harry’s hand gets closer and closer to his groin, Louis approves the touch, he even cooperates by parting his legs further away as if it wasn’t on purpose, which just turns Harry on even more. When Louis’ licks his lips, the light from outside hitting them and making them shine by how wet they are, Harry moves it closer to his hard on, starting to palm him over his jeans.

He sees how Louis’ breath gets more unsteady but how he makes his best not to crash the car. The curly haired guy is glad he isn’t freaking out while doing this, he knows he is good at taking control in some circumstances but right now he wasn’t expecting this since he is dealing with _a_ Louis Tomlinson. He is also glad they don’t get much traffic at this hour of the night and not even one red light. Louis also drives a bit faster than the usual but Harry’s movements with his hand keep slow, so everything is under control.

When the blue eyed man stops the car, Harry moves his hand away, sliding it down from Louis’ thigh and then placing it back on his own lap. He looks around and realises he is not in front of his small flat but in front of a huge building made of glass, numerous lights illuminate the road making it shine from the outside.

Louis gets out of the car, Harry following him right away afraid of losing track of the shorter man. Louis opens the gates with some sort of card and they get inside the building after he types the code to get in, once again grabbing Harry by his wrist to drag him along.

Harry suddenly feels claustrophobic by being on the lift with Louis and when he sees that they’re only stopping on the last floor he doesn’t see themselves stopping at any track.

The good part of it is that Louis drags Harry’s hand to the front of his own lips and when he least expects it, Louis is sucking one of his fingers inside of his mouth, his tongue sliding through its length. Harry looks at the way his finger disappears with his own mouth opened. He sees then how Louis takes it out, showing Harry how he licks his finger, eyes locked with his green ones, then he is slightly biting it and taking his finger in again.

When the lift stops, Louis frees his finger with a _pop_ sound along, only looking away from Harry when the doors open. Harry is in daze when gets outside of the small space, sweating more and seeing the way Louis walks in front of him with his hips moving to the left and right.

When the blue eyed man opens the door with the key, Harry is quick to get in as well. Louis only has time to take the keys from the locker because then they fall on the floor and Harry is lifting him up and pressing him against the door, shutting it behind strongly.

Louis leaves a _humpf_ from his lips escape but grabs Harry’s hair from behind his neck in time for when he presses their lips together and starts thrusting his hips, meeting Louis’ groin with his. Hot breathes fill the huge room, Harry sucks Louis’ tongue feeling the warmth that comes from it while his thrusts get faster against Louis’ body.

Louis bites Harry’s bottom lip, his eyes open to call Harry’s attention. “Do something. Fucking touch me properly.” He is almost begging by the way his tone comes out, their lips still brushing, his fingers sinking on the back of Harry’s neck until it hurts but he stops the movements from his hips to look properly at Louis’ eyes up close.

“My pleasure.” He smirks and grabs tightly the back of Louis’ thighs to start walking away from the door, while nibbling along Louis’ jaw.

“Couch. Couch, couch, couch.” Louis warns desperately when Harry starts feeling a bit lost. He looks behind from them and sees a huge dark, corner sofa filled with cushions, close to the huge window, giving them the view to the lights of the city.

Harry sits Louis on the edge, who throws his back on the back pillow, one hand gripping the arm on the side. Harry gets on his knees and works on unzipping Louis’ jeans and when done he hears Louis gasping _all out_ while arcing his back and lifting his bum to help Harry to take everything. And _holy shit_ , Louis is bare from hip down just in front of him. He is almost dribbling with the view.

Harry helps him to part his legs, placing himself between them and noticing that Louis is in fact all hairless and Harry just bets he is soft and smooth and probably smells like cream. And he does in fact because Harry proves it by sinking his face on Louis’ groin and deep breathing.

“Are you smelling me?” Louis laughs, quickly opening his eyes and looking down at Harry.

“You shave.” He looks up with a smile on his lips and his eyes semi open.

“I thought that was pretty clear by now.”

“And smell good.” He completes his thought, oblivious of Louis’ words.

“You’re weird. Are you going to blow me now or do I also need to teach you?”

“ _Shh_.” Harry whispers, looking away from Louis and kissing the inside of his thigh going up until close to Louis’ balls. His knees might start hurting at some point but he clearly doesn’t mind.

Louis’ dick is so close to him, very hard and with the veins from the length popping out, just calling for Harry to lick it and get his mouth on it. But Harry waits and decides to push Louis’ shirt up to reveal his flat belly, kissing him on his navel and going up until his nipples are exposed to him. He sticks his tongue out, licking Louis’ right one and then sucking it in his mouth.

Louis lets out a whimper that is shut right away when puts his own arm above his lips. Harry looks up by his eyes, his wet lips still around Louis’ red and puffy nipple and sees his state.

“Fucking tease.” He thinks he hears but lets it go away when trails kisses down again from Louis’ body to his crotch.

“Where should I start?!” Harry smirks looking down at Louis and how exposed he is to him.

“ _Harry_ …” He groans, quite annoyed even, his accent strong. He tries to reach Harry with his hand but the green eyed boy slaps it away to keep his hand still on the arm of the sofa.

“You won’t deserve my mouth until you keep quiet.” He says looking up at Louis but moves his hand to get Louis’ dick in one fist, starting to stroke up and down, slowly and with the right pressure.

“You uneducated goose penis.” Louis grumbles making Harry burst out loud laughing.

“Seriously, I have my hand around your cock and you call me that?!”

“You aren’t doing much to be honest.” Louis says but otherwise his words, his voice comes out weak and he needs to press his lips together tightly after speaking to keep quiet.

Harry hums and leans over to bite Louis’ thigh consequently making the shorter guy whimper again doing faster strokes with his hand.

He looks at how quiet Louis tries to stay, with his head looking up at the ceiling and decides to suck Louis’ head between his lips, observing his reaction. He bites his bottom lip, his eyes press shut together and his breathe gets stuck on his throat. Harry holds on moving his hand up and down while licking the tip of his cock and afterwards licking down through the length, placing his hand on Louis’ hip, his fingers sinking deeply on his bone. When he gets all the way down he pulls away and sucks Louis’ balls in his mouth.

Louis bites his arm to keep his moans quiet and it’s actually pretty, Harry thinks. He remembers seeing Louis in that bathroom back then on the party with the random guy but he swears he didn’t look as good as this. Maybe is because he has this angle, Louis’ shirt is up until above his nipples and he has the perfect perspective to all of his features from down there. Or maybe is just because he is the one driving Louis crazy right now, he is the one making Louis tremble and wishing for more.

“Do you have something to say?” Harry asks smirking, while his hands fly to Louis’ arse to push him even closer to him, sliding him down through the sofa. Louis takes his arm away from the front of his lips and looks down at Harry, his eyes glossy and his cheeks getting flushed.

“Please fly into the sun now.” His voice doesn’t sound as steady as his first joke so this time Harry has two reasons to actually laugh.

“But if that happens I won’t be able to get my mouth on you.”

“ _Harry_ –“ He starts loudly but Harry takes his cock in his hand and goes down to shove it into his mouth, Louis probably stops breathing when he feels the warmth and wetness of his mouth.

He starts slowly, still no tongue, just Louis’ dick disappearing from between his lips, almost like his fingers disappeared into Louis’ mouth minutes ago. Then he uses one hand to grab Louis’ balls from between their bodies, stroking them carefully but just enough to make Louis arc his spine in pleasure.

He starts using his tongue then, while going down, and when pulls away he delicately licks the head, almost tickling. He looks up again, catching Louis staring down at him and the way his expression changes almost tells Harry that he wasn’t supposed to see it.

Harry smiles, mostly to himself, but his green eyes never leave Louis, making special eye contact when he takes him again and goes down until Louis feels the back of his throat.

“Fuck,” Louis throws his head back one more time, his fingers from the hand that is gripping the arm from the sofa turn white by how tight he shuts his fist. That’s what Harry wanted to achieve so he starts bobbing up and down faster now, literally deep throating, finally hearing a moan in such obscene way that he can feel how wet he is getting his underwear and how uncomfortable it starts to get. “Fucking hell you’re good.”

“Are you sure this is not the first time you receive a blowjob?” He asks, Louis makes signal for him not to stop. He smiles and gets him in his mouth again.

“I’m sure. You just –fuck – your lips are… so good.” The way Harry keeps moving his head up and down quickly and deeply don’t allow him to say coherent words, especially when Harry is making so much eye contact. It clearly turns Louis on more than Harry would think.

He even helps, he starts rocking his hips along Harry’s head and by this time Harry doesn’t want to pull away, he wants Louis to keep fucking his mouth over and over again, not minding his watery eyes and the sore throat it will give him later. The pain right now means pleasure to him, his fingers are sunk on the sides of Louis’ body so deeply just trying to transmit how much he wants it, how good it feels.

“Oh god, fuck, _Harry_ …” Harry hums by the way Louis moans his name, sending the vibration down to Louis’ body.

He squeezes twice Louis’ thigh, making him stop from lifting his hips but keeps his own movements. It almost makes Louis whimper but then he is leading his hand to the front of Louis’ lips.

The blue eyed guy gets it and parts wider his lips to suck the two fingers Harry gives to him, to keep him busy. The warmness and wetness it offers to Harry feels wonderful, making him more excited to keep bobbing his head and while he does it, he takes in and out his fingers from Louis’ mouth. It still doesn’t stop him from making noises from pleasure but he is quieter, his eyes almost rolling around to the back of his head by the whole moment.

Then Harry feels Louis’ biting his fingers, it hurts like hell but in one moment he had saliva dribbling down from his chin and in the other it’s come. Louis comes hard in his mouth and he doesn’t even have time to pull away, swallowing it. He takes his fingers out of Louis’ mouth and stares at the way he looks like he is high with the whole thing.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry.” Louis apologises, his legs shaking and close to be wrapped around Harry’s body.

Harry only smirks, with one hand he strokes Louis’ thigh and with the fingers from the other, which were previously on Louis’ mouth, cleans the corner of his own lips. His thumb goes across his bottom one and then he sucks it tasting more of Louis.

“You taste good.”

“Jesus Christ.” Louis groans, looking away from Harry’s face and fucked lips and shining eyes and opened shirt _and_ shit everything.

“Was this good?” Harry dares to ask, leaning over with his lips close to Louis’ navel, feeling Louis’ sensible dick touching his chest.

“Very…” Louis answers breathless, rubbing his temples. Harry can’t get rid of the grin from his face and when least expected he is stretching his legs, his bones cracking, and getting above Louis to clean his lips as well from all the drool. “Very messy as well.” He adds.

Harry’s fingers softly touch his chin now and Harry sure doesn’t know how to deal with the fact that Louis Tomlinson is looking at him with such pleasant expression.

And he also doesn’t have this urge to want to paint in oil Louis with legs and lips parted. Of course not…

~*~

He wakes up with a huge backache and doesn’t need to speak to know that his voice won’t come out normal. Harry looks down at himself and then around. He feels incredibly sticky still with his clothes from last night, yet he has a blanket covering him. He is laid down alone in the same couch he remembers from last night but when he sees the rest of the place, he doesn’t recognise one thing.

The window is big enough to get all the sun light hit and illuminate the room, making Harry’s eyes burn with the clarity. It’s huge, everything is huge in this place. There’s a black piano at one corner, a mini bar in the other and a TV screen a bit forward in front of the sofa. It’s comfortable but he is sure he had filled the beautiful red and black cushion with drool. He also needs to brush his teeth, maybe have a shower, probably fix his hair and change clothes as well, but hell how is he even going to get the courage to move.

When he looks at the floor he sees a pair of jeans laid down there and this brings up the question to where Louis might be.  

Close to a door there’s long stairs leading the way to a hall upstairs, which Harry can spot from where he is. Maybe that same door is the bathroom and upstairs must be Louis’ bedroom. He takes a deep breath and tries to stand up, his head goes dizzy with the sudden movement and his legs feel a bit sore as well.

He walks to that door, mumbling stuff and cursing himself until he slowly opens it and is in fact faced with a small bathroom. Small but that it still has more decoration than his own living room and definitely smells better than him.

He can’t change his dirty underwear so he decides to only pee and then wash his face with soap, pass a bit of water through his hair and at the end he thinks that maybe there’s still a bit of luck left in the world for him. He might or might not have snooped the small cupboard on the side to find out that there’s Listerine for his mouth and deodorant for his armpits.

Feeling a little bit fresher he goes out and walks to the kitchen’s part, feeling like it takes ages to walk across the whole compartment to get there. He first gets a glass of water, pouring the rest he doesn’t drink on the plant placed on the counter.

And it might be some sort of habit or just Harry being Harry and feeling like he is doing what he should, a nice gesture, but he starts cooking breakfast after noticing that is only ten in the morning, on the clock from the stove.

It all seems so clean and Harry wonders if Louis even uses it. He opens Louis’ fridge and sees how he has tones of vegetables, eggs, fruits, jams and yogurts. That’s basically it, which somehow makes Harry feel a bit relieved and maybe special. He is kind of invading Louis’ privacy and the fact that now he knows what’s on his fridge, he gets to know Louis a bit better. Is Harry’s policy, _your fridge mirrors the person you are_. He can’t remember if he was the one making that up or if he read it in some magazine.

He sees tones of different types of tea and heats up two cups of water to put two tea bags in each one. Then decides to take some blueberries from the fridge and starts doing the mixture to pancakes. It’s hard to find the flour, sugar, salt and oil in all those doors, but he manages to. He finds a pan – which is a surprise to him – and turns on the oven to start cooking it, minutes later.

He starts humming _My Song 5 by Haim_ that he sure remembers to listen to last night at the party. He would turn on the TV to put on some music channel or even a radio, since he likes to cook better along with some music but everything in this house seems to have a tag saying _do not touch_ , so he doesn’t adventure himself to do it.

He puts two ready pancakes on a plate and checks if the tea is gaining some colour, mixing it a bit then.

“Now I'm not gonna hide it all. Keep it in all from you. I've been dying to know what you tried,” He sings, mostly to himself, slowly swinging his hips from one side to another, turning the pancake around with a spatula. “you've been lying so honey, I'm not –“

“Your honey pie.” Harry quickly turns around with the wooden utensil in his hand and is faced with Louis wearing the type of clothes he got used to see him wearing at his place. Comfy and baggy, making him look well rested and soft.

He looks up and down at Harry and then stops on his eyes.

Louis’ smile is small, he looks almost confused but walks closer to Harry anyway. “What’s going on?” He asks, stopping by the island and not daring to get more than three steps near the green eyed lad.

“Oh, erm, I thought about making breakfast.” Louis frowns with his answer. “Sorry I don’t know if it’s crossing the limits.” He speaks lowly and tries his best to avoid eye contact with the shorter man.

Louis’ expressions seems tense, he looks like he is thinking to himself before speaking, especially when he gulps before opening his mouth.

“It’s fine.” He nods, almost as if he is answering himself as well with that gesture. “Do you need a shower?” He asks, tilting his head and examining Harry and his body.

“I –I can do that at home, I don’t want to bother. I’m also sorry for sleeping here, I will fix the sofa and clean all this mess as well.” Harry points at the bowl and ingredients he used, next to him. Louis allows himself to chuckle, leaning his hip over the counter, looking with bright eyes at the same guy.

“Not much I could have done with you literally passed out on top of me.” He sits on the tall bank, placing his elbow on the tile and the palm of his hand supports his chin. He is gorgeous and Harry clearly feels like a mess.

“Yeah, sorry about that too.” Louis keeps laughing while Harry’s cheeks start gaining a shade of red.

“No, no, don’t be. At least don’t apologise to me. Apologise to yourself.” He smirks and Harry recognises that they’re heading to the comfortable zone again, where Louis teases all the time and Harry feels confident joking around him. “I was about to return the favour when you told me and I quote, _I’m sorry Louis I really liked to make you come but I think I’m going to fall asleep now._ ” Louis tries his best to mimic Harry’s tone, failing and ending up just sounding like a girl trying to make a man’s voice.

“Oh my god.”

“It was pretty hot at first, especially when I noticed you were already wet in your pants. Do you usually get like that by sucking other guy’s dick or was it just with me?”

“Louis!” Harry’s cheeks are clearly red now, it also smells a bit of overcooked pancake and he almost hits himself with the spatula when tries to hide his face behind his hands.

Louis laughs but decides to stop there and enjoy the already flushed and embarrassed Harry he created. His grin is obvious on his face but when Harry walks around and places a plate and a cup of tea in front of him it disappears.

He glances over at Harry, who sucks the inside of his cheek just by looking at him. Louis doesn’t smile, he only keeps staring at him, which becomes intimidated to the point of Harry trying to turn around to leave his side and get his part of the breakfast. However, he is stopped by Louis’ fingers grabbing the waist band of his jeans and pulling him back to his side.

Harry’s zipper gets close and right in front of Louis’ face. He looks up, meeting the surprised green look the tall man gives him. Louis passes his tongue through his upper lip and Harry might be mistaken but that sure feels like it’s sort of a signal.

“If we’re going to do this,” Louis starts and undoes the only button Harry’s jeans have, he gets it open and leans over to unzip it with his teeth. With his fucking teeth and Harry doesn’t know if he should cry, fall into his knees or search from air since it’s getting hard to breathe. “It’s going to be on my way, if you don’t mind.” He continues.

His eyes never leave Harry, as if that way he checks on him to make sure if there’s any change of expression that says he can’t do that, he will know and stop. Somehow Harry appreciates it, not only because that way he has Louis’ blue eyes landed on him, making it hard for him to shut his own and lose everything but also because it makes him feel more secure.

Louis pulls Harry’s jeans down and they make the rest by sliding down Harry’s long legs on their own. He gets his hands behind Harry’s bum, squeezing it hard. Harry groans and throws his head back, needing to hold himself on the counter next to him.

“Hey, hey, hey. Look at me.” Louis warns him and he does so. He has no clue why Louis’ voice does that to him but he obeys to the sound of it. “Is this okay?”

Harry wants to laugh and tear up at the same time and he actually holds himself from doing both of it, honestly. Louis has his nose right on his navel, being able for Harry to feel his hot breathe on his half morning boner.

“Yeah…” He breathes out, his knees almost betray him when Louis smiles and kisses the bulge on his underwear. Louis is touching him, this is not a drill, Louis is really touching him.

“So you do want this… Good.” He says and Harry can’t even answer or questioning his words. He can’t do anything when Louis is also taking off his underwear. He grips the sides of the counter and takes a deep breathe, shutting his eyes for a moment while Louis is too busy looking down at him. _Hold yourself Harry_.

“You have a nice cock, as expected. I wonder how you’d react if I did this…” Harry makes the huge mistake of opening his eyes and meeting Louis’ gaze when he grabs the end of Harry’s dick and gets his tongue out to lick Harry’s whole length.

Harry never felt something like this and a lot – okay, _some_ guys have done this to him before sucking him off, but somehow Louis does it much better. Maybe it’s his tongue, or the blue on his eyes fixed on Harry’s face, perhaps it’s just the fact that is Louis and he is casually sitting on a bank from the island of his kitchen after Harry putting his breakfast in front of him, grabbing his dick.

“ _Hmm_ , beautiful.” Louis smiles and is dropping Harry, rotating his seat to face the plate and tea that were previously placed there for him. “It’s a good time for you to take a shower now, _hum_? While I eat breakfast…” He gives Harry a quick glance, smiling innocently, that _bastard_. “Do you need help with your shirt?” Harry bites his lip and doesn’t even have time to feel ashamed to be standing there like that next to Louis. “I’m sure you deal with that alone now, right?”

“Yeah…” he repeats the same words spoken previously.

“Good lad.” Louis nods and takes the mug to his lips, sipping his tea. “Use the stairs, get into the first door at the right, there’s my room and another door. That’s where you take a shower. I have a clean pair of underwear placed there. I’ll heat your tea if it gets cold before you come back.”

And is not like Harry expected to take that long in the shower but he also never expected to wank on somebody else’s house.

~*~

“Do you… Do you like my place?” Louis asks, his voice is slow and low but is the enough to bring Harry’s attention from the TV, placing his cup of tea on the coffee table next to the plate he had left there previously, after finishing eating.

“Yes, is very pretty.” He answer however he twists his nose, looking around. “Although is so… so big and looks expensive.” Louis concerned look disappears for a moment, being replaced by a chuckle.

“So… that means you don’t like it?”

Harry had realised before that every time Louis speaks up or questions him something there’s always something behind. He believes that sometimes he is even testing Harry, making him struggle to find the right answer.

“I do like it. Not for me though.” Louis looks at him carefully from the other side of the sofa and Harry decides that is time to look at the TV screen instead.

“I prefer your flat over mine too.” Louis says then, three minutes later and it’s not like Harry is counting the seconds they stay in silence or anything.

Truth to be told, Louis had showed before that he did liked Harry’s flat. He finds it cosy and warm. This time though, he is saying he prefers Harry’s over his and perhaps there’s a big reason behind, one that Harry wants to ask about but instead he doesn’t.

And Louis doesn’t tell him either. He stretches his legs instead, touching Harry’s thighs with his toes, moving them almost like a cat does when is preparing the ground to lay down and sleep. It’s like he senses Harry’s head moving to look at his face because the moment Harry does it, he is looking away. Not at the screen, he is staring at the wall, the lights coming from the window making colourful shadows on it.

“So, I don’t want to make this a habit, you staying over I mean. I never bring people to my flat. _En fait, tu es le premier_.” He rubs his temples and lets out a weak laugh. “I mean, you are the first person I bring here, sorry.” He corrects himself and the little Harry knows about Louis he knows that if he is saying words in French is because he is nervous, or there’s something wrong.

He wants to touch Louis’ ankles, caress the bare skin above his bone that pops out, he wants to run his fingers through his legs and listen to everything the guy has to say. But again, he doesn’t do it.

“Well, apart from Liam but Liam is Liam. You are… You are _Harry_.” He bites his bottom lip and Harry hates to admit it but he tries to look into Louis’ eyes, he even tries to read his body language to understand what Louis is thinking by himself. “ _Je suis_ d _ésolé_ ,” he laughs but is the type of laugh that comes along with a sigh. “I’m just trying to say that I’d prefer staying over at your place. I mean, when we meet up, like this, like we do in your place.” He looks at Harry flustered, his accent is thick due how fast he speaks. “To keep being in your place. If you don’t mind. If you want to.”

Harry takes some time to analyse the situation, to repeat Louis’ words in his head before opening his mouth to talk. Then he nods and then slowly his lips twist to form a start of a small smile.

“Well, you did say if we’re doing this it’s going to be on your way. I don’t mind.” He shrugs as if saying this was the easiest thing ever. In reality it isn’t and the truth is Harry isn’t even sure what _this_ is but he is okay. And apparently Louis is too when smiles back at him, seeming content with the answer.

~*~

“Can keep you your tongue inside your mouth already?” Louis says, laughing even though there is a glimpse of annoyance in his voice.

Harry raises his head from his drawing and looks at Louis. He licks his lips and gets his tongue inside, like every other ten times Louis had pointed that out to him. He sees the blue eyed man sitting on the armchair as usual, wearing his grey sweatpants, legs pressed against his chest and his chin placed above his knees. He looks small and Harry still hasn’t gotten used to the fact that Louis likes to contemplate him while he draws. And it’s been too many times to start seeing this as a habit and routine to when Louis comes over.

“I’m sorry.” Louis rolls his eyes with Harry’s apology, even though his cheeks are flushed and his ears feel warm covered by his hair.

“I’m sure you are.” Louis mocks, nodding and tightening the grip of his arms around him. “Is that a habit of yours? Sticking your tongue out while you draw? You don’t do that when you cook or write for example.” He asks and Harry sees the curiosity on Louis’ eyes, he places his pencil on the desk and gives fully attention to the guy.

“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “I didn’t really notice it until you pointed that out.” And Harry lives for this, he likes when people point out things about him that he doesn’t realise about himself. He believes he is the only one who can say who he is but he knows people can help him to discover himself as well. Not telling him who he is but pointing out small details that give him clues to reach the right path. “Why do you keep sitting next to me while I draw anyway?”

“Because. Does it make you uncomfortable?” He asks quickly, lifting his head.

“Erm… no. No, it’s fine.”

It’s not a lie, he doesn’t mind but like this he feels like he has a huge responsibility. Chewing the inside of his mouth he looks away back to his drawing.

He didn’t expect to end up like this, he wanted to draw something that would bring a happy mood for once, something that wasn’t that abstract and that it didn’t need to get a lot of thinking from somebody else’s point of view. But he has in front of him a face attached to some type of torso and then lots of hands around the body, those even being part of the actual person. He doesn’t know what got into his mind to draw that but he thinks that as a way of describing the many things people can manage to do, the many personalities people have, the face expression people do due the thoughts they have along the day, all at once. He doesn’t know if he is happy with it because it doesn’t even matches his humour.

“You’re tense now.”

“No, I’m just thinking about this.” He says, not taking his eyes off of the paper and pointing at it. He hears Louis humming, probably not convinced with his answer. He still doesn’t look at Louis when notices him moving next to him and standing up, walking behind him. He only flinches when feels fingertips being deeply sank on his shoulders.

“You shouldn’t overthink about your art.” Louis’ squeezes Harry’s shoulders and then starts rubbing his thumb right above the muscle Harry feels tenser, especially because of the way he sits, with his back curved. “It kind of takes away the magic of it.” Louis continues, properly massaging Harry.

He is forced to drop the pencil on the desk one more time, relaxing his shoulders and shutting his eyes while his lips part by the enjoyable feeling.

“Like everything in life. Overthinking is synonym of negativity.” Louis tries to make a deeper tone of voice and Harry gets that he is trying to mock him.

“You clearly can’t do impressions.” Harry laughs, his shoulders moving up and down due it, forcing Louis to squeeze them tighter to keep him still. “Please be gentle you fucking walnut.”

Louis laughs loudly but Harry notices that then he takes one hand off his shoulder to cover his own mouth and stop right away. It makes Harry smile for a second until he feels that same hand on his hair and Louis is pulling down the scarf Harry had around his head, to cover his eyes.

“You don’t have the right to talk you pile of wombat shit.”

Apparently they seem to be in a competition to see who insults the other the best. The game is fierce at the moment but Harry laughs with this one, whispering _wombat_ between his chuckles, making Louis to whisper a _shh_ but keeping his massage.

Louis fingers start sinking gently and consequently Harry tilts his head to the side, humming in pleasure this time. Louis rubs his thumbs in circles close to his shoulder blades and then brings his hands to the sides of his neck, stroking with his fingertips the exposed skin. One of his hand brushes up to his hair, scratching Harry’s scalp carefully.

It actually feels pretty well and relaxing, Harry has to admit that he doesn’t want those hands away from him for the next hour.

Suddenly, he feels the warmth from Louis’ mouth close to the crock of his neck but instead of lips he feels teeth from Louis craving them on the soft skin from that spot.

“Oh god.” Harry breathes out, tilting his head even more so Louis has more access to his flesh. His eyes are firmly shut and his throat starts feeling dry as well as his lips from being with them parted and letting the cold air hit them, while breathing a bit heavier than the normal.

“Is this turning you on?” Louis dares to ask, he switches his both hands back to his shoulders, massaging them again while his tongue licks through Harry’s neck to his jaw where he bites one more time.

“A –A little…” He stammers, stretching his leg under the desk, not sure how he even manages to answer and being so honest. It’s still so overwhelmed that he was once drooling over a naked Louis in an art class and now he gets this. He doesn’t even remember when it all started.

“A little.” Louis repeats squeezing Harry’s shoulder one more time as if he was trying to make Harry rethink about his answer.

He doesn’t say anything else but the blindfolded man feels Louis tightening his scarf around his head, not letting it loose and easy to fall. Harry gulps in dry, his hands gripping the arms from the chair. Louis slides one finger down Harry’s spine, creating goose bumps.

The fact that he can’t see anything makes his heart beat much harder than the usual – harder than the harder it beats in this situations – but it probably stops when Louis has the strength to push the chair further from the desk.

He hears Louis walking next to him and then being stood up in front of him. Harry doesn’t know much about what happens next but Louis places his hands above his tights and… _fuck_ , he must be on his knees because Harry is sure he is feeling his torso on his legs.

“What if I take your pants off now, _Harry_?” Harry whimpers with the words because who the hell Louis thinks he is? Harry had never been with a guy that would ask such question, while he is blindfolded. _He is blindfolded_. And Louis is so fucking hot, has such soft and nice hands and if Harry could describe his voice it’d have to be a flavour, like honey with milk. Or camomile tea… even apple with cinnamon. He could make a whole list of flavours it reminds him of Louis’ voice, then he would start one of landscapes that reminds him of his eyes.

“Well…?” Louis insists perhaps for an answer since Harry can’t do anything besides pursing his lips and curling his toes.

“I –I think… I think you should… do so –something”

“You’re a stutter now?” He teases and Harry hums, lifting his bum from the chair to find some contact. “Is you being blindfolded okay?” Louis’ hand goes under his shirt, his fingertips touch Harry’s semi defined abs making sure to reach his nipple, rubbing softly and slowly then.

“Very okay.”

Louis slides his hand down from Harry’s chest, causing shivers by the way his nails tickle his skin. He squeezes Harry’s hard on making him flinch his leg next to Louis’ body. “ _J’ai eu envie de mettre la main sur vous depuis hier_.”  

 

“I don’t know what you said… but it was very nice.” Harry breathes out feeling Louis undoing his jeans. First his button, then the zip, very, _very_ slowly.

Louis laughs with his comment and that sound is something Harry needs to make a list about as well.

Harry feels his hot breathe close to his belly after stopping touching his jeans and pulling away his shirt with his teeth. _His teeth_. Then he feels his hot and wet tongue tracing along the few hair he has close to the way down to his crotch. Louis’ hands are placed on the sides of his thigh but he would very much prefer them in other places.

“You’re not going to uncover your eyes, will you?” Louis asks carefully, his hands touching above Harry’s thighs now and going up to the waist of Harry’s jeans, touching every untouched place on that zone. Harry never experienced anything like this just by a simple hand above his jeans.

“I won’t.” Louis chuckles by the way Harry sounds so out of breathe already at the same time he tries to take his jeans off from his long legs. Harry helps by raising his bum from the chair one more time and letting Louis do what he has to do.

“ _Bon garçon_.”

Harry hums, Louis’ hands are now on his foot, raising it from the floor to tuck his jeans out and throw them to the side. Louis’ hands go from his ankle to his waist, touching Harry all the way up. He parts his legs, fits himself between them and suddenly the green eyed guy feels a bite on the inner part of his left thigh.

“What do you prefer? My hands,” Louis squeezes Harry’s dick and then strokes twice the perfect shape formed on the elastic fabric. “or my mouth?” he asks, his lips brushing his underwear, warmth hitting Harry’s skin on his sensitive area.

“Bo –Both. Definitely, both.”

“Being greedy, aren’t we? _Je suis désolé mon chéri_ , but only one this time.” Louis’ fingertips touch the waistband from Harry’s underwear, pulling it down until his hard cock is swinging in front of his face. Harry groans with the freedom he receives and then fills his lungs with air, getting ready to what is about to come. “ _Oh Harry_ , _tu me rends dingue_.”

“Fuck, please keep talking French with me.”

“ _Shh_ , don’t speak.” Harry bites his bottom lip and nods. Louis smiles at the way Harry’s scarf looks covering his eyes, curving on the bridge of his nose and with two small locks of hair in front of the fabric.

Louis places his hand on the end of Harry’s dick, just staying there steady. Harry twists on his seat, feeling the way Louis’ small hand still fits there perfectly making him wish for more and everything.

“I want to do so many things to you.” Louis confesses and slowly, very, very slowly moves his hand up and then slides down through Harry’s long length. Harry keeps biting his lip forcefully, close to making it bleed. “Dirty things.” He keeps stroking Harry, not grabbing him tightly more likely to be softly but is just the right amount of pressure and touch.

Harry grabs the sides of the chair, sinking his fingers there not sure if it’d be right to touch Louis – also, it’d be embarrassing looking for Louis, blind.

“Want to take you in my mouth.” Louis continues, adding a bit more pressure and speed but on the second stroke, he sticks his thumb and rubs Harry’s head, spreading the pre-come, helping him to slide his hand up and down easily. “Want to suck you and taste you.” His accent is strong, Harry tastes blood in his mouth and Louis’ hands are heaven. The one that isn’t stroking Harry’s dick, is not idle, he keeps touching Harry’s bare thigh with the same rhythm as his other hand. “I want to please you so badly.” Harry feels like crying, Louis is rubbing his head so nicely it brings him chills to his spine and pleasure to his stomach.

The fact that Louis says he wants to please him makes him think about all the things he would be capable of doing. Makes him think that it is actually mutual, since Harry doesn’t want other thing than pleasing Louis. He wants to make him whine quietly, pinned down to the mattress and forced to take what’s given while Harry whispers filthy things into his ear.

“But before getting my mouth on you I’m going to tease you a little bit.” He breathes out, parting his lips while Louis touches him firmer and faster, his hand goes from the head to the bottom, feeling the fabric from Harry’s underwear. “I want to make you come first using only my hand and voice.” Harry keeps holding himself on the chair, throwing his head back in pleasure and curling his toes. Louis is between his legs and he can’t even see it, it’s tragic indeed. “I will have tones of time to spread you out, get your knees weak for me, get you desperate from my mouth… or fingers.” He says the last words especially using the tip of his fingers through Harry’s length and everything makes Harry torn between making Louis stop to make Louis just finish it by how desperate he feels and how shameful that is. “I want to eat you out for long, long minutes until your eyes are watering and your pretty cock licking and asking for release.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“ _Taire jolie_.” Louis shushes him at the same time he leads the hand that was previously on Harry’s thigh, to his balls above the fabric of his underwear. It only makes Harry moan louder. “If you keep swearing you will never deserve my tongue.” Harry feels Louis’ hot breathe close to his crotch and he knows Louis made sure to lean over so Harry could feel it. “Or my fingers.” He squeezes Harry’s length and swings his wrist around, making circling movements. “Imagine three fingers inside of you hitting that spot, so good… It would feel so good, _Harry_.” Harry nods, agreeing with Louis.

By instinct, he raises his hand from the armchair and, quicker than he thought, his fingers find Louis’ hair, tangling them there and pushing Louis’ face close to his dick. Louis almost goes along until he resists. Louis stops all of his movements with his hands and pulls Harry’s hand away from his hair.

“Well, maybe I also need to tie you up.”

“Jesus…” Harry’s breathe gets stuck in his throat. Louis, quite harshly, puts Harry’s hands on the armchair again, to keep him there.

“ _Sois sage_.”

“You know I don’t –“

“Behave.” Louis repeats, not letting Harry continuing his sentence.

Harry could give two fucks about not understanding French, he would pay Louis to read him the dictionary even but he really wished he could as well because then he would know what Louis has been saying about him these past minutes.

He nods anyway, pulling the idea of Louis teaching him French to the back of his head for later.

It’s unpredictable but then Louis is pulling Harry’s boxers all the way down until his ankles and Harry is all bare now except from his shirt slightly covering his torso. Harry feels Louis’ soft – but a bit wet – hands brushing the sides of his legs until he reaches his waist, sinking his fingers there and making Harry slide his bum down so he is more curved in the chair.

Louis’ hands get back to his groin and suddenly Harry feels his fingers, not quite, but almost tickling his balls and then sliding one finger through his crack. Harry feels his eyes watering under the scarf above them. Louis is teasing him so hard, he is making him wondering how many things he could be doing to him but is not because he just wants to play around and apparently go slowly.

Harry doesn’t think they need to go slowly now. They don’t need to get anywhere.

“Please…” Harry begs, his lips redder than anything else due biting and sucking them in his mouth.

Obviously Harry misses Louis’ smirks and how he licks his whole palm but maybe he understands it by the way he whines when Louis gets his hand again on Harry and starts to stroke him faster than any other times. His other hand doesn’t stay on Harry’s thigh anymore, he gets them between Harry’s legs and starts massaging his balls at the same time, squeezing them and he knows that just makes harder for Harry to come.

“I want to see you.” Harry half moans, he needs to see the small and insignificant details of Louis while he is doing this to him, how he looks doing this, how he looks at Harry. “You must look so good, I –“

“Do I need to cover your mouth as well? If you shut up and come when I say I will let you suck me off.” He says easily and oh Louis is so good at speaking, is not only the words he says, it’s his voice and how it sounds in Harry’s ears.

Maybe is the way Harry moans and then licks his lips that makes Louis say the next words. “Oh you want it. You liked it the other time didn’t you?” Harry hums and hopes he is allowed to do that and that it works as an answer. “You even swallowed. I told you I’d change that.” He squeezes tighter Harry’s balls and rubs the tip of his head one more time, with an amazing coordination. “I’m gonna tell you a secret.” Louis drops his voice, getting lower and saying it in a whisper. “Believe me when I say your lips were made to suck cock. So plump, so pink… they’re amazing, _mon chéri_.”

“Louis…” Harry moans, throwing his head back.

“Say my name again.”

“Fucking, _ah_ – Louis!” It’s not even on purpose, the way Louis keeps working with his hand fast and just with the perfect pressure makes Harry go crazy, breathing heavily and not controlling his own noises.

“Come for me, _Harry_. Come all over, _mon cher_.” And Harry doesn’t quite know what Louis does with his hand, or fingers, or whatever part of his body he is using but it’s something and it’s different… and it feels so damn good that Harry can’t hold on and does what Louis says so.

In one moment he is reaching his climax and feeling the warm, sticky liquid on his chest, listening to his own, hoarse voice and in the other he is feeling Louis’ wet tongue on his stomach, cleaning him up.

Louis _fucking_ hums and Harry wants to take his scarf off above his eyes and see Louis licking him, see how his blue eyes look up at him but he is so overwhelmed with everything and how Louis doesn’t even let him recover from his orgasm that he can’t find himself to move.

He never thought he could come this hard and feel this good simply with a hand job and some dirty talk.

Louis then brushes his lips down to his groin and Harry feels his tongue – his tongue – licking his now half hard cock cleaning him up in one move.

“Oh my god…” Harry pants, his chest still going up and down quickly.

“This one doesn’t count.” Louis says and he almost sounds innocent, _almost_ , because it’s not by saying this that his tongue on Harry won’t be obscene and filthy.

Harry can hear Louis sucking his own lips and _wow_ , he wants to feel them not only on his body but also kissing them.

“Louis…” Harry calls for the guy and he understands it since Harry feels the weight from Louis’ body going on top of him, sitting on his lap – and that’s _an ass_ – and taking his hands to Harry’s scarf, to pull it down, around his neck again.

Harry can finally see and the first thing he spots his a smiley Louis with shiny eyes in front of him and “You’re so beautiful. So gorgeous.” It’s the first thing it comes out from his lips. Louis’ expression changes, however his smile keeps there even though it gets smaller.

Harry probably doesn’t notice – probably doesn’t even get that he said that out loud – because at the same moment he is leaning over, holding Louis by his nape and attaching his lips to Louis’ neck. It’s not even considered kisses since then it involves too much tongue and teeth until Louis pulls him away.

“No marks.” He says strictly and Harry has no time to react when the blue eyed man is standing up from his lap and taking off his bottoms. “Just do it, I’m so fucking hard right now. It’s all your fault, _Harry_.”

The way he smirks down at him is enough for Harry to relax and want to get down on Louis right there on the floor if he needs to.


	4. IV. Bleeding emotions;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are deep talks, a lot of sex and a lavender sweater.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [hold me down](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKnG2d9tZdU) by halsey
> 
> [ready](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gj4_qp4a28) by kodaline
> 
> [that home](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Q-TWgfHmNo) by cinematic orchestra
> 
> [medicine ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lur5B3a4_fk)by the 1975
> 
> [philadelphia ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZvyHuL9lPY)by parachute

 

> **Chapter IV. Bleeding emotions;**
> 
> "He thought that love was gonna fight  
>  He thought that love was gonna take her home  
>  He thought that love was gonna save her  
>  But love just never showed"
> 
> **\- Philadelphia by Parachute**
> 
> ~*~

“So how’s Louis?”

“He is literally an angel and I hate him.” Harry shouts, full lungs while putting the white tablecloths in the washing machine from the restaurant.

“Forget that I asked.” Zayn raises his brows and casually walks away after dropping the said towels on the floor for Harry to do the job.

“Oh no but I want to know more.” Niall smiles and sits on a chair next to him resting his elbow on his knee so his palm is supporting his chin. Harry sighs loudly and let’s himself fall on the floor next to the dirty laundry. “Story time?” Niall grins like a maniac, it’s almost creepy and maybe that’s why Harry looks at him the way he does.

“I will never talk to you about this Niall. Ever.”

Niall groans with Harry’s words, standing up looking like a defeated and dragging his limbs out of the compartment.

Harry looks around and thinks about how much work he still has to do before going back home. An empty home since today Louis ended up going out with that Frederic he saw at that party and afterwards was – supposedly – going back to his own flat. Harry didn’t think about it the whole day. No fucking way.

It’s been two weeks. Two weeks since _if we’re going to do this it’s going to be on my way_ happened. And it’s still happening and Harry hasn’t been thinking about anything besides Louis’ hands and Louis’ skin and Louis’ body because that’s everything he is getting lately. And it’s enough really. He doesn’t want the thought of other man having that privilege as well in his mind.

He finds this an amazing sexual experience but the thing is… that’s not everything he gets out of this. He gets Louis’ friendship as well. Yes, he likes to believe they’re friends since, well, after all the touches and moans they share everything gets back to watching series’ marathons with his laptop over his lap and Louis’ arm touching his, Louis’ eyes watching him drawing late at night after he had cooked him a meal. It all gets back to Harry coming to his flat on a Friday night to a sleepy Louis on his couch with the TV on.

But it just leads Harry to feel horny 24/7 since he has those mornings that he walks downstairs and gets to see Louis only in his underwear – it happened seeing him naked once – with his messy hair and beautiful shiny eyes looking at the screen of his phone, still laid down on the couch. It turns tables quickly to those late nights Louis comes from an event or some work that it happens to make him be all dressed up, his hair styled with his usual cinnamon roll or quiff, making Harry think _I get to see him in all the ways possible and he always looks amazing_.

So when Harry feels like something is missing, for example right now – he doesn’t see Louis since last night – he kind of feels lost. He shouldn’t, but he does. He doesn’t want to admit it but he is allowed to think that he does miss his voice. Or maybe he just misses talking to him. He does miss his hair. Or maybe he just misses fixing it for Louis. He does miss his presence. Or maybe he just misses seeing his flat less empty.

But he also needs some type of release. And with release he means in his cock.

He is still at work, not properly working but finishing it, however he still has the image saved in his mind – and in his phone now – of the picture Louis sent him in the morning. It included the blue eyed man in what looked like in his very comfy bed, with that beautiful natural light coming from his window, hitting his very perfect body with minimal clothes – read naked. And Harry, being the type of person he is, didn’t answer. He simply gulped, counted to ten and put his phone back on his pocket to go on with his life as normal as it can be after being sent to him a nude. A nude from Louis Tomlinson. He greeted the old lady from work and she doesn’t even know a thing. Zayn asked him how was Louis and he doesn’t know a thing.

The ambient is quiet right now and Harry is still sitting around the towels with sauce on them and he couldn’t care less. He gets his phone and opens the message shortcut he had created for Louis. He tries to ignore the last message sent, failing miserably when looks at the picture for over ten seconds and then starts typing.

_12:45am Haha wouldn’t it be funny if I was sucking you right now haha or with my fingers inside you maybe hahahahah_

“What the fuck Harry…” he literally face palms himself wanting to curl up on this floor and feel himself deteriorate here.

He hopes Louis is really at home now.

_12:46am Lol only joking_

_12:46am My friend typed that_

_12:46am My phone was stolen_

_12:46am Who is this_

_12:46am Haha_

“Great, you’re just great Styles.”

“Having a monologue moment?” Rose asks walking in while he is standing up from the floor feeling miserable.

“No I just…” He sighs and sinks his fingers on his hair. “I’m just going to finish this.” He says, giving up and finishing to put the towels on the machine plus changing the ones already washed on the drier.

Twenty minutes later and he is back home. He had felt his phone buzzing on his pocket at least twice so he isn’t too worried about Louis being mad at him for taking this much time to answer. He is just worried about what he texted because Harry was an absolute idiot.

He takes a quick shower, brushes his teeth and gets in his bed instead of going downstairs to draw since he feels too tired and his brain is too weak to do it so. Just after he is comfy and with his laptop occupying the empty side of his bed, he allows himself to check his messages

**_12:55am you get so horny it’s cute_ **

**_1:11am I’ve made you cum before why the fuck are you ignoring me??????_ **

_1:38am let’s pretend any of those messages were sent to each other_

**_1:40am Harry Styles, what instruments do you play besides blowing dick?_ **

_1:40am oh my god_

_1:40am can we not talk about anything related to sexual stuff?_

**_1:40am sexual stuff??_ **

**_1:40am I don’t know what you’re talking about I’m just trying to play the 20 questions game._ **

_1:41am of course_

_1:41am because Louis Tomlinson comes up with the most innocent type of conversations_

**_1:41am my point exactly_ **

_1:41am so how did it go the date thing with fredreric?_

**_1:42am do you mean frederic???_ **

_1:42am same thing_

**_1:43am it went okay._ **

**_1:43am and it wasn’t a date_ **

**_1:43am so no we didn’t have sex if that’s what you’re wondering_ **

**_1:43am and I’m the one coming up with the innocent type of conversations..._ **

**_1:43am anywayyyy_ **

**_1:41am call me, I’m bored and can’t sleep_ **

_1:42am what makes you think I’m going to do that?_

**_1:42am erm lol phone sex of course?????_ **

_1:42am I’m so not doing that._

But he calls him anyway. Harry doesn’t have a problem on dialling Louis’ number and Louis doesn’t have a problem on picking up right after the first beep.

“The kazoo.” Harry says straight away, adjusting himself in his pillow.

“What?”

“I know how to play the kazoo.” Louis immediately starts laughing and the green eyed guy swears he had never heard him laughing this much. This is his highlight of the day.

“Did you said that so you could skip the phone sex part with me? Really, _Harry_?” Louis teases and Harry can listen to muffled sounds and sheets moving from the other side. So he is also in bed. Harry creates an amazing view on his mind.

“Of course _Lewi_. Now tell me, do you play any other instrument as well?”

“You’re not real.” Louis says continuing laughing but answers anyway because a crazy person is never crazy alone. “I used to play the piano.” Of course, Harry remembers seeing a huge piano in his flat.

“Used to? What happened?”

“Nothing happened, I just stopped.” Louis simply answers and at first Harry thinks for a bit that he sounds mad or just emotionless but then he adds, joking “What about you? Do you play the kazoo daily?” It’s Harry’s turn to laugh.

“Not really, it’s on my sister’s house now.”

“What a shame, I would very much appreciate if you gave me a private concert.”

“She used to say the same thing.” Harry keeps laughing, deciding to put his laptop back on the floor and then laying down with his available arm on top of his forehead.

“Who? Your sister?” Harry hums as an answer. “A woman of good ideas I see.”

“Exactly that.” Harry chuckles. “Reminds me that I haven’t called her in a while now.” He says a bit more to himself but Louis hears it.

“Do you talk to her often?”

“When I get the opportunity to I like to catch up with her of course. But she is very busy and I also don’t have much time to just do what I’m doing with you but in a more proper hour of the day.”

“Doesn’t she live in London?” Otherwise Harry, Louis’ voice sounds serious.

“America, she works as a secretary in an office. Pretty good but it’s hard to just visit each other and all that.” There’s silence and Harry expects Louis to drop the subject – and he expected it to happen sooner really – but he doesn’t.

“What about your parents? You don’t talk with them?”

“Erm, no. They… They passed away when I was still a teenager, luckily my sister had finished college so after that she took care of me for two years before starting her own life.”

There’s silence again and it takes longer this time, the sound of Louis breathing is the only sign he gives Harry telling him that he is still on the other line.

“How can you say that so easily to me?”

“I just learnt to live with it Louis. It was hard first, it’s still not easy but now is just part of my life I guess.” Harry frowns, playing with his ring around his finger, with one hand.

“How can you say that? Something like this is never seen as part of their lives, much less handled this easy.” Harry had never heard Louis’ voice sound like this, he wished he could see his face and be sure how much it costs him to speak those words. Harry guesses this is the part of Louis he doesn’t see much often but it still is a part of who he is.

“I didn’t handle this easily, Louis.” Harry speaks calmly, deciding to sit up straight on the mattress. “But you know, sometimes people need to learn how to suffer and for that they need to actual feel the pain. I did and I probably will again and that’s part of life isn’t it?” Louis doesn’t speak and Harry sighs. “I deal with loss and death the same way I deal with art I guess. There’s good works and bad works. Bad works always make me feel like I’m not good enough, it actually puts me down sometimes because I think I’m not good at the thing I thought I was. It’s sad.” He chuckles nervously. “But eventually I will make a better work and will get over it, it will make me see bright again.” He sighs again, loudly. “My point isn’t clear I suppose but what I’m trying to say is that there will always be that one bad thing that later will be buried underneath a good one. I got over my parent’s death by drawing, I got over being away from my sister by drawing, I got over my boyfriends’ break up by drawing. That was the good thing on top of the bad at that point. There were no bad drawings at that time.” He hears Louis moving on the other side. “I’m sorry, this was confusing and stupid I didn’t mean to –“

“No.” Louis interrupts him, his voice sounding a bit distant. “I’m the one saying sorry here this time. I shouldn’t have made you feel like you needed to talk about it.”

“I didn’t feel the need, I just don’t mind talking about it.”

“O –Okay…” there’s a pause again but Harry waits, expecting the blue eyed man to say something. “Do you mind – I mean, it’s okay if you don’t want to, it’s stupid from my part to ask you this but can you tell me how it happened? How did you feel?”

“I don’t mind.” Harry starts but bites his bottom lip, directing his gaze to his lap and immediately starts playing with the sheets. “I was at school, I remember being so bored and thinking that the fire alarm could start ringing so we could skip that class. I don’t know why I was thinking that in particular, especially when it was raining that hard that day. Little my fifteen year old self knew that someone would interrupt the class to call me to go to the principal to announce my parent’s death.” He talks normally even though he pauses too much between each word but keeps calm. “I don’t know if you remember watching it on the news but there was a terrible accident that year with a school bus where three more cars were involved.” Louis hums as a signal of being listening or maybe he remembers watching that.

“It’s still the worst day of my life, listening to the school’s principal telling me the news. I remember the exact words he said, his tone of voice and his face expression. I remember seeing him tap his fingers three times on the desk and looking up at the ceiling. At that time I couldn’t believe it and was in denial since it was just weird listening to that type of news coming from that man. I didn’t want to be there but in the same instant I ran away from the door, my sister was already there with tears in her eyes making it a little bit more real. We hugged for fifteen minutes and she was the only one crying there. I didn’t cry that day. I went home,” he gulps pausing by remembering the day. “I did my homework, watched a movie, ate dinner alone and went to bed earlier. The next morning my grandparents made us a visit and I acted as if I didn’t know why.” He sighs sadly. He is okay, Harry didn’t lie, this is okay now but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t sad anymore.

“My sister started shouting at me telling me that I was being heartless.” Harry hears Louis gulping and breathing heavily but he decides to ignore. “But I just didn’t want to believe it, I kept saying _shut up Gemma, mom and dad are coming for lunch in some minutes_. She slapped me after that one and I froze in the middle of the hall with our grandparents looking at us. My grandma started crying and then my grandpa turned on the TV. The accident was being shown on the news and he explained to me the same way the police officer explained him when knocked at his door the previous day. Reality hit me there but I only cried in the funeral the next day.”

“Harry…” He hears Louis’ voice, no accent, his name being called the same way people call him. Harry refuses to even pay attention to the low tone Louis’ voice sounds and how maybe he is showing him that it’s okay if he doesn’t want to keep talking. But Harry doesn’t have a clue about what Louis is thinking nor feeling, which definitely isn’t pity.

“I think if something like this happened now I would act the same way.” He confesses, quickly interrupting the other guy. “It would change who I am right now as well. After that day that fifteen years old Harry changed a lot. I learnt how to live without my parents, I needed to deal with seeing my sister’s life plans changing because she needed to take care of me, living with the money she earned working part time and with the money our parents left, even though that one needed to be saved. And I needed to take care of the house, we only didn’t sell it because it was already paid since our grandparents helped our parents when they got married.”

“I got lonelier by that time. Believe it or not I was dating a boy so I broke up with him because I thought I didn’t have time for him neither I liked him that much to keep with it. Deep inside I knew I did that because I never told my parents I was gay. I also think that was the time my drawings began to improve because I started to paint with my soul, with feeling and not just because.”

“Nothing was fair during those years. It wasn’t fair to the boy I broke up, it wasn’t fair for the friends I lost because I started pushing them away, it wasn’t fair for my sister and much less for my parents. Now I know it wasn’t fair for me too. Before going to college my sister had a serious conversation with me about how tragedies will be a constant in our life. Affecting us directly or not, I can’t let it ruin my life or I will never be able to be myself and happy.” He finishes but Louis might not get that since he stays quiet and Harry feels the discomfort by the way they’re both listening to each other breathing.

“Would you be able to tell me all of this if we were face to face?” Louis finally speaks for what it seems minutes. Harry probably sighs in relief but neither of them notices it.

“I don’t think so. I would be able to see the look in your eyes and know what you would be feeling. Besides, it’s the first time I’m telling this to someone.”

“Don’t make it seem like I’m special.”

“I’m not. No one ever asked me about this so I never had the need to tell them. Also, I do this with everyone. Looking at their faces and knowing what they’re feeling, I mean. They call me observant but I think that’s not particularly true. People are so easy to read, I’ve noticed that we bleed emotions even in the way we drink our coffee but no one seems to notice though because they’re all too busy drinking their own coffee.” Harry let’s a small smile appear on his lips, making sure Louis knows by the way he speaks.

“Oh _Harry Styles_ ,” Louis chuckles and Harry feels a strange lack of weight inside of him. “tomorrow you’ll be the one busy while I eat you out for hours.”

~*~

“Makes me think that we never did this in my bedroom.” Harry points out, the next morning, his hair is still not brushed but it definitely will look messier than what it is right now. His alarm didn’t even sound so it’s a signal that today won’t go according to his schedule since _a_ Louis appeared walking in from his front door and attaching his teeth on his neck and his eyes weren’t even totally opened yet. Now, more open than what they are it’s impossible.

“My face is close to your bare ass and the first thought that comes to your mind is your room’s virginity?”

“I wouldn’t put it that way.” He hugs the pillow in his arms and lays his head down to the side. His shirt is starting to feel too tight on his torso when he wished Louis’ hands were the ones gripping his whole body.

“I want to hear you telling me how this feels, _mon chéri_ , don’t make me cover your mouth with one of your pretty scarfs.”

“ _Jesus_ …” he breathes out, lifting his ass up from the pillow placed underneath him only to make Louis slap one of his cheek and press him down on the fabric again.

“I’m going to make this good for you, yes?” Harry feels Louis leaning over so his bare chest is pressed against his back. Harry nods, biting his knuckle from his index when he feels Louis’ hot breathe close to the back of his neck. “Can I get you all naked this time?” He asks carefully and Harry’s eyes get widely open. This morning seems to be reserved to a first time thing. First time with Louis in his bed, first time Louis is eating him out, first time fully naked in front of Louis…

“I –I guess…”

Louis bites his earlobe while his hands travel down to the end of Harry’s shirt, slowly bringing it up. With one hand placed on his hip then, Louis helps Harry to lift his body to throw it out from his head as careful as possible for a person who is laid down belly down.

“You okay, _ma petit fleur_?” Harry swears he will never feel neutral with Louis calling him pet names, especially when he only says them in French and when they’re doing _this_.

“Yes, yes… Just, can you get all naked too?” He tries to ask it normally, his eyes shut together with the light from the semi opened window hitting his locks of hair, forming shadows on his forehead.

Louis laughs lightly but says anyway “Of course.”

Harry feels Louis pulling away and then the bed is moving while he undresses his sweatpants, hearing them being thrown away on the floor seconds later. Harry feels kind of embarrassed with the sound he makes when Louis’ half hard dick touches the crack of his arse. Harry bites even harder his finger to control himself – being under control is something he hasn’t been because of the nude model – but then is Louis’ turn to whimper, close to Harry’s ear again, when pushes his body up through Harry’s spine, creating some type of friction.

“Your skin is very soft.”

He grabs the side of Harry’s face and brings his head up so he is able to bite Harry’s jaw line and then takes advantaged of Harry’s parted lips to lick the inside of his mouth. The green eyed lad is a bit taken by surprise but is very pleased with the way Louis’ wet and warm tongue invades his mouth. Louis even presses his legs closer to Harry’s and thrusts his hips slowly without even realising.

He pulls away to breathe and when Harry keeps his eyes shut waiting for Louis to actually kiss him, he speaks. “I’d love some foreplay but I’m getting my tongue in other places of your body now, if you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind it at all.” Harry says straight away. Louis smiles down at him and passes his thumb through Harry’s wet lips.

“You already look so fucked and I didn’t even start yet.” Louis laughs but a thing that Harry notices is that he doesn’t mean this in a bad way, he even says it somehow softly.

Harry doesn’t have time to react at that when Louis is going down on him and taking him by surprise again when bites the inner side of his right thigh, after faintly parting his legs, with his small hands on his sides.

“You showered.” Louis comments, his nose brushing and making his way up to Harry’s crack.

“Last night.” Louis hums with Harry’s answer and Harry isn’t ready – Harry is never ready apparently – when feels Louis licking what he can reach from his balls. “You’re teasing me too much…” Louis laughs again, he sounds like a bastard this time.

“But don’t you know me by now?” Harry groans, sinking his face on the pillow and smelling the clothing detergent he uses. “And you’re so funny to play with, _Harry_.” Louis’ fingertips tickle the sides of Harry’s thighs and then sucks the skin from one of his cheeks, leaving there a red and wet mark. “Everything I do has an effect on you. I like that.” He bites the same mark he had previously left, one of his hands sinking his fingers on the side of Harry’s torso. “Because it’s good to know that I’m not alone on that. _Tout ce que tu fais à un effet sur moi aussi._ Everything you do has an effect on me as well.” He actually feels the need to translate it and Harry sure sees that as a good thing.

Louis’ both hands get a grip of each Harry’s ass cheeks and slowly parts them so he has a better access to Harry’s hole. Harry’s legs get a bit shaky especially when he feels Louis’ stubble touching his skin. That’s a lot to handle and feel, honestly. Louis is gripping his ass so tightly but at the same time so nicely. Harry can’t understand how this was Louis’ suggestion, how Louis wants to do this for him, how Louis had told him that he wants to make him feel good.

That’s a fucking lot to handle.

“I like how you don’t shave completely.”

There’s no warning like everything Louis does, like there wasn’t when he appeared in Harry’s life two months and a half ago. Louis licks Harry’s rim and it seems like he is not but he still is teasing him. He only does that to get Harry’s hole ready and the entrance wet. Just to show Harry a small glimpse of what is like to have his tongue this close to him. Though it doesn’t stop Harry from clenching with the sudden touch.

He has time to take a deep breath before Louis is sinking his face harder on Harry, his hot breathe making him feel some type of way and licks him again. Harry whines or is probably about to cry, Louis might think, and perhaps that’s what makes him say the next comment.

“Needy aren’t you?” His voice comes out a bit muffled but Harry listens to it well. He even feels it.

Not to humiliate himself even more Harry stays by humming, kind of groaning, sinking his face on the pillow and letting Louis decide his answer. Louis chuckles and parts Harry’s cheeks even wider and _oh_ it’s perfect.

Harry feels him pressing his tongue on his rim, first starting with circling motions, not harshly but not that softly as well so Harry thinks that Louis is the god of sex and everything because he just knows what and how to do, flawlessly.

Then Louis is literally trying to open Harry up with his tongue. It’s slow, not painful, he takes time, it feels wet but fucking good. Louis is just starting but Harry’s breathe is heavy and uneven.

When Louis pulls away he doesn’t even let Harry miss his touch or feel too sensitive by stopping because Harry feels his tongue everywhere. It tickles but is so obscene that he needs to let out a muffled moan by the feeling of Louis touching and licking him that way.

He is back to his butthole, just precisely touching Harry in the best way. His hands keep on his ass but this time he is squeezing and massaging it while he works with his tongue on Harry’s entrance.

“Fucking hell Louis…” Harry breathes out, Louis spanks him lightly in response and Harry doesn’t know if it’s because he talked and he shouldn’t or because he talked and Louis is satisfied about it.

Louis starts moving his tongue a bit faster and Harry might feel that is odd but he enjoys the way he is getting him wet. The way his warm tongue works on him and tries to fuck him. It’s incredibly good, Louis has this special effect on him.

Harry feels Louis’ tongue inside of him, deeper than when he first started, he bets his ass is already all red because of the way Louis is grabbing and squeezing him, truly enjoying touching Harry that way and soon he feels the burn of Louis’ beard between his thighs. Harry has his eyes in tears, it’s hard for him to breathe but even that is thrilling for him.

The blue eyed guy changes from fast to slow moves, almost like when he sucks him. He changes from licking his rim in circles to lick inside then.

“You’re so good at this,” Harry hears himself saying. His fingers have marks of his teeth, his pillow case his wet from his tears and sweat, his toes hurt by the way he is curling them and he doesn’t even feel his legs anymore.

“Am I?”

“Fuck, yes you are.”

“Good. Keep telling me how good I am. Tell me how good you’re feeling, _ma poupée_.” Harry moans, Harry fucking moans because Louis just called him _doll_ and he doesn’t know how but it turns him on a lot. A big, huge lot.

“Okay –okay please… just keep –“ He can’t finish his sentence when listens to Louis sucking his own finger in his mouth and a _pop_ when he pulls it out. He feels that same finger inside of him. It goes deep and fast, it burns a little since Louis’ tongue hasn’t gone as deep as that but _hell_ , Harry likes it.

He lets out a _humpf_ , hushed by a loud moan when Louis’ tongue is inside of him again at the same time he moves his finger like a sign of _come here_.

“ _Oh Louis_ ,” He bites his bottom lip between his teeth, sucking it in then and lifting his hips a bit upwards again. “it feels so good. So… fucking… good.” He speaks with difficulty, his breathing unsteady while Louis keeps fucking him with both his tongue and finger, while his other hand keeps rubbing his ass. “You’re amazing. Your tongue… I want it, everywhere. All the time –fuck, so good.” He isn’t even listening to his own words, he isn’t thinking because his mind is filled with a naked Louis bent over his body, with his lips all wet touching Harry like that and it’s overwhelming. “More, I want more. And faster, please.” He tries to move his hips slowly, fucking himself on Louis’ finger and face. Louis doesn’t stop him this time, instead he seems to approve it when adds one more finger even.

“Fuck –yes.” He moans, creating friction on his hard cock as well, on the pillow, when he moves back and forth. “I feel so full. It’s so… good. I love fucking your fingers. I love having your face between my thighs like this.” Louis moans with the dirty talking, Harry feeling the vibration it brings him. “Your tongue is, _ah_ –“ he cuts his own words with a loud moan. Louis’ moves get slow, his tongue licks him gently but his fingers touch Harry’s spot. His prostate. “There, fuck Louis, right there.” He is almost shouting, hugging his pillow with one arm and his other hand gripping his own hair.

Louis answers to that by massaging Harry’s prostate and _wow_ , fucking _wow_ he never felt something like this. Not like this. If Louis’ tongue wasn’t enough now Louis is hitting is prostate over and over again.

“God, you’re enjoying this as much as I am.” He breathes out, Louis moans and that’s an approval sound. His hand travels up to Harry’s back and then slides down sinking his nails and Louis is not only art but also makes art because he has an amazing coordination. The fact he is moving his fingers, working with his tongue and still has the strength to touch Harry that way is amazing. “You enjoy fucking me, you enjoy knowing you’re wanted like this you filthy boy.” Harry is sure Louis says something and the way he moves his fingers just tells Harry that he is doing something right and deserves a reward for it. “Makes me feel so good, Louis. You – _ah_ fuck, yes… Just – _oh god_ make me come. I want to come so badly. Let me come.” He starts rocking his hips faster, Louis can’t even fuck him with his tongue properly, probably also already tired and with a sore jaw, but he adds three fingers and Louis had never gone this far with him.

It’s new but the pain and pleasure mixed together plus the way he keeps creating friction with his dick brushing the sheets and the way Louis’ hand touch his skinis so worth it.

“Harry…” Louis breathes out close to him, he says his name normally but just the way he says it, so breathless and weary, it has the same influence on the taller guy. “Come for me, _mon amour_ , be good for me.” He says pulling away a bit further.

Harry lifts his bum almost completely holding himself with one elbow on the mattress and his other arm still hugged on the pillow while he is doing most of the job when rides Louis’ fingers that way. He is so close, so desperate to finish. He can still imagine the feeling of Louis’ tongue inside of him, he feels the way Louis’ fingers slide in and out so easily from him by how wet he is. He shuts his eyes tightly, one of his hand goes under him and grabs his hard cock, it’s almost painful but he doesn’t even realise how fast and tight he touches himself.

“Oh my god, _Harry_.” Louis has his breathe stuck on his throat, he stares at Harry like that, moaning his name repeatedly. _Louis, Louis, Louis_ … he did that and Harry looks amazing and out of this world. When Harry is coming hard on the sheets underneath him, Louis is taking his fingers from inside of him instantly, leaving him empty and grabs his own length.

Louis stays close from Harry, whose body falls from tiredness on his own mess on the mattress and with three strokes, three quick strokes, Louis is coming on Harry’s back and a thin moan comes from his lips.

Harry doesn’t know how he does it, but while enjoying his own orgasm, Louis leans over and licks his own come from Harry’s back cleaning him up. Harry hums in pleasure and it’s like he is reaching his climax again by how that feels.

He doesn’t control himself when at the same moment turns his body to the side and grabs Louis by the back of his neck, pulling him towards his lips. He tastes Louis from his tongue, bringing it another moan from the blue eyed guy.

“Wow,” Louis is the one saying pulling away from Harry’s lips, a trace of saliva leaving between them. He doesn’t pull his chest from Harry’s back though. “you looked… you look so good. I came so fast I can’t believe… _wow_.” He looks at Harry almost surprised, his voice sounds irresistible. Harry wants to kiss him, kiss him all over but he manages to control his ideas even though he cheats when looks at Louis’ thin lips.

“I feel so dirty but so good.” That brings a chuckle from Louis, licking his own lips afterwards while looking down at Harry’s as well.

“Very good…” He whispers now, consequently Harry bites down on his own bottom lip. “This is a first for me.” He continues, this time his voice sounding normal and almost as if he is waking up, he pulls away from Harry’s body – and Harry wants to scream and tell him not to do it so – to fall on the other side of the bed, belly up.

“First what?” Harry asks, turning his body to Louis’, holding his head with his palm, his elbow sank on the mattress.

“Feeling so turned on by eating someone out. Jesus,” he brushes his face with his both hands. “I got off by watching you touching yourself and with my fingers inside you.”

“That’s… hot.” Louis’ gaze turns back to Harry’s, his lip still sucked in his own mouth looking at Harry like he wanted a round two. Both know that their bodies are too sore for that.

In that moment Harry sees that he doesn't’t mind to have Louis like this. He doesn’t mind to every time he and Louis feel tired, sweaty but still pleased, to instead of collapsing into a cold floor or a small couch, collapsing on top of each other’s body and then just roll around to the side where there’s a mattress. It sure is ten millions times better. And it’s comfy and warm and Harry can just stare at Louis this way, all naked, with the sun trespassing the blinds from the window and hitting his soft skin.

“I wished I could draw you right now, like this.”

Louis’ face changes to one Harry finds quite hard to read, after hearing those words. He sees Louis as a challenge because he told him last night that people are easy to read however Louis is not only hard to draw but also to understand. He is a bit of a mystery and there’s frog covering his body, rain in his eyes and sometimes even poison on his smile.

“Maybe someday…” Louis says slowly and lowly, looking away from Harry to up at the ceiling.

They never really had a moment like this one where there’s this type of weird silence but that is still comfortable, where unspoken words get between them yet they only hear their own thoughts. Louis probably doesn’t notice that Harry is still looking at him and much less knows that he is wondering if he could say something and break the silence, lay down and look at the ceiling as well or end with the moment and just _move on_.

But then Harry sees something, sees something in the way Louis purses his lips and looks at the dull ceiling; the way his fingers get intertwined above his chest and his bare body lined up with the sheets, unsteady. He sees sadness and he doesn’t know what to do. He wants to ignore it because right now he knows he won’t be able to do anything about it without making things hard and he also doesn’t feel comfortable… he might feel afraid.

“I’m going to get cleaned.” He says so and almost wants to punch himself if he truly wasn’t feeling come getting dry on his belly. The sheets are also disgusting but he will deal with that later.

Louis hums as an answer and Harry is quick to stand up, get his clothes and walk to the bathroom.

He had never seen Louis with such expression, he thinks he had never seen someone looking like that and it upsets him because it’s Louis. It’s Louis and right now it’s complicated and he doesn’t know until which point he is able and has the right to ask Louis why he looks so sad after being just fine seconds ago. The worst of it is that he would need to talk with Louis in the eyes and he is not ready for it yet. Both aren’t.

He gets a wet cloth that is actually a small towel and gets himself cleaned. He dresses his underwear and not wanting to dress his pyjama back, he gets the sweatpants and the t-shirt he had left on the bathroom from the previous day.

Before going back to his room he finds another similar towel and puts it under water to give it to Louis. It seems useless when he sees the short man dressed only with the tee he was wearing when he arrived, stood up looking at Harry’s wall. The sheets were taken from the bed and Harry doesn’t know how to feel about it.

“Is this yours?” Louis asks referring to the painting on the wall, next to the wardrobe, his eyes not looking away from it.

“Yes.”

Louis looks attentively at the painting. It’s in a square shape, it represents the ocean, where he used different types of blues and greys for it and for the sky.

“Why?” Louis asks, his eyes looking, really looking at the piece of art. Harry doesn’t think it’s something that deserves to be looked at that way and wanted to be understood. But that’s exactly what Louis is doing.

“Why what?”

“Why did you paint the sea in such sad way?”

“Because I was upset and read a quote that made me want to paint what I was feeling. Metaphorically.” He explains and after one last glance Louis meets his gaze. His eyes show understandable, he looks small, too small even and suddenly Harry forgets about the meaning of that painting and wishes to wrap Louis in a blanket and sit down with him on the floor.

“Can you tell me?”

“Don’t you want to get cleaned before?”

Louis shrugs, feeling indifferent with that.

“I can get dressed. We can grab a blanket and sit on the floor.” _And can I hold you while we talk?_ Harry thinks and wants to ask but _hell_ he knows that would be weird, even though he finds surprising the fact that Louis said exactly what he wanted to do.

“It’s… fine.”

Louis looks at him a bit longer than necessary and then grabs his underwear from the floor. Harry stands there awkwardly looking at him but then Louis is grabbing his wrist, grabbing the blanket Harry always gives to him when he is sat on the armchair, downstairs, watching him drawing, and slides down through the wall to sit.

Then there’s silence and the way Louis places the blanket above their legs is just odd. Harry likes it but he doesn’t understand.

“Is this weird?” Louis asks, looking forward.

“A little.”

“Oh.”

“But it’s fine.” Harry says quickly when understands the alarmed tone of Louis’ voice.

“You’ve said that word twice.” Louis points out, playing with the blanket in his hand. “Do you want me to call you?”

“Call me?” Harry looks at the side at his profile, eyes narrowed.

“Yes, like last night. If it makes you feel more comfortable.” Harry’s expression softens and he finds himself not being able to look away from the beautiful guy next to him. He is seeing the different Louis, another interesting Louis.

“I said it’s fine.”

“You say that way too many times.” Harry chuckles, shaking his head. “You’re right this is weird.” He looks at Harry for a moment. “We can forget it… but I just –“ He makes a pause and looks away again. Harry notices how he takes a deep breathe. “I found myself enjoying listening to you last night. Sharing that with me. Not that it was pleasing hearing such… things. Is just that your voice and the way you said it… made it sound less tragic. You say nice words when it’s the time to listen to them.”

Harry finds himself surprised with the sudden confession, smiling in response to it even though Louis doesn’t see it.

“It’s not tragic –“

“The painting is very sad.” Louis says, close to a whisper but Harry keeps smiling in fond with all this situation.

“ _I almost thanked you for teaching me something about survival back there, but then I remembered that the ocean never handed me the gift of swimming. I gave it to myself_.” Harry says after some long seconds without sharing words. Louis quickly looks at the green eyed man, curiosity invading his blue eyes. Harry notices that he didn’t use the type of blue from them in his painting. “That was the quote I read and inspired me to paint it.” He shakes his head laughing at himself. “Which is very stupid let me criticize myself right here because it was so obvious. I made it sadder than it should be.”

Louis shakes his head and says. “I don’t agree with you. I think it’s perfect. It was what you felt in the moment. The sky and the ocean match perfectly, I feel like it’s a mix of the same type of emotions there.” Harry’s lips twist into a smile.

“I was a mix of emotions by that time.” Harry knows Louis is about to say something but stops himself. “I think I still am.” He whispers.

“Does it still applies to you?”

“It’s more like a reminder.” Harry admits, resting his head back on the wall. His feet are out of the blanket but his leg is being warmed by Louis’ pressed against it. “I think I didn’t understand my sister’s conversation at that time, not because I was dumb but simply because I didn’t want to understand it in the right way. I don’t like feeling down over relationships –“

“Why not?” Louis asks way too quickly.

“A broken heart is not a situation that should make you feel desperate. A broken heart can always be fixed with time and you know that if that relationship didn’t work out you will find someone else to replace that emptiness.” Louis’ expression looks almost offended and Harry’s heart stats beating way too fast.

“That’s hypocrite to say.”

“Maybe. But I’m being honest and realistic. Is just that…” He sighs. “I had my heart broken so many times before but I am okay now.” He says trying to reach his point to Louis. It doesn’t reach by the look he offers him. “I’m the type of person that gets attached to others quickly, they start meaning a lot to me too early.” Louis looks attentively at him as if searching for answers to the questions he doesn’t want to ask. “I see them as a way to feel better with life. I used to see them as my salvation without even being sure about them wanting to be my saviours. I can’t get dependent on people in an unhealthy way because I can’t be happy that way. I started to forget about myself to please them when they couldn’t even please me because I misunderstood the word love.”

“I can say I learnt with my mistakes because my last relationship wasn’t like that.” He continues. “But it still wasn’t right. I was in love with a pretty face and a fit body and at the end it just didn’t work out. For him especially. I think I was boring, it wasn’t that serious for him as I thought it was. But I accepted it pretty well because I know I can’t make people like me, I can only try. Now I’m not afraid of feeling alone.”

Louis looks at him almost as if he is a monster with two heads, as if he had said he was going to fly to the moon right now and come back on the same day and Harry thinks he had said something wrong, something that Louis can’t understand. And yes, he can’t.

“How did you move on? I don’t understand you _Harry Styles_ , how do you heal from these things?”

“It’s like real wounds, they heal with time don’t they?” He shrugs. “I don’t think it’d be fair for me to be sad over something that is natural to happen. We aren’t meant to carry with the pain forever.”

Louis doesn’t say a thing for some seconds until “Can I ask you a favour?”

“Shoot.”

“Can you paint me the ocean? It always makes me sad. The ocean and the sky. I never thought it’d be possible to make it look happy. But you… you seem like you can do it. I hope you can do it for me.”

~*~

Even though Harry’s area is still anatomy, he spends the rest of the week painting what Louis asked him to. Every time Louis would come over and sit on his usual seat, looking at the green eyed guy doing his job, he would be working on it. Harry didn’t tell Louis the truth when he had caught him staring at his blue eyes, when he asked _what?_ He was looking at the colour because he was focused on painting the ocean with it since it reminded him of happiness. Louis doesn’t need to know that.

So Harry finishes it in a space of one, one and a half week, taking time to time because he wants it to look beautiful. He doesn’t want to paint a normal sky he wants to pain the sunset because it’s warm and more beautiful than the dull blue with white clouds one. The sunset is an infinite space of options and beauty so it’s always a challenge. It also reminds Harry of happiness because it came into his mind Louis.

He thinks of the sky being Louis and the ocean himself, when the last rays of sunshine reflect on the water, lending it a bit of its beauty followed by the said happiness. It’s not meant to make sense because it’s not like Harry’s mind is in order at the moment, so it matches.

When Harry gives Louis the final project the blue eyed guy seems proud and the sad expression Harry had nailed on his mind doesn’t appear. Instead, Louis sucks his neck as if like that he was painting _thank you_ ’s on his skin.

He ties Harry up on his bed then and says “You aren’t supposed to touch on the masterpiece am I right _Harry_?” And Harry has the only option to obey – and it’s not like it costs him, he loves this and he is so glad Louis wants to do these things with him – and feel satisfied about Louis considering himself the work of art because _yes that’s right_ , _he is_.

Harry thinks that maybe he is going to get a blowjob or something but he is so wrong because Louis plans something else.

He parts his legs and holds himself above Harry’s torso, closer to his face than anything else and casually starts touching himself. It crosses Harry’s mind how Louis gets off so well and how good it must feel to him when he pleases himself alone. It’s all overwhelming and Harry can’t touch him, he is in a gallery and he can’t touch the art he is staring at so he only contemplates it.

He is fascinated and Louis is amazing in so many ways possible and without giving himself a rest he is fucking himself with two fingers and fisting his hard cock above Harry and that’s it really. He is giving Harry a show.

Louis is loud, he knows the words he should speak, knows the way he should look at Harry, knows how to make himself look special and make Harry feel special so it’s a _win win_ situation. Especially when Louis comes in his face and Harry feels like a teenager when he is coming as well, all over his chest, untouched, just with a little of friction here and there when Louis’ body touches him but nothing else.

Apparently Louis got what he wanted and it wasn’t only the painting.

~*~

“Wha –Why are you wearing my sweater?” Harry asks coming from the bathroom.

He is walking into that sigh; his huge, lilac sweater laid down on Louis’ tiny body, collarbones exposed, the end of the fabric slightly touching the soft skin from his thighs and sleeves covering his hands completely. He almost trips downs and blushes furiously because that’s something.

Louis looks innocent at the same time sexy. Harry knows he is only wearing that thin fabric over his body, his tanned legs contrast with the white sheets and the way he has his legs a little bit parted are just like that to tease Harry and suggest him to do everything to his petit body.

Louis smiles delicately opposing to the way he moves his body. He brings the fabric up to his nose, closes his eyes and takes Harry’s scent in. “I like how you smell.” He coos and looks up at him sweetly between his feathery eyelashes, murdering poor Harry.

Harry gulps in dry, Louis keeps his eyes on him while slides his body down through the headboard, laying his back down a little bit more and exposes more of his skin. It shines there for Harry and he swears he will never get tired of the sight of Louis in his bed in the middle of a Saturday afternoon, with music playing on the background, the smell of vanilla candles in the air and feeling fresh after a shower.

“It –It looks good on you. I mean –hum –yeah...” he stammers and Louis giggles, of course, because he is a bastard, nothing new.

“Yeah?” Louis asks, his playful smile still there, touching and feeling the softness of Harry’s sweater, which means touching himself, leading to Harry’s death on the floor in a minute just see.

He nods frenetically because there’s nothing else he can do besides agreeing, obviously. “You look gorgeous. You’re gorgeous.” Even though it’s a simple compliment, Harry doesn’t say it often but he thinks about it every time, is just that he had noticed that everyone says it to Louis so he is used to that symbolic word. Harry wants to be different, he dares to say that he wants to be special. Maybe he is since Louis looks differently and reacts differently when is Harry saying it.

“You can come closer, you know…”

Harry bites his bottom lip, he is in underwear after coming from the bathroom. He starts walking to his bed, holding his hands on the mattress followed by his knees, to crawl towards Louis. The blue eyed man looks like he had won the lottery when sees Harry getting closer.

He hovers his body above Louis’ legs and then sits his bum on top of his feet. He holds Louis’ foot and doesn’t contain himself when leans over and starts pressing kisses along his leg.

“ _Harry_ …”

Louis rests his head on the pillow, looking up at the ceiling. He sounds like he is protesting and Harry understands, this is a tender touch, this is not what they do. Harry is holding Louis’ foot very carefully and pressing kisses as if he was softly picking a flower from the grass.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, not sounding bothered, with an amused smile on his lips because Louis is too, he is trying to hide it but he is failing a little bit.

He brushes his fingertips instead then when pulls away and looks at Louis’ ankle spotting the triangle tattoo he had noticed when he met Louis.

“Want to know the meaning of your tattoos.” Louis’ eyes quickly look over at Harry and frowns. “It’s okay.” Harry nods understanding. “Just this one.” He kisses the inside of his ankle, on top of the ink, making Louis bite his bottom lip and pull away his foot from Harry’s hands.

“You chose the one that has no special meaning.” He smiles a little. “It was my first tattoo and I did it because I wanted to piss people off.” Harry chuckles with the explanation.

“Not a very smart place to do it so. It’s hard to see.”

Louis shrugs, his fingers playing with the end of the sleeves. “I think I was just scared then. Wanted to challenge them just by the simple act of doing it but only I was able to see it.” Harry opens his mouth to say something, yet he is stopped when Louis lifts his body a little and grabs Harry’s hands on his, leading them on the sides of his thighs. “I want you to touch me. If you want to. But I would like to.”

Harry smiles, dimples forming on the corner of his cheeks. He squeezes Louis’ thighs and leans over again to bite the inner side of his skin there. Louis lets his head fall back on the pillow again. He brushes his hands on the side all the way up to Louis’ hips, going under the fabric. He presses his fingers there and looks down at Louis’ already uncovered, half hard cock.

Harry licks his own lips and the way Louis lifts his hips up, is a signal that he wants Harry to do something in this instant. Harry slides his hand and grabs the end of Louis’ cock, only to lick the length all the way down. Louis shivers with the sudden touch and warmth, squeezing Harry’s body between his thighs.

“Seeing you like this makes me want to buy you French lingerie.”

Harry sinks his finger on Louis’ hip bone, squeezing the hand that is grabbing his cock. Louis hums, throwing his head back and he would be looking at the head board of the bed, if he wasn’t with his eyes shut.

“Would it be red or black?” Louis asks, participating.

“ _Hmm_ ,” Harry leans over and sucks the head, working with his hand on the length, twice. “black would look good under my sweater.”

“Yes.” Louis agrees, sounding more like a sigh and it’s not even understandable if he is agreeing one more time with Harry or agreeing with his mouth on him. Maybe both.

“Would you like that?” He asks slowly, the words curling up on his tongue when he is not licking Louis and teasing him that way. “Seeing me taking it off with my teeth.” He continues, desperately making Louis opening his legs wider. The other hand that was resting on his hip slides down softly, in manners that he can feel his skin and it can bring shivers through Louis’ spine. He makes its way under Louis’ balls until he starts pressing his fingertip on his hole. “Freeing your wet and hard cock, desperate for my lips.”

“Fuck, you’re so good at this.” Louis moans and Harry kind of feels pleasant with that. So pleased that he wants to make his best for Louis.

Louis seems to be the type of guy with tones of experience and Harry deals with it. Louis proves it when he touches Harry. He is just amazing, the best guy in bed Harry had ever been with and they didn’t even go all the way yet.

“Just want to be good for you.” Harry cheekily smiles when Louis looks down at him, their eyes meeting in a way that fireworks are shared between them. He sees how Louis takes his bottom lip between his teeth and raises his hand to sink his fingers on Harry’s locks of hair.

“Yes, yes you are so good for me, _mon chéri_. Make me feel good, yeah?” He pulls Harry’s hair making the green eyed guy groan with the pain and pleasure at the same time. “I know you can do it, you always do it.”

Harry had concluded that Louis’ voice can be described after all as honey and milk combined with cinnamon cookies and that he probably also has a very good voice to sing.

Harry can’t even speak out his thoughts in coherent words so he grabs Louis’ calves and raises them so the back of his knee is above his shoulders. Louis looks pleased with the position and when Harry leans over to lick the skin from his rim to his balls, Louis’ fingers make their way to Harry’s hair, hurting his scalp while he presses shut his watery eyes.

“I like how you smell as well.” Harry smirks and Louis lets out a whine followed right away by a moan when Harry takes his dick on his mouth

His head goes along with the way Louis sinks his fingers on his hair, with the way he asks for more, he goes all the way down ignoring the burn because he wants it, he likes it too and he wants to do it for Louis because he knows how much the shorter guy likes how he can feel the warmth inside of Harry’s mouth.

He pulls away only to bite the skin he reaches from the side of Louis’ crotch. He holds Louis tightly and ignores his sore muscles when his tongue makes his way back to Louis’ rim, moving in circles. He feels Louis clenching the muscles from his legs and makes his way back to suck Louis’ cock.

The thing is, usually when Harry is doing this, something that makes Louis looking so fucked but also so amazingly stunning with the way his red, thin lips are parted, his soft hair lays down on the white pillow that has Harry’s smell – that soon will be left with Louis’ but Harry doesn’t comment on that, neither admits nor thinks he likes it – and his legs parted offering Harry all the space, comfort and sight, he flies out to another world. He literally gets so focused on that, on the pleasure and enjoyment Louis’ body displays that he gets off with it.

He loves it, he loves listening to Louis calling him French, pet names, loves listening to him moaning his name with his knees trembling and his legs losing strength that he lets everything happening by itself.

Louis always comes with his lips parted in a shape of an “ _o”_ that later on is changed to a bite of lips; he curls his toes, tries to squeeze his legs shut together – always suffocating Harry in a good way – and his moan breaks, getting stuck on his throat then so afterwards it turns out to sound like he is whining. Harry still loves it, Harry absolutely adores everything. Especially when then his body gets all soft, stretching on the mattress and his gaze moves down to Harry to watch him lick the come left on the corner of his lips.

Harry pulls away from between his legs to lay down on the other side of the bed – this time the right one because is never established which one the other should take since is not usual for them to spend time there. Louis pulls down the sweater to cover himself the best he can and looks over at Harry.

“I would ask you if you want me to do something back to you but I know you’ve enjoyed it already.” A slight shade of pink covers Harry’s cheek but he tries his best to pull it away.

“Is not always about getting something back.”

“Yes it is.” Louis frowns.

“No it’s not. Sometimes I just want and like to do it for you, not needing to get something back like some reward.” Louis’ expressions keeps the same and is almost offensive. Not due the way he looks at Harry but because he looks that way at Harry after he says those words.

“I don’t like the way this conversation is taking.” Louis says, turning around and showing signs of starting to get up from bed. Harry’s eyes open wide in alert and in the next second he sees himself reaching over for the guy, his hand holding all the way around Louis’ wrists. He looks back, meeting Harry’s eyes and it even sees physically painful for him.

“Me neither. So hey, let’s forget it. I’m sorry.” Louis pulls away Harry’s touch and gets back closer to him, keeping his sitting position.

“Stop apologising every time you do something like this.” He argues, still he doesn’t mean it in a harsh way and Harry is quick to understand it so he just nods, not sure about what is right to say. “Thank you.” Harry misses the way Louis chews the inside of his cheek and raises his hand ready to touch him but pulls away instead.

“We should go out. We are always in my place or at the restaurant when you go pick me up from work and is just,” He sighs, dramatically laying back in bed and throwing his arm on top of his face. “boring.” He howls, extending the _o_ of the word.

“You know what? I take back that thank you, you don’t deserve it. If hanging out at home is boring for you Mr Harry, then it’s all your fault.” Louis jokes, finally bringing a smile from Harry.

“ _Ugh_ , don’t say my name like that.” He protests.

“Why? It’s how you say it, isn’t it?” he smirks, watching Harry covering his face with his hands.

“Yeah but it takes all the magic away. I like how you say with your accent, can you please stop trying to say it like everybody else does?”

“Oh but you aren’t against it every time I moan it that way.” Louis teases, leaning over to get closer to Harry’s face, head taking over half of the space from the pillow.

“That’s because no one else moans my name.” It’s his turn to smirk, pulling away his hands from his face, being able to face Louis’ blue eyes hovering him. It’s a bit intense and he gulps in dry thinking that Louis was staring down at him like this the whole time.

“And that’s good isn’t it?” it comes out as silently as a susurrus and it hypnotises Harry for a brief moment, a moment he needs to break and wake up.

“Of course.” It’s not much of a success but Louis does it for him when pulls away without adding anything more, resting again his back on the headboard, his fingers fixing his hair by pulling his fringe to the side. “So about going out, take some fresh air, walk for a bit…”

“Why?” Louis asks, going back to normal. “There isn’t much we can do outside.”

“Right.” He starts bringing his body up to sit like Louis. “That’s why I suggest just walk around, stop whatever the tube takes us, maybe go to Camden Town. Have you been there? It’s my favourite place to inspire me and learn about people.”

“The tube makes me uncomfortable.” Harry looks at the side curiously trying to figure out if he should worry or not about Louis’ expression.

“Well, I will be there, it’s okay.”

“But there’s people… outside I mean.” Harry laughs with this one, especially coming from Louis, such an outgoing person, who apparently attracts everyone.

“Then try to imagine that we are just two birds flying above the city, looking down and trying to find some place to make a nest.” And somehow this seemed to be what Louis wanted to hear even though he didn’t know.

~*~

Taking Louis out of the flat isn’t easy but truth be told, when they get outside it is like he changes person completely. Harry watches him walking ahead of him and it’d worry him but his shoulders aren’t tense. Harry walks with his hands on his pockets warming them up.

Louis didn’t show to be pleased about the idea of taking Harry’s sweater off so Harry told him to keep it and just put back his jeans. He is thinking about giving it to Louis even though it’s his favourite sweater. Maybe he can give the excuse that it goes better with his blue eyes rather than with his green ones.

Harry doesn’t particularly knows where to take Louis and he is a bit distracted to think, honestly. When Louis notices he is ahead Harry and they’re just walking around on the street – him not knowing well the space around – with any destination planned he stops and looks back trying to see how far Harry is from him.

Still with his hands on his pocket, ten steps away, Harry spots Louis close to a lampstand not looking at the floor but not looking at him either. Harry tries to call for his gaze and when Louis meets it, the tall guy smiles, reaching his side.

There they walk side by side until they reach the underground and Harry buys them two tickets. Louis doesn’t speak, doesn’t protest about anything but somehow Harry never felt him that close. It’s weird, he still doesn’t know what’s on Louis’ mind but he feels like right now he doesn’t need it that much.

Harry notices that Louis is the type of person who stays stood up on the tube, right in the corner close to the door and that always loses his balance when the tube starts moving. The curly haired guy finds it quite amusing so he stays sit down on his seat admiring the short guy with lilac paws due the long sweater.

They get out in random stations and go outside to just walk around and Harry takes advantage of it to show Louis the city since apparently he still doesn’t know much about it. Now Harry, he had lived here his whole life, he had gone to school trips to visit all the cities around London, had gone on vacations to other big cities out of London and he admits he is in love with his own hometown. He hasn’t travelled outside England but at least he can tell he knows well the place.

Louis listens to him carefully, really attentive to every detail Harry has to tell about the street, what happened years ago there or even some type of adventure he had on that same place. He would feel like he has been talking too much but Louis doesn’t seem bothered with it, much the otherwise.

When they – Harry – final decide to take the tube to Camden Town Louis might show signs that he wants to move out to there. It’s definitely a different place, definitely a different style Louis is probably used to but the fact that he shared the same outlook that Harry has, makes him feel some type of way. 

Louis looks astonished at the view of the streets, the art on the walls and even on the stores. He finally speaks but only to make Harry talk again since he asks if the town and people who pass by there inspire him, which Harry says yes and promises to show Louis drawings he had made inspired on the place.

They end up visiting the market, where Louis buys a vintage denim jacket and Harry sees another different person that Louis can be. He looks excited, he looks at things like Harry looks when he is trying to catch details to put them on a paper, though Louis looks without any specific aim. 

It’s kind of magic really because it’s not usual for Harry to meet people like Louis – people that have so much to tell but keep the words to themselves, people that show to be snowstorms but are actually the rays of sunshine, people that prove to Harry that he is wrong about the world and people that show him the otherwise of what he thinks, that they’re easy to read because the words they save are like the ones others tell you to repeat when you first learn how to speak.

Close to 7pm Harry runs to a supermarket to buy chicken burgers, asparagus and carrots to cook dinner later. Louis didn’t show to be displeased with the choice so he pays for it and they run back to the underground to catch the tube.

It’s crowded but after this day Harry didn’t find himself stressed and annoyed by it. He simply takes Louis’ hand, right there, locking fingers with him and holding him tightly – so tightly that Harry might want to break his wrist.

He runs to catch the tube and to get inside when the doors open and just there he drops Louis’ hand. Tones of people fill the small space almost crushing the two boys at the corner. It’s going to be a long ride but Harry keeps a small space between his and Louis’ chest so the blue eyed guy doesn’t feel that claustrophobic. He keeps his arm at the side and looks down at Louis with a small smile playing on his lips.

Louis is looking down at his own hands, strands of hair falling down in front of his forehead. The doors shut close and they start moving. It’s expected when Louis loses his balance, especially when he is not even holding at anything. Harry though, so used to this, already holds himself with his own strength so with one hand on the side of Louis’ body he holds the small guy with his available one, when he stumbles on top of him.

“Sorry.” Louis quietly apologises, his hand instinctively holding the fabric from Harry’s jacket.

“It’s all right.” He says, his hand squeezing Louis’ waist, who looks up and meets the green of Harry’s eyes. There’s this one second they stay like that and Harry is glad it’s quickly because he wouldn’t be able to contain his smile to leak. Louis pulls his hand away from Harry’s jacket, still slowly and gently while Harry keeps his on Louis’ waist. “Is this why you don’t like to go by tube?”

Louis’ face is almost amused to Harry by the way he fakes being annoyed and then tries to hide it, however he turns back on being serious rather quickly.

“It’s because it’s too crowded. I don’t like to feel trapped.” With that Harry pulls his hand away and gives one step back – more like tries to because even though Louis has space, Harry doesn’t, since he is giving all to the guy in front of him, stopping people to come around him. Louis might realise that what he says alarms Harry. “No.” he looks into Harry’s eyes. “You’re doing a good job at… you know, making me feel comfortable.”

Harry understands, by his body language, how Louis does want to pull him closer but doesn’t touch him. He takes the initiative of taking that one step ahead and get Louis close to him one more time. His hand makes his way to Louis’ back, who carefully rests his forehead on Harry’s chest.

Harry is a bit taken back with that gesture but it doesn’t stop him from enjoying it.

“Yeah, just you and me here.” He whispers in the guy’s head, smelling the shampoo of his hair.

And they don’t talk for the rest of the way back to Harry’s flat where he cooks dinner and even though he doesn’t have to take a shower he goes to his atelier to get the drawings he promised showing Louis, while he eats. Then is his turn to eat his dinner while Louis decides to take a shower. It’s something Harry got used to but still doesn’t understand, yet someone would feel it like a burden while Harry only handles it without questioning.

At the end of the day Louis decides to go back to his flat, he looks tired and Harry would want to have him in his bed and make sure that he is save. He knows things aren’t like this so before the blue eyed guy leaves, he goes to his room and gets his lilac sweater.

He finds a small paper from his notebook and rips it out to write carefully _Louis, holding your hand is like sliding sunshine into my pocket. - Harry_ Then puts it between the folded parts of the sweater and gets downstairs to give it to Louis.

Maybe is because of the way he first tries to decline it, or the way he afterwards looks at Harry before walking out of the door but Louis never talked about the note. Never mentioned it not even to play around.

Harry likes to believe that maybe he didn’t even read it because he never unfolded the sweater to wear but even that doesn’t sound right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you [pass-the-pencil ](http://pass-the-pencil.tumblr.com/)for letting me use the lavender prompt. Also i've used some quotes i've been collecting for a long time this and the previously chapters but i don't have the link anymore, which frustrates me a bit.
> 
>  
> 
>  


	5. V. Begin to breathe;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis isn't Louis anymore and it definitely is not because Harry sings ABBA.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [blue lips](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccZuKOTb6ug) by regina spektor 
> 
> [is there somewhere](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=686SmDtBOu8) by halsey
> 
> [medicine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrulQAZq7Y8) by daughter 
> 
> [standing in the way of the light](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biHfPEnFJRQ) by birdy
> 
> [patience](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=273eSvOwpKk) by take that
> 
> [everything you are](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imRM080wdd8) by ed sheeran
> 
> [happy little pill ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEWHF3E9YJQ)by troye sivan
> 
> [countdowns](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nNPbLnGKwc) by sleeping at last
> 
> **[trigger warning:** drug consumption and an episode of a panic attack **]**

**Chapter V. Begin to breathe;**

** **

"I am happy, I am thankful and I am proud   
said with a smile for the cameras at the countdown   
but if I'm honest, I am seconds from breaking down   
as you orbit, gravity throws me to the ground"

**\- Countdowns by Sleeping at Last**

~*~

**_2:00pm I’m very very bored_ **

_2:10pm Yeah I know_

**_2:11pm you’re psychic now?_ **

_2:11pm no is just that you only text me when you’re bored_

**_2:12pm that sounds very wrong *french accent* Harry Styles_ **

_2:13pm I know lewis_

**_2:13pm ugh_ **

**_2:13pm anyway …_ **

**_2:13pm ………….._ **

**_2:13pm ….._ **

**_2:13pm .._ **

**_2:13pm wink wink_ **

**_2:13pm ;)_ **

_2:15pm can’t, I’m going for work now you horny teenager_

**_2:16pm ugh tell your small intestines hello since your head is probably that far up your ass_ **

_2:19pm how about you brush your teeth with my menstrual blood and stop being this rude_

**_2:20pm I’m sorry to tell you but you have a penis_ **

**_2:20pm and yes I’m absolutely sure about it_ **

**_2:21pm so I won this time_ **

**_2:21pm *again :)_ **

_2:22pm yeah but if I hadn’t I would have won_

**_2:23pm whatever I’m going to choke my chicken_ **

_2:23pm what???????_

**_2:24pm you know, shake my snake_ **

_2:25pm you own a chicken and a snake????_

**_2:25pm masturbate harry_ **

**_2:25pm it means I’m going to masturbate_ **

**_2:25pm I can’t believe we’re having this conversation again_ **

_2:26pm ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh_

_2:26pm have fun!!!!!!!!!!!_

**_2:27pm u too_ **

**_2:27pm at work ha ha ha_ **

**_10:10pm got bored again_ **

**_10:11pm no i didn’t jacked off for this long_ **

**_10:11pm could have but didn’t_ **

**_10:11pm actually didn’t even finish it_ **

**_10:11pm got used to you it’s not the same_ **

**_10:16pm yeah forget that bit_ **

**_10:17pm i tried to cook salmon_ **

**_10:17pm it didn’t come out like yours im sad_ **

**_10:17pm but it was still good_ **

**_10:20pm having to work sucks :(_ **

**_10:22pm I feel very sleepy today_ **

_1:32pm heyyyyyy_

_1:42pm sleeping ?_

**_1:43pm not anymore hello_ **

_1:43pm hiii_

**_1:43pm are you drawing or are you going to bed?_ **

_1:44pm im in bed already_

_1:44pm I guess I also got used to have you as well_

**_1:44pm right_ **

**_1:47pm what are you thinking about?_ **

_1:47pm you_

_1:47pm always_

_1:47pm sometimes naked_

_1:47pm sometimes not_

_1:47pm depends_

**_1:47pm AWE HARRRRRY_ **

_1:48pm :^)_

**_1:48pm wow cool nose!!!!!_ **

_1:49pm thank you for appreciating it_

**_1:49pm not a problem at all_ **

**_1:49pm im listening to old playlists on my phone……._ **

**_1:49pm TELL ME WHAT U WANT_ **

_1:50pm you_

**_1:50pm you absolutely idiot_ **

**_1:50pm you were supposed to finish the song_ **

**_1:59pm that was your fucking job_ **

_1:50pm oopsie????_

**_1:51pm yeah yeah_ **

_1:52pm im not sleepy at all_

_1:52pm soooo_

_1:52pm can we stay texting for a while?_

**_1:52pm hmmmm_ **

_1:52pm plssss_

_1:52pm I will let you fanboy over old boybands_

_1:52pm and will complete all the song’s lyrics you tell me to, correctly_

**_1:53pm okay but i might fall asleep_ **

_1:54pm yeah?_

_1:54pm well and I might fall in love with you_

~*~

_3:01pm hey, it’s Friday are you even coming?_

_3:30pm I’m going to my class in 30min I can leave the key under the carpet?_

_3:46pm are u even going to answer?_

_4:56pm im literally texting you during class to know where you are and if you’re okay_

_6:00pm Louis!_

**_9:12pm IM SORRY_ **

**_9:12pm IM SO SORRY_ **

**_9:12pm I had a job today and was informed in the last minute_ **

**_9:12pm I also wont be able to go tonight I’m going out with Liam_ **

**_9:12pm so tomorrow it will be hard too .._ **

**_9:12pm but I will compensate you!!!!!!!!!!!_ **

~*~

“Fucking hell Louis.” Harry moans, his eyes shutting tightly while dropping his head on the pillow. He would sink his fingers on Louis’ thin hair but his wrists are tied up on the headboard from his bed. It’s painful, though not that tight since they decided it’s good to have that assurance. It doesn’t make disappear the desire to touch the delicate skin from the guy between his legs but whatever he is doing with his two hands, tongue and lips is working because it overcomes everything, turning it into pleasure.

He doesn’t even know how many fingers Louis has inside of him but he keeps lifting his bum from the mattress the best he can to help him to hit his prostate over and over again.

“I wanna touch you so badly, you look so good. Let me touch you, god –let me…”

“No.” Louis says, still working with his fingers but pulling away his mouth with a _pop_ along, to speak. “No touching today. Going to make you come like this only.” He continues, fucking Harry with his fingers quicker and Harry is whimpering right there, his teeth sunk on his bottom lip, his eyes shut and moving his hips in a way to find some kind of imaginable friction in the air and to go along with Louis’ rhythm.

Louis’ fingers sink deeply on Harry’s v-line, making him stop so only he can do the job. Harry’s wrists are a bit red due the strength he puts in it and his arms are sore from being in that position for so long. He doesn’t mind, he never thought it would but it turns him on even more.

“You love being tied up, don’t you _ton joli garçon_?” Harry hums and nods deliberately, parting his legs wider. Louis goes faster at the same time he tries to massage Harry’s prostate, the angle isn’t the best but Harry is impressed how good he does it. “You love the pain, you love the control I have over you…” Louis’ voice is rough, not in a harsh way but more like hoarse one, which is unusual but that gets Harry off right there. He bites the inner side of Harry’s thigh and maybe that’s what makes the green eyed guy come hard in his chest.

“What do you say about me fucking your mouth like this?” Louis asks right away while Harry is still enjoying, his mouth parted and leaving Louis’ name come out in a loud moan.

“Fuck –yes.” His voice is weak, he bites his lip, Louis smirks with his answer and the fact he is already naked helps in everything. He goes on top of Harry right away, brushing his sensitive dick in the way.

Louis parts his legs and rests his knees right next to Harry’s armpits so he is close to Harry’s face. He supports his hands above his head, on the headboard and close to Harry’s, looking down at the taller guy, who opens his eyes with a sigh that might even sound like a _wow_.

“Open your mouth for me, _Harry._ ” He keeps smirking, his sweaty hair falling over his forehead. Harry licks his cherry lips, his tongue slowly passing through his bottom one and then parts them.

“I’m not going to be gentle.”

“Don’t be.” Harry quickly answers, forming a small curve on the corner of his lips before going back to how he was previously.

Louis takes one hand down to touch Harry’s jaw and with his thumb opens wider his mouth. He leads it to the base of his cock to lean over to Harry’s opened mouth, biting his lips while he pushes down. Harry’s eyes shut instantly when feels Louis in his mouth, having no mercy when goes all the way in, feeling the back of Harry’s throat.

Harry doesn’t have much gag reflexes but his eyes start watering and when Louis realises he is shutting them too tightly to handle it he slides out feeling Harry’s lips all the way from his length until his head, which Harry licks almost by instinct.

“Well done.” He compliments the guy underneath him, his available hand sinking its fingers on his scalp. Harry hums in pleasure due the burning, when Louis pushes himself in again.

Harry opens his eyes, meeting Louis’ gaze and when he starts moving better in and out, supporting his body on his tights and knees, the blue eyed guy moans with the sight.

Every time Louis moves his hips and fucks Harry’s mouth, pulling out his hair, he almost looks like he is about to say something, yet from his lips only moans and Harry’s name come out.

Harry tries to work with his tongue every time he feels Louis moving, he tries not to gag and cough every time Louis hits a bit harsher his throat. He is out of control, his eyes are pressed shut and when he opens them and looks down at Harry it makes him just go faster. His fragile hair is falling over and once again Harry wants to pull it away so he is able to see Louis’ face completely. But he is tied up, literally. He can’t speak because Louis is not gentle enough to pull away and let him breathe properly, he thinks he never saw Louis so turned on.

“Fuck your mouth is amazing…” Louis finally speaks, his fingers from the hand that is holding the headboard are already white by the force he puts on them. “Oh –Shit,” He moans and Harry finally feels him slipping out his cock from his mouth so he can breathe properly. He starts coughing but he is quick to stop to watch, with watery eyes, the way Louis is jacking off on top of him and finishing.

In fast four strokes he is coming on Harry’s face, hitting his lashes, cheeks, his lips and even his tongue. Harry instantly licks his lips and watches Louis, since it became kind of a habit to enjoy his orgasm face really.

Louis throws his head back and when feels his body giving up, almost falling over with his back on Harry’s leg, he gets his hand behind him to hold himself on the mattress. Harry watches his chest going up and down, the way his bones get more salient and sculpted beneath his glowing skin and how the shadows and light hit him just perfectly

“You look amazing.” Harry breathes out, lifting his hips from the bed showing how desperate he is from some type of touch. He watches Louis opening his eyes, his long eyelashes catching his attention the most, around all that view.

Louis takes a long and deep breath and without further delay he straights his body to look down at Harry, however it’s not a normal look is one Harry can’t even connect with because it’s soulless, dark and lost. Louis doesn’t give Harry time to react when is leaning over and sinking his fingers on his shoulder, to leave mark.

Harry gasps due the pain and when Louis pulls away and looks at him with the same kind of expression he bites his own bottom lip. “Did I hurt you too much?”

Harry shakes his head, frozen looking at the guy. “Not at all. I like this… I like doing this with you.” He smiles.

“I’m glad then.” Louis says out of nowhere in a husky tone of voice.

Without warning his fingertips trail Harry’s arms all the way up to his wrists where the rope is. He looks up, his body brushing Harry’s. He focuses on untying him from the headboard. When he releases Harry completely, the first thing the green eyed guy does is – instead of doing it to himself – travelling his hand to Louis’ hair to pull it away from his forehead. For two seconds Louis lets him touch him but then he is touching his sore wrist and pulling him and the kind gesture away.

“I have to go.”

Harry frowns but can’t do more when Louis is moving his legs and getting out of his lap. Harry lifts his head and looks at him dressing himself next to the unmade bed. He does it quickly and not delicately like Harry is used to watch.

“Already? You’re not staying as usual?” _as usual_.

“I can’t. I have work today, need to drive far from London and need to get to Liam’s first.” Harry keeps frowning but doesn’t question Louis’ words.

“Will you be back?” He asks instead in hope, supporting his weight now on his elbows.

“It’ll be late, I’m afraid I won’t make it.” He finishes dressing his shirt and then his jacket that was laid on a chair.

“Since when is that a problem?” Harry chuckles and starts to pull his sheets up to cover his naked body. Louis observes his movements but stops on his eyes and then sighs loudly.

“I said I won’t make it, stop insisting.” Harry bites his bottom lip insecurely but ends up nodding. Louis sighs one more time, this time differently from previously, it’s not in an annoying way. “I will text you tomorrow.” He says before starting to disappear from Harry’s sigh.

He hears the door and is left with red wrists and a sore throat for later.

~*~

_3:25pm did you know I was born in an incredibly young age_

_3:25pm it hits me sometimes_

**_3:26pm is this your way to start a conversation with me?_ **

**_3:26pm it works but come on harrrry_ **

_3:26pm I’m sorry if I feel lonely on my own flat on a saturday afternoon._

**_3:26pm is that dot meant to be rude?_ **

_3:27pm maybe_

_3:27pm you’re the only one that fills that empty space_

_3:27pm but right now you aren’t filling it up._

**_3:27pm I woke up for this………._ **

_3:27 were you seriously still sleeping………?_

**_3:27pm yes I slept for eleven hours straight but jesus slept for three days straight and started a religion so you can shove a bottle of tabasco down your white asshole and shut up_ **

_3:28pm you’re an infant you aren’t supposed to say things like that you crap coated mailbox flag_

**_3:28pm harry pls you’re making me vomit and I didn’t even eat yet_ **

_3:28pm well I can prepare you something and you can come over then_

**_3:28pm appealing but I need to get ready quickly because I have a meeting at four_ **

_3:28pm a meeting?_

**_3:28pm it’s about work harry_ **

_3:30pm right_

_3:30pm you have been working a lot more haven’t you?_

**_3:31pm just happen to have more stuff to do, liam is helping a lot_ **

_3:31pm no coming over again I see_

**_3:31pm probably not_ **

**_3:31pm tomorrow though_ **

_3:32pm will you sleepover? It’s been a while_

**_3:32pm I happen to like to sleep in a bed time to time_ **

_3:32pm you know you can sleep in mine_

**_3:32pm I really have to go, it’s getting late, we will talk later_ **

**_3:32pm have a nice day_ **

_3:34pm would be nicer if you were with me_

_~*~_

“We never watched this series, why are we watching it now?” Louis asks curling up on the edge of the couch with his blanket covering his bare feet.

“Because is the only nice thing playing on TV.” Harry answers not taking his eyes away from the screen.

“Even the news are more interesting.”

“Hey,” Harry protests, giving a quick look at the blue eyed man next to him. “First of all it’s almost eleven pm so there’s no good news playing, second this happens to be very interesting.”

“They’re trapped under a dome without putting any effort to get out and I’m tired of watching that cow being split in two. Why did we have to catch a marathon and why do they have to show it before every episode.” Harry laughs with his comment, casually getting closer to him, Louis notices and puts his arms around his own legs, resting his chin on his knees.

“I think Barbie is pretty hot.” Louis grimaces at him, his eyes throwing sparkles because of the light of the lamp hitting them.

“His name is _Barbie_ _Harry_ , I can’t take him seriously.” Harry laughs again causing Louis’ lip to curve a little to form a small smile. His eyes travel to his face, stopping on the dimple in the middle of his cheek.

“I can’t take you seriously. Are you comfortable there?” He asks pointing out at how squished Louis is in the corner without the need of being. The small guy bites his lip and then looks at the screen.

“Yeah I’m pretty comfy actually. You stink so keep your distance, please.”

There’s heard in the room the sound of cushions and fabric and Louis can’t do much when Harry’s body’s weight is above his little one, his back is smashed against the arm of the sofa, a high pitch squeal comes from his lips and the blanket gets tangled around their legs.

“Am I keeping enough distance now?” Harry cheekily asks, his lips close to Louis’ exposed neck, feeling his heart beat close to his chest and the warmth from his body being shared with his.

“Jesus, go away.” He yells, laughing a little, trying to release himself from Harry’s arms, an impossible task, especially when Harry decides to lock legs with him and press one hand on his hip.

“My name is Harry, not Jesus.” He brushes his nose on the crock of Louis’ neck causing the blue eyed man to freeze under the touch.

“You’re not… funny.” He says slowly, his voice getting quieter.

“ _Hmm, hmm_ …” Harry hums this time brushing his lips along Louis’ neck, bringing his body close to his, very close to hug him until his lips are connected with his jaw. His eyes shut instantly while giving Louis small kisses, who leaves a gasp from his parted lips when Harry lightly bites his skin and presses his body one more time against him. “Warm.” Harry whispers close to Louis’ ear and then leans over again to kiss his cheek.

“ _Harry_ …” Louis warns him and Harry is familiar with this tone but never this sever.

“What?” He lifts his head and gets his lips close to Louis’, so close that one little move would make them kiss. He doesn’t notice Louis’ expression since his eyes travel along Louis’ thin lips. The blue eyed man might notice the way he looks at them and how he tries and wants to get _closer and closer and closer_.

“I have to go.” Louis gulps while pulling Harry away, ready to get up from the sofa. Harry frowns looking at the blue eyed guy, who grabs his sweater from the floor, previously thrown away when he arrived in the afternoon.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Harry blows away, literally explodes saying that in a louder tone than he expected, _damn_ he didn’t even expect to comment on this.

“Excuse me?” Louis slowly pulls the sweater down and glares at Harry.

“You know what I’m talking about so don’t even try to act oblivious of it.” Harry protests by the way Louis looks at him. “You’ve been acting all weird from the past two weeks, you don’t even spend time with me like you used to.”

“Well I’m sorry if I have work to do and don’t spend time with you twenty four seven like you wished I would.” Harry parts his lips in shock and dares to look up at Louis, his fists clenching on his side. “Oh now you’re the one acting oblivious.”

“No, still you. Oblivious and apparently stupid.” Louis laughs wryly, turning his gaze away from Harry, who is trying hard not to stand up from the couch.

“Well great then that I am leaving so you don’t have to deal with my stupidity.” He shakes his head, looking disappointed at least.

“You’re not leaving.” Harry shouts, his tone harsh and firm and the way Louis stops on his way and turns around shows how surprised he is with the tone used. Louis is about to say something, something mean from the way he presses his fist shut but Harry doesn’t allow him to by continuing. “Not when you get like this after me wanting to kiss you.” Louis’ expression falls, his breathe probably gets stuck on his throat by how pale his face looks. He stays stood up in such an awkward position that evidently shows he doesn’t even know what to do with his hands.

“We are clearly not talking about this.”

“Yes we are. We are if I want to because you’re not the only one deciding these things here.”

“What things Harry?” He starts laughing again and the sound of it makes Harry sick because it’s not the type of laugh Louis would make when he hears some of his jokes or when he watches something funny on telly. This one sounds vile and evil. “Don’t speak if you don’t want to sink.” He raises his eyebrows and it’s almost challenging.

Harry clenches his jaw and stands up from the sofa giving one step forward close to the shorter guy. “Can you please stop pretending that there’s nothing rolling between us?”

“What?”

“Are you actually being serious, Louis?”

“Hum, yes I am. What the fuck are you talking about there’s nothing going on around us, we’re not together, not even close.” He takes a step backwards when sees Harry closer to him. He doesn’t even shout, he looks like he tries but his voice seems to fail. His whole body seems to be betraying him and he can’t keep his strict posture, especially when his chest shows how heavily he is breathing, how his knees are starting to fail like his hands are starting to shake.

“We are not just friends.”

“Fuck you. No really, fuck you, you can’t just choose these things by yourself. Just because we get each other off sometimes doesn’t mean we have something. That we are committed to this. It doesn’t mean you have the right to hold my hand in public, cuddle with me in bed, make me spend my whole day with you watching shitty programmes and that whenever you feel like to you can kiss me. No you can’t.” he spits, the words seem to leave his mouth so easily it scares Harry “I’m not your property, I never will be someone’s property. We were supposed to be only friends.” He sounds weak, these last words are meant to be more like a warning and a reminder than anything else.

“You’re hurting me…” Harry breathes out, his eyes burn looking at Louis stood up in the middle of his room and it’s so dark outside the window that is matching the moment. “There’s no way this is just a fuck for you. I care about you, you care about me…”

“You’re so naïve it makes me sick.” Harry’s chest hurts, physically hurts it’s not even just on his mind, it’s real and when Louis turns around like nothing of that matters it makes him want to sit on the floor and burry his face on his knees. Hide himself, he feels humiliated, upset and mad at the same time, which is evidently bad. He can’t stand letting this happen again.

“Louis!” He calls for the shorter guy walking away right in front of his eyes. He ignores and keeps going, each step he gives seems to be in slow motion. “Louis!”

“It’s going to happen, I need to go.” He sounds breathless and he isn’t walking in slow motion anymore and Harry sees his cue to just run towards him, grab his arm and push him against the wall, next to the front door. And so he does. Louis is trapped between the wall and his body. Harry’s face is close to his, showing to the blue eyed man his expression in detail, making his best to transmit everything he is feeling.

This is so wrong but Harry isn’t seeing it.

“I was falling for you.”

Harry knew this would happen right in the moment Louis started talking to him but everything began to get more serious, hopes getting higher and everything around brighter. Meanwhile around Louis it hovered a dark cloud and now is finally raining and Harry is getting soaked wet because he forgot to bring his umbrella. He didn’t protect himself, he even let his guard off when he told Louis that this would eventually happen because Harry is like this, is always like this.

He doesn’t notice how tightly he is holding Louis in place, afraid he is going to run away but the expression he gives Harry is one that the curly haired lad had never witnessed and never thought he would ever be able to.

Louis eyes show fear, complete fear by how widely he is looking at the man in front of him, they might be watering but he is not going to cry. His body is shaking under Harry’s touch, his chest going up and down quickly by how heavy he is breathing. Harry gets so worried with his state, afraid that Louis is going to pass out that he makes himself give a step backwards.

“Louis…” he whispers but the guy – who looks like a boy at the moment – in front of him gulps, his hands shaking on his side and it seems like he needs to slide down through the wall and just rest. “Lou,” he raises his hand, trying to reach for Louis –or trying to make him reach for his hand, accepting the touch.

“Don’t fucking touch me ever again.” Louis’ voice is so weak but it shows how hard he tries to show the otherwise. He doesn’t give much time for Harry to react, much less to think when runs away from there, opening and then shutting the door harshly behind him.

Harry flinches with the noise and he wants to follow Louis. He never wanted something so badly before, even if it was just to check if he gets safe downstairs and is in proper conditions to drive but he knows that’s not the best right now. Louis is not comfortable, Louis showed everything apart from being comfortable with this conversation and Harry is blaming himself because he realised that and he knows when that happens he should just stop. Yet, he pressed the subject and everything got worse.

Both got hurt.

He did this and now he doesn’t even know if Louis is heading back home safe or if he is panicking downstairs, inside of his parked car, which is definitely what is happening. But Harry is the one oblivious now.

~*~

“Zayn?” Harry speaks through the phone, hugging himself by pulling his shirt closer to his body at the same he tries to keep his bag held on his shoulder.

“Harry? Is everything okay?”

 “Yeah, hi. I’m sorry to call you and I’m sorry in advance for what I’m about to ask but I’m kind of… alone.” He sighs, looking down at the small spot on the floor that is being illuminated by the lamppost next to him.

The street is quiet and he wouldn’t be surprised if it was close to two in the morning.

“You’re alone?” Zayn’s voice sounds so tired that is making Harry want to cry by how selfish and stupid he is being at the moment, yet he ends up just swearing under his breathe.

“Yes I… I’m not at home yet I… Louis didn’t come pick me up.” He says sadly and the more the words slide down from his tongue the more real it seems. He understands the sound of disapproval Zayn does on the other side but due his fatigue he doesn’t comment on it and simply says _give me ten minutes_ before hanging up.

Harry is just lucky. He is being lucky after all of this. Louis was right, he is naïve, he is because he was naïve to the point of believing Louis would come picking him up even after their fight from last night. A fight that at the end left Harry falling asleep on the sofa and waking up with a backache in the morning. He expected everything to go back to normal.

He trusted Louis not to let him down after everything and he not only feels idiotic for trusting that guy this much but now he also feels like is asking too much from Zayn when he shouldn’t be asking for anything. He hates this part of him, the part that Zayn thinks of him at these times.

Zayn and Harry have a normal friendship of some years that might have happened by fate. Harry has no right to go to his rescue whenever he is feeling down because of boys, or because he is tired of feeling alone and is sad. Yet he does that and he swears Zayn thinks he only calls him when he needs. That’s not being a good person. That’s being selfish.

But the thing is Harry is a little wallflower, as they used to say, however with Louis he never felt that way, at least not after spending more time with him. He never felt alone again, he was far from being shy around him and even though he thought Louis was too good for him, he made him feel good with himself. Harry was himself so he got attached.

The idea that now he might have lost that is getting too real and he doesn’t know if he should fight for it. If it’s even worth it – not because Louis is not worth it but more the other way around.

Now here he is calling Zayn and asking for his help, for his shoulder – and right now his car – because he literally has no one else and dares to use Zayn as a second option. It makes him questioning who he was before Louis and it hadn’t even been four complete months.

“I’m sorry for being doing this to you.” He lays his head on the window next to him and says after three seconds in the car. Zayn has just started driving the car off the sidewalk but he looks at the side to face the green eyed man.

“Hey, I’m not complaining.” He confesses, turning the volume of the music even lower. It’s still relaxing though and Harry almost forgot how good it is to listen to Zayn’s mix of classic music after a long day working.

“Why aren’t you? You have all the rights.”

“Because I’m helping a friend, Harry, that’s why I’m not complaining.”

“I’m not even a good friend…” He sighs one more time, his fist clenching on top of his lap while his other hand grabs the strap from his bag tightly, until his knuckles turn white.

“Why this now? What the fuck did he do to you?” His tone gets louder, turning impossible to listen to the instrumental of the song.

“It’s not what he did to me, is because he did that to me. I’m coming up to you after all.” Zayn literally groans and in a harsh move he is turning the wheel and pulling over. Harry lifts his head up from the window to watch Zayn turning off the car and looking at him again.

“Stop whining and sounding miserable. We’ve talked about this before.” Zayn says firmly and Harry shrinks by the words used. Zayn’s hand travel through his hair and Harry notices now that he is wearing his pyjamas but is in trainers. “Do you want to talk about it again? Is that it? Just a warning, I still think the same. I’m your friend, I respect the space you want to keep between us even though I don’t find right the fact you’re always alone in that flat. I appreciate your kindness and I’m always here for you. I want your best that’s why I get worried. So, again, do you want to talk about it?” He insists and Harry is now surprised with his words so he chooses shaking his head as an answer. “Good. Now, Louis… I’m sure he didn’t show up just because. I’m here to listen to you if you want to speak.”

Harry looks away from his friend, he realises he hasn’t even updated Zayn on this subject. It’s late, they are both tired but Zayn had pulled over, left his fiancé at home to pick him up at two in the morning and now is looking at Harry waiting for something.

So he does. He tells Zayn about how close they got – how close he thinks they got – then he mentions the night after the party Louis took him to, when everything kind of changed – or got better if he can say it like that. He tells Zayn how he sees the universe in Louis’ eyes but what truly is an infinite is his mind so that’s when his friend knows Harry is fucked. He is and realises it but hurts every time he thinks about it that way.

“I tried to kiss him last night just because… because I wanted to you know?” Zayn nods not taking his eyes off from him. “We normally don’t do that so it was kind of stupid from my part. It’s rare for us to share that type of gesture even when we’re… you know, doing stuff.” He bites his chapped lips, only causing him to chew on them until it hurts, wanting them to bleed, yet he is forced to continue speaking. “He lost it. He got up and said he needed to go. He had been acting odd lately, never staying over like he used to, finding ways not to be with me... He gave the excuse of wanting to sleep in an actual bed time to time, which is stupid especially when he said he preferred my flat over his…”

“So you don’t sleep in the same bed?” Zayn asks, curiosity and confusion spread over his face.

“Never.” He shakes his head. “I was dumb because we don’t do stuff couples do. We just get each other off and that’s it, we go back at being normal, being friends, walking around the city and watching TV series. But I like it, I like everything as long as I am with him but at every signal of concern I show for him he seems to panic and this time he did it for real.”

“Harry…” Zayn sighs, avoiding Harry’s gaze. “Maybe he just saw this as that. Maybe he doesn’t want anything serious and the fact you showed you wanted more he realised it’d make things harder to keep it casual.” Zayn sounds sad to say those words but at the same time he knows it’s what Harry needs to hear to open his eyes and accept it.

Harry drops his head, looking down at the dark place close to his feet from the car, wishing he could be small enough to fit there for a while until these strange feelings disappear and the outside seems bright enough for him to step on it again.

“Oh no, Harry…” Zayn’s tone says it all and Harry wished it wasn’t this obvious, that he wasn’t this predictable that the desire to grab a pencil wasn’t to fill a white page in coal and turn it all black.

“It’s his fault. His existence is just…” Harry groans, leading his hands to his hair taking out the scarf from his head quite harshly.

“He is just a pretty face with a dusky heart and void in his mind.”

“Don’t say that about him.” Harry half yells, quickly looking at Zayn in indignation. The dark haired guy shakes his head and once again the thought of hating himself comes back because this is just a Déjà vu, this is just Harry’s life and what normally happens to him.

“And what about what he did to you? What he thinks of you?” Harry bites the inside of his cheek, his eyes were previously filling up with anger but he calms down by looking away from Zayn with a deep sigh.

“Just drive now.” He sighs in defeat and there’s not much he can do, right? He can’t simply control what others do, he can only try to understand.

He understands. He understands why Louis did what he did, at least a part of it. The part that he is allowed to understand and was offered to him freely because it’s not like he can understand what is in Louis’ mind fully. Louis is not vague, Louis’ thoughts seem to be so complex, his feelings and expressions from the moment are a white canvas ready to be painted from the beginning. Harry always has trouble in the beginning with paint in his brush and a mixed of colourful ideas in his brain. There’s where he stopped with Louis, right in the beginning and he thought they would have more time and like that he would be able to actually start the painting and continue without hesitation.

That didn’t happen and Zayn drives Harry home, where he lays down on his bed fully clothed.

_2:30am I’m sorry I gave you everything I had without making sure you wanted it._

And he falls asleep half an hour later definitely waiting for a reply that doesn’t come and thinking how the hell he let himself be fooled once again.

~*~

After not returning any of his calls, ignoring his last message and just completely staying out of radar Louis gives signal of life to Harry. It’s unfair. It’s so fucking unfair to the green eyed lad because he has been worried sick, he kept handling these days not knowing if Louis was okay, if he was having a good day, if he was keeping himself healthy, if he was still being amazing at his job… not knowing if he even thought of him. It was so fucked up because Harry knew all this time that himself couldn’t stop thinking about the other man and it only made him feel worse the fact he didn’t know anything about Louis.

He once tried to go to his flat, losing himself on the way – which is very unusual – and ending up staying outside the big walls and gate for twenty minutes before going back home because Louis was nowhere to be seen and it didn’t seem like he was going to let Harry in – if he even was there.

Harry was trying, Harry was struggling, Harry wasn’t living his life like he promised himself he would months ago, just because he didn’t know what was going on with Louis for two weeks. He wasn’t aware of how bad the situation turned out to be because of how much he got attached and had the need to talk to the guy every day. And now Louis decides to message him as if it was so easy and guaranteed.

He was with difficulty to sleep but now he knows he won’t even close his eyes anymore.

**_2:16am Honestly I’m too high_ **

**_2:16am You won_ **

**_2:16am I care about you_ **

**_2:16am And you make me hard_ **

Harry’s heart is beating so fast he feels like he is going to have some type of seizure, even though he is laid down, yet he is shaking so much it’s insane. He decides to sit up then and turns on the lamp from his bedside table, making the sheets fall on his lap. He stares at the messages on the screen reading over and over again for god knows how long, just that it is a long time, yes it is.

He doesn’t even know if he should be relieved that Louis texted, excited that he texted what he did or worried because he told him he was high. So Louis isn’t at home, he is out there probably fragile and vulnerable to the world. Louis can look so vulnerable sometimes it’s worrisome for Harry.

He wished he didn’t care this much for Louis so he didn’t have to go through this as well as he wished Louis hadn’t said he cared for him because he knows it’s going to bring problems. That or things keep being like they are since he might be lying or just playing around with Harry like he has been doing.

Harry has enough self-control not to answer the text message despite the fact he keeps frozen looking at his phone even when it locks itself and the screen goes dark. However, too embarrassing to even say how long, the screen lights up again when he receives a call and on the ID it reads _Louis Tomlinson_ – Harry couldn’t be more formal with the name – and this time he doesn’t have enough self-control not to answer it.

“Hello?” He asks insecure, there’s too much noise on the other side of the line and he is sure someone speaks but he doesn’t understand. “Louis?” There’s more muffled noises, music and then someone laughing and Harry knows that laugh, Harry made that laugh happen too many times.

“ _Harry_?” he hears but even though the accent is French it doesn’t sound the same he was used to.

“Yes…”

“It’s Liam. _Allô_ , I’m sorry to call you this late. Did I wake you up?” It gets less noisy and Harry starts understanding better the voice noticing it sounds a bit desperate, in a hurry and with a French accent thicker than the one he is used to. Harry makes a noise similar to a _nu-uh_ in a way of saying no. “Thank goodness, I’d feel so guilty right now.” Harry frowns, he still listens to some sounds from next to Liam and he is sure it belongs to a certain blue eyed guy, he just isn’t understanding the situation. “Listen I know this is going to sound so wrong and I’m so sorry.” There’s a pause and Liam must pull the phone away from his mouth because Harry doesn’t understand what he says, though he is quick to continue. “But I have a problem.”

“What’s… wrong?” He asks slowly and carefully.

“I know you and Louis aren’t on the best terms right now,” Harry’s heart starts to speed again and he swears there’s some kind of race going on inside of him. “and I’m sure what I’m about to ask won’t be good to you, neither to him but… you’re the only one I trust to do this so... I need you to –to come pick him up.” He says slowly.

“What’s going on? Is he okay?” He asks desperately, instantly standing up from the bed almost in a jump and looking for his clothes to wear. The fact he is doing this without thinking but still chooses to listen to a stranger and get to Louis’ encounter, freaks him out a bit.

“He is… not in a good state and I always take care of him, always but things are getting out of control and I have – Louis,” he interrupts and there’s more muffled sounds and voices that Harry doesn’t recognise them, yet he knows they are close to them.

“Liam?” He holds his phone between his ear and shoulder trying to dress his jeans, leaving the t-shirt he is wearing to sleep and just dressing over the top a tracksuit jacket, ready to walk downstairs.

“Okay just come quickly, please. I can’t handle this and I have a plane to catch in an hour and I can’t leave him alone at home for the night. This was supposed to be a meeting about work but I fucked up and now I need your help. I will text you the bar and all that but please –“

“I’m coming. Text me please.” And Liam might be surprised and shocked with his answer but Harry hangs up the phone and runs downstairs, not even questioning who the hell has a trip planned at 3am, why the hell Liam trusts him better on this and why does Louis’ meetings end up always in a bar because in his head there’s nothing else besides _Louis Louis Louis_ playing and making him focus on.

But then Harry stops midday the street in front of his flat and literally wants to start screaming because… he doesn’t own a car. How is he going to pick Louis up? _Zayn_ , no he can’t. He doesn’t have the courage especially if he needs to explain him why he needs the car for. Zayn wouldn’t even let that happen.

But then it occurs to his mind and he quickly finds Niall’s name on his phone to call him. As expected at a Saturday night, Niall picks up quickly, sounding everything but sleepy.

“Harry!” he shouts. “What’s up?”

“Niall, hi, are you sober enough to drive?”

“Yeah man, I’m heading now home.” That’s what he likes about Niall during this time of the night, he doesn’t question anything, he is just happy.

“Perfect, do you mind helping me?”

“Always up to help you beautiful.” He snorts and Harry crocks a smile.

“Right, I need you to drive me to a bar because I might need to pick up a friend of mine. No time to explain I just really, really need you right now Ni.” He says as desperate as he can and it’s expected that less than ten minutes later Niall is in his drive way and Liam has sent him the message with the bar they are.

_A gay bar_. Harry can already imagine the problems that are going around with the guy and he is so grateful for Niall to only talk to him about his night and how great of a time he had on the dance floor without even drinking that much. And Harry hears him to cover up his anxiety, however when spots the bar and Niall slows down the car, he is quick at taking off the seat belt and open the door to get out after telling Niall to wait a minute. He doesn’t pretend to take much longer.

He sees Liam not that far away from the entrance and runs towards him. The moment he is reaching him, Liam sees him with panic in his eyes and Harry sees Louis three steps in front of him.

“I can’t do anything. He doesn’t let me touch him and that guy is all over him.” Liam reaches for Harry’s arm, whose eyes are focused on the way Louis is trying to get away from the guy – wait Harry knows that guy. He doesn’t remember the name that well but he remembers him from the party he went with Louis a while ago. He wanted Louis to work for him – _this was supposed to be a meeting about work._

“What the hell…”

“He lost his mind and I can’t control him anymore. He is high, I don’t know who gave it to him but he just doesn’t let me help him and take him away from here.” Harry frowns.

Harry sees the man flirting and touching Louis the same way he remembers him doing at the party. The scene is bizarre, Louis is wearing eyeliner on his eyes, his hair is a mess but his clothes seem expensive, while the other man is looking just like Harry remembers, same type of suit, same type of smug and attractive face.

“How could you let him come here and do this?” He looks for a moment at Liam while trying to walk towards Louis. He needs to react, do something but at the same time he feels the need to talk with Liam and get as much information as possible.

“I didn’t I –We were meeting Samuel,” so that’s his name, exactly. “to talk about his proposal because suddenly Louis decided that it’d be a good idea to work with him. Then we came here, we were just hanging out. It was just for a minute and then he was talking about you but then –“

“Fuck,” Harry whispers under his breathe when sees the other man’s hands on Louis’ forearm pulling him closer to his chest. He walks towards them, sinking his fingers on the man’s shoulder pushing him away from Louis. “You have to let him go.” He says firmly, ignoring how Louis looks up at him astonished.

“Oh.” The man –Samuel, looks surprised. He actually seems sober and that just infuriates Harry more. “I’ve seen you, you are –“

“Harry. I’m Harry. And we’re leaving.” He puts his arms around Louis’ waist not thinking twice. Harry can now notice that Samuel is actually a bit taller than him, even though he looks thinner.

“Harry… hi…” Louis whispers from his side and Harry would melt with the sound of his voice, how he says his name so leisurely and calmly, if he wasn’t meant to scary the guy in front of him.

“I’m sorry Harry but me and this one were discussing important business. Don’t you think it’s a bit rude to just interrupt us? Once again?” He smirks, he dares to smirk and Harry sees the way he is judging him with his eyes. He doesn’t like this one bit.

“This one has a name and is a person. And right now he doesn’t seem like he is capable to have a conversation with you. So back the fuck off.” He says louder the last words pushing Samuel away when tries to reach out for Louis

“Who said we were actually going to have a conversation.” He teases, challenging him and raising his eyebrows. Harry clenches his fists on the side of his body.

“You fucking drugged him.” He takes a step forward, trying to intimidate the dark haired man. “I’m not letting you touch him not even one more time and if you try to we’re going to have a problem here and you don’t want to have a swollen eye on that pretty face of yours because of a boy, do you?” The man starts laughing again, clearly not caring about what Harry says.

“You don’t know what I’m capable of apparently, I suggest you to leave us man.” Harry’s fist clench on his side as well as his jaw, he gnashes his teeth in anger, while his other hand grips Louis’ hip tighter, protectively.

“ _Harry_ , you don’t need to do this.” Louis speaks, pulling himself away from the green eyed guy slowly. “I’ve got this. I always do. This is important. It’s what is left for me.” He laughs now but he seems so small, he doesn’t even sound like Louis especially by the way he looks at Harry. “I can’t let him down.”

“Louis…”

“Listen to him. Leave.” Samuel says again and in that moment Harry sees him grabbing Louis’ arm once again but this time it seems to be so tightly, almost aggressively that makes the blue eyed guy whimpering in pain. Harry’s eyes open widely and everything else is blurry as if he is drowning.

He doesn’t have consciousness of what happens, of what he does because when he comes back to realisation he is holding Louis by his hand, Samuel is on the floor with a bleeding nose, there’s people looking at them, his knuckles hurt and Liam is walking behind them yelling words he doesn’t understand.

He doesn’t understand the moment, he doesn’t understand the night he just feels Louis’ presence next to him and the chill of the cool moon light that at the same time is able to burn his body by the whole episode. This happens a lot of times to Harry, he isn’t conscious and aware of his actions for some seconds if everything builds up on his mind, on his veins and right now they were boiling.

“I’m taking him to my place.” Is the only thing Harry says to Liam and he is walking with the shorter man to Niall’s car.

He notices how tightly Louis is holding back his hand so when he reaches Niall’s door he stops, presses Louis against the car and steps in front of him.

“How are you feeling?” He asks, automatically leading his hand to Louis’ sweaty hair and pulling it away from his forehead. Louis is smiling at him, leaning back to the touch and Harry notices that he is trying so hard to act as kind as possible with Louis, trying to put his disappointment to the back of his mind for him.

“I feel like I should be freaking out because that man was scaring me and you just punched him in the face but I’m okay.” Harry sighs looking at how dilated Louis’ eyes are on him. “Are you taking me to your place?”

“What did you take, Louis? What did he give to you?” He asks sadly and still a bit unsure, sliding his hands down Louis’ face to rest it on his shoulder. Louis shrugs as an answer but he insists. “Answer, please.”

“People here call it Mandy, which I find hilarious.”

“You’re on ecstasy, Louis?” He takes his hands to his hair, biting his bottom lip while looking at the side, avoiding Louis’ look and smirk. He says something but Harry doesn’t, _can’t_ listen to. “Let’s get inside.” He grabs Louis’ wrists this time, pulling him away to open the door from the car.

However Louis resists to it and is pulling Harry against his body, so he is even more pressed against the car with Harry close to his face, looking down at him startled.

“I like your touch better than his.” He smiles innocently, his hand touching Harry’s. His eyes looking down at Harry’s lips and it’s just too much to process.

“Lo –Louis.”

“Yes, _Harry_? Don’t you want to –“

 “Inside. Inside, now.” He demands, he can’t go easy on Louis especially right now when there’s probably people behind them, the security of the bar, Samuel or maybe Liam. It all seems so blurry and in slow motion but Harry just wants to get home safe and take Louis from here. From this _smell_.

So he does the same he did previously, he pulls away from Louis, bringing him along by his wrist, this time Louis’ body gets light like a feather. He is able to open the door and lets the smaller guy enter first, then sitting next to him. A crowd of people make noise outside and Harry thinks it’s really their cue to leave.

“Hello there.” Niall greets turning around and seeing Louis. Harry gives him a disapproval expression that the Irish lad might not understand.

“I say _bonne nuit_.” Louis laughs and Harry feels like he is about to reach over for Niall, so he stops him by grabbing the fabric of his shirt, from the back and pulling him back to the seat. Louis falls down again on his place, hitting it hard with his back.

“Stay still, darling.” Harry says softly, putting his arms around Louis’ shoulders and close to lay him down on his chest.

“Whatever you want, _Harry_.” He keeps smiling, Harry feels how cold his body is but at the same time how sticky, sweaty it can be and how hot Louis must be feeling. He locks gaze with Louis, one more time pulling his whole hair to the back of his head. And Louis still leans over to the touch and nuzzles under Harry’s arms, on his neck. Harry can’t fucking believe in what he is doing.

“To your place, mate?” Niall asks, looking at both of them by the rear-view. Harry hums in approval and after nodding Niall starts driving away.

Harry can’t take his eyes off from Louis. He finally has him there yet he can’t find himself believing it and feel Louis’ true presence. Louis had never looked at him that way, which changes everything. His eyes are in a shape that Harry never considered them being, the shadow from his lashes hit his cheekbones, his skin can glow during such time but everything around, every touch doesn’t feel soft. Louis’ body is there but the Louis Harry learnt to respect and wants isn’t. There’s another person instead that he is trying to figure out how he is going to deal with and if he is going to like it or not.

“Do you like staring at me, _Harry_?” Louis asks some minutes later, making Niall laugh from the driver’s seat but quickly silently himself because of Harry’s sake.

Harry’s cheeks become a bit rosy, Louis giggles when Harry looks away to keep his eyes on a small dirty spot on the window forward.

“Don’t feel embarrassed, I don’t mind.” The small guy gets closer to Harry’s body and it turns out that is not only Louis who is sweating. “You can look as much as you want.” He whispers this time, making sure Harry feels his hot breathe hitting his neck. Harry gulps but then coughs composing himself. “Are you mad at me?” Louis pulls a bit away, giving Harry space after he doesn’t look at him neither says a word back.

Harry’s fingers are hovering Louis’ shoulder, afraid that if he actually touches he won’t be able to stop and wanting to sink his fingers, not letting him go. The thing is that Louis had gone away and it was him who set himself free, without Harry wanting him to.

“I am.” So Harry answers and it’s quite easy besides Louis’ state right now. “I am but not at the Louis here. At the sober one.”

“That makes me confused.” Harry looks at him, his eyes are narrowed along his eyebrows, he is so close that Harry is able to smell the alcohol from his breathe. It worries him even more so he sighs also because of his answer.

“It’s okay now, I’m going to take you home and –“

“I don’t want to go home.”

“You’re coming to my place.”

“Will you take care of me?” He asks, his eyes shining and his lips curving into a smile. In that moment, Harry’s fingers sink on Louis’ shoulder, holding him in place and that’s it really. He wants to keep him.

“Of course.” Louis smiles and seems to be happy with the answer, enough to make Harry calm for the rest of the way to his place since he doesn’t tease him anymore, instead Louis shouts for Niall to turn on the radio so he sings and moves his body on the seat along the music playing.

When Niall stops the car, Harry tries to ignore the small feeling on his chest of worrisome and shame by making his friend doing this favour, especially when he knows Niall will talk about this on Monday at work after having a time to think about what really just happened.

Harry goes over Louis’ body and opens the door for him to let him go out. While Louis moves, crawling his body to the side and Harry follows him he speaks. “Thank you Niall, I own you one.”

“Not a problem at all.” He turns around, hands on the wheel and smiling.

“Don’t mention this to Zayn, please.” Niall takes some time to repeat those words in his mind until he nods. “Thanks, we will talk later.”

“Of course, good luck.” He points out, shaking his head to where Louis is, already outside. Harry smiles weakly and wishes him goodnight before getting out of the car as well and shutting the door.

The moment Niall drives off and they’re left in the middle of the road, Louis instantly grabs Harry by his arm, resting his head on his shoulder. Harry bites his bottom lip, looking down at the concrete before sighing and starting to walk with the guy next to him to the building.

“You have nice arms.” Louis comments while they walk the stairs to reach Harry’s flat. He decides to keep ignoring every type of comment he knows Louis wouldn’t say in his sane state.

He takes his keys from his pocket and opens the door to come in with the man in his arm. Louis almost feels heavy this time, by how hard it seems for him to move his legs to walk but Harry keeps supporting his weight.

“I’m going to get you a glass of water, okay?” Harry pulls away the touch, which only makes Louis pout in the middle of the dark living room.

“Don’t want to be alone, want to be next to you.”

Harry sighs, it is resigned and weary. It signals the end of deliberate effort and the beginning of passive deterioration. It’s just another thing Louis would never say, a simple thing that Harry wouldn’t mind to listen to if it wasn’t the circumstance. Maybe this time was not the start of any butterfly effect but a pivotal turning point for him to notice that tonight will be a long one, where he has to have control over himself and not let _this_ Louis fool him like the other did.

Louis walks right behind him like a puppy would follow his owner with food in his hands to feed him. Harry pours the water in the glass and gives it to Louis, making him drink it all. He does so but never takes his eyes off from Harry’s figure and Harry hates the fact that he can’t as well, he needs to keep looking back and meet those suffocating blue eyes.

“Refreshing.” Louis hums with the simple pleasure of finishing the water, setting the glass on the counter next to him. Harry takes some time to admire the small figure in his kitchen before waking up from his small trance and take Louis by his hand to lead him upstairs.

“Don’t.” Louis warns Harry when he is about to turn on the lights from the bedroom. “Too bright, looks nice like this.”

Harry leaves it then, letting his room being illuminated only by the opened window and a small candle on his desk far from the unmade bed in the middle. The sheets are a mess, there’s a pile of clothes at the corner and the _other_ Louis would call attention to the mess but this one simply looks and overthinks about it to himself.

“Can you give me your shirt?” Louis asks standing in front of Harry’s torso.

“You can get one from the drawer.”

“No.” He shakes his head slowly, his hands make its way to the end of the shirt Harry is wearing, “I want this one. It smells like you and it must be warm.” He smiles innocently. It’s still not Louis but it sure knows how to win Harry’s fond. “I’m going to take it off, all right?” Maybe it was meant to be a question, or an ask for approval but Louis takes it off from Harry’s body right away, almost forcing the taller guy to raise his arms and help him to take it off from above his head.

Louis still keeps looking at him with shinning eyes and a soft smile. While one of his hand holds the shirt the other one passes through Harry’s naked chest, his fingertips tickling his skin and bringing shivers to Harry’s spin.

Louis says something and like many other words he had spoken these past minutes, Harry doesn’t catch them, this time due being a bit lost in Louis’ peaceful expression.

“Can you help me to dress it?”

“Darling, you can’t do this to me.” Harry whispers, his voice sounding so gentle and kind apart from his words and then his actions, since he touches Louis’ wrist to pull his hand away from his body.

“I like when you call me darling. It’s sweet. Why didn’t you call me by that before?”

“Because you don’t like it.” Harry keeps calm, sending assurance to his voice and body. He needs control but he knows that having control isn’t the synonym of not being caring and tender with Louis.

“But I do like it now and I also want you to help me to undress.” He takes a step forward, one of his hand resting on Harry’s waist and leans over so his lips brush on Harry’s collarbones.

_Have control._

_Be caring._

“Can you take me to bed, _mon chéri_?” Harry honestly wants to cry and curse the day he met Louis Tomlinson.

He doesn’t know – and maybe doesn’t really want to – if Louis is doing this on purpose, maybe he is not really this out of himself and is tricking Harry again to stab him in the back the next day. He is going to be the Louis Harry wished he could be sometimes, win him in an hour and throw him out like a used bandage – a thing that Harry will need after tonight and if that happens.

But Harry doesn’t learn, he can’t simply stop himself from doing something that right now seems so innocent and okay, something that can bring him pleasure and assurance for a moment. It’s humanly impossible to resist at something like this, to resist at Louis and it wasn’t two weeks away from him that changed that for him.

It’s kind of awkward for Harry at first, mainly because he first thought that Louis meant that he can lift him up from the floor and take him to bed but he goes against it and does what he has been doing for the past minutes, he holds Louis by his hand and walks him to places, this time to bed, making him sit on the edge of it.

Louis looks like a child for a moment, hands on his lap tapping his fingers, smile on his face looking up at Harry and waiting for him to make a move. Harry tries his best not to smile back, he is supposed to be mad at Louis and this episode is just making him mad at himself.

He starts unbuttoning Louis’ shirt and it almost feels like a déjà vu and Harry can see Louis laying down his back on the mattress, lips parted, hands grabbing the sheets, toes curling while he is between his legs making what he feels like is the best at in that moment. Louis would always make him feel that way, Louis would make him feel like he is special even not saying it, he would always make sure he liked what Harry was doing and that was the right thing. It was the first guy Harry was with that didn’t make him feel like he couldn’t please anyone properly.

He brushes his hands through Louis’ chest and slowly and carefully lets his shirt fall down from his shoulders and arms. Then Louis raises them and Harry pulls down the shirt he was wearing previously, covering Louis’ body. His hands lay down on Louis’ waist firmly brushing his thumb over his hip bone.

“Is it just me or do you look skinnier?” Louis looks curiously at the green eyed lad, his eyes analysing his expression. It takes him time until he changes back to smiling and having his peaceful expression.

“I miss the food you’d cook for me.”

Harry decides to pull the subject to the back of his head and finally helping Louis to undress his jeans as well. He throws them on the floor and when stands up – after being crouched in front of Louis’ figure – does the same with his own, being in underwear only and then pulling down another clean shirt from the drawer.

Louis has pulled himself up, resting his back on the headboard and stretching his legs in front of his body by now. He taps the empty side of the bed and locks eyes with Harry. “Lay down.” And Harry can’t complain, this is him being nice to Louis and to himself. Just for now, he is just taking care of the nude model.

“You don’t mind me sleeping next to you?” Harry asks and instead of the other man he truly lays down with his back on the mattress. Louis shakes his head as an answer and lets his body slide down and getting closer from Harry.

“It’s not like I’m going to fall asleep.” He says anyway, shadows lay on his face and the darkness makes impossible for Harry to see his dilated eyes. He just doesn’t want to forget about the real colour of them.

“ _Harry_?” He calls after a minute of silence. Harry’s eyes were on him all this time while Louis’ were, until now, fixed on the ceiling. Harry feels Louis’ chest being pressed against his own upper arm, warmth covering it, the softness of the shirt and the simple movement of Louis’ breathing bringing him joy. He hums to show he has his attention. “Are we going to have sex now?”

“No, darling.” And it was never this easy for Harry to answer at something like this. He doesn’t actually feel bad for saying it and he doesn’t think Louis is upset either because maybe this was what he wanted to hear.

“Thanks for taking care of me.” Louis’ voice sounds normal, as normal as it can be when he whispers. Harry is now feeling his hot breathe hitting the bare skin from his neck while Louis’ tiny hands hold the other side of his waist, the gesture is still firm while Louis’ weight hovers on the opposite side. “Samuel was really hurting me.” He says a bit more seriously and Harry doesn’t find it normal and maybe that’s why his hand makes its way to Louis’ tinny body to hold him back. “But you helped. I was waiting for you. Only you.”

They’ve never done this, Louis’ lips are brushing on his skin bringing him shivers to his spine. It’s warm, so different and it worries Harry. Louis’ hand travel to the inside of his shirt, touching his body in the most vulnerable state. He can’t see his face expression clearly so he doesn’t have a way to know how it’s like for Louis to do this to him, yet he can feel it.

Louis is kind, otherwise all other touches they’ve shared this one is different and it’s not because Louis is high, it’s because the touch is gentle and doesn’t have any other meaning behind it. His fingertips don’t go much more above his belly button, his lips brush close to Harry’s collarbones, his body stays still against Harry’s while his breathing keeps as steady as possible.

What Harry is feeling right now reminds him all those times he wanted to slowly kiss Louis, take his time since there was no place he’d rather be in that moment specifically. The moments he wanted to kiss him like he had forgotten any other mouth that had ever touched his. Harry wanted – and still wants honestly – to kiss Louis with a curious childish delight, laugh into his mouth, inhale his sighs with his hands in his hair and feeling Louis pulling him closer by the waist.

Harry hates to admit that every touch Louis is sharing with him makes him want to kiss him like he wants to take him dancing, like he wants to spin him into an open arena and watch him look like he is the brightest thing he had ever seen. Kiss him like he’s the brightest thing he had ever seen. He wished he would pull away and Louis would reply to him with his name when Harry asked him how his day was.

“Why didn’t you let me kiss you?” Harry asks, sounding breathless. Louis doesn’t stop caressing his skin.

“It’s just who I am, _Harry_. I’m sorry.” The worse of the answer is that he sounds genuine and Harry doesn’t know how to interpret it. “And I was right when I thought that I would like to be like this with you. I was also right about scaring me.”

“Why does it scare you?” Harry asks after thinking twice about it. He feels Louis’ hair tickling his jaw but he enjoys the scent of his shampoo.

“Because you’re very nice.” It doesn’t make sense but Harry guesses it’s the most he will get from the blue eyed guy, who now is bringing his body up to brush his lips on Harry’s jaw line up to his cheek. He doesn’t really kiss but Harry feels his lips nicely. “And I don’t want you to make me cry.” He finishes out of nowhere when Harry was already losing his hope to listen to Louis’ full point. This is even more confusing.

“I won’t ever make you cry.” It gets worse for Harry because Louis parts his legs and reaches over on top of him to lay down chest to chest.

“That’s not it. It’d just mean I was falling. When I fall, I get hurt and can’t get up alone. I’m alone and I would be left there like that. With my heart full but my hands empty.” He lays his head down above Harry’s chest, his fringe touching his chin and stays there, his body moving up and down along Harry’s breathing. “Now I wanna watch you falling asleep so, _shhh_.”

Louis giggles and it might be quite dark but Harry is seeing Louis, the shape of his body and everything that is hidden underneath his skin. He might even be seeing his soul and his secrets saved in a box that he has to find the key. And Harry wants to find it so he can never lose it and protect it from everybody else.

~*~

Harry finds himself feeling a bit cold otherwise how he was feeling when he last remembered being conscious, his chest especially feels a weird cool breeze. He doesn’t feel Louis’ presence, at least they’re not touching or brushing any part of their bodies but he hears it. He hears Louis breathing, it’s quite heavy and when Harry moves his head to the side he sees a shadow. He can distinguish Louis’ hair and how small his figure seems to be curled up on that side, due the night light coming from the window. The moment he makes that move he hears a whimper. It’s not close to full crying, but is something alarming that catches his attention immediately.

He instantly turns his body fully to the side, lifts his head up and supports his weight on his arm. “Louis?” He calls in a whisper, his tone might be a bit husky but it still sounds soft.

Louis moves, maybe getting farther away, closer or maybe just his arms wrapping tighter around his legs, looking smaller.

“No, please.” His voice is weak, it sounds distance and scared.

Harry’s eyes were widely opened before due the darkness but they get even more, while he brings himself up to be in sitting position. In that moment the black in that room is not a colour, it is nothing, just a void. It causes the temperature to seem to drop a few degrees even though the entire building is under one thermostatically controlled system.

“Hey…” he tries to get close but it brings another sound from Louis, painful to hear. It makes him step away and bring his hand back to his lap since it was previously leaning over to reach for Louis. He thinks about turning on the light – looking over at the digital clock and seeing that is only 5am – however when he tries, Louis speaks again, sounding desperate, in a low tone.

“Don’t. I don’t want… you to see me like this.” He confesses slowly and it seems like it takes a lot of effort for him to speak those words.

“Lou, why? Talk to me please, what’s wrong?” There’s no response just the sound of heavy breathing and an agonising groan. “I’m getting worried I –“ he tries to reach over for the guy one more time, not being lucky once again when is rejected.

“Don’t touch me, it’s happening. No, no, no…” He sounds so breathless and Harry can understand that he is shaking. It brings him to the day they fought and Louis ran away out from the door shaking and barely breathing. “I’m not dying… this is not… fuck –“

“Louis, listen to my voice. My voice only. Breathe.” Harry encourages him, using all his strength to stop himself not to touch Louis. His sister used to have panic attacks after their parent’s death so he kind of knows how to deal with them but it doesn’t make it less terrifying. “In. Out. Inhale. Exhale. Slowly. Good thoughts, think about good things.” He grabs the sheets tightly on his fists, the way he is just listening to Louis panicking next to him and not being able to hold him, to see his state and truly help, is killing him. “Tell me, tell me what you’re thinking about. Good things. Please.” He notices Louis rocking his body back and forth causing the mattress to do some type of annoying noise that Harry is used to by now.

“Can I… think about –about your eyes?”

“Yes. Yes you can, darling.” Louis flinches and whimpers once again. “Close your eyes really tightly and think about my green ones. How they always shine when I look at you. Have you noticed? Yeah?”

“No. Not helping.” He sounds like he is in pain and Harry is on the edge of throwing himself out of the window and just stay laid down on the floor.

“Shit. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Louis starts rocking his body faster and Harry sees his hands on his hair. “Stop Louis, don’t do that. You need to calm down, slow it down. Breathe. Eyes close. Think about your favourite place in the world. Sing your favourite song in your mind. You don’t need to tell me anything, keep it to you but only good things. Let the bad ones go.” Harry starts to blow fresh air to Louis and it might be nothing but it reaches the blue eyed man, making him feel less claustrophobe. When he stops, having another idea, he stands up from the bed and not giving time for Louis to react to that, he opens the window letting the breeze get in. “Listen to the crickets, feel the air coming in, imagine if the wind had a shape how it would look like and how it would move around you.” Louis starts rocking his body slower until he is completely frozen in his place. “Yes, very well. Now silence, just focus on breathing. You’re okay.” He finishes, staying a while next to the window, stood up.

After a while Louis’ breathing seems getting back to normal and it’s when he finally allows himself to walk back to bed. He sits above his leg, his hands on his lap and looking at Louis’ silhouette that right now looks so peaceful and doesn’t seem the same body from previously.

“Better?”

“Yes…” He says soothing after some seconds in silence. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Harry answers, nodding. “Do you want to talk?” Louis doesn’t answer and Harry might feel a little bit stupid by the moment. “Lou… This worries me. Don’t do drugs like this ever again, I beg you. It’s bad for you, this one makes you go crazy, makes you so sad it doesn’t compensate the other hours at all.” He sighs. “Are you feeling sad right now?”

“Very.” Louis answers, still taking a lot longer than necessary to speak.

“Is there something on your mind?”

“You.” Harry’s breath gets caught on his throat, he never expected this type of answer, much less in this kind of tone of voice. Upset, anxious but at the same time sounding so serious. “I couldn’t even leave… I can barely move.”

“I’m glad you didn’t leave.”

“Don’t say that.” Louis snaps, taking Harry by surprise with the change of humour.

“I didn’t… I didn’t mean it.” He lets his head fall down, trying to catch the details of the sheets in front of his eyes. It’s hard, the colour is not white anymore, due the shadows there’s a contrast between black and grey.

“Don’t you get that this is the problem? You got me attached.” Louis states wearily at the same time he sounds disturbed, which it just feels like a bullet in Harry’s chest. “Somehow I still got in here and I can’t get away from you.” Harry frowns, confused whether or not he should feel offended and mad with the words Louis uses. “And now this happens. These fucking drugs make me go mad and you punched Samuel… that…” his voice breaks and Harry hears Louis groaning, almost as if he is fighting with himself and the previous events are struggling on his mind.

“Did he hurt you, Louis?”

“After what I’ve said you end up asking me that?” He still sounds so frighten and shaky, it hurts Harry noticing that he is saying this and using a louder and harsher tone of voice to try to cover it up.

“Yes because I’m concerned about you. I’m concerned about the whole night to be honest and I want you to speak what’s on your mind.”

“That’s not going to happen.” He breathes out, following Harry’s previous words when restarts trying to control his breathing by inhaling and exhaling calmly.

“That needs to happen and I won’t let you go, not after this, not after tonight. You’re staying, I’m going to take care of you like I promised Liam, I will hold you if you need to and for the first time I’m having a choice and speaking up here.”

He hears the sheets once again and Harry’s biggest fear at the moment, doesn’t threat him. Louis doesn’t run away, he just gets himself smaller and crawls to the farthest corner of the bed. He might be far, he might feel distance, the wall between the two might be getting taller but Harry can still see him, feels his presence and he is ready to break that wall, probably made of stone or concrete, with a hammer. This time his hammer are his words and affection, there’s nothing else he has on his pocket to put on top of the table.

“Louis… Lou.”

“Stop it!”

“Stop what –“

“Stop looking at me like you want what I can’t give you.” Harry shakes his head.

“I don’t want anything you don’t want to give me. I just want what you feel comfortable to give me. And not forever, just for as long as you want to.”

There’s silence for long moments until Louis decides to speak again “You’re letting me being so selfish.”

“No, I’m just trying to be respectful and comprehensive.”

“By not thinking about yourself.”

“People do that sometimes. They don’t think about themselves, they prefer thinking about the others they care about because it’s easier and because they think it’s the right thing to do. They are wrong but right now I want to do the wrong thing.”

Silence again, they can only distinguish each other’s breathing in the air and the sound of the crickets outside. It’s relaxing somehow and Harry hasn’t done it in a while. He enjoyed to listen to the sounds outside the window on his hard times, when he couldn’t fall asleep because the hardest times would come like waves when he was in bed doing nothing and looking into the darkness, not during the day when he was distracted and thinking about what he needed and should do.

“Come here… Please come here and let’s just talk, I want to hear you.” More silence but Harry feels the hesitation and the doubt winging Louis.

“I don’t need your help.” Louis says firmly but somehow Harry can still listen to some sadness and insurance.

“You got me attached as well, there’s nothing I can do now. I care. I care deeply and somehow I know it costs you to listen to this and I’m sorry. I told you I was sorry but this is who I am and I won’t be able to forget at this point. I’m too deep already and right now more than ever.”

Harry waits, he has been waiting his whole life for good things to happen, he waited years for the light to appear again in his life, he can wait minutes to hear new words coming out from Louis’ mouth.

The unexpected happens when, for the last time Harry hopes, he listens to the sheets and feels the bed moving when Louis crawls near him, patting the mattress. When he gets close enough, Harry can finally smell his scent, feel the normal warmness he usually feels around the small guy and there’s a flash of hope across his eyes. Suddenly Louis is laying down, resting his head on Harry’s lap, causing the green eyed guy to raise his hands in defeat but realising what is really happening, allowing himself to put them then above his chest.

Harry can finally breathe properly – as well as Louis apparently – since he can have a touch from Louis and vice versa. He is alive, he is really there and he doesn’t seem like he is going to run away. Harry wants to snuggle with him, grab him tightly against his chest and not letting him go, yet he stays from keeping his hand above Louis’ torso, while the other one cautiously travels to his soft hair.

“Thank you.” Louis doesn’t say anything back, he keeps trying to control himself and accepting the fact that they’re sharing something, a gesture never shared before. Louis is letting Harry being nice and kind of holding him.

There’s a small breeze coming out from the window, taking Harry’s sleep away for real. His fingers sink on Louis’ head, softly scratching his scalp, the way he moves his fingers through it seems to be relaxing since Louis finally sighs deeply, not in a mad nor anxious way. He actually takes a deep breath and shuts his eyes in pleasure, feeling the atmosphere around him and the moment being craved on his skin.

“Do you ever feel like dying Louis? I heard you saying… kind of just telling yourself you’re not dying. But do you wish for it?” Harry bites his lip after he has spoken the rest of the sentence. Louis flinches with the question, trying to curl himself up laid down there.

“ _Harry_ …” he calls and after everything, after the fights and moments they had, Harry had never felt so relieved to hear his name being called in such familiar accent.

“I’m trying… I’m trying to respect your space but at the same time I want to have a little bit of it. We can still be quiet if you want but it’d be good for you to talk.” There’s a pause. “It used to help my sister.”

“Your… sister?”

“She used to have panic attacks after our parent’s death. All the stress and responsibilities she had to be under broken her down. It couldn’t just affect me, she is human, she had the right to feel bad. If everything she was the one that had more reasons to feel worse.”

“You –she used to talk to you?”

“Yeah. She didn’t want to see professional help so I used to help her during and after those moments. It made me feel so vulnerable and useless but after feeling calmer she talked to me. At the end she hugged me and used to smile at me. A real smile, as a thank you.”

“I’m sorry I had to put you through this again… And can’t give you a smile by how dark it is.”

“It’s all right. I’m not feeling useless anymore but you haven’t spoken to me yet to smile.”

More silence, an intense pause hangs in the air. Harry’s fingers keep caressing Louis’ hair while his thumb from the other hand brushes Louis’ skin displayed from his hip. It doesn’t stop from being intimate but somehow Harry doesn’t see it that way and maybe he feels like this is the only right thing that happened tonight.

“I think about dying but I don’t want to die.” Louis confesses, Harry feels the vibration from his body on his arm, which follows his breathing up and down. “In fact my problem is the complete opposite I want to live, I want to escape. I feel trapped and bored and claustrophobic everywhere I go. There’s so much to see and so much to do but I somehow still find myself doing nothing that I feel like I’m supposed to do.” He says it so easily, Harry doesn’t know if it’s good. It seems like Louis had these words rehearsed in his mind and they were there saved for so long that now that they have the opportunity to get out, he doesn’t let it go wasted.

“Instead, I’m still here in this metaphorical bubble of existence and I can’t quite figure out what the hell I’m doing or how to get out of it.” He sighs and Harry doesn’t interrupt yet, he waits until Louis is ready to continue speaking. “I’m a paradox, _Harry_. I want to be happy, but I think of things that make me sad. I’m lazy, yet I’m ambitious. I don’t like myself, but I also love who I am. I say I don’t care, but I really do. I crave attention, but reject it when it comes my way. I’m a conflicted contradiction. If I can’t figure myself out, there’s no way anyone else can.”

“I can try…” He whispers not sure what point he should touch first.

“The thing is that I don’t want you to try.” Louis’ voice sounds incredibly steady now, a bit more confident but Harry can still recognise how hard it is for him to even be speaking out loud these vague words. “I’m not meant to be understood and I don’t need people trying to fix what’s supposedly wrong on my mind. I don’t need that in my life. I’m meant to be alone so I don’t need to worry about people being behind my back.”

“No one is meant to be alone, Louis.” Harry tries to say seriously, stopping the hand that is touching the blue eyed man’s hair. “You might want to be alone sometimes, you are even allowed to feel alone and not want anyone around but you will always need people.”

“You are in no place to say that to me.” Harry feels Louis trying to pull away from his lap but he is quicker to put his both hands above his body to make him still and quiet with his head on his lap.

“I am because I know what you feel when you say you’re meant to be alone and that’s why I’m telling you this.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Then tell me.” Louis drastically and harshly pulls Harry’s arms away from him sitting up. Harry would feel shocked and taken aback by the change of humour again but he doesn’t. He keeps his posture, he even sits Indian style and looks at Louis, who is adjusting himself in front of Harry. He sees the shape of his body and the light hits directly his profile so Harry is calm and can deal with this perfectly. “Tell me what I feel when I say this because I sure as hell know you have no idea.”

“You’re afraid.” He says right away, no need of clearing his throat to first start speaking. “You say you are meant to be alone and feel lonely so you don’t keep getting hurt every time that void comes up to your chest. You look around your flat, with all that furniture but you still see and feel it empty because that’s your reflexion. Everything you say to yourself and to others is a self-defence you built because you really need people but like this you don’t have to admit it and then feel bad for it. You don’t want anyone’s pity you just want to stop that vacuum and no better way to do it than lying to yourself and starting to believe it as if it’s normal.”

He notices Louis shaking his head in denial, his lips pursed tightly together and Harry knows he is back avoiding every type of contact. Harry is done with it, he is done watching this guy and being afraid that at any instant he is going to break down and vanish, he wants to see the ocean in his eyes and not the rain.

“Louis…” He grabs the shorter man’s hand quickly, not to let him reject it before he even gets to do it. He feels Louis wanting to push the gesture away but Harry grabs it tightly, making his best to tangle their fingers together. “I admitted to myself that it wasn’t the best method. You’re still in time to do it. For yourself. Whatever bothers you, let it go. You don’t deserve it, I’m here.”

“No…” His voice breaks at the end, it’s weak and desperate. “No, no I do deserve it.” Harry opens his mouth to speak but is interrupted by Louis when he continues. “You don’t know anything. You can’t say this. I don’t want you to have the need to say this. Not you, please. Everything was okay before, I shouldn’t have talked to you about this.”

“No, it’s okay Louis. You can talk to me about everything. I’ll listen to it.”

The darkness from the room is nothing compared to the mood in the air and the weight on Harry’s chest. He sees something he had never seen on Louis, he is listening to someone desperate, whose feelings are being messed up by something evil eating him on the inside. Harry is still so far away from saving this angel and there’s nothing he can do about it yet.

“You were supposed to be different. You were supposed to make me feel better without the need of me talking to you about things.” Harry brushes his thumb along the palm of Louis’ hand, doing both to him, good and bad. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“But Louis… I want to see every bit of you.”

“Not this one.” He keeps shaking his head, his hand hesitantly placed between Harry’s.

“Especially this one.”

“I’m not beautiful like this.”

“You’re always beautiful, darling. Always.” Harry hears a sob and he doesn’t want Louis to cry because he is trying to make him talk. He doesn’t want to force him to do anything he doesn’t want to do but he knows that Louis needs this bit. “Hey, no…” he whispers when hears Louis’ breathing getting heavier again, his thumb going up to brush the inside of his wrist. “Not this again. Breathe. It’s all good. You can cry but breathe, it’s okay. It’s dark I won’t even notice your tears running down your face. It’s all right. I’m not seeing.” He squeezes Louis’ trembling hand, listening to small whimpers coming out from him. But he is still not seeing him crying, what he said is true. “I’m here. You are not alone.” And for a moment Harry is the one thinking he is alone since he doesn’t hear Louis, neither gets a reaction from him.

“Sometimes… I kiss people I shouldn’t kiss while I let them unbutton my jeans.” Louis speaks after some minutes, his voice is unsteady and shaky. He speaks slow and makes long pauses to gulp in dry and feel the burning in his eyes. “Other times I run away without leaving track behind, to walk in angular circles until I can hear the blood rushing under my skin. But then… there are times that I just run until I can’t breathe but others I don’t have any energy so I sit in the rain or decide to sleep for six hours in the middle of the day.” He sighs, another sob and Harry’s heart is shattering into pieces on the sheets.

“Sometimes I drive too fast, maybe wanting to harm someone or simply myself while listening to my music so loud that it hurts my head and almost makes my ears bleed. I don’t feel the thrill when people talk to me and compliment me anymore because it’s dull and I can only see the hate on their eyes. Most of the times I can’t cry even though I want it so badly, especially when I think about my fears. Then I panic and those visions come to my mind and everything happens so fast but the time goes slow.” Long pause, a deep breathe. “Did you know that hope is the only thing stronger than fear?” his voice crackles at the end, Harry notices his eyes fixed at one point in the sheets. Harry doesn’t let go his hand for one bit and Louis might have forgotten the touch by now because he lets it be.

“That’s for most people because or I either have none of them or just fear. And for me, fear is stronger than hope. I think that’s why I wished I could touch the northern lights or simply just jump out of a bridge without dying. I don’t know what’s crazier. But I wish I could die… or maybe not because I haven’t ended it yet. And this feeling had been stronger in the past. So maybe I’m a coward, with no hope, who fears everything. But right now I’m glad I’m still here or I wouldn’t haven’t spent these two weeks drinking until everything went black and I couldn’t remember talking about you all night even though I did. And I know I did. I’ve held myself together to keep everything in for so long but after tonight I think I won’t be able to do it without having you next to me and that’s fucked up. That’s not right I don’t want it, keep it. Keep everything to you, let me go… let me go but don’t let me run away from you. I thought I would probably never be alive but you shine so bright next to me… I don’t need to be fixed. I don’t want you to fix me because you’re so good, you were supposed to be my normal side, that one part of my day that I could be normal, feel all right, eat my food and not feel guilty, laugh and not feel like everything is a lie. Now this happens, now I screwed everything, now –“

Harry can’t hear it, Harry can’t listen to anything else because at the moment he hears enough he knows Louis is still going to keep talking to the point of letting himself break down. He knows that the simple act of guiding Louis’ hand towards his lips would make the boy stop talking. Harry is glad he spoke, he is glad he shared those thoughts with him but right now those are just going to make him feel worse. So Louis does it so, he stops midway sentence, shocked by feeling Harry’s soft lips brushing his fingers.

It goes from just brushing to full kissing, kindly pecking each one of them, brushing his palm. He changes to his knuckles, holding his hand with both of his. Louis is still speechless but Harry has his eyes closed, focused on just trying to share how much he cares through that gesture. He might go overboard just with this but he doesn’t know how much contact Louis wants or how much space he needs.

“Oh Louis…” he whispers, one of his hand sliding through his wrist, squeezing it and caressing the exposed skin there. “Who did this to you my dear?” He continues, now sweetly stroking the blue eyed guy’s hand on his cheek. Louis deserves affection, he deserves appreciated gestures being shared with him. By what he just told Harry he can ratiocinate that Louis thinks he is not a person who deserves honesty and to be treated in the right way, by others and by himself. “You don’t deserve to feel like this, you’re so honestly beautiful, you deserve the best of the world so why is it so dark for you?”

“Harry… please…” he sounds so small but Harry can’t stop bringing his hand close to his face giving him little kisses, brushes just really caressing him the right way. For much he wants to do more, Harry sticks with this for now, not knowing how Louis would react if he simply grabbed him by the shoulders and hugged him or worse… kissed him.

Harry doesn’t want to simply kiss him, he wants to draw kisses on his silky skin without coming up for air because he wants Louis to become his oxygen. And he wants to become Louis’ atmosphere. He doesn’t know how he is going to do it but he is going to turn Louis’ world better, might be small but at least he will make it worth it and get all those thoughts away from the petit guy.

“No, _shh_ , please let me help you. Let me show you how worth living is. You said you can still love who you are but Louis… you don’t.” He keeps his hand close to his chin and looks up at Louis, who is actually with his eyes focused on Harry’s silhouette but right when he notices Harry looking at him in the dark, he shakes his head.

“I don’t need your help…” he says small and so, so low, not like a whisper, his voice just doesn’t have the strength to go any louder. “I don’t want your help.”

“Sweetheart I don’t want only to help you, I want to make you help yourself. There’s a big difference and one is better than the other.”

“I just told you a bunch of random things I shouldn’t even tell, how can you say all of this to me?”

“Don’t you see that what you just shared is a big deal?!” Harry takes their hands down, laying them on his lap. Their hands grasp together, makes them sweat and hot but Harry couldn’t care less. “They weren’t just random things, they were your deep thoughts clasped in such huge words. That was massive Louis and it broke my heart and I care for you so –“

“I don’t want your pity.”

“It’s not pity.” Harry says calmly. “You don’t have to tell me what happened or who made you push people away, devalue yourself and life I just want to make you realise that you don’t deserve to do this to yourself. Protection and happiness can work together.” Dead silence. “Louis? Are you listening to what I’m saying? Squeeze my hand if you understood.” Louis squeezes his hand twice and then sighs. “Okay.” He lets himself smile a little, later remembering that Louis can’t really see it. “We should rest a little now.” Louis squeezes his hand once again and Harry nods.

Carefully and a bit hesitantly honestly, Harry dares to move to lay down under the sheets. Louis doesn’t make any move to unlock their hands together so he just follows Harry’s movements and lays down next to him. They stay belly up looking at the ceiling and how the branches from the tall tree outside form some type of figures there. Their eyes burn, their hands messily tangled together separate the rest of their bodies from touching and Harry might stay awake much longer than the necessary, waiting to listen to Louis’ breathe slow down until he is sure he is asleep.

That doesn’t come but at least he can feel the fragile guy next to him, for the first time sharing the same bed and that relaxes him for a while.

~*~

Harry wakes up in an empty bed. Not that he was expecting waking up with Louis laid down on top of his chest tranquilly sleeping. He wished nonetheless, since that was a good signal for sure. Although, differently from every other normal morning of his, he can smell something weird. He can’t quite put it into words what it is, he can’t say it smells bad but at the same time he can distinguish a burning smell.

He pulls the sheets away from his half naked body, the light from outside hits the bed. The sun is actually shining –and it’s only nine in the morning, he checks out. He feels tired, his eyes are still struggling to keep open and he doesn’t have morning breathe, which means he didn’t even sleep long enough for that.

He gets up anyway and after washing his face and brushing his hair with his fingers he goes downstairs. He never imagined that he would see Louis, wearing the clothes Harry tucked him to bed with last night, in front of the stove and with something that definitely shouldn’t be in his hand for those purposes.

“You didn’t leave…?” it’s kind of a question, to himself, to the universe really because this is a blessing.

Louis quickly turns around to meet his gaze. Harry catches his eyes going from his feet to the tips of his hair, eyeing his whole body and while he could do the same to Louis, he just looks behind him to see two burned toasts, slipped coffee and… smoke.

Harry tilts his head and Louis was probably going to say something back but he must smell what Harry catches with his eyesight. He looks away to turn around whatever he is cooking on the pan. It results on landing on the floor and him squealing and swearing out loud.

“What are you doing to my kitchen Louis?” Harry asks, somehow amused and glad that he can even manage to do such tone of voice after last night.

“I was… Wait –“ he crouches down to pick, for what it seems, the overcooked pancake to put it on the counter next to the mess. “I was giving it the use it deserves.” He composes himself looking at Harry with a taunted expression. “Kind… Of…” he forces a laugh when Harry raises his brows questionably, while looking around. “Yeah, right, I’m destroying your kitchen.”

“Thought so.” Both guys laugh and Harry’s shoulders relax immediately.

He stares at Louis’ smile and how he crinkles his eyes, what he is used to see in his face really, and tries to embed that in his memory and last night. He doesn’t want the sound of Louis sobbing in the darkness of his room being what reminds Harry of him right away.

“Yeah… Erm, sorry, I will clean everything up.” Louis says way too quickly, noticing the way Harry stares at him. His smile vanishes and he frantically starts trying to clean up the mess he made. “I was trying… just –yeah trying. I’m cleaning. I’m sorry.” He starts rambling, Harry instantly frowns at the unexpected – or maybe not so unexpected change of humour and way of reacting to the moment.

Louis is just doing worse, he seems that he lost his capacity of cleaning and holding things in his hands while the oven is still on, with the pan on top.

“Louis…?”

“Shit –I will work this out. Just a second.” He sounds frustrated at the same time stressed out, which Harry can’t understand why and what’s the purpose of all of this. 

“You don’t need to –“ a spoon with jam falls on the floor, dirtying it and making a loud noise, almost echoing and Louis curses one more time anxiously picking it up. “Jesus, Louis!” He walks towards the guy and when Louis stands up Harry gently grabs his forearm, his hands barely touching, just brushing but his body gets close to Louis, almost as protecting him. “Hey,” Louis jumps a bit with the sudden touch yet Harry still slides his hand down until reaching for his wrist, drawing invisible circles on the small bone popping out there. “What’s wrong? You don’t need to be worried over this.” He says looking Louis deadly in the eyes when he raises his head to meet his green ones. Harry tries his best to sound gentle and then giving him a small and comforting smile.

“I was just… trying to make breakfast for you.” He starts lowly. “It was the least I could do after… you know.” He looks down and Harry feels so sympathized by this guy. He truly does, it’s not just sexual, Harry doesn’t even want to kiss him right now, he just wants to hug him and make Louis feel happy and good. He wants him to have a good morning and tell him that it’s already worth it the try.

“I feel honoured.”

Louis’ eyes get widely open and perhaps is because that’s the thing he wasn’t expecting to come out from Harry’s lips. Maybe he was waiting for a joke or something similar to that but never this. Harry thinks that’s good because he wants to impress Louis, he wants to be unique and treat him like Louis never expected him to so then he can say he didn’t waste his time with someone, someone who at the end would make him go home alone back to feel down and go party to feel better.

“I clearly failed. I’m not a good cooker. At all.”

“I remember your text when you told me you were trying to cook an omelette.” It escapes from Louis a small smile with that one.

“Yeah, it didn’t end up well.”

“It’s okay, Louis.” Harry nods, pulling away, not wanting to make the guy feel uncomfortable. “I will cook for us instead. No need of worrying, you can take a shower if you want while –“

“No.” The short guy quickly interrupts. “I will help you out. And maybe I can learn something. Besides I have to clean this up.” Harry smiles genuinely with the suggestion.

“All right.”

Louis ends up learning how to break an egg, put it in a bowl without mixing the egg white and yolk and how to whisk – Harry tries his best not to feel shocked for Louis not knowing how to do it. That is basically it since then he decides to have fun drawing with the flour on the sink. Fond is plastered over Harry’s face so it serves him right the burning on his finger for not being careful and watching what he is really doing.

“Don’t you find it odd that we never eat together?” Louis asks when Harry finishes setting the table, ready to go for a shower. He quickly looks at Louis, who is leaning over the counter, his hands grabbing the sink behind.

Harry thinks if this is a tricky question, a test, so he bites his lip unsure of how he should answer this. Louis’ face is pretty serious and he honestly looks like someone who wants the truth. The right truth.

“Erm… I don’t eat with all of my friends.” He ponders about it. “And I don’t have much friends so it’s not like –“

“Harry!” Louis warns him, sulking. So it is in fact serious. “I want to know your opinion. What you really think of this.” He looks down at his feet. Harry overanalyses a lot Louis’ body language. That must be bad for both of them –maybe just for him since he does it a lot more with him than with other people and gets less information with the blue eyed guy – but he doesn’t find himself stopping any soon.

“I… I find it, hum –“

“Stupid? You can say it.”

“No.” Harry shakes his head slowly. “I don’t find it stupid Louis.”

“Must be annoying for you to cook a meal for both of us and wait for me to finish it so you can eat then. I mean I wouldn’t handle such thing, how do you do it? You don’t have to you know I can stop –“

“Yeah you can stop.” Louis stops speaking right away, eyes widely open looking at Harry for what it seems the tenth time this morning. He even might stop breathing for some seconds. “You can stop trying to make me see everything you do as a flaw made to be rejected. It won’t work.” He sighs, approaching the guy. “I’ve told you, Louis.” He puts his hand on the back of Louis’ neck as soon as he gets in front of him. Louis looks at him incapable to react. “I respect you so much. It’s okay. I’m willing to handle everything you have to put me through. I’m sure it’s nothing I can’t keep up with or can’t help you with. If something bothers me I will let you know but for now I’m all right.” He shows Louis his dimples and leans over to kiss his forehead. He does it quickly and in the moment he pulls away he turns around to make his way back upstairs.

He takes longer than what he usually takes in the shower without even noticing it really. He takes time washing his hair, doing it twice. He washes his body carefully and even puts his shower cream, letting it be for minutes before washing it out. He lets the warm water run down his back while looking down at the white tile and his feet and so he thinks.

Just in that moment Louis’ words start playing in his head, just now he is ratiocinating them and hearing the cry of help in them and in his voice. It was a crying for help for sure and he bets Louis didn’t even mean it to be. He thinks if it was really the first time Louis spoke those words out loud and if that, how he must have felt by finally freeing them. Or if he memorised them after writing them out on a paper and reading it over and over again, sat in his room, every time he wanted to cry, wanted to punish himself or just remind himself of how life is in his eyes.

Harry feels sick after some time, a bit dizzy even because he can’t imagine how many times Louis looked at him, smiling and what he really wanted to do was crying and asking for his attention and help. How many times he greeted people and heard them complimenting him while in his mind hovered vile words and desperations. Harry was sure there was something off on Louis, he found him interesting for some reason, he was different, he looked different, his eyes were locked and someone was on the other side screaming for Harry to look in. He never imagined that it was this. And he doesn’t want to imagine what else Louis is keeping to himself.

Harry knows it’s a lot but he isn’t sure if he wants to know just yet. That, if Louis decides to speak with him about it.

Harry only realises the time he has been in that bathroom when he starts having trouble breathing by how foggy it is in there and with the sound of the door shutting.

“Harry!” He hears Louis’ loud voice. The curtain is harshly pulled over, exposing his naked body to Louis’ figure on the other side. When he quickly looks at the guy, surprised of course, Louis’ expression turns from worried to embarrassed. “Oh.” He turns around, facing his back while Harry looks questionably at him. “I’m sorry I thought you had passed out.”

“What?” he turns off the water and awkwardly stares at Louis’ nape.

“I was calling for you over and over again, I just heard the water and fog was coming out from underneath the door. You never take this long in the shower so I got… erm, I was wondering if everything was okay.” Harry’s lips involuntarily twist into a brief smile before leaning over to get his towel and wrap it around his waist. “It’s not good staying this long in the shower you know? Especially with the water this warm. It’s like a sauna in here.” Louis walks to the door opening it to let fresher air come in.

“Now you’re just going to make me catch a cold.” Harry chuckles, trying not to overthink about the situation in Louis’ presence. The shorter guy quickly looks at him stepping out of the shower in his towel. He freezes looking at Harry’s figure whispering something similar to _right_ and shutting the door but leaving a trace of it open. He doesn’t leave, which is hilarious.

Louis shakes his head and clears his throat before finally speaking coherently. “So is everything okay, right?”

“Hum, yeah.” Harry nods taking his hands to the towel, a tiny bit below his waist.

“Good.” He nods, his hand grabbing the handle of the door however Harry watches attentively the move. He wraps his hand around it but at the same time that happens he pulls it away shutting his fist next to his body, his fingers slowly curling themselves in his palm. “Do you mind if… I stay?” He asks but walks to the toilet, sitting there with the top shut obviously, while his eyes are locked into one spot in the corner of the bathroom.

“You want to stay watching me getting ready?”

“No.” He says frenetically, quickly wanting to point out his idea. “I felt… I’m just tired of being alone downstairs.”

“Oh.” Is the only thing Harry manages to say, bringing Louis a nod as if agreeing with the word and whatever it comes with it.

“So… breakfast was good. As always. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Harry carefully takes off the towel from his waist and starts drying his body, a bit intimidated by the guy’s presence. It’s true that Louis has seen him fully naked – and vice versa – but this is completely different.

He is also used to Louis thanking him for cooking, if not giving him the real words, just by a simple brush in his wrist with his thumb would make Harry understands the reason behind it. It probably became the only gesture Louis would openly do and for Harry it was huge. As well as sweet.

“Are we okay?”

“Hum?” Harry asks a bit confused, cleaning the water between his toes while his eyes keep focused on Louis. He is still keeping his gaze at some corner from the bathroom, not giving one glance at Harry. The green eyed guy kind of feels glad for that at this time.

“I guess we should talk.” Harry frowns with the answer Louis gives him. He is feeling even more nervous with everything that is happening and the situation is the most bizarre one, in his point of view.

“About what more exactly?” Harry takes his underwear that was place on the sink and starts dressing himself up, his eyes attentive at Louis’ profile.

“I just want to talk.” He sounds serious so Harry takes his time to dress back a clean shirt and put the towel around his shoulders, letting the drops of water from the tips of his long hair, fall on the fabric.

“All right.” Louis raises his head and looks at Harry apparently ready.

The fact Louis is saying he wants to talk is a huge step. Harry has no clue about what he is about to speak but he is going to share something, his thoughts, maybe what he is feeling and that’s huge.

After some seconds intensely looking at each other, Harry takes a deep breath towards the door, slowly walking past Louis, making a gesture for him to follow him and go. However he is incapable of continuing right away when Louis grabs the end of his shirt with his small hands. It’s somehow gentle, especially when he leans over his forehead barely touching the bottom of his spine. The tall guy doesn’t know how to interpret it but it’s not like he has time to think about it when Louis stands up and Harry takes it as a cue to continue walking even though Louis is clinging into his back, still holding his shirt.

“Bed.” Louis speaks and he sounds tinier than what he really is. Harry wants to keep him in his pocket and for a moment he thinks that Louis does really fit in there.

When Louis lets go his shirt Harry sits on the edge of his unmade bed while Louis opts to crawl to the middle of it. Harry relaxes while Louis starts playing with the sheets in his hand.

“About last night…”

“What about last night?” Harry sits Indian style, Louis meets his eyes as if trying to understand what’s happening and what he is thinking about. In a way Harry understands that look, he is doing with him what Harry does with everyone. He is trying to understand. Harry is easy to read, he likes to think because he is just like everyone else.

“What I talked to you about. I was –“

“Am I supposed to remember about that? Or does it stay in dark?” Louis looks confused at him at the same time intrigued and curious about how this is going. “I can only remember about that when you want me to.” Louis’ face softens, his shoulders relax and Harry is sure his lips twist into a tiny smile.

“Can you only remember about it in the dark of the night? Can it be our little secret for late night conversations?”

“Sounds comfortable to me.”

“Me too.” Louis nods. “Me too, _Harry_.”

~*~

“Sorry about this.”

“You’ve been apologising a lot, I don’t like it.” Harry laughs a little, cleaning his brush in the water to get another colour from his pallet. He honestly is doing this to clear his mind a bit, that’s the effect of watercolours on him.

“It’s also something I don’t do a lot.” Louis sighs, in his usual position, legs against his chest and chin on his knee looking at Harry from his arm chair. He is relaxing and clearing his mind as well. “But I basically spent the whole day here.”

“I don’t find it a problem.” Harry casually comments, finishing the details of the shadows from the dark trees. Louis hums, hoping it can fit as an answer.

After long minutes in silence, long enough for Harry to finish all the ten trees, going from the lightest on the top to the darkest colour on the bottom, he meets Louis’ curious, blue eyes.

“Talk Louis Tomlinson, silence is golden but I like silver the best.”

“That doesn’t even make sense, _Harry Styles_.” Harry laughs along with him, a smirk playing on his lips. He dips the brush one more time in the glass of water, sinking it on the pink colour this time.

“It made in my head.”

“Well you shouldn’t listen to the voices in your head you know?” Harry looks by the corner of his eyes at Louis’ serious face.

“Are you kidding? My head is the best place to hear voices. No way people can judge me when they don’t hear what’s in here.” He points with his index to his head. “Safe place.”

“Is it?” it’s Harry’s turn to hum as an answer, confirming.

“Though I like sharing what’s in here with you. You don’t judge and I don’t feel guilty doing it so.”

There’s silence again but this time Harry chooses not to break it since it was Louis’ own decision to keep it this way. They don’t usually talk when Harry is painting or drawing but somehow, Harry feels like tonight is the time to just talk, to replace the silence with their voices. He honestly just wants to talk with Louis, better, he wants Louis to talk with him. Open himself up to him a bit more because Harry is sure he has so much to share and tell. Harry could learn a lot with him, he feels.

Louis needs someone to rely on, to trust and listen to without thinking about the consequences of a secret being out there but Harry feels – he knows – this won’t be simple. It’s not simple.

“Can I ask you something?” Harry asks noticing how Louis stiffens on his seat. Either way he hums and Harry understands that it’s green light and he can speak. “Why did you go meet Samuel last night?”

“I’m surprised it took you this long to ask that.” Louis teases a bit but goes back to his serious expression, then shrugs. “I was thinking about joining his company. I thought that it was what I really wanted.”

“He is not a good person.”

“You feel threatened by him…” And it’s not even a question, Louis is affirming and Harry is too ashamed to deny or confirm that. “But he is indeed.”

“Did he hurt you?”

Pause. Long pause.

“A little I…” Louis sighs, his forehead rested on his knees and Harry sees that as a way of protecting himself. “I should have known better. He wanted to take advantage of me. And I think if you didn’t show up I’d let him.”

“Why do you let people do that to you?”

“I don’t let them. I don’t want them to. But it’s not like I can control it. I’m scared.”

Harry bites his bottom lip, Louis doesn’t raise his head, his voice sounds small but at least his breathing is still steady.

“I won’t let anyone hurt you, Louis.” Louis doesn’t answer, doesn’t even react to it. “Did someone… did you let someone touch you while we were… you know, not –not talking?”

“Not that I can remember.” Harry gulps with the answer but then Louis is raising his head and slowly looking up at Harry’s eyes, right deep into his eyes. “Not a single touch felt like yours so I didn’t want to go further.”

Harry will accept that, Harry will accept and stop right here because he can’t handle these type of conversations with Louis. He focus on his paper one more time but is forced to stop minutes later when hears a yawn coming from next to him. He doesn’t control himself to turn his look to Louis and see how his eyes water a bit in the corner while being semi open, how he opens and closes his mouth twice and his nose starts twisting as if he was dog. It’s a cute expression and Harry realises that it’s a Louis’ thing after yawning. So he looks in fond at the guy, lips twisting into a smile.

“What?” Louis asks confused but Harry just shrugs and looks away.

“Nothing.”

“It was something.” Louis insists but there’s a trace of amusement on his voice, which, all right, it’s good and Harry’s smile doesn’t go away and it’s not like he has control so fuck it. Let’s keep smiling because Louis Tomlinson is freaking cute and is sitting next to him looking small on his cheap arm chair, making it look like is expensive.

“Just… you look like a puppy when you yawn.” Harry grins, he isn’t subtle at all when tries to hide the adoration so he hopes that looking down works at softening the embarrassment. “It’s cute.” He says lowly, hard to understand really.

“Excuse me, can you repeat?” Harry makes his best not to laugh, which is probably what Louis is doing as well.

“It’s cute…” He bites his bottom lip, he keeps passing the brush on the paper but there is no colour on it anymore and he is submitting himself at ruining the painting.

“I’m not cute, _Harry_. I’m a lion. _Rawr_.”

Harry almost breaks his neck when looks at his side at Louis, who tries to make a real growl but ends up sounding like a baby lion followed by another yawn. He probably did it on purpose, he wants to ruin Harry’s life – not that it isn’t already.

Harry squeals on the inside, he feels his own eyes watering because it’s too much okay, no one can blame him. Louis is too much.

“Again, cute.” He tries to contain himself but then Louis frowns and he is in fact a baby lion. Louis is a baby lion, this is the conclusion Harry got after these long minutes and he doesn’t think he is in a great state of his mind but it’s not like he will fix it.

“You ruin everything.” He fakes being annoyed, his sleepy eyes staring at the wall in front of the desk, filled with sketches that if Harry didn’t know better he would say Louis was actually taking advantage of the time to look at them carefully.

“Correction, I make everything better.”

“Impossible, you’re the worst.”

“Are we arguing?” Harry smirks, Louis slowly turns his gaze back at him to meet his eyes, he is clearly trying so hard not to laugh, it’s contagious.

“I don’t know are we, _Mr Harry oh Louis is so cute Styles_?” Harry doesn’t contain himself when lets out one of his loud laughs, automatically covering his mouth with his both hands, the brush long dropped on the desk. He notices Louis’ small smile curving in the corner of his lips but then he shakes his head and rests his head back on his knees. “You know there’s a special place in hell reserved just for you.” He shuts his eyes and pauses. “It’s called the throne.” And Harry doesn’t know if he should cry, scream or laugh.

Maybe everything at the same time would be adequate.

~*~

Harry is carrying Louis to bed. He doesn’t know if that’s the thing he should be doing, hell he never imagined that this would ever happen. Either way he is doing it, Louis’ forehead is rested on his shoulder, making the green eyed guy feel his hot breathe reaching his skin through the fabric of his shirt, his arms are around Harry’s neck, one of his hands grabbing the collar of Harry’s tee and his eyes are semi opened.

He is not completely sleeping but when Harry finished his work, he looked over and the signals of sleepiness were there. He simply stood up, called for Louis’ name, who answered with a husky groan and then told him he was carrying him to bed. It’s not like Louis protested about it.

“You good?” He decides to ask in a whisper, his lips brushing Louis’ hair, which smells like his shampoo. That’s good. That makes him feel good but he knows this feeling will hurt later. Louis hums as an answer taking a deep breath and snuggling on the crook of Harry’s neck. “Just want you okay.”

He reaches the top of the stairs and walks to his undone bed, too lazy to make it this morning. He carefully lays Louis down on the mattress, bringing the sheets to cover his fragile body. Looking at him in that state makes Harry sleepy, also makes him look happy. Louis looks happy and that can almost fool Harry into the lie.

“Are you going to leave me?” Louis’ voice is heard after Harry tucked him into bed, ready to leave to downstairs. He sounds so tired and it is not for less, he hasn’t slept in over twenty four hours, Harry doesn’t know how he even handled being awake the whole day.

“I’m sure you won’t like to wake up beside me in the morning.” Harry chuckles, the words coming out in a bit of amusement even though it’s not really funny. Either way he gets on his knees next to the bed and looks at Louis’ peaceful face that still shows a bit of a frown.

“No. Not that.” There’s a pause and Louis snuggles his face on the pillow, hiding it from Harry. “Leaving. Like. In a whole.” It’s Harry’s turn to frown with that one and even though Louis’ words didn’t make much sense, Harry understands its meaning.

“Never.” He rests his hand on top of Louis’ hair, stroking it and playing with the thin locks between his fingers. “I wouldn’t do that to you.” He says it so easily and it’s weird and Harry hates himself for it. For meaning it.

He knows Louis for what? Three months probably and their friendship – yeah Harry still considers Louis his friend… or best friend in its best, even if it’s not mutual. It’s not like they’ve discussed it. – developed fast. Harry doesn’t like fast even though everything in his life kind of happens like that. It’s all too fast, it all comes to the point hitting him hard in the face when he least expects it. It doesn’t give him time to prepare himself and deal well with the consequences.

But here he is meaning those strong words because Louis seems so fragile, confesses feeling alone but smiles when he’s around Harry… Harry can’t control himself, this is him. He is a person’s lover and he gets attached.

“I know you don’t mean it.” Louis whispers, sinking his face once before turning his head again to Harry’s direction, his eyes still not fully opened. “But it’s good listening to that.”

Harry decides not answering, he just brushes his fingers through Louis’ hair and slides his hand to squeeze the back of his neck. Louis almost purrs with the gesture at the same time his shoulders get a bit tense. It’s Harry’s cue to pull it away.

“I want to talk.”

Harry sighs with that one, clenching his fists and standing up from the floor.

“You need to rest.” With that Louis opens his eyes and looks up at Harry’s figure.

“I like talking to you.” He confesses and Harry shouldn’t listen to this sleepy Louis. It’s a small version of high Louis, both not being fully award of the world.

“I like talking to you too but–“

“Then lay down next to me.”

Harry presses his lips together and looks at the stairs behind as if they have the answer, as if they can push him downstairs.

“Okay.”

He walks towards the bed, leaves his sweatpants and shirt even though he would be wearing less clothes to sleep but decides against it. He goes to the side opposite Louis is laying, who turns his face to that same side before the tall guy lays down completely.

They face each other, leaving a comfortable space between them. Louis’ eyes look so tired but he looks good laid down and looking at Harry like that. He looks rare, looks younger than the usual and Harry knows it’s wrong to see Louis like this, someone so fragile, small and made of glass. He needs to see Louis as a person, a strong one since he believes he is.

Harry moves then, he gets the end of the sheets and covers their whole bodies, even their heads so they’re under them, instantly feeling the warmth from the fort. He gets closer from Louis, their arms almost touching.

“I don’t want you to take drugs anymore.” He says genuinely, looking deep into Louis’ eyes.

“I don’t want to see you hitting people anymore.” Louis answers, voice serious. It takes Harry by surprise but he nods anyway not overanalysing it. They’re in their own little world now, under the sheets, in the dark of the night where no one can hear nor see them. Not even the walls. Not even the lights from outside can touch them.

“Okay.” Louis nods this time. “Why did you… for how long have you…” Harry struggles with the words and with the actual question. Louis shuts his eyes and sighs, blowing hot air to Harry’s face. It smells like mint since he had brushed his teeth before sitting on the arm chair next to Harry.

Louis seemed not to know how to react with the fact that Harry still had his tooth brush that he once took from under the sink, in the little cabin, where he wrote his name and put in the glass where Harry’s is as well.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Harry shuts himself right away, not even bothering to feel down by Louis not wanting to speak about it. “I want to know about you. Can I know about you?”

“Of course.”

“Tell me about… I want to know about the times you were the happiest. Not normal happy, special happy.” He says a bit hesitantly, shutting his eyes. Harry also notices the way his hand rests on the mattress, now closer to Harry’s.

“I can do that.” Harry nods one last time, covering themselves better with the sheets. Harry sees the way Louis’ body moves up and down slowly by breathing but he knows he is awake, even though his eyes are closed. “The last time I was with my parents.” With those words Louis instantly grabs the fabric from Harry’s shirt. He didn’t even need to open his eyes to know the right direction, to know that his hand wasn’t going to collide with Harry’s. A bit shocked with the move Harry stays in silence for some seconds just to admire the situation. He continues though, letting Louis’ hand gripping tightly his shirt on his chest.

“I’m glad I was happy in such situation. We were all in a coffee shop eating breakfast before dropping me at school. My sister was there too. My father was talking to us about the day he met my mother.” He takes a deep breathe. “It was all very warm, very familiar and I think I will never feel that ever again. Feel so loved and like I belonged. My parents made that easy for me, made me love the world.” He smiles lightly with the words. “The other moment I felt very happy, you’re probably going to think it’s weird.” He chuckles, deciding not to talk much about that specific day and sees the small smile threatening to slip from the corner of Louis’ lips, the grip on his hand less tight now.

“Probably.” Harry grins with that one, glad that they aren’t struggling to breathe under the sheets yet.

“Anyway, it was when I went for a run on a rainy day and passed through this old, small bridge, soaking wet, where underneath passed a river. And I saw a frog.” He snorts, bringing a full smile to Louis’ lips. He looks gorgeous, he totally looks amazing. He is shining in the dark really. “I think it was because it was the first moment I actually felt good after my parents’ death. There is something about that day I will never forget. There was this girl with an umbrella and she was just there staring at that frog. The little animal didn’t run away, just did that small noise, almost like a greeting.”

“ _Harry_ …” Louis whispers and Harry is not sure if there’s amusement or sadness in his tone of voice, which is terrible. Harry can’t fucking read it.

“And I stared at them, long minutes, until she stood up and the frog slowly dived into the water. She turned around and saw me. She smiled and asked me if I needed the umbrella because she was wearing this yellow raincoat and I looked like I needed it more. I declined but smiled back and she simply wished me good look before leaving. I felt happy.”

“You’re right that’s weird.” Louis keeps speaking in a whisper. “But it’s… sweet.”

“Thank you.” Before continuing Harry takes some more time looking at Louis and he would look longer if Louis didn’t open one of his eyes and raised his eyebrow, in a way of letting him know that he wants Harry to continue. “Right.” He shakes his head and looks down at where Louis’ hand is still placed. He regrets it a bit since Louis slowly pulls the grip away and rests his hand back on the mattress. “A less weird moment was when my sister came here to visit me for the first time after she left. I liked the feeling I got when I saw her and hugged her really tight for long minutes. I had forgotten so many things about her, her smell, the texture of her hair, the sound of her laugh and just the way she intertwines her arms around my back to hug me tightly. You see we don’t talk much, we’re not very close but we still have this connection that siblings should have.”

“Do you miss her right now?”

“Yes of course. But I don’t feel sad for it, so it’s fine.” Louis hums with the answer so Harry continues. “I guess the last time I felt like I was the happiest I had been it was with my ex.” He bites his bottom lip, Louis doesn’t say a thing, just waits. “He made me feel the happiest. From all the boyfriends I had, he was the one.”

“The others didn’t make you happy?”

“They did. But not as much as he did. At least it was what I thought. Every relationship before that, I felt sad most of the times and it didn’t compensate the happy moments.”

“What did they do to you?” Louis opens his eyes and asks in a firm and severe tone.

He opens and closes his mouth twice before answering. “On my first proper relationship, he cheated on me. With a girl I should have known something was off since we were always arguing, I felt like he was distant... At the end he told me I was an experiment because he wasn’t actually gay.” Louis keeps looking at him attentively, it’s almost intimidating. “The second one said in my face that I sucked at being a boyfriend, at being a person even. He told me that I was a waste of time but the worse wasn’t that. The worse was that when he apologised for that I forgave him only to a month later having him laughing at my face and saying I was an idiot and that he couldn’t stand looking at my face while we had sex, which by the way it wasn’t even good.” Harry shakes his head and chuckles in shame. “Ironic because in the third one the guy told me he was just with me because he liked the sex. It hurt the most because he was the one I just told you that made me the happiest.”

Harry can read Louis expression now, he can see on those wide opened eyes that he feels upset and there’s something in his chest that hurts. Is he upset for Harry? Is that it? No, Harry doesn’t want that.

“It’s all right…” He smiles a little but Louis shakes his head and Harry understands that. He actually does. “We were talking about happy things right?” he says in more enthusiasm and encouragement, rather for himself than for Louis really. “I felt really good after I realised I loved him.” Louis is waiting for more, Louis wants to know more by the way he stares at the curly haired guy. “We were in a karaoke bar,” he laughs a little remembering the moment. “we were singing total eclipse of the heart and maybe the song wasn’t the ideal one but I looked at him and I felt… I felt amazing. He wasn’t looking at me but I was already blind to notice that that was the problem. He never looked at me, I was the one looking. I was in love with a pretty face, with the idea of being wanted, of sharing something with someone…” He stops. “I’m sorry you didn’t ask me to whine about my tragedies but even though I’m over them I always end up doing it.” He laughs nervously then Louis frowns, he actually frowns, his eyes more and more closed.

“You give too much of yourself to people and you blame yourself for everything bad that happened in your life.” Harry freezes, Louis has his eyes shut again, his hands under his head making the job of the pillow. “Somebody once said to me, what does it matter how many lovers you had if none of them made you feel like you were the sun while giving you the universe? And you deserve that. You do…” And Louis stops. And there’s silence. And Harry is honestly waiting for something more, some conclusion but there’s none and perhaps that was the point, maybe Louis did it on purpose. Or he simply fell asleep.

~*~

Harry wakes up on an empty bed again, reason why he is taking the tube at ten in the morning – a thing he never does because it’s always filled with people, with negativity hovering their heads and fresh perfume on their skin – playing in his head the right way to Louis’ flat. This might be a mistake but he simply started stressing out when felt the cold sheets on that empty spot. He is used to the loneliness in the morning but he wanted to feel Louis’ presence this time, to feel safe. To be sure Louis is safe.

The weather is cold but he is sweating when reaches the huge gate from the flat. He never thought about the inconvenient of not being able to get in but he gets in time when an old men, – a resident definitely by the posh way he is dressed – who is nice enough to let him in when he tells him he is here to see Louis. That’s when he thinks that this is the right decision.

He relives the first and last time he came here and tries to remember the floor and door. He keeps repeating to himself _please be here, please be here_ and in that moment he doesn’t mind if Louis doesn’t open the door for him, he just wants to be sure he is there and okay.

He knocks, rings the bell and especially waits, not capable to stop on his spot. Louis has no carpet in front of his door and he had noticed that every other resident has. He doesn’t want to think about it, like he doesn’t want to think about the fact that he doesn’t have a little hook on the door to hand those Christmas decorations everybody has.

Something is wrong with him because he finds himself hoping that Louis celebrates Christmas with a smile on his face, a big sweater on, sat by the fireplace.

_10:29am are u at home?_

_10:29am pls I just want to be sure u are okay Louis_

He shoves his phone on his pocket and when is about to knock one more time on the door, he raises his arm but stops midday when it’s opened on the inside. Louis looks up at him, taking a step back. He looks pale, the sweatpants he is wearing are way too loose on him as well as the shirt. Harry sees how he grips the handle tightly, his knuckles turning white and he can almost hear him gulping in dry.

“You shouldn’t be here.” Harry opens his mouth to speak though Louis looks like he surely doesn’t want to hear, so he continues. “I’m at home as you can see. I’m not a junkie, I’m alive, I just need to rest.” He sighs, the green eyed guy knows that the moment he looks down he is about to shut the door in his face.

Harry big palm makes a loud noise when is pressed against the door, stopping it to close. He doesn’t want this guy to fade away upon his eyes but he keeps seeing Louis as a fragile and vulnerable little bird, he needs to let it fly and trust it to come back.

“I never meant it like that.” Louis presses his thin lips together, the rosy colour turns almost white. “You ran away I –“

“I said I want to rest.” He says calmly. Way too calmly. 

“You can’t just leave without saying anything to me.”

“Yes I can.”

“I get worried.”

“I don’t want that. You don’t have to.”

“Louis don’t push me away again.”

“I’m not pushing you away.” He shouts at the same time he quickly raises his head to look at Harry, who instantly drops his hand and takes one step backwards. “I want to but I find myself not being able to fucking do it.”

His heart is about to jump out of his chest, for an instant he thinks Louis regrets speaking loudly by the way his face softens – his face literally softens and Harry swears he looks like Peter Pan. But he is frustrated and Harry is almost sure he is going to shut the door on his face.

And he might try to but by how frustrated he feels, Louis harshly turns around, getting inside leaving the door an inch open. Harry can hear his footsteps hitting the floor and while biting down on his bottom lip unsure, he pushes it open again to come in.

He spots Louis walking around the room, biting his nails and focusing his eyes in one point at the floor. Harry is so afraid that he starts panicking again, he can only start walking towards Louis hoping that he can let him in, let him in and stop pushing him away hoping that somehow he can swim back to him.

“Don’t come closer.” Louis begs, not quite looking at Harry but he raises his head. Harry’s expression drops, it feels like everything is a mess and confusion hovers his head. The look Louis gives him is painful, the words he chooses are like blades, can hurt but might not kill him. “Please don’t look at me that way, _Harry_. Makes it all worse.”

He chooses to speak softly, it warms Harry’s heart but Louis is like a cover of a book. He literally is because Harry has the idea of what is inside, can judge the outside but won’t know the truth and details if he doesn’t open it and reads it, yet the words are so small and the book has so many pages. Louis feels like a lifetime.

“Why can’t you just be honest with me? Why do you keep doing this?”

“I’m not…” Louis sighs walking backwards until feeling the couch on his legs. He shakes his head “I don’t want to hurt you. I honestly don’t. I don’t know what’s so special about you that makes my head spin but I don’t want to do this.”

“What? Doing what Louis?”

“These past years of my life I’ve been fucking around with strangers, not having respect for anyone, not even myself.” he blocks contact with Harry and sits on the arm of the couch, his feet still touching the floor. “But I saw you as someone to stop making me feel alone. I want to fucking kiss you and feel something. I want to touch you and feel powerless. I want all of that but I can’t. I don’t. And I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to make this to you. I’m so afraid because this isn’t me. I’m terrifying. I’m disgusting.”

“Louis…” Harry lets out sadly not even thinking twice when walks towards the blue eyed guy. He places himself between Louis’ legs and rests his fingers over Louis’ chin, making him look up. “Don’t ever… fuck, don’t ever say that about you darling.” Louis flinches, his eyes shutting and quickly turning away, automatically pulling Harry’s touch away.

“You don’t understand what it is to have people saying that to your face your whole life. Saying worse. Doing worse.”

Harry shakes his head, he drops on his knees, being more or less at Louis’ height and grabs his cheeks with both his hands. He presses their foreheads together, his hot breathe hitting Louis’ lips while the shorter guy has probably stopped breathing even.

“Close your eyes.” He asks, while shutting his own. “Just close it. Just you and I right now, in the dark.” He whispers, hoping Louis had followed his words, his thumbs brushing the skin from Louis’ face. “I won’t let anyone come over you and hurt you. Fuck whoever did this to you, who fucked with your feelings. It wasn’t right Louis and it bothers me so much. I want to make you feel something, everything except loneliness and pain.” He pauses, slowly opens his eyes and sees Louis with his own tightly shut and his lips pursed. He keeps brushing his finger on his cheek bone, feeling their foreheads together. “I’m here sofuck anyone who has ever told you you’re not good enough, who made you feel like this, who put you down because you are fucking good enough. You are fucking gold and they are rusted copper. You hear me? You’re gorgeous Louis. You feel like a dream.”

He feels Louis shivering under his touch, biting his lip lightly.

“You don’t deserve to be hurt.” He puts his hands above Harry’s, slowly pulling them away from his face. His eyes are opened and he stares into Harry’s. “And I don’t deserve having you doing this to me.”

“I want to.”

Louis shakes his head, besides his words he doesn’t even flinch by how close Harry is from him. “No you don’t.”

“Stop trying to change my mind. Stop saying what I feel without me actually saying it.”

“It costs me because we’re so much alike.” He presses his lips tightly together, sincerity and sadness are able to be understood on his tone of voice. “It doesn’t seem so but we are. The words I told you last night… it was Liam who said it to me when he –“ he stops, looks away from Harry and shuts his eyes once again. “when he found me and made me leave the agency I was working on to do what I’m doing now.” His voice shakes, Harry doesn’t understand quite well what he is actually talking about but he hears carefully either way. “The thing is that it applies to you too. You’re trying to help me in the worst way when in reality it actually helps you as well.”

“I don’t –“

“You feel alone don’t you?” Louis quickly turns his gaze to Harry, their faces inches apart from each other. Harry can almost feel the warmth from Louis’ lips on his. “You are hurt but you can’t admit it.”

“I’m not hurt.”

“Yes you are Harry that’s why you’re doing this. You pity me and to make yourself feel better, you are trying to help me.” He half yells, his tiredness not letting him do more, forcing Harry to frown and pull his head away just a little bit.

He senses how frustrated Louis is getting again, ready at any minute to stand up and walk away from Harry but the green eyed boy presses his hands over his thighs, his fingers deep on his skin. It’s not in a harsh way, _no_ , Louis even feels surprised with the gentle way the warmth passes through the fabric from his sweatpants and is slightly welcome.

“Please stop.” He shuts his eyes tightly, holding on to everything he can with the strength that is left inside of him. “Stop doing this. Stop saying that and believe in me.” He squeezes Louis’ thighs and feels Louis tensing in front of him, his breathing heavy close to his face, his body frozen by the shock. Maybe the shock of seeing Harry not giving up. “I want you okay. I want us okay. Stop arguing.” His voice gets a bit louder but his tone is still soft, even though a bit desperate.

“No, _Harry_ –“

“Shhh, please,” Harry interrupts, his hands going up from Louis’ thighs, to rest behind his neck and pulling him closer. “Louis, please.” He feels Louis shaking but he doesn’t really know what is happening, he doesn’t understand. Harry feels tired of fighting, tired of saying to Louis, proving to him that he is for real, he is there. “Let me. Let me stay. Let me help. I want to. I want you.”

“Harry… I… I feel weak.”

“What?” Harry opens his eyes seeing how pale Louis still looks, shutting his eyes slowly, feeling lighter under Harry’s touch.

“I feel like… sleeping.”

Louis’ head collides with Harry’s, his body gives up and Harry is just there. He is there and he holds him before he passes out. It seems almost natural the way Louis slides from the arm of the couch to Harry’s arm and how he fits against his chest, on his lap.

He bets if Louis was awake he would hear his heartbeat perfectly bumping fast but his arms get around his body, he makes Louis rest his head on his chest and pets his hair, rocking their bodies back and forth.

“All right darling, I got you.” He whispers and is so, so fucking thankful to hear Louis breathing normally with his lashes lightly touching his cheekbones.

~*~

“Smells… good.” Harry turns around from the balcony and looks behind him. Louis with the same baggy clothes is there brushing his eyes with his knuckles.

Harry’s lips twist automatically into a smile, seeing how much better he looks before he had laid him upstairs in his room, asleep, even though his voice still sounds husky and sleepy.

Harry found himself amazed by Louis’ room, being it the first time he had the opportunity to _really_ look into it. It’s minimalist, huge but simple and brings some kind of cosiness. The furniture is all in black and white, the window Harry remembers from a picture Louis once sent to him, is bigger than he thought it’d be. The blinds shut if you press a button, the intensity of the lights can be controlled with a remote. Everything looks like Louis really and Harry actually loves it.

“I’ve cooked you some soup for lunch but you didn’t wake up so now I’m making dinner. You need to eat everything now, yeah?”

“How long have I been passed out?” He walks towards the island, sitting down on the same place Harry remembers him sitting the last time he was here.

Harry places the cloth that was previously rested on his shoulder, back to the balcony. “Well it’s almost seven o’clock. So if my maths are correct, I’m saying around eight, nine hours.” Louis’ eyes get widely open, in surprise.

“That’s… a lot.”

“You needed to rest properly. I think your body had a lack of energy or something.”

“That happens,” Louis looks away, his voice small. “when I do these drugs, erm, it takes time for me to recover from them. Makes me feel very weak and… moody.”

Harry nods. “I understand. You need to eat though. I’m making pasta Bolognese. You need proteins and carbs.” He hears Louis sighing and sees the way he supports his chin on the palm of his hand. It’s Harry’s cue to look away and continue cooking.

“What have you been doing all this time, though?”

“Watching TV, been on my phone, ran out of battery now. Currently cooking.” He answers, mixing the meat with the sauce in the pot, adding a bit of cheese. “I’m sorry for staying, I couldn’t just –“

“Yeah…” Louis interrupts him, Harry bites his bottom lip, not daring to turn around but just keep doing what he is doing. “I don’t… I’m glad.” He simply says and Harry doesn’t question anything until “I want to apologise. Don’t speak, don’t comment or anything, please. Just listen.” He says quickly and then there’s a pause and Harry casually continues doing what he is working on. “I haven’t been fair to you since day one. You deserve better. You said I was too much, too good for you, too out of reach but it’s the otherwise. Believe me when I say it. I wish I could give you the universe, _Harry_. But I’m afraid I will never be able to. Now if you want to stay… I will try not to push you away again and if I do… please don’t give up – don’t give up on me. I don’t want to make you sad anymore.”

Harry automatically stops his wrist from spinning the spoon. He bites his lips hard from smiling, his eyes focused on the tile in front of him. He truly considers on turning around and just go towards Louis and hug him, thank him from those words but something stops him and it’s not only Louis’ voice being heard again.

“Now, can I eat that soup? While you finish that wonderful pasta?”

“Sure, go to the living room and I will bring it to you.”

“No. In my house we only eat in the kitchen. So I’m staying here. Yeah I… am staying.” This time Harry turns around, he looks at Louis, who apparently was looking at him all this time. “I wanna try. Let’s try.” His smile is small but it’s there and Harry understands what he is trying to say. “With the pasta too I mean. I want to eat with you. At the same time.” He chuckles, shakes his head and looks up at the ceiling. “This is ridiculous to say and I’m spitting a mess of words.”

“Sure.” Harry simply answers, his smile is huge and it takes Louis by surprise how he reacts. “Of course, I will get your soup in a minute.” He nods, keeping it casual, not showing to Louis how his heart his beating so fast, how he is jumping on the inside because this seems something huge. Somehow, Harry finds that this is something huge, this is Louis answering at their conversation previously.

He lets Harry in.

He accepts his help.

And Harry is up for it, Harry wants to make him comfortable and wants to help the best he can.

So that’s what he does.

He doesn’t pressure Louis when puts the plate of soup in front of him. He smiles down at the blue eyed guy, nods and turns around to finish the pasta.

Louis seems to eat slowly, he hears the spoon hitting the plate minute a minute but he doesn’t look. He keeps himself busy, giving the impression that he is not there or there’s a wall separating the two.

Louis finishes around ten minutes later and just then Harry dares to rest his hand above his head, just a slight and quick gesture and returns to set the table now for the two of them.

Harry is nervous, yet he hides it. He doesn’t know anything behind Louis’ fear – if he can call it that. He doesn’t know what he is keeping from Harry that makes him not want to eat in public or just in front of someone – if he even keeps something. Harry still doesn’t understand but he won’t pressure Louis to make him so.

“Can I turn on the TV?” Harry suggests looking over at Louis, who is walking over to sit on the same spot from before.

“Please.”

Harry nods once again. _Keep it normal. Keep it casual. Keep it cool_.

“Mamma Mia? Again?” Louis comments, laughing – bless – when _Money Money Money_ starts playing.

“It’s my favourite movie, Louis.” Harry teases. “Respect my choices, ple – _Money Money Money, must be funny, in the rich man’s world.”_ He starts singing, swinging his hips to the sides while carrying the food to the table.

Louis is looking at him in both horror and amusement, trying his best not to start laughing at the bizarre show Harry is giving him.

“ _Money, money, money, always sunny, in the rich man's world._ ” He keeps singing before sitting down next to Louis. “This song is so relatable, I’m gonna tear up.” He cleans the fake tears from the corner of his eyes with his thumb, finally making Louis slip his laugh.

“Oh _Harry_ , shove a cactus in your anus, buddy.”

“I see, we are back at the amazing insults you choose to give me when you have nothing better to say.” Harry smirks, serving the pasta to Louis and then putting it on his own plate as well.

“Harsh but bearable. I’m still winning.”

“If it makes you feel better, who am I to take you that sensation away?” he twists the pasta with the Bolognese around his fork, putting it to his mouth.

_Keep it normal. Keep it casual. Keep it cool_.

“Can you believe that it’s the first time I’m turning on this TV?” Harry snorts, consequently making him almost spit the whole food from his mouth causing Louis to start laughing again. “I know I’m hilarious but let’s not cover this kitchen with saliva, snot and leftovers coming out from your mouth.”

Harry grabs his napkin, leading it towards his mouth, trying his best to swallow the food while freaking laughing and coughing at the same time. “Jesus, please don’t kill me.”

“Are you talking to me or Jesus for real?”

Harry rolls his eyes, this time drinking from the glass of water and taking a deep breathe. “I just wanted to eat in peace while watching Mamma Mia.” Harry jokes, noticing that Louis has already picked up the fork from the table as well as the big spoon, to help to twist the pasta.

“You can never eat in peace while watching Mamma Mia.” Louis mocks and Harry shakes his head.

His eyes instantly land on the small TV screen on the wall, he continues eating. The song has long finished and it’s already on the part where the window is finally being fixed. It’s safe to say that Harry has every line, every lyrics on the tip of his tongue.

“One day it’s going to be my turn to perform lay your love on me, over Greek sand.” He says out loud, his eyes focused on the movie while his hand awkwardly takes small bits of pasta to his lips.

“Wearing a thong and flippers with an inflatable doll above you, I bet.”

“ _Lewis_.” He looks over the guy with an offended expression – read offended expression while cracking a stupid smile on his face. Louis only shrugs and looks down at his plate as if he had said nothing.

Harry sees how Louis carefully spreads all the food on his plate, choosing and picking with his fork small amounts of pasta to twist. That’s all he gets before going back at watching the movie.

And it basically goes like that. Harry spends the whole dinner commenting the movie, which he knows, even though Louis hates it and probably is tired of watching and listening to as well, he hears what Harry says. Even comments and teases the green eyed guy about it. Harry only sends him small glances, so it doesn’t feel that awkward. Overall it actually feels… normal. Normal and good. Harry enjoys it

It takes longer than the usual for Harry to finish his meal but he is glad that happens since Louis finishes at the same time as him. They do the dishes and Louis helps Harry to clean everything he did while cooking dinner.

When only the oven is left to clean, Harry does it – _no I will do it Louis I feel like you would set the house on fire just by cleaning it, you know shit about kitchens. Well Harry choke on your spoon then._ – while Louis sits on his usual seat while watching the movie still playing.

“At the end, you’re the real Mamma Mia fan.”

“I’m only watching it because of Colin Firth… and maybe also because of Amanda Seyfried because let’s be real here, she is the queen.”

“Maybe I will agree with you because you’re right.”

“I’m always right, you know… for future reference.”

Harry looks over at Louis by the corner of his eyes spotting him looking back at him, with an actual pacific expression. So that’s how Louis looks at him when he is not looking back... Harry finds himself smiling and maybe it’s a mistake because Louis notices and quickly looks away, up at the screen.

_Our last summer_ starts playing just when Harry has finished everything. “You know this might be my favourite –“ he is forced to stop because right before he is about to turn around from the balcony, he feels Louis gripping the fabric of his shirt on his fist and pressing his forehead on his back.

He had done this before and Harry feels the same palpitation on his chest, he also grips the edge of the balcony, keeping himself still while feeling Louis’ presence from behind.

“Thank you. For being you.”

“Erm… You’re –You’re welcome.” He gulps in dry making his best not to move or even to breathe since he is afraid that that will pull Louis and the touch away.

“Don’t want to be here anymore. Forget the movie, I want to take you somewhere else.”

“O –Okay.”

Louis pulls away and Harry is screaming _come back_. But not out loud, no, he says it in his head where no one can hear except for him.

When he turns around Louis is turning off the TV and making signal for Harry to follow him. He sees Louis grabbing a blanket from the couch and for much odd that seems Harry doesn’t comment on it, he sticks up on following the smaller guy. They keep some distance between their bodies as well as silence in the air.

They get downstairs but instead of leaving from the front door, where Harry came in the morning, Louis leads him to a door from the back and when he opens it they instantly feel the comfortable, chilly breeze from outside.

Harry would never guess that the building would have a small garden, especial like this one. It’s in a shape of a square and the only view they have is a huge, grey wall that probably belongs to other building from the neighbourhood. The grass is very green making Harry wonder if it’s fake or if they have a proper gardener for this. There’s one outdoor light in each corner and a short tree in the centre.

Louis locks the door from behind them and when Harry meets his gaze, looking back, Louis shyly – _shyly_ – smiles a little to look down and walk towards the tree.

He lays the blanket there and sits down right away leaving Harry speechless on the same spot.

“It’s not one of the prettiest places,” He presses his hands behind his back on the floor, looking up at the sky. “but I honestly feel very calm in here.” He confesses and Harry knows Louis has some kind of controversy about making the other feel like is special in his life but honestly, Harry does. He feels so fucking special after Louis bringing him here, telling him this for not talking about the big development in the kitchen previously.

Harry walks towards him and instead of sitting he lays down on the blanket, his hands above his chest also looking up at the dark sky, speckled with stars.

“I once asked what your favourite place to be was and you answered a plane. Why that and not this?”

“Because that’s really my favourite place to be. This garden is the closest feeling I have from that.”

“Why a plane?” Harry turns his head to look up and the blue eyed man, who meets his eyes.

“Because it takes you to places. Makes you go above the clouds and you’re flying. I feel free.” Harry smiles with that one and how Louis’ voice sounds so peaceful. “This place is kind of like that as well. In the morning, I look up at the clouds and I feel free. I can’t really tell you how that happens… it just does.”

Louis looks away and Harry is again seeing a different Louis. A different one that might be the real one. From all the Louis’s Harry has seen and met this one seems the realest. And he can’t take his eyes off of him, Louis has galaxies in his mind and he is there, gently picking the grass next to him, and he is shining.

Harry doesn’t see Louis as someone who is broken, he only thinks he is lost. There’s a chance that both are trying to fill the cracks in their souls, that others left empty, with the help of the other and Harry only sees that as hope painted in colours from the sunset.

Louis might notice those green eyes marking his skin with their glow and maybe it hurts him, those sparks hitting his fragile and soft skin. He turns around, a fist filled with fresh, green grass and lets them fall, almost graciously, on top of Harry’s face. Harry or maybe Louis – definitely both start giggling with the moment, too drunk by the humid air, poor light and smell of grass – that Harry likes to describe it as watermelon sense.

“This is what you get from staring at me all the time.” Louis jokes, picking more grass from the side, then let it fall above Harry’s chest and neck this time. It tickles Harry causing him more giggles – but he doesn’t really push Louis away or makes any kind of effort to shake the grass away from his locks of hair.

“I don’t care,” more grass and Louis’ smile gets wider. “It’s impossible not wanting to stare at you.” Louis is the one stopping, his fingers still with traces of small pieces of grass stuck there, blue meets green like a wave crashing a rock.

“Will you ever stop saying nice things to me?” And it’s soft, the question comes out so gently and carefully, Harry isn’t used to that, especially coming from Louis.

He shakes his head as an answer, feeling the grass falling from his hair and tickling his body. Louis’ eyes travel from his eyes to his curly hair. He lets one of his arms fall on the blanket, supporting his body and with the other hand he reaches over to take the green pieces from Harry’s hair.

Harry follows every movement and once again Louis notices but doesn’t comment on it. He goes to touch Harry’s face and it still is to clean the mess he had done, yet Harry is breathless. Louis’ fingertips touch his eyebrows, brushing the small hair to the same side, then his thumb brushes against his cheekbone.

It slides down through Harry’s neck, the warmth of his body and the cold from Louis’ fingers contrasts in his skin but is pleasant. He keeps cleaning the grass from his collarbones and shirt, it’s all so smooth and innocent but Harry is sure if he can hear his own heartbeat then Louis can feel it. He is touching him and that’s enough to make Harry feel this way. There’s nothing behind this touch, it’s just… sweet.

Louis holds himself on his elbow, resting his head on the palm of his hand this time. His body lines up with Harry’s. Their faces are closer now and Harry can’t still fucking take his eyes off of the beautiful boy next to him. He is under some type of curse or in this case spell.

Louis meets his eyes again, his expression is serious and oh fuck – _fucking fuck_ , Harry just wants to kiss him. 

“Green eye colour is often confused with hazel eye colour, yet is entirely separate and distinct.” Louis speaks and Harry is almost relieved. Louis’ available hand, previously tracing Harry’s body, goes up again to slightly touch Harry’s eyelashes, forcing the taller guy to shut his eyes. Harry never thought it’d feel so comforting. And Louis is still gentle, he is so freaking gentle with every touch he shares. “Green eye colour is the rarest colour found around the world,” Harrys stops feeling his fingertips on his lashes to quickly feel them stroking his fringe, pulling the locks to the side. “and it is estimated that only around two percent of the world’s population has green coloured eyes.” Small pause, Harry opens his eyes. “ _Harry_ , you’re rare gift. Not only to the world but to me. Especially to me.”

And _wow_ okay – wow, _shit_. Louis’ voice is beautiful and passionate. His words melt on Harry’s skin.

“Lou…” he manages to whisper, his hands instantly cupping one of his cheek. Louis leans over to the touch, almost nuzzling his cheek there, closing his eyes, which is not expectable. Harry’s thumb brushes over his bottom lip and he wants to lean over, fuck, Harry wants it so badly. He is craving kissing those lips and not expecting anything else later, kissing until their lips are swollen, until breathless pants leave their mouths and just that. Just sharing that moment and not having second intentions.

But Louis shakes his head right in the moment Harry is about to lean over. “Please don’t kiss me.” And it hurts Harry’s heart, it’s physically painful to hear that and being rejected this way. Louis touches his wrist, staying there, not really pulling the touch away. His blue eyes are shown now. “Just… not now. I can’t do it now. Okay?”

“Yeah…” Harry whispers back, feeling the need to keep his voice quiet. Their faces are still so close he just can’t handle this.

“Thank you.” Louis finally pulls Harry’s hand away and laying right next to him. He makes sure their arms are touching side to side.

He takes a deep breathe, his eyes are semi opened, forming then a small smile on his lips. Harry doesn’t know what any of this means.

“Would it be crazy if we stayed outside the whole night?” He asks and Harry would turn his head to look at him if he hadn’t been doing that this whole time.

“Yeah it would.” _But not as crazy as you make me feel._

“Would you stay here for me?”

“I mean like… you suck sometimes.” Harry jokes. “But at this point I’d do everything for you.” Somehow, and Harry can say that, Louis’ smile changes. And he might see that hope, glory, satisfaction and affection. He just doesn’t know if that’s the right thing to think at this point, yet it makes all seem so bright.

“ _Harry Styles_ , one of these days you’re going to make me cry. That’s dangerous. That’s fucking dangerous.” And he is looking back at the stars while Harry looks directly at the sun.

~*~

When Harry wakes up, besides the fact that he is outside and his nose feels bloody cold, his body is warm. He feels warm, inside out honestly. He still feels the blanket covering his bottom half that last night he had used to cover his and Louis’ body, so both their other halves are touching the grass – so this is definitely not the reason why he feels warm.

He feels Louis’ body pressed against his – more like his body is pressed against Louis.

He knows his arm somehow made its way above Louis’ tummy, his torso is connected to Louis’ side and he can literally smell Louis. His nose his attached to his neck, snuggling there and causing his own hot breathe to warm up his face.

Harry hums due how comfy it feels – apparently the fact he is laid down on the grass outside doesn’t affect him – brushing his nose on Louis’ exposed skin. He hears giggles and maybe that’s what wakes him up completely, being aware of the situation.

“Tickles.” He hears and Harry instantly pulls away, as well as his arm, startled.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Your nose is cold.” Louis looks up at him, still laid down, a small lazy smile plastered on his face. His hair is a mess but his eyes look tired, though he looks the type of comfy Harry would use to describe how he is feeling. “Are you cold?”

Harry breathes out, the fresh hair now hitting his whole face, relieved that Louis doesn’t seem to feel affected by the small cuddle they shared.

“Erm, it’s bearable.”

“Well then,” He sits up, stretching his arms up in the air, his eyes shutting tightly causing crinkles to appear at the corner of his eyes. “better if we get inside. Don’t want you to catch a cold because of me. Already made you spent the whole night here.” He looks at the side for a moment, before getting up.

“Sorry about… about that.” Harry scratches the back of his head, getting up as well and letting Louis grab the blanket, shaking the dirt out of it.

“Well, I will let it pass this time.” He starts walking, getting the keys to open the door. “But just you know that next time I won’t be cool about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Louis' speech insp. [here](http://blu3v3ins.tumblr.com/search/sometimes%20I%20kiss) and [here](http://blu3v3ins.tumblr.com/search/i%20think%20about%20dying)
> 
> Contact me on 
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> [Tumblr](http://fresharold.tumblr.com/)
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/blu3v3ins)


	6. VI. Lilac sky;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry gives Louis the universe so he can finally see the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****  
>   
> 
> 
> [colors](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNt28Tx-cw0) by halsey
> 
> [(i just) died in your arms ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieUJBcJp2vE)by bastille
> 
> [midnight](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQeMxWjpr-Y) by coldplay
> 
> [wake me up](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qC6peZfXdEI) by ed sheeran
> 
> [bloodstream](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIJHg1XWR7o) by ed sheeran
> 
> [all through the night ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tf4arzZXEiA)by sleeping at last
> 
> [saturn ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3lWwMHFhnA)by sleeping at last
> 
> [can't help falling in love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGJTaP6anOU) by elvis presley 
> 
> [touch](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WW06AH0D6mY) by elissa francechi 
> 
>  **[warning:** tiny bit of homophobic reference **]**

**Chapter V. Lilac Sky;**

"You taught me the courage of stars before you left.  
How light carries on endlessly, even after death.  
With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite.  
How rare and beautiful it is to even exist."

**\- Saturn by Sleeping at Last**

~*~

 

_6:25pm Make me food………._

**_6:27pm Can’t you be more romantic????_ **

_6:28pm make me food in the rain…?_

**_6:28pm im slightly touched_ **

**_6:28pm slightly_ **

_6:28pm I’m glad then harri_

**_6:28pm anyway I’m going to start dinner then, hope you get on your way soon_ **

_6:28pm okay sure yes, thank you_

**_6:29pm I’m thinking about making spaghetti and meatballs_ **

**_6:29pm what do you think?_ **

_6:29pm sounds yummy_

_6:29pm swagetti and memeballs_

**_6:29pm you’re uninvited_ **

_6:29pm that’s fair_

_6:32pm but you’re kidding right?_

_6:32pm I can still come over……_

**_6:33pm I’m sighing loudly_ **

**_6:33pm of course puppy_ **

_6:33pm don’t call me puppy or I will slit your knee caps and ship you to Antarctica._

**_6:33pm sounds chilly should I pack the big black jacket or the green one with fur?_ **

_6:33pm even though the black one looks too formal_

_6:33pm I think you should go for that one since it would help you to fit into the penguin community_

**_6:33pm my biggest dream_ **

_6:33pm you’re welcome_

**_6:34pm where would I be without you_ **

_6:34pm not in Antarctica for sure_

**_6:34pm im so lucky *tears up*_ **

**_6:34pm anyway im going to be busy now_ **

**_6:34pm and cock you dinner_ **

**_6:34pm OH MY GOD_ **

**_6:34pm dELETE_ **

_6:34pm was that auto corrector or are you horny?_

**_6:34pm I’m not answering_ **

_6:34pm so you’re horny_

_6:34pm I’ll make sure to wear my best underwear_

_6:34pm also will likely be a little late because of who I am as a person_

_6:34pm but that will only give you a little more time to be prepared_

**_6:34pm still not answering_ **

_6:35pm of course_

~*~

“You have an extremely good ability to cock meatballs, _Harry_.” Louis smirks and Harry looks at him for what it feels like the first time since they started eating.

“I thought you already knew that it was kind of my speciality.” He rests his chin on the palm of his hand, his elbow on the table and leans a little bit over Louis.

The blue eyed guy starts laughing and even Harry is a little bit taken aback with his comment. “Got me speechless here, who knew I was such a good teacher at flirting.”

“I definitely am not flirting with you.” Otherwise his words he keeps looking straight at Louis’ eyes and that only makes Louis lean over, getting closer to his face.

“Oh you aren’t?” he mimics Harry’s position, both guys looking at each other with a half empty plate and an empty bottle of red wine.

“I don’t think I need to.” Louis licks his lips with that one, causing Harry’s gaze to drop and look at how wet and shiny Louis got them.

“Yeah… maybe you don’t.” Louis then presses them together and pulls away, straightening his back on the chair. “But now back to the serious conversation here. Meatballs.”

“Obviously.” Harry laughs, repeating Louis’ previous actions as well.

“I’ve noticed you own a lot of recipes books.” Louis points at the pile of books at the corner of the balcony. “You’re quite good cooker.”

Harry shrugs, a small smile threatening to slip. “I earned them from my mom.” He says referring to the books. “She taught me a lot of things in the kitchen. I believe cooking is a bit of an art you know? Not only the way you prepare it but also the way you present it.”

“Is that why you work in that restaurant?”

Harry shrugs again. “Maybe. But I only serve tables. Might have worked in the kitchen twice when someone got sick. Not much. But I don’t mind. I get to cook for you now though, it kind of woken up this little me because I had stopped properly cooking. Especially because I didn’t get the time or even patience. So thanks for that.” He looks back at his food, grabbing his fork and playing with the other half of his meatball.

“You’re welcome.” And Harry is sure he can hear a smile so when he looks up, it’s shown to him that he wasn’t completely wrong.

Louis takes his glass of wine, drinking the last gulp at the bottom. “Let me go get another bottle.” Harry points at the empty glass standing up straight away.

He finds the wished wine and before walking back to the table Louis’ voice is heard. “My adopted father taught be to play the piano.”

Harry sits down and looks carefully at Louis, who this time doesn’t look back. He decides to start opening the bottle, the question at the tip of his tongue doesn’t manage to come out.

“I was…” Louis’ voice cracks not letting him finish his sentence. He quickly looks away, hiding his face from Harry.

“Hey,” Harry’s hand rests on top of his shoulder, taking Louis by surprise. “you don’t have to do anything.” He smiles in assurance, Louis’ eyes searching for something he can’t reach on Harry’s face. He simply doesn’t find it.

The moment Harry fills Louis’ glass back, the guy grabs it to drink half of it right away. The way he puts it down looks majestic and charming and he keeps staring to catch the way Louis’ fingers pull away from the glass.

“I was abandoned by my biological parents when I was only two years old.” Harry remains in silence, he knows that even though Louis’ face is turned to him, he isn’t really _looking_. “They say that kids that are abandoned in an early age tend to have emotional problems when they grow older.” He continues after some seconds in silence. “Which is weird because they are young and the ones that are older tend to have more memories, they might even remember. I don’t remember anything. But it’s said that they still have psychological problems, like, with people and themselves, or some shit.” He laughs wryly. Harry wants to say something nice or just hold his hand. “Maybe that’s why I am like this. But I got a family then, shouldn’t that be enough? Shouldn’t that solve the problem?” he asks and _shit_ he actually asks, expecting an answer.

“It remains there. The loss. They were your parents and they did that to you. You didn’t deserve it.” Harry shakes his head. He agrees with Louis now, about them being similar. Louis also lost his parents, with the difference that they were the ones choosing to leave while Harry’s didn’t want to. “They didn’t leave you a memory, not even an explanation.” Louis nods, probably agreeing with Harry’s words even if they didn’t really answer his question.

Okay Louis is opening up to Harry, by his free will. It’s happening and suddenly Harry can’t distinguish the wrong from the good. He can’t fuck up now.

“I was the one leaving the –the ones that chose to be with me. The only people that fucking showed me how to treat others with respect were the ones that at the end couldn’t respect me. Everything started to be a lie eventually.”

Harry moves his hand above the table, getting closer to Louis’. It doesn’t reach him but Louis notices, his fingers move as in wanting to have some kind of touch but he stops himself as well.

“They told me I was going to burn in hell.” He says it crudely, as if he was saying those words the same way they were spoken to him. Harry flinches with that. “They were really religious, if they knew I was gay before adopting me I think they’d have changed their mind. It’d be better for me. My life would have been different. I wouldn’t be here with you, _Harry_.”  

“If it meant you’d be happier, you’d feel better with yourself then I wish it would have been like that as well.”

Louis analyses his expression, his eyes looking attentively at him. Harry means it even though a string of selfishness blew him before speaking those words. Even though he is so glad to have met this guy right here, he would want Louis to have a better and happier life. Whatever it happened to him during these years, he wished it hadn’t, he wished he could have gotten a better family in the first place that wouldn’t make him choose to leave them.

And what happened to Louis after that? Harry wonders if he lived homeless in the streets. How he got to France then. How he got his job. Or the job before this one since he worked for a photography agency apparently, how he knew that French guy from the party Harry went with him…

“I want to tell you everything I have in the darkest places of my mind.” Harry hears Louis genuine voice. “But it will take time, okay?”

Harry nods. “As long as you tell me when you feel comfortable to, when you think it fits the moment. I’m going to listen to you.”

“I’m glad I got to meet you, _Harry Styles_.”

And _oh_ , Louis smiles, he sees some type of smile even though it’s not meant for Harry to see it. Even after everything that happened to him, Louis is still glad he met Harry even if it meant to go through everything during his twenty six years alive.

There’s something else in there, Harry is sure. Louis’ absence of a good family – that happened twice – affected him a lot, made the person he is today. But there’s more, it pains Harry to know that there’s more behind that porcelain skin.

“I went shopping today…” Louis says out of nowhere, the sound of cutlery hitting the plate is heard around the kitchen. Harry cleans his mouth on his napkin and takes a sip of his wine, waiting for Louis to continue. “Like, before I came here.”

“Oh, it explains why you arrived half an hour later.”

“I warned you.” Louis laughs, turning his body to Harry’s, crossing his legs and grabbing the glass of wine.

There’s something in the way he looks that… turns Harry on. It seems the most obscene thing ever seen, maybe even coming out of a porno. The red wine on the translucent glass contrasting with the colour of his glossy lips, his eyes shining, his black shirt with the three buttons undone and _hell_ , just his face looking at Harry fucks him up.

“Such a nice gesture of yours.”

“I’m very charming.” He smirks, that smirk is something Harry got used to a couple of months ago but it didn’t make its appearance in a while. He clearly can’t feel the tip of his fingers. “That’s why I went there to buy French lingerie since I remembered a conversation we once had.”

Harry is sure that if he was drinking or eating something he’d choke and die. “Wha –What?” Louis smiles, Louis fucking smiles leading the glass towards his lips, slowly drinking the liquid without never looking away from Harry.

“You don’t believe it?” He raises his brows challenging. “Well I only bought the panties, of course, but it’s pretty daring. Not as comfy as I’d expect,” he adjust himself on the chair. “but it’s worth it.”

 _Fuck._ Harry is so fucked. He doesn’t even know how the simple act of breathing works out.

“Course, erm, I believe. More wine?” He asks but instead of raising the bottle he raises his own glass.

Louis laughs and _oh_ _that’s hot_. Even his laugh is sexy and Harry is not okay. He toasts his own glass with Harry’s, teasingly, always with the same cheeky grin on his face. By this time Harry is gulping in dry.

“I can stop right here,” he says a bit more serious, giving a second for Harry to take a deep breathe. “and not go any further. If that’s the case please tell me.” He gets closer to Harry but still keeps a safe space between them, Harry not even moving.

Louis is being serious, one hundred percent serious here and Harry knows that if he tells him no and to stop Louis will and everything will go back to normal. But by the way Harry bites his lip he knows he wants the old normal. He wants Louis, he wants Louis so much and it doesn’t even cross his mind that maybe Louis doesn’t want him the same way he does because it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter to him since if he can get at least half of what he wishes for it will be enough. It’s more than enough and Louis gives him already a lot.

“I…” he is afraid Louis can’t hear him even though he is right next to him. He clears his throat and looks up and down at Louis, whose jeans are too tight and he can’t believe he hasn’t noticed the small but obvious bulge on his crotch this whole time. “Don’t. Don’t stop I mean.”

Louis’ lips twist into a small smile, one from someone that clearly got what he wanted.

“So you want to see it, _hum_?” He stands up, glass in his hand and Harry can smell him when he gets closer, leans over and puts his available hand on the back of his chair. “Answer me.”

“Yeah…” He answers slowly, not being able to take his eyes off from Louis and his messy hair and nice lips and gorgeous, gorgeous bloodshot eyes. “Fuck, yes I do.” He breathes out. Louis passes his tongue through his own bottom lip sinking his teeth afterwards.

It’s a quick gesture and Harry wonders if he had rehearsed it before but Louis, with his hand and feet, is able to turn Harry’s chair around to face his body completely. Harry doesn’t know how but he had spread his legs instantly so Louis is able to be stood up nicely between them.

A drop of wine falls onto Harry’s thighs leaving there a darker spot. “Oops?” Louis smirks, his hand making its way to Harry’s chin to make him properly look up.

He gets his thumb on Harry’s bottom lip in a way of telling him to open his mouth. Harry does so and Louis leans the glass to pour liquid into his mouth, a little bit dribbling out at the corner of his lips, which Louis is quick to lean over and lick it. He looks at Harry’s green eyes right before he shoves his tongue inside his mouth, both tasting the wine at the same time.

Harry doesn’t know if he should moan or purr with that. But he is thankful that he isn’t wearing anything white otherwise they’d make a mess of it. Not that it matters at this point.

“Tastes good, doesn’t it?” Harry hums as an answer, he wants to know how Louis can turn these things to be so sexy and hot and how he does it so well. “Undress me.” He whispers in Harry’s ear, licking his earlobe. He puts the glass on the table next to them and gets Harry’s hands above the buttons of his shirt. “First this.”

Harry licks his lips, still tasting the red wine from them and without unlocking eyes with Louis he undoes the buttons as quick as he can, probably record time, looking like an expert without even glancing at it – he’d probably be able to do it with only one hand even.

Louis doesn’t let him slide the shirt out of his shoulders, leaving it there, he takes Harry’s hands again and leads them to the button and zip of his jeans.

“I bet they look amazing on you.” Harry compliments him, Louis looking at him as if he was drunk. Harry knows he isn’t, he knows he is sober, at his best a bit tipsy, yet he just looks at him in a way sober Louis wouldn’t look.

“You won’t know until you see it, right?” He dares him, his both hands sinking on Harry’s locks of hair, making it look wild and messier.

Harry works on Louis’ jeans then, dropping his gaze from the guy for a moment to focus only on it. His hands are even shaking a bit with all the adrenaline running though his veins.

When Harry unzips them he runs his hands through Louis’ slim waist, feeling the softness and creating a pleasant sound with skin brushing skin.

He gets on the waist from the jeans then and Louis pulls his long hair a little, encouraging him to take them off. Harry doesn’t waste time so after knowing he has permission to do it, he slowly exposes the black, lace cloth to his eyes, quickly revealing Louis’ crotch and thigh.

The panties only cover his cock and even that doesn’t make its work well since Harry can see everything through it, realising how hard Louis already is to the side and he imagines the amount of friction he got from his tight jeans.

With his mouth agape he lets Louis’ jeans fall until his ankles, where the other guy steps out of it and knocks them away on the floor.

“Fuck, so pretty.” Harry says right away, his hands going behind to grab Louis’ ass, feeling most of it since it’s barely covered, and pushing him closer to Harry’s face. “So fucking hot.” He bites Louis’ hip bone, nibbling all the way down to the beginning of his thigh, over the panties, to suck a reddish mark there.

Louis grabs the most hair he can get from the back of Harry’s neck and _jesus_ , Harry never felt like this. The mess in his belly is normal but it was never this intense. Louis looks amazing, it’s not even questionably, especially when his velvety/silky shirt lays just a little bit pass his hips. It’s perfect, it’s so beautiful and Harry doesn’t know what he did so well to deserve this.

“Just for you, _ma petit amour_.”

“You’re amazing. _Wow_ ,” he licks under his navel and when looks up, he sees Louis biting down on his lip watching him. “Do you realise how beautiful this looks on you.” Louis smiles sweetly and yes, he still looks like he is drunk and Harry loves this new smile he won. “I want to touch you all over.” He squeezes Louis’ ass and then slides his hands down his thighs.

Louis hums, appreciating the touch and is enough for Harry to look down and lick Louis’ cock above the cloth. With that Louis is quick to lean over, put Harry’s hands away and sit on his lap, throwing his own around Harry’s neck.

“Your touch…” Louis starts, breathless. Louis is fucking breathless. “makes me feel…” he sucks Harry’s neck, pulling to the side the collar of his sweater to get more access. “insane...”

Harry feels him nibbling on the crock of his neck then licking, sucking and just brushing his lips there and Harry fucking loves it. He feels like it’s a privilege to have such touch coming from Louis.

Harry’s hands travel down Louis’ back, reaching the bottom of his spine to push Louis by his ass. Louis lets out a whimper by the way his cock brushes against Harry’s pants, which happens to be close to his crotch.

“You make me so hard.” Harry whispers in his ear, encouraging Louis to grind on him, his hands squeezing his ass one more time and then massaging – literally massaging – the side of Louis’ legs. “You drive me crazy.” He kisses the curve of Louis’ neck causing the blue eyed man to bite down on Harry’s exposed collarbone afterwards.

“Off with your shirt.”

Louis sees the way Harry throws it away, hitting what it seems a plant and he would care about it if it wasn’t for the circumstance.

Louis takes time now. He literally stares at Harry’s body, almost in an intimidating way, however he passes his fingertips through Harry’s chest, just casually touching. It’s delicate and careful. His hands then grab the back of Harry’s neck, his thumb rubbing the skin there and _wow_.

“I’m so hard.” He breathes out and Harry laughs. He actually laughs because for a moment, for an intense moment, he thought Louis was going to say something deep, something meaningful but it ended up to be that. Something Harry can _feel_.

The blue eyed man laughs as well probably understanding the whole situation.

“I can see that.” Harry smirks, biting down on his lip. He leans over to press his lips on Louis’ jaw, sucking the skin there and Louis lets him. Louis is actually letting him mark him and he never felt so powerful before. “I want to get these panties all wet and dirty.” He whispers, his voice so husky that only god knows how he managed to do it lower than the usual.

Louis though, he seems to feel affected by that, especially when Harry’s hand slides down from his body, passing his nipples and slightly brushing his hard dick. Louis’ whole body shivers, his toes curl at the end of his feet, his hips move back and forth once hoping to feel something else.

“You did all of this for me. I’m flattered.” Harry continues, whispering close to Louis’ skin, finally spreading his fingers above the lingerie and trying his best to stroke Louis’ cock, feeling already the pre come wetting the smooth fabric. “I could come just by touching you over my lap.”

Louis shivers again and Harry hears a whimper coming from him before feeling teeth being craved on his bare shoulder.

Harry looks down and lets his hand go inside the knickers, instantly rubbing Louis’ head and then running his fingers through the vein popping out along the length.

“ _Harry_ …” Louis quietly moans, Harry would say it sounds a bit feminine and it almost comes out like a sight. It causes him to smile and finally grab the best he can from Louis’ cock to start properly touching him while his other hand goes from behind to tease with his index, his rim. “It feels good.”

And okay. _Okay_. Harry is not doing much is he? He is just touching Louis, gently, slowly, he wouldn’t say in a teasing way but almost. Yet, Louis is falling apart over his lap, Harry can feel teeth and lips on his shoulders, he feels the way Louis holds himself with his arm around his neck and his hand grips his long hair.

“You look amazing. So beautiful. It makes me feel good too. Just looking at you.” And now yes Harry can say he teases Louis by the way his index slightly enters inside of him, circling around the walls and pushing out again to only make pressure on the rim. His hand never stops its movements while Louis’ breathing gets heavier and heavier.

“Fuck –okay, let me… _ah_ , let me blow you.”

“ _Hmm?_ ” Harry hums again sinking his face on the crook of Louis’ neck, being able to smell his expensive perfume. He feels his hands wetter now and takes advantage of it to be easier to move it along Louis’ length. It’s messy but so hot, he would never think this would feel this hot and sexy.

“I want to blow you.”

“Want me to stop then?”

Louis moans and Harry would take that as an answer until seconds later Louis speaks again. “Yes. I want to touch you. Want to make you feel good.”

“Darling,” He stops, pulls away and makes Louis look up by his chin. “You’re already making me feel so, so good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Harry smiles a little and he is sure he already looks so fucked without Louis even touching him.

“Okay but… I want to.” Harry nods leaning over and brushing his lips on Louis’ jaw once again. He decides that if he can’t kiss his lips at least he does that as a replacement.

“Here?”

“Upstairs.”

His both hands travel again to Louis’ back, reaching under his bum so he can stand up and bring Louis with him. The blue eyed man instantly wraps his legs around Harry’s waist and attaches his lips to Harry’s neck, who is sure his skin might look red and purple at the same time bloody since Louis hasn’t stopped biting and sucking him there. It burns and hurts a little but the pain pleases him.

He walks to his stairs, to reach his room and makes his best not to knock Louis over something and hurt both of them. His legs feel jelly, his knees are weak, his cock hurts by how hard it is under his pants but hell he is going to do this.

Louis is moving his hips, creating friction on Harry belly and Harry feels everything. And hears everything. His breathless gasps are so close to his ears, Louis sounds so good. He sounds like an angel at the same time obscene.

When Harry reaches his room he doesn’t think twice before pressing Louis against the wall – more like pressing Louis against his big mirror but he doesn’t have time to care about it. The coldness hitting Louis’ back is enjoyable and Harry can’t take his mouth from Louis’ skin one minute.

“You smell so good.” He says his nose brushing from the side of Louis’ neck to his hair. Louis answers pulling Harry’s own curls, sinking his fingers deep on his scalp. Harry doesn’t think when starts thrusting along with Louis’ body feeling every bit of him, almost forgetting what he previously said downstairs. “ _Louis_ …” he moans in his ear and maybe it’s Louis cue.

He unwraps his legs from around Harry’s waist so his small feet touch the floor. He takes Harry’s both cheeks in his hands and makes him look at him. He stares into his green eyes and drops his gaze to his lips, yet that’s all he does, feeding Harry’s lust and desire.

His hands slide down from Harry’s arms and then places them above the waist of his sweat pants. He cheekily smirks, their faces are so close that they can feel each other’s warm breathes, and then pulls them down along with Harry’s briefs, freeing his hard cock that lays over his belly.

Louis looks down biting his bottom lip, appreciating the view. “You have such a pretty cock, _Harry_.” Harry groans sinking his face on Louis’ shoulder, who chuckles lightly with his reaction.

He actually starts kissing Harry’s skin, floppy and wet kisses along his left shoulder going down to his chest and his lips are soft. Harry misses them pressed against his own but he knows if he kissed Louis right now it’d have another meaning, which he is still trying to understand and while understanding he tries to respect Louis.

Louis’ tongue meets Harry’s nipple then. Harry can’t do anything besides keeping his hands on the side of Louis’ body, accepting all those touches, wanting Louis to crave more and more sweet gestures into his skin, wanting nothing more but his touch.

His wet tongue slides down through the rest of his chest while he gets on his knees in front of Harry’s figure. He looks up at Harry under his lashes, who was watching him all this time.

“I want you to watch yourself.” He smirks and for a moment Harry is confused and his heart beats five times more than it should.

Then he pulls away his gaze from Louis and looks up to meet with his own face on the mirror in front of him. His eyes look glossy, full of lust. His lips are red like the wine they previously drank and he was right, the left side of his neck is all covered in spots that soon will look darker, his shoulder has teeth marks all over, some redder than others. Louis did that, Louis does that to Harry and he has the proof right in front of him.

Harry knocks his forehead against the glass in front of him when he feels, without any warning, Louis’ tongue flicking out to lick at the head of his cock. It eventually starts by there, he feels the warmth of Louis’ mouth and the wetness of his tongue wrapping around him, feels how Louis’ hands grip his ass and that way helps him to bob his head back and forth.

Harry’s pants cloud the mirror, himself reaching a point that is unable to stop thrusting his hips, effectively choking Louis. But then Louis looks up between his wet and clump lashes. Harry only realises that when feels one of Louis’ hand trailing up along his torso, causing goose grumps under his skin, keep him still, and he opens his previously, tightly shut eyes due the pleasure. However, Louis’ hand travels back down to his arm to grab his hand and the bastard, still with his lips around Harry, guides Harry’s hand to the top of his own head, to grab his thin hair.

And fuck, fucking hell, that’s his permission, that’s him telling Harry that he can fuck his mouth in earnest. Harry is so into the moment that everything is blurry except Louis on his knees for him.

He grabs a fist of Louis’ hair between his fingers and starts rocking his hips right away. Louis shuts his eyes, the corners getting wet by the tears and he simply lets Harry use his mouth to come.

Harry presses his other hand against the mirror leaving a print there, loud moans come out from his mouth, changing between calling Louis’ name to _ah’s, yeah’s and hum’s_ and Louis sinks his fingers on Harry’s tights, holding on.

When Harry looks forward again, seeing the reflex of himself in the mirror and how everything looks like – standing there with Louis between his legs – it becomes too much to the point of overflowing.

“Fuck Louis I’m gonna –I’m gonna come so hard. _Oh my_ –“ He warns in desperation for some release, a stripe of sweat falling down from his temple is the last thing he sees when shuts his eyes and presses his forehead again against the mirror.

Louis sinks harder his nails on Harry to make signal for him to finish so Harry does it so. Moves faster, reaching the back of Louis’ throat, pulling his hair out and with a loud call of Louis’ name he comes in his mouth.

The taller guy pulls away, his legs shaking forcing himself to sit down on the floor, limbs numb and he sees Louis’ teary eyes better, how he swallows and then cleans his mouth with his thumb, sucking it into his mouth.

His chest goes up and down quickly, still in trance and with eyes semi opened he looks very carefully at how satisfied Louis looks –how gorgeous he looks, clearly with the proof that Harry had been pulling out his hair.

“So good… it felt –so good.” He breathes out slowly and Louis’ smirk might be his answer.

The blue eyed boy lets his back fall backwards, pressing it against the mirror. He parts his legs between Harry even though there’s a small space between them. His chest is all exposed, the opened shirt falls on the side, covering only his shoulders and arms and _wow_ – he is so wet and hard.

Louis literally twists and lets out a loud whimper when leads his hand to his cock pulling half of it out from the panties –and Harry almost, _almost_ forgot about those and how good they look on Louis.

“Oh my god…” Harry whispers, he just came, is still feeling the pleasure on the tip of his fingers and toes, seeing Louis like this, touching himself for him isn’t something he can live through – he can, he definitely can.

“ _Harry_ ,” Louis moans, quickly biting his bottom lip and stroking his own cock, not fast but also not slowly. “ _Harry, Harry, Harry_ …” and this is so hot, so fucking hot, Louis’ sounds hit Harry like a wave and washes everything away leaving a pleasant coldness in its place. Except that now Harry is hot and freaking sweating. “I swear if you touch me –if you touch me I’m gonna come right… away. I’m gonna, _ah_ –

 

“Fuck,” he interrupts Louis midway sentence, making him moan louder when closes their gap, attaches his teeth on his neck and slaps Louis’ hand away to touch him. He strokes Louis’ cock as fast as he can but putting the right pressure on his fist. “Come for me, please. Yeah? Come all over my hand and those pretty panties of yours.” He whispers, inking those words on Louis’ skin and starts kissing his neck, slightly sucking but focusing more on pressing his lips on what he can reach.

“ _Harry_ , yes. _Tu me fais sentir tellement bien_. I – _oh_ ”

Harry can’t even get to know the translation of what he said because Louis is coming all over his hand, dirtying the black, lace fabric and everything is amazing, they smell like perfume and sex and Harry feels like smiling with his lips brushing the crook of Louis’ neck because he never wants to stop feeling this way.

“How can you do this but kissing is out of question?”

He hears Louis panting close to his hear before he answers. “I’ve learnt that my lips do not deserve yours. Too many sweet things come out of them. Too many dirty things come out from mine.” Louis pulls away, leaving space between their faces. He is sweating, his mouth is still parted and his lungs shout for oxygen. “I want to make sure next time someone kisses you they feel something real.”

Harry doesn’t want to answer this –probably doesn’t even have a way to.

~*~

They end up on Harry’s atelier after Louis had showered and they both cleaned the kitchen. Harry had lent him comfier clothes but Louis let the promise of leaving the knickers there, escape – _for a next time. Or maybe just to leave it as a memory._ Louis had said and who’s Harry to complain?!

He feels completely relaxed, feeling like his body is hovering the clouds and the warm rays of sunshine hit him comfortably. He is able to hear Louis breathing next to him, as always, sitting on the same armchair looking at Harry. Same position, same welcome presence, same everything and Harry feels grateful to have all of this back.

He keeps on working on a drawing he had started after he and Louis got into that fight but never touched it again. Now it makes him think about new ways to improve it and make it better, changing the whole concept of the sketch.

“Can you tell me what this one means?” He hears Louis, referring to the paper he is working on.

Harry slowly meets his gaze, his hair is still slightly humid, some locks sticking up on his forehead. He doesn’t look sleepy this time but when Harry looks over at him in these situations – especially when he looks so small with his knees up against his chest – it gives him the feeling that Louis was made to cuddle and just make him feel unique.

“Erm, it’s actually… inspired by you.” Louis raises his brows, curiously. “Like, the many emotions you’ve shown me. Not that I’m glad you feel those but I feel –“ he stops the word _special_ to come out. “I am glad that you shared them with me.” He gulps in dry before continuing. “You feel angry, hurt and sad, yet you can show them one at time, at the same time or showing one to cover the others. It ends up being a conflict of emotions that you have to work with. And I’d like to help.” Louis looks at him for a long time, not saying a word, just staring at Harry and he is still not able to read him after all. “I’m sorry,” Harry looks away. “I do this a lot. Get inspired by people to draw things and don’t think much of the effect it can have.”

“So you do this with everyone, I’m not… special.” _Fuck._ “I’m not, right, _Harry_?” Harry quickly looks back again at him. Louis is waiting for his answer. And his answer seems to need to agree to what he is saying.

“Right.” Harry nods and he is fucking lying through his teeth.

“It’s okay.” Louis smiles, which is bizarre and Harry tries his best to handle it. “I feel flattered that you get inspired by me to draw.”

“Yeah, since I can’t draw you.”

“Well, we will work that out.”

The conversations gets a bit lost there and Harry clears his mind once again to look over at his work and continue. It reaches a point that he thinks he had enough of it and it genuinely, definitely, truly isn’t because he needs some type of interaction with Louis – who he doesn’t know how he doesn’t get bored just by looking at him drawing.

“Aren’t you sleepy?” Harry asks then, seeing it more like a habit and placing his pencil on the desk to turn his chair towards Louis.

“Not really, had a long nap this afternoon. Why? Are you? If you want to go to sleep I can always leave and –“

“No,” Harry interrupts him right away, especially when Louis seemed to get a bit stressed over the thought of being bothering. “I’m not sleepy, neither want you to leave. I was only asking, just in case.”

“Okay.” Louis nods changing the position of his legs to Indian style and straightening his back. “Erm, I want to talk though. About… previously.” Harry opens his eyes widely, instinctually starting to play with his fingers over his lap.

“Hum, sure…”

“If you feel comfortable, of course, but we never really talked about this. And I’ve tied you up, blinded you and I guess we’ve kind of established that we have some… kinks.”

_And oh that._

“ _Oh_.”

“I’m not saying that now we’re going to be like sexual active and all again, I mean just if you want to, I don’t particularly mind but if we do, or if we don’t, the right thing to do is talking about what we like, hum, if you do like something. I mean – _merde_. J _e dis n’importe quoi.”_ He covers his face with his hands and it’s not usual for Harry to see a flustered and distressed Louis especially when he is talking about such topic. Is it that important to him? It kind of makes Harry feel exceptional.

“Hey,” he leans over, uncovering Louis’ face and then it almost looks like a movie where the mermaid looks over at the prince, small locks of hair falling graciously over her forehead and they lock their shining eyes and it’s so intense, their expressions match and nothing seems to matter. That’s what happens here with Harry and Louis. “Erm, it’s fine, okay, hum –eh, _ugh_ _wow_ –“ he groans, pulling over and then laughing at himself. He can’t believe Louis still makes him this nervous.

So there’s two flustered boys –two mermaids in a small atelier.

Louis chuckles with the moment and composes himself before Harry decides to speak first. “I can’t have this conversation with you like this.” He feels his cheeks warming up, probably looking rosy as if he had worn blush.

“Is _Harry Styles_ shy now?” Louis teases, raising his eyebrows, challenging.

“Well… yeah, a bit.” He tries to cover it by laughing nervously and looking away at the wall. “I’ve never had this type of conversation with anyone. You’re like the first guy that I’m with that seems to like these type of things.”

“You mean normal things.” Harry bites his bottom lip with that one, making escape another chuckle from Louis. “Okay I’m gonna get us some wine.” Harry feels Louis standing up from the chair, quickly turning his gaze back at him.

“We have too much alcohol on our blood already.” He half protests but Louis is already walking to the kitchen, without first giving him a second glance over his shoulders, followed by a smirk and an unnecessary – but welcome – shake of his hips.

The time he takes to come back with the same bottle of wine from dinner and two glasses, is the time Harry uses to relax on his own seat, saying over and over again _okay this is going to be a normal and needed conversation. Keep it normal. Keep it casual. Keep it cool._

He realises he uses those three last sentences too many times with Louis in different occasions.

Louis hands him his glass and then sips from his own. It’s probably what? One in the morning maybe and he is drinking red wine with a guy who just dressed a lingerie for him and had sex with. Life is amazing sometimes.

“So…” Louis smiles from behind the glass. This should be considered harassment. “Anything else you’d like to see me wearing?” And he is direct, _ah_.

“Erm,” and Harry stutters too much. He takes two gulps from his glass. “I –I don’t think so. Apart from my clothes. I like seeing you with my clothes.” A small smile appears on Louis’ lips, different from the others.

“I still have your sweater, in case you thought I had forgotten about it.”

“I didn’t.”

“Thanks for the note, by the way.” Louis wets his lips with the wine, Harry not being sure if he really ends up drinking it. “It was… poetic.” Harry snorts with the comment but nods, at least now he is sure Louis had seen it and had liked it. “Anyway, hum so, you’re completely okay with… bondage?”

More wine goes down Harry’s throat, his eyes don’t meet Louis, who seems too relaxed and comfortable in that arm chair – more than the usual.

“Slightly. Just what we’ve been doing, I guess. Maybe…”

“ _Harry_ ,” Louis calls for his attention, his voice is soft and he laughs a little. It’s angelical really. “don’t be shy, come on. It’s just me.”

_It’s just me._

In fact that’s the problem. It’s Louis Tomlinson he is talking with. Someone that crossed all Harry’s boundaries, someone that makes him more nervous than he thought it’d be possible already.

But all right communication is good, that’s a perk.

“Just what we’ve been doing is okay.” He says more secure and Louis nods, still chuckling but understanding what he means.

“So everything we’ve done so far was okay for you?” Harry nods. “You would tell me if it wasn’t, right?”

“Of course.”

“I don’t like being tied up, though.” Harry sees some type of tension while he speaks those words and that just makes the thought of seeing Louis tied up on his bed forgotten. What a shame.

“So you’re dominant in this area then.” Louis shrugs.

“Just with tying up. The thought of feeling trapped doesn’t please me.” _I’ve noticed it_ , Harry thinks. “You can always blind me whenever you want. I like being submissive with you. Quite a lot.” The tension disappears.

“All right then.”

Louis takes one more gulp from his glass and Harry mimics his actions, ending up drinking everything.

“I like… using toys.” Louis admits then and _oh_ , they’re really doing this.

“On… on you?” Harry grabs the bottle from the desk and pours into his glass, while Louis drinks the rest of his and then extends his arm so Harry can pour on it as well.

“Yeah. But I also like playing with the other person with them.” He smirks and _shit_ that smirk. “You in this case.” Harry nods with the glass on his lips.

“That sounds pretty great.”

“Great.” Louis keeps laughing and Harry notices it’s not to hide the nerves – what nerves? Louis is totally comfortable and that’s why that amazing sound comes from his lips. _He is comfortable_. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I really like dirty talking.” Harry nods frenetically. “I like orgasm control.” Harry needs one more drink. “And teasing. A lot.” Harry finds hard looking away from Louis, honestly. “And I wouldn’t mind if one of these days you licked cream pie or drank shots from my body.”

Even after all the wine Harry finds himself gulping in dry. It’s too late, his body is too tired to feel horny again just by listening to Louis saying these stuff.

“ _Fuck_.” he whispers, finding his glass of wine already empty. Again.

“ _Pardonne, Harry_? You’ve gone pretty silent now.”

“No, no. Is just –“ he looks at the side to the bottle and fills his cup. He leans it to Louis, in a way of asking if he wants as well. The blue eyed man grins and shows his half full glass. “The wine was a good idea.” Louis laughs loudly now and it is very, very pleasing. More than it was a minutes ago. Maybe Harry is a bit drunk already.

“Anything that made you uncomfortable?”

“Not at all. You know… I like when people play with my nipples.” Louis shows curiosity since Harry finally started speaking. “I think I’d like if you’d do that more often.” More wine. “And oh I wouldn’t mind if you played with me with those toys. I’m up for it. So up for it.” He raises his glass and Louis laughs one more time. “Of course if I get to play with you as well.” He smirks and winks, Harry is winking before leading the glass to his lips once again.

“A bit cheeky aren’t we?”

“It’s the wine, _jesus_. I’m sorry.”

“Hours ago you were saying your speciality were meatballs and that I looked good in woman’s underwear, I think you don’t need to apologise, _fleur_.”

This is new. Louis called Harry _flower_ as a pet name and they aren’t naked.

“Yeah…” He chews the inside of his cheek, thinking. “Well I like a bit of a show, a lot of foreplay.” Louis hums, listening to him and Harry decides to finish his wine and finally place the glass next to the bottle. “I find exhibitionism hot.”

“Like in public?”

“Yeah like… not actually get each other off in public. More like teasing in front of everyone but at the same time trying to be discreet.”

“I see.”

“Have you done this a lot? I mean –“ he struggles a bit with the words.

“I usually don’t sit down and talk with people about kinks.” not what Harry meant but at least Louis laughed again.

“But have you done with people… these things.”

“Yeah. But we wouldn’t discuss it and if I stayed with someone more than one night it’d naturally come up. The topic I mean, in the heat of the moment perhaps.” Harry is a bit drunk but it doesn’t stop him to notice Louis playing with his fingers over his lap. “But I haven’t done like everything, of course. I never… worn anything for someone. I never let people touch me the way you do, honestly.”

Harry’s mouth falls open, his semi open bloodshot eyes look deeply at Louis’ features.

“I like when you say nice things to me.” Harry lets out without any control.

“It’s not…” Louis sighs in defeat, his fingers brushing his hair backwards. “Anything else you want to share?”

“Erm, yeah.” He scratches the back of his neck. “I… I like to be gagged with fingers.” Louis’ eyes get widely open. “I never told this to anyone. Never really tried for real. When I dated, one of my boyfriends did it for a little but I don’t think he meant it that way. But it was thrilling and I got really, really hard.” He feels himself sweating just with the thought of having Louis’ fingers deep on his throat.

“Oh _Harry_ , I don’t… I don’t think I’d be able to do that to you.”

“It’s okay.” Harry assures him. “Obviously you don’t have to. I’m just telling you. Because I’m drunk and we’re talking about this so.” He laughs for no reason.

“It’s just… it’d be a bit triggering for me. Like tying me up, you see?” Harry nods, looking attentively at the guy in front of him. “In my head it would look like I was hurting you. I don’t want that.” Harry nods one last time.

“That’s okay Louis.” He smiles. “I don’t think… I think that’s everything. Besides of course, the chemistry.”

“The chemistry?” Louis lets his head fall back, clapping his hands in laughter.

“Yes, _Lewis_ , don’t mock me.” He prolongs the _e_ in the word. “A good chemistry and harmony with the other person turns me on a lot. You turn me on a lot because we get along. And you make laugh. And hard. You know that you make me very hard, _Lewis_?” Louis keeps laughing, biting his lip to have some control, which doesn’t help in this case. “That’s why I come so hard for you every time we do something.” Harry looks up at the ceiling and sighs dramatically. “Fuck I really do come hard for you.”

“Okay weirdo, I think it’s bed time for you.” Louis stands up and walks closer to Harry.

“Don’t get that close to me little human, I might come in my pants.” He stops and face palms himself. “What am I saying?!”

“I don’t know mister.” Louis grabs Harry’s forearm, helping him to stand up. The height difference is so obvious but Louis still holds him close. “Do you still think the wine was a good idea?” Harry looks down at him and grins, nodding frenetically.

“Wanna know other kink of mine?”

“Not really.” Louis jokes, walking out of the room.

“I’m going to tell you anyway. I like to cuddle. That is an amazing feeling.”

“I bet.”

“We should do that one of these days.”

“I don’t think so. You stink.” Harry grumbles something under his breathe but Louis shakes it off, walking to the stairs.

“No. You sleep in the bed this time.”

“I believe a good night of sleep would turn you on tonight, _Harry_.” Harry giggles sinking his face on Louis’ hair, smelling his own shampoo. “And stop smelling me, you broccoli.”

“Will you stay?”

“Yeah. On the couch.”

“So I see you in the morning?”

“Every morning if you want to.”

~*~

“Thanks for coming with me, doing the grocery alone depresses me.”

“Like that one time you were choosing a movie to watch with chicken and salad in your bag. At the end of the day.” Louis laughs pushing the shopping cart through the corridor.

“Fun fact, I was going to cook cereals and pasta with nuts that’s why I went there for the chicken. Also ended up buying a movie that I already owned.” Harry laughs as well grabbing a pack of rice. Louis stops to give him time laughing loudly, leaning against the cart, supporting most of his weight, his feet barely touching the floor.

“You were so nervous, it was so priceless.”

“You don’t understand how embarrassed I felt.”

“I do. Oh, _I've never had the need to call myself_. That made my shitty day so much better.” Harry finds himself looking over at the blue eyed guy, acting like a child pushing the cart, smiling genuinely in fond.

“Really?” he asks in hope.

“Yeah.” Louis admits, not meeting Harry’s eyes. He starts walking and pushing the shopping cart again, Harry following him immediately. “I mean it still makes my day the way I can embarrass you.”

“Oh shut it.” Harry pushes him gently on the shoulder, walking further, shaking his head.

“Buy fresh mushrooms, it’s… healthier.” Louis points out when sees Harry crouching down in front of a shelf to grab canned mushrooms.

“That way I need to cook them soon.” Harry says looking up at him. Louis still makes his best not to look directly at him.

“We can cook them today if you want.” He scratches the back of his neck. “When I say we, I mean you. But I can always try to learn. We could go to my place this time.” Harry smiles right away, standing up.

“Okay.” He simply says, only because if he talked more he’d humiliate himself. Again.  “Oh my god…” Harry’s voice is heard after some minutes. He slowly turns his head away from the vegetables to look at a previously bored Louis, who quickly looks at him startled with his tone of voice.

“What? They ran out of kale?” Louis starts laughing but Harry only keeps looking at him with mouth agape and suddenly starts walking towards him.

“They’re playing can’t help falling in love. They are actually playing it. And it’s the Elvis’ version. Louis! This doesn’t happen often.” Louis immediately frowns by Harry’s enthusiasm, wincing in his place, confused with his reaction. “Dance with me Louis.”

“What the hell?” He half shouts when Harry touches his elbow and tries to pull him closer to his body right when the lyrics hits the words _shall I stay, would it be a sin_.

“Please Louis. You don’t understand the magnificence of this song.” Louis doesn’t fight much but still doesn’t look pleased when Harry has him in his arms, trying to get one of his hands when his other one rests on his shoulder. “Tesco is playing good music. I’m living for this moment.”

“Oh my god.” Louis tries to hide his face, looking down right when Harry gets to hold his hand and starts swinging their bodies around, between the piles of fruit and vegetables. “I think this isn’t the best place to do this.”

“Live for this moment too with me.”

“Oh my god, _Harry._ ” Louis groans, shaking his head while people walk by them, Harry letting them almost bump into the stopped carts. “You’re embarrassing.”

“I know. I know.” Harry laughs, sliding the hand that was on Louis’ shoulders, to grip his tiny waist, squeezing it and brushing his thumb on his hip. His dance is incredibly coordinated and he easily leads Louis, moving around like a feather. “Am I embarrassing you as well?”

“Yeah.” Louis groans as an answer, trying his best not to look up nor meet the gaze of the people that stopped to look at them.

“This just made my day then.” Harry teases, laughing briefly and being back on focusing on the music. “ _Take my hand, take my whole life too_.” He sings then, close to Louis’ ear so that no one around can be aware of that little whisper.

“ _Harry_ …” Louis’ accent is thick and he hides his face on the crock of his neck and right in that moment Harry has possibly not only embarrassed him in front of that amount of people shopping there but also made him blush inside their own little bubble.

~*~

_2:14pm if you cover your ears your heartbeat sounds like a little men stepping on the snow_

**_2:26pm what makes you think I wanted to know that?_ **

_2:26pm just thought about sharing_

_2:26pm and I know you just tried that_

**_2:27pm I definitely did not._ **

_2:27pm that full stop says everything_

**_2:28pm BUT WHY A LITTLE MEN_ **

**_2:28pm TO ME SOUNDS LIKE A BIG WOMAN_ **

_2:28pm I knew it ;)_

**_2:28pm don’t wink at me Harry Styles_ **

**_2:28pm I really need to pee_ **

**_2:28pm I’m gonna pee_ **

**_2:28pm but I will keep talking to you_ **

**_2:28pm is that okay?_ **

_2:29pm no it’s not_

**_2:29pm too late_ **

**_2:29 I’m currently weeing_ **

_2:30pm how is that possible_

**_2:30pm just is_ **

**_2:30pm maybe I also need to poop ugh_ **

_2:31pm pls no_

**_2:31pm I will send u a nude_ **

_2:31pm again, pls no_

**_2:31pm your loss :)_ **

_2:31pm I can see your dick in 3D so it’s okay_

**_2:32pm im currently pooping let’s not sex text_ **

_2:32pm okay madame_

**_2:34pm I kind of miss u a lot_ **

**_2:34pm u fucking geek ass nerd_ **

_2:34pm you drop me home half an hour ago_

**_2:34pm whatever_ **

_2:34pm and you decide to tell me that while you poop_

**_2:35pm pooping makes me think of you sweetie_ **

_2:36pm so when you flush the toilet what happens?_

_2:36pm do I die?_

**_2:46pm harry that’s horrendous_ **

**_2:46pm NOW SERIOUS TALK_ **

**_2:46pm my asshole is burning………_ **

_2:46pm what????_

**_2:46pm I fucked up harry im going to die_ **

**_2:46pm IT HURTS SO BAD_ **

_2:46pm WHAT DID YOU DO LOUIS_

**_2:47pm I was cleaning my ass right_ **

**_2:47pm and so I used that soap we bought the last time we went together to the supermarket_ **

**_2:47pm the one you recommended to me_ **

_2:47pm WHAT THE FUCK LOUIS_

_2:47pm THAT SHOULDN’T BE ANYWHERE NEAR YOUR ASSHOLE_

_2:47pm IT’S ANTIBACTERIAL SOAP LOUIS_

_2:47PM WHY SHOULD THAT GO ANYWHERE NEAR YOUR ASS_

_2:47pm IT CLEARLY SAYS HAND SOAP_

**_2:47pm I just shit harry remember_ **

**_2:47pm to kill off those bum bacteria_ **

_2:47pm you’re gonna kill me one day_

_2:47pm like I am going to die prematurely because you stress me out so much_

_2:47pm YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO CLEAN YOUR FUCKING ASSHOLE WITH THAT_

**_2:48pm then wtf do I use?! there isn’t asshole soap at stores yet, is it?_ **

_2:48pm WATER_

_2:48pm IT CLEANS U JUST FINE_

**_2:48pm that’s not gonna make it smell fresh_ **

_2:48pm yes louis. fresh. that’s exactly what I want to smell when I get to lick your asshole_

_2:48pm “wow louis! Your asshole smells exactly like the soap I use to wash my hands after I pee! Gee whiz wollykers I am so turned on right now!”_

**_2:48pm you want to lick my asshole?_ **

_2:48pm iM DEAD_

_~*~_

“So I heard…”

“You heard what?” Harry turns his attention to Zayn when he doesn’t continue his sentence. Both of them and Niall are already packing their things after work, at the end of a busy Monday.

“I heard you and Louis are back together.” Harry frowns straight away, bringing his scarf around his neck, too bothered to put it around his hair instead.

“Louis and I were never together.”

“Yeah, yeah. You two had something. It ended because he hurt you but apparently it’s all okay again, I suppose? From what I heard of course.” Zayn makes _the_ face. The face that mixes his paternal instincts with the noisy teenage girl ready to know about other people’s life.

Harry’s head slowly turns to Niall’s direction, who clearly was listening to the conversation but quickly makes himself seem busy.

“I trusted your fake blond ass.”

“My ass isn’t blond. I don’t dye my pu–“ Niall stops himself to continue when notices Harry’s half mad expression that clearly doesn’t need that much information.

“I knew he was keeping something from me so I got him drunk and he told me everything.” Zayn leans his back against the wall, his arms crossed against his chest, a cigarette behind his ear that Harry really wants to use at this point to burn his gorgeous face.

“That should be illegal.” Harry shakes his head, grabbing his bag from the floor.

“It might be.” Niall defends himself, being shushed by Zayn with a glance.

“I want to meet him properly.” The dark haired guy says then, looking seriously at his friend, who stops on his way to the door. “I’m sure Niall would like too.” Niall pops out again next to them, nodding frenetically.

“Why?” Harry asks confused. This isn’t normal, this isn’t even something Zayn would ask when Harry was in an actual relationship –Zayn… Zayn isn’t like this.

“Seems important.” He shrugs, taking from his pocket his lighter, starting to walk out of the restaurant. The two boys end up following him and when they get outside, Zayn has his keys in his hand and lighting his cigarette with the other. “I want to be sure. And I guess I want to do this for you.” He carefully looks over at Harry, who is being watched by Niall. “So what you say? This weekend? We could all hang out. Have lunch, dinner or just some drinks.”

And oh shit what is he going to say? What is he going to do? How is he even going to talk about this with Louis?

The thing is all those worries are covered by the fact that Zayn is right, it is important and Harry is so glad he is willing to do this for him. Harry has no family to introduce his boyfriend – not that Louis is his boyfriend, he knows he will have to eventually bring this topic to Louis but he needs to find the right time –, he only has his sister and even her is away. Zayn is trying to do something good, something that he knows it’d make Harry feel good.

So everything is forgotten and Harry finds himself smiling – actually grinning and saying “I will talk to him. Thank you Zayn” And he simply nods, blowing on his cigarette while Niall seems to escape from this one.

~*~

“Your phone is starting to annoy me a little bit. You know… Just a tiny little bit.” By the tone of his voice and the way his eyes keep focused on the TV screen in front of them, Harry knows it’s not just a tiny little bit, it’s a big, huge bit, especially when he has been so interested on the movie playing – and it’s an unusual thing to happen because generally Louis hates every movie, he always has a big flaw to point out and always shares a big rant about why so.

“I’m sorry I will put it on silence mode.” Harry apologises, answering at the text message and then placing it on his lap instead of the coffee table.

Louis doesn’t say anything else, he keeps watching the movie, which Harry never payed attention in the first place.

Everything was going all right the whole day. Harry woke up, cleaned his house, did his laundry, ate lunch at 3pm – because apparently he hadn’t done the previously things in a while and there was too much to do – and Louis texted him because he wanted to have cooking classes with Harry – yes, it’s a thing now. They ended up having dinner at 7pm, not made by Louis but by Harry, who tried to write _good job_ with green beans on Louis’ plate just because he is nice and likes to see the annoying face from the older guy.

And the thing about staying over at Louis’ is that Harry knows he won’t stay for the night and knows Louis’ feet won’t be touching his thighs since the couch is big enough for both to lay down and be comfortable without any type of contact.

He doesn’t know what’s on his own flat that makes Louis more comfortable but he sure wants to.

The screen from his phone lights up and he grabs it to type a reply. Again.

“Lou?” Louis hums as an answer and Harry sighs, biting his bottom lip. “Louis, can you look at me?” The blue eyed man turns his face to Harry’s side but his eyes keep focused on the TV screen. “Look at me with your eyes.” Harry rolls his eyes and shakes his head, trying not to laugh.

Louis sighs but does it so. “Yes, _Harry_?” he asks softly then, which _oh, thank you_.

“I want to talk to you.”

“Is it something to do about the fact you haven’t taken your eyes off of your phone since we sat down?”

“Yeah… kind of. I was talking to Zayn.”

“Zayn?” Louis raises his eyebrows.

“My friend. From work, I’ve talked to you about him a couple of times.” Louis makes a sound acknowledging the fact making Harry continuing speaking. “Right and hum he and Niall –the guy, who drove us to my place. You know… that night? I don’t know if you remember him he –“

“Vaguely, yes.” Louis interrupts him, clearly in a rush to know what Harry is trying to say.

“Okay so they want to… meet you…” he whispers the last words.

“ _Pardonne moi_?”

“They want to meet you. Know you. Talk to you. See you face to face. Hang out. They want to be lads together with you. Drink a beer. Talk about football.”

“ _Harry_.” Louis doesn’t let him continue his ramble. Harry takes a deep breathe due holding it this whole time. He straightens his back on the couch and finally puts the phone on the coffee table in front of them. “I don’t drink beer, neither talk about football with… lads.” Louis tries to joke, laughing but Harry just plays with his fingers above his lap. “Are you nervous?”

“I –“ he raises his head and tries to speak but no other words follow after that one to form a sentence. He presses his lips together and gulps in dry. No need to lie. “I am…” he confesses. “It’s pathetic of me I know. It’s just that they’re my only friends besides you, you know?” Louis looks at him as an understanding.

Okay, Harry isn’t a selfish person he thinks a lot about the others. Especially about Louis, he considers his feelings so much that sometimes he forgets to consider his own first. Louis only has Liam as a real friend, which had been clear. He knows a lot of people, a lot of people know him but Harry doesn’t see them as being an anchor on Louis’ life, doesn’t see them deserving his curious eyes focused on them. Though Liam is different, Harry knows he is someone special. Someone that Louis might not spend as much time as he spends with Harry but who knows a lot more and has been present in his life longer. Harry knows he texts Louis a lot, knows he might think about Louis as much as Harry thinks…  

So considering this Louis knows too well what it is like to feel alone, what it is not to have much options in his life with people. Louis was right, they’re much alike.

He tries not to think about that.

But tries to think how Louis must feel.

“I just really wanted you all to get along I guess? Just, being all together would be… cool.” He brushes his fringe with his fingers. Harry was never one of those people who knew exactly how to speak out these type of things. It feels like when he used to ask his parents if he could go out.

“Do you want it that badly?” Louis ends up asking after a strange silence between them.

“Erm, yeah. But if you don’t feel like to, it’s totally okay, I understand if you think it’s weird. I mean especially in such short notice.” He plays with the ring on his middle finger, twisting it around. “It’s supposed to be tonight.”

“And you just talk to me about it now?” Louis asks, finally in amusement.

“I didn’t know how to bring it up. And Niall wanted to have dinner together so I tried to make some kind of excuse because… you know.”

“Oh.” Louis actually looks surprised but ends up nodding. “You’re very weird _Harry Styles_.” He shakes his head looking away at the forgotten movie still playing on the screen. “But I guess that I want to, erm, do that for you.” he breathes deeply and looks again at Harry, who is shooting him a hopeful glance. “I’m in.”

“Thank you.” He smiles. “I was so worried you’d find it weird or just… I don’t want to screw up anything, I don’t want to argue. I want to be okay all the time. With you. I mean, not like that –“ he groans, laughing at his own performance. “Jesus, I don’t know just… wow, okay Harry.” Louis laughs loudly now and Harry notices him getting closer to his side.

“You’re very, very weird.” He points out again. “And you better relax or you’ll make me nervous as well.” Suddenly they are side by side, Louis’ hands rests on his thigh gently but putting the right amount of pressure to make Harry’s breathe stuck on his throat. That won’t help. “And I think I know how to do that.” He whispers, close to Harry’s ear and something tells him that it won’t be what he expects to be.

~*~

“Harry just looked the kind of person that would light up thirty candles in his room and not undo his shoe laces before taking off his shoes because that was faster even though he could break his ankles trying. He wasn’t my type to hang out during college.” Zayn jokes, drinking from his glass – it’s some kind of mixture that Harry doesn’t really can tell.

“Zayn always has amazing descriptions from our little Harry.” Niall comments, resting his hand above Louis’ shoulder. He has an empty beer and a half full one in front of him.

“Little Harry?” Louis laughs looking between Harry and his two friends.

They found a spot in a table in shape of a circle, Zayn is in front of him, who is next to Harry. Louis is between him and Niall. It hasn’t been weird, Zayn and Niall – more Niall than Zayn but that’s not the point – greeted Louis as if they knew him in a long time.

Harry doesn’t want to be stereotypical or just judgemental but he had noticed how Louis decided to wear something he wouldn’t normally wear to go out at night. He is with a t-shirt, a pair of dark denim jeans and his black pair of vans – that Harry never saw him wearing and didn’t even consider him owning ones. He looks particularly different and that happened after Harry telling him that they weren’t going to the clubs he must be used to. It’s not posh, there aren’t people wearing suits or any type of elegant clothes and the music and lights aren’t the best. It’s just a normal bar, with average people, who go to hang out with friends and have a good time. Though Louis seems okay with it. Too okay even but Harry doesn’t even point that out to him. At least not yet, things are going all right and he doesn’t want to change it.

“Harry here is our little baby.” Zayn pats the green eyed lad on the shoulder, he groans and adjusts himself on his seat. Louis glances at him to check his reaction but is quick to meet Zayn’s grin.

“I’m afraid little isn’t one of the best adjectives to describe Harry, really.” Harry takes his hands to his face while Niall laughs loudly with Louis’ comment.

“When are we going to stop talking about me? Really this obsession is making me want to set myself on fire.”

“I think Harry is right,” Niall speaks, drinking again from his beer. “at the end he is just a boring klutz with legs and arms.”

“Niall!” Harry protests in indignation, faking mad. Niall only shrugs as an answer.

“Man, are you sure you don’t want to drink anything? I think they can make some kind of cocktail here. It’s pretty good actually.” Niall asks and Louis looks over Harry for a second. At first he looks confused but then just nods, unsure if that’s the reaction Louis was looking for.

“I guess if they can make a good _caipirinha_ I’d drink it.” Louis says softly, offering a small smile to the Irish guy.

“I would too.” Harry speaks then, leaning over the table.

“Good, so you can go and get it.” Niall suggests, a teasing smile playing on his lips.

“Of… course.” He says slowly, stands up carefully and walks with calm to the bar counter.

After asking for two _caipirinhas_ , he rolls the sleeves from his black, sheer shirt up to his elbows, suddenly feeling too hot and sweaty. He looks over at the table where the three guys are and notices how they keep talking. Louis laughs at something Niall says and Zayn looks at him curiously. That’s what Zayn has been doing. He has been testing him all this time. He doesn’t ask much question, yet he speaks a lot and waits for Louis to react to what he says. He has also been looking a lot over Harry but probably doesn’t find what he looks for since he is always quick to look away.

Louis is doing something right because Zayn hasn’t look anything but pleased. Harry notices that he is making some kind of effort to behave the way he is, might even not be acting the way he normally would but Harry finds it an achievement. Louis is actually trying for him and the fact that he hasn’t been laughing and smiling in a way that screams _I don’t really want to be here and these people are annoying me_ like he looked when Harry hung out with him, is something that he is really glad and relived for.

The bartender gives him his drinks, which he pays for and walks again to his seat. He places them first in front of Louis, his in front of his own place and then carefully sits down. Louis doesn’t take his eyes off him, Harry notices it, yet he tries to ignore it, acting as normally as possible.

The thing is –the important thing here is… Harry is using a butt plug. Harry Styles is actually out, in public, with his friends with a little toy – purple, just for the record – in his butthole, opening him up, brushing his walls inside and it really is making his heart race and his jeans feel tighter and tighter against his groin.

The fact that he stood up and sat down so many times makes it harder and harder to have control over his breathing and his own voice.

“You okay?” Zayn asks, frowning a bit by the way Harry sits down so slowly and carefully and when he finally does it lets out a gasp.

“Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.” Harry nods, again leaning over the table, his arms supporting most of his weight. He hears Louis chuckling a bit next to him and Harry knows for him this is all a game, this is what he wanted.

At least he is, for sure, relaxed. Way too relaxed.

“How much do I owe you?” Louis asks, calling for his attention just by a simple touch on his forearm.

“For what?” Harry frowns.

“The drink.”

“Oh, nothing. This way I’ve paid some of the ones you’ve bought me the other days.” He says, referring to the other two times they went out and Louis paid for his drinks – though some of them from the last party were free. Harry remembers the better ones he tried were the ones Louis had paid for. He didn’t understand why the guests had to pay for their drinks in the hosts’ house – though he was a prick, Harry can confirm.

“Wait, you can actually take Harry out of his flat?” Niall asks half amused half surprised even.

“Can count with one hand the times we’ve been out but yeah.”

“Do you realise that me and Zayn are only able to do that when it’s our birthday?! Ours because when it’s his birthday the best we get is breakfast made by him.”

“Breakfast at four in the afternoon.” Zayn adds.

“What? I take that day to sleep.”

“You’re my kind of pal.” Louis comments, his hand makes its way to Harry’s shoulder squeezing it longer than he really needs to. The eye contact is explosive, dangerous but lovely. Very, very lovely but is quickly pulled to the side when Louis’ hands slides down from his upper arm and then lays above his thigh, squeezing once before pulling away.

Harry almost makes his lip bleed by how hard and deep he sinks his teeth down on it to control himself and the little noise that threats to escape.

“So Zayn,” Louis turns his head to the dark haired guy, leaving Harry wanting more. “you said you were engaged?”

“Oh yes,” he replies, waking up from his gaze, previously looking between Louis and Harry. “We’ve been for almost a year. We’re not in a rush to actually get married and at the moment it’s kind of impossible. But it’s good.”

“Zayn likes the tittle.” Niall interrupts, his hand making its way to Zayn’s glass to take a sip, who slaps his hand away afterwards. “Makes him feel safe and sure of life.” Niall says it more like in a mocking tone of voice but he knows it’s true, Harry knows it’s true so Zayn can’t protest with that one since even he knows that as well. “The complete opposite of me though. I’m a free man, accepting and waiting for what life has to give me.” He grins at Louis, crossing his legs and settling his arms behind his chair.

“Can’t pick who’s doing the right or the wrong thing.” Louis says then and Harry admires his profile and the way the words curl around his tongue and come out between his thin lips.

“My bets are he will end up not really getting married at the end by how many times he says he is not in a hurry.” Niall adds, receiving a punch in the arm from Zayn.

Harry doesn’t even dare to comment on this topic because at this point he doesn’t know who he is. He was Zayn at some point but he sees his current situation and realises he had become a bit of Niall since he’s with Louis. He doesn’t have Louis in the palm of his hand, he probably will never have that assurance in his life if he ever chooses to stay like this with Louis. He is accepting and waiting for what life has to give him.

The conversation stops there for him. He knows the three are still speaking and he tries his best to look like he is focused on the conversation, not looking bored, not looking spaced out but the reality is Harry is beyond this galaxy.

Louis’ hand had travelled again to his tight. At first is innocent, then it seems like it’s to assure Harry he is still there, still didn’t forget about him. Is there to fucking ruin his life it’s what is doing.

Louis changes from squeezing to slowly brush it back and forth. Harry sucks from the straw of his almost forgotten drink, feeling the fresh cocktail streaming down his throat. It’s pleasing and it eases the warmness of his whole body.

Louis’ hand is an enemy, a threat because it’s dangerously coming closer and closer to his crotch. It stays there for a little enabling Harry to hear a bit of the conversation, the topic flowing to football, probably because Niall gets way too excited over that – and didn’t Louis say that he doesn’t talk about football with _lads_? Harry wonders if he even likes it.

When Louis’ hand moves again not only Harry stops hearing one more time but also his breathe gets stuck on his throat. He stiffens on his seat and his eyes probably become wider feeling the way Louis touches his boner on top of his jeans. It’s still unhurried but Louis seems to be able to actually grab the shape of his cock. Is he that hard?! – _shit_ will he be able to cover that up?

He notices how Louis is casually still talking, not bringing any attention to his hand under the table and to Harry’s expression, from the others. He is good, Harry thinks, as good as what happens feels like. They’re surrounded by people, Harry is on the same table as his friends and no one knows what Louis is doing to him. No one knows that he feels so full and stretched and just – _fuck_ he is blown away.

He clenches his fists above the table, gulping in dry and feeling a string of sweat streaming down his temple. He cleans it right away with the back of his arm, not really conscious of the way he lifts his bum a bit, discretely moving his hips so he can meet Louis’ touch. He doesn’t know if Louis really approves that by the way he is rougher with the movement of his hand.

Then he stops feeling Louis’ hand for a moment when he changes from his right one to his left one and why would he –

“But Harry here is the master. King of meatballs as he likes to call himself.” Louis softly keeps stroking Harry’s length while his other hand goes above his shoulder. The touch is so welcome, it’s embarrassing.

When Harry meets his gaze, he squeezes his shoulder a bit and the younger guy doesn’t know how but Louis manages a way to make him rest his back on the chair causing the toy inside of him to gently move and _oh_ wasn’t that _the_ right spot.

A small whimper leaves Harry’s lips, followed by a sight. His eyes don’t leave Louis’ until he decides to drop his gaze to look at his lips. Harry might not be aware that they aren’t alone anymore.

“We know he is a good cooker but I’m ashamed to consider you my friend if you do call yourself that.” He hears Niall joking and it’s not like he is going to look at his friend, especially when Louis changes his hands again so he can bring, with his left one, his drink to his lips. His tongue obscenely involving the straw.

“Yeah…” Harry breathes out, right _be more subtle would you_? “I’m teaching Louis how to cook though.” He sounds as if he’s drunk, it’s slow and he drags every word.

Someone laughs but it isn’t Louis because Harry is still staring at him.

“That’s what we are talking about babe.” He hears Zayn’s voice, turning his head to his friend right away. He nods then, a small smile on his lips because he is Harry Styles yet right now he is not human, he isn’t even there.

“Right.” 

And _oh shit_ , Louis is now literally, like properly touching him. He feels his fingertips moving in circles but then it’s his full hand that is stroking him and it’s too overwhelming. Zayn had probably noticed that something is wrong but Harry doesn’t care at this point and Louis finds a way to turn his attention to himself when he speaks again.

Harry carefully moves his hips on his seat, in circles, creating even more friction and the plug to move inside of him. He can’t believe he is actually doing this, his breathing is uneven, Louis’ presence is warm, the fear of getting caught is too tempting and he is so desperate since what is being given to him is not even half of what he _needs_.

He doesn’t know what happens, how he moves to get the toy brushing his prostate and how Louis’ hand seems to be touching his whole body – which is not but Harry’s imagination is too flued – that it brings shivers through his spine and he can’t contain the quiet moan leaving his lips, while his eyes shut tightly, revealing some tears at the corners.

“ _Harry?_ ” He hears Louis voice and he just wants to moan again and beg Louis to say his name one more time.

“Are you okay?” it’s Zayn who asks though and he doesn’t know who he should look at.

“Erm, yeah…” He tries to answer as normal as he possibly can, finding himself looking at Niall instead, who watches him with a smirk –fucking bastard. “I think I…” he trails of his eyes catching a worried Zayn –he probably thinks Harry is feeling sick or something, definitely not putting the possibility of what is really happening. “I need to use the toilet.” He completes then giving a look to Louis, who looks as innocent as he can manage to and Harry admires him a lot, honestly.

He doesn’t know how he gets in the bathroom, the space is so small he can’t fucking regain his breathe and his mind is traveling around other planet probably. He needs release, he doesn’t even put the possibility that this was a bad idea, he is so turned on he doesn’t care about anything else besides Louis naked touching him. He was at a point that he just wanted to jump on Louis’ lap, grin on him and come.

He decides to pass his hands in water and wash his face to look more awake and less sweaty. He glances at himself in the small mirror and notices how big and full of lust his eyes look plus his cheeks are slightly rosy. There’s no way in hell Niall hasn’t seen that on him.

When he starts getting worried about leaving Louis alone at the table with his two friends he hears the door behind him that he clearly forgot to lock.

He quickly turns around to protest but is forced to shut up when sees Louis getting in. He smiles, not a simple smile though, almost a teasing smirk. His perfectly straight, white teeth from the front are showing, it’s quite charming and his eyes travel up and down Harry’s body, clearly stopping on the bulge from his jeans.

“Are you okay, _Harry_? You seem a bit… shaky.”

“You’re a bastard.” Louis laughs with his comment, taking a step forward and suddenly they seem closer than ever.

“Am I? Am I really?” Harry sighs, shaking his head and looking away to hide the small smile. “Seems a bit rude leaving your friends alone at the table.” He takes one more step and Harry’s heart is near coming out of his throat and that’s not pretty.

“I don’t really care at this point.” Harry sucks on his bottom lip.

“Doesn’t seem much like you.” With one last step the tip of their toes almost touch and the smell of Louis’ perfume invades Harry’s nostrils. Louis’ hands rest above his torso, the three buttons from his shirt previously undone expose his hairless chest.

“I’m not much in me right now.”

“I wonder why.” He nuzzles his nose on the crook of Harry’s neck and doesn’t waste much time in sticking his tongue out to smoothly lick all the way down. Harry instantly gets a grip on the sleeve from his shirt, not wanting him to pull away. “Did you like it when Zayn called you babe?” He asks, looking up at Harry. His gaze is penetrating, burns on Harry’s eyes, it says things without actually using words.

“I didn’t like it much,” Louis continues not really waiting for a proper reply, brushing his lips on Harry’s jaw, one of his hands travel all the way down to Harry’s spine to tap his bum, nudging the plug around and _woah_ , all right. “I bet you also prefer the names I call you in French, don’t you _mon ange_?” He whispers near Harry’s ear nibbling his earlobe.

“Yes…” he breathes out, his voice unstable.

“ _Hmm_ thought so.” He sucks a hickey on the side of his neck, still close to his ear. “I actually can’t wait to fuck you.”

“Please…” Harry is whimpering, isn’t being himself and he doesn’t even stop to think about it.

Louis smiles with his answer, his other hand goes from the front, sliding down to palm Harry’s boner in slow and coordinated motions.

“I bet you’re so fucking opened right now. So good, leaking and rock hard because of all of this.”

“I am Lou…” Harry shuts his eyes, letting his head fall back while a gasp leaves his parted lips.

“Find a good excuse to give your friends then if you want me to take you to my bed.” He roughly grabs Harry’s bulge, biting hard on his shoulder before pulling away and walking out of the bathroom.

~*~

Niall and Zayn only let both of them go without questioning why suddenly Harry really needs to get home because they’re nice and maybe because Niall opened Zayn’s eyes, telling his point of view of the situation. Harry doesn’t care about anything besides the fact that he is actually getting into Louis’ bed. Also that his friends are very nice and once again he feels like he needs to do something for them. Maybe he will invite them for dinner one of these days. They deserve it.

When they get home Harry looks miserably whipped and he thinks Louis rode fast and let the car drive over bumps on purpose, especially when every time Harry would let an obscene noise escape he would grin like mad.

So it’s no secret that Harry doesn’t remember anything that happens before he is on Louis’ bed – thinking _I’m actually here and I feel alive._ He is an excited lost soul that right now is giggling at the same time screaming inside of his head because Louis is getting naked to sit next to him.

He asked for Harry to leave only his shirt and _man_ he is so ready to what is about to come next. He really just wants Louis’ mouth, hands or anything he has to give, on his body.

“ _Bonjour joli garçon_.” Louis says jumping into bed, in front of Harry, who is sat on his knees and _oh my_ Louis’ voice is so soft, unexpected, low, with an agreeable trace of huskiness and with a hint of more power than the frail body would suggest.

Harry sees him there, under the dim lights, casting a crepuscular glow within the room and it’s breathe taking.

They both gaze in each other’s eyes longingly, not a word spoken maybe because both are lost within the breathless paradise of their dreamy eyes. However, no sooner, without any authority, Louis clutches his hands unto Harry’s hips, leaning him in against his thin body, so Harry carefully moves to his lap and as result he is weakened by Louis’ gentle seductive touch.

While pressing their body against each other and continuing gazing within their eyes, Louis begins kissing Harry’s frail neck, which makes him even weaker than before. The devil's cruel intention was already a success and they’re just starting.

Louis is actually being… sweet. Somehow Harry finds this different from everything they’ve shared before even though he makes his best not to see it that way.

Louis pulls a little bit the fabric away as well as Harry’s hair to the side so he can have more access to the skin from his shoulder. Harry had realised that it might be a treasured spot for Louis.

“Lou…” Harry breathes out, so overwhelmed by how naked they are – even though he is still wearing his shirt – and how he desperately needs to come. He needs something and Louis’ kisses and touches are just making all worse – and better if we see the other point of view. Thus he unconsciously starts grinding on his place, trying to move the toy around, not gaining the courage to take his hands off Louis to touch himself.

Louis smirks then, his hand steadily resting on the sides of Harry’s thighs and then he moves him, adjusting their bodies so Harry is sat in one thigh only instead.

“Ride the toy and make yourself come, _chérie_.”

At first Harry seems confused with his arms around Louis’ neck to hold himself, grabbing a bit of the hair from his nape, looking pliant like that. So the blue eyed guy cups his face and shows him, moving his thigh so that the toy moves in back to back motions inside Harry, continuously brushing his prostate.

“ _Oh God_ ,” Harry gasps starting up on his own, grinding his ass onto Louis’ thigh, feeling Louis’ hands running up and down his built body until one point that he stops on his nipples, showing due his shirt only having two buttons done, brushing and pinching them with his fingertips.

It only motivates Harry to ride Louis’ thigh faster, causing his legs to feel tired but he doesn’t fucking care. He lets their cocks brush in each other once in a while when he gets closer to Louis’ tummy, their heavy breathes meet between their close faces.

Harry just wants to lead his hand between them and touch himself, or Louis –or both but Louis grabs his wrists to keep him still, whispering breathless against his pink lips “ _Come, come_ , don’t stop. _Tu es si belle_.Don’t stop until you squirt all over me.”

“Louis, _ah_ –“ he moans letting his forehead fall upon Louis’ shoulder, the toy inside hits his prostate over and over again, their bare and hard cocks brush against each other and Louis’ grip on his wrists is warm and territorial.

Harry’s shirt starts hanging off one shoulder so when Harry straights up his back again, chest thrust out, Louis takes advantage to pass his tongue against a nipple, over the fabric so it rubs up and it drives Harry crazy with tears streaming down his face, as if Louis’ scruff weren’t enough.

So Louis keeps playing with his nipples and touching him all over, basically turning himself on with everything –with Harry losing it on top of him, putting all the strength he has, moaning Louis’ name over and over again. For much he’d love to hear Louis’ voice, the fact he feels his tongue and lips on his nipple, makes up for its lost.

Harry comes like that, eyes closed, his body latching onto Louis’, holding on for dear life as he comes all over Louis’ chest, hands wrapped up in Louis’ hair, pulling hard and riding out his high on the toy for all it’s worth. He then arcs his spine, not knowing where to hold himself just that his chest is all exposed to Louis, stretching his torso in front of him while his nails sink deeply on his shoulders.

He’s breathing heavily and Louis is so fucking hard right now, looking at how beautiful Harry looks in post-orgasmic bliss. With a playful smirk Louis swipes his fingers through the mess on his body, taking a taste of Harry and letting him do the same, watching Harry suck on his fingers with heavy lidded eyes and little moans here and there, already getting hard again. _And what the fuck is this?!_ , Harry thinks.

“Want to do something with you.” Louis says pulling away his fingers from Harry’s mouth and getting his face impossibly close to him, almost brushing their lips. “If you’re okay with it. One hundred percent okay.” He whispers, seriously though.

Harry nods as a signal for him to continue. Louis hesitates a moment before rolling his body to the side, carefully so Harry doesn’t fall from his lap. He easily opens his drawer and Harry only sees what he takes from there when he shows it to him.

A condom.

 _Oh shit_.

His eyes go wide looking at how Louis is suggesting it and – what is he really suggesting?!

“I want you to ride me.” He bites his bottom lip, Harry doesn’t find insecurity behind his voice but there’s something, some hesitation due whatever it is on his mind. “God I really do –“ He takes a deep breath and he looks so hot there, so desperate for release just like Harry was minutes ago. “If you want to. I want to if you want to. If you agree on – I know we have never gone all the way but I –“ he stops when Harry takes the condom from his hand, not thinking twice. _Jesus_ , if riding a toy felt this good, riding Louis’ cock will be amazing.

“Yes. Fuck –one hundred percent.” He answers, focused on unwrapping the condom. “May I?” he asks in a rush looking up at Louis and then at his hard cock against his belly.

Louis carefully nods, staring at Harry all the time, not even blinking, while he puts the condom around Louis’ cock.

Harry gets on his knees on the mattress, next to Louis’ thighs, his cock dangerously close to Louis’ lips now, almost as an invitation. Louis licks his lips and then Harry makes him look up by his chin. He smiles when blue meets green and then his other hand makes its way to behind his back, sliding down through his spine until the crack of his ass, to take the plug off.

His lips part, losing Louis’ gaze for a moment due the way he feels the toy sliding out of himself followed by the sensation of emptiness.

He doesn’t think much, too in trance between the moment the toy hits the floor and the one he grabs Louis’ dick to adjust him, towards his hole.

“ _Harry_ ,” it seemed like ages since Harry last heard Louis moaning his name – saying his name for all that matters. Only happening because Harry takes Louis all the way down, only feeling a small burn by how deep Louis’ cock can get, where the plug couldn’t.

“Yes, _Lewi_?” he asks huskily, getting their faces dreadfully close, his hands still grabbing Louis’ hair from his nape, looking deep into his eyes, not wanting to lose anything from Louis’ features.

“No prep needy, ready to take me all in, _hum_?” Harry was sure he was going to say something else but he doesn’t bother to think about it, moving his hips in circles, slowly and kissing Louis’ cheek. He actually kisses his cheek.

“Always wanted to feel you inside me.” He leans to whisper on Louis’ ear. Louis’ hands travel to the bottom of his spine encouraging him to do more. “Better than the toy, honestly, I feel so much fuller.”

Louis moans with his tone of voice and then Harry takes it from there. He uses Louis’ hair as support and starts riding him, trading between rocking his hips, perfectly moving his body like a wave, and using the strength left from his weak legs to move up and down. He isn’t particularly careful but he’s agile and has a good rhythm.

Louis doesn’t speak this time, he keeps quiet – the best quiet he can be letting whines and moans leave his lips, so Harry knows he is doing it right and it’s not like he will last much longer. Louis won’t either.

So he sinks his face on the crook of Louis’ neck, softly sinks his fingers on Louis’ scalp, lets Louis squeeze his cheeks and spread them apart to get a better angle every time and then rides Louis until their orgasm.

It’s kind of a mess and his limbs are swore but he doesn’t want to let go off of Louis, he wants to keep holding him like this: his bigger body involving his smaller one, not letting himself think once of the possibility of breaking such fragile person but more like the otherwise, this way he is serving as a barrier. He loves it and maybe that’s what makes him keep going, not stopping and hearing Louis moans close to his ear – moans more like desperate and needy whimpers.

Louis comes first and the way he calls his name and Harry feels his whole body shivering makes him come right after him, for the second time that night.

They stay still for some time, holding each other – Harry enjoys the word –, listening and feeling each other heavy breathing. At some point, even with all the sweat and stickiness, Harry finds the position so comfy that decides to shut his eyes and nuzzle on Louis’ neck –for the record he still has Louis’ dick inside of him but where’s the problem? Harry doesn’t see the problem, might as well feel it but it doesn’t seem like a bother.

“ _Harry_?” he doesn’t answer. _Comfy_. “ _Mon cher_?” Harry hums sleepily causing Louis to laugh quietly. “Are you actually comfortable like this?” Harry hums once again, agreeing with his statement. “ _Tu es étrange, monsieur_.” It’s Harry’s time to laugh by the way Louis pronounces the words. “Come on, up. I’m not particularly comfortable.”

Harry obeys then, lazily opening his eyes and gradually moving away from Louis’ lap, to lay down on the mattress next to them. He looks up and his vision tricks him by watching messy black lines on the white ceiling. He swears he is going to pass out by how light his body feels.

“Are you feeling all right?” he hears Louis’ voice, not certain if there’s concern or amusement on his tone.

Harry slowly turns his head to him and he sees an angel. He literally sees an angel that makes him grin, popping out his two dimples, deep on his cheek that might as well be two fucking valleys there.

“I see that you are.” Louis laughs but is quickly to look serious. “Erm, do you need me to do anything? Like… take –take care of you or something?”

“Sleep.” Harry’s husky voice is heard in the dark and vague room. Louis opens and closes his mouth.

“Let me just…” he doesn’t finish his sentence when takes off the condom, ready to stand up and put it in a bin.

Harry sees him walking to the bathroom, his bare ass and the two dimples at the bottom of his spine showing up when he turns his back to the bed. Harry might be half asleep but he sure enjoys the sight.

Louis comes back minutes later with a wet towel and himself already cleaned. Harry must feel the cloth on his belly and crotch but he is more focused on the way Louis is looking down at him. He looks like a different person… or Harry is just too much in trance, in subspace probably.

The next minute Harry realises that Louis is already sat down next to him, where he was previously. He gets the sheets and covers Harry’s naked body. “Sleep then _fleur_. I’ll be here.”

“Can we talk tomorrow?” Harry carefully asks, eyelids already shutting again, his lashes creating shadows on his cheekbones. He doesn’t hear Louis’ answer before drifting himself into sleep dreaming about the blue waves of the ocean meeting the light sand, under the lilac sky.

Maybe he wasn’t alone in that beach.

~*~

“Hey,” Harry says in his morning voice, looking up at Louis’ face. His eyes burn a little by the tiredness and how hard it seems to open them fully due the light coming from the big window.

“Good morning.” Louis seems to be sat on the same position Harry remembers seeing him last night.

“Have you even fallen asleep?” Louis only nods as answer. Harry does a face and then brushes his eyes with his knuckles trying to move to sitting position, bringing the sheets with him, covering his lower body. So they actually slept on the same bed, Harry is impressed. “This bed is really comfy.” He chuckles, their eyes never leaving each other.

“I can tell, you slept like a baby. You just kept snoring and drooling over my pillow.”

“Oh. Not pretty.” He scratches the back of his neck, taking advantage of it to fix his hair. Louis only laughs, keeping the words he wants to say to himself. “So…” He bites his lip nervously, the day just started but it all seems already so inexplicable.

“So I don’t really want to get out of bed today.” Louis breathes out, sounding quite relaxed. He lets his body slide down from the headboard, opens his arms and spreads himself out on the mattress. When Harry looks at him, all naked, with the natural light hitting his soft skin, he remembers about the picture Louis once sent him and how he wished he could wake up next to him if it meant having that view every morning.

It’s better than what he imagined.

There is this silence, no rush to fill the void with a non-comital statement of appreciation. It is calm. They are aware of their own heart beating and the rise and fall of their chests, drifting into semi-consciousness. The drone of the cars outside is as good as a lullaby in that moment. The ambient is as calm as watching a lake glistening, mirroring the dazzling assemblage of glittering stars while the faint wind brushes against the water’s surface and shatters the reflection of the moon.

Then it’s interrupted like chain being torn in half.

“I’ve never done what we did last night.”

Harry wears a puzzled expression with that one, looking down at Louis, both previously changing positions, and admiring him with his confusion.

“What part?” he asks carefully.

“Well… every part. But I’m focusing on one thing only.” Silence again, this one not as pleasant as the other one, it lays on their skin like a poison, seeping into their blood and paralyzing their brain, pupils becoming dilated. “I don’t have sex like this in a while. Had done it only with one person.” There’s absolute stillness from Harry’s part,his own breath seeming to die as soon as it leaves his mouth. “And I always bottomed.”

 _Christ_ , is this a big deal? A wave of worry invades Harry and there’s no way he can break the brick wall. If Louis is going to tell him this was a mistake that it shouldn’t have happened, it’s too late, there’s no way back. Regret is a _moral residue_. It’s something hard to remove, it’s stuck, the residue is impossible to remove.

“That was why I wanted you to ride me because I didn’t know what to do.” He laughs, getting the pillow next to him, no use being given until then when he wraps his arms around it, laying it on top of his body, almost covering his face. “Even though I played around with some people I had never gone all the way through. I don’t know why I suddenly wanted to do it with you. How I even got the courage to… you know…”

Harry processes all the information given. This looks like Louis opening up a bit and sharing what’s on his mind. Times like these always seem important and it’s not the fact that they’re naked in some messy sheets that will change it – Harry thinks it even turns it more distinctive.

“Was it… good?”

Louis glances at him by the corner of his eyes and Harry swears there’s a small smile threatening to make its appearance. “It was very good, _Harry_.”

“And how are you feeling?”

“Is that a tricked question?”

“Doesn’t have to be.”

Louis pulls the pillow a bit away so Harry is able to see his whole face perfectly. “Actually… When I’m with you I feel fucking happy. So I’m feeling fucking happy.”

Harry wants to kiss Louis right there. Wants to hover his body on top of his bare one, slowly pulling in and carefully taking his upper lip between his, he wants to touch his face, touch his heart, spoil him, caress his cheekbones with his thumb and magically turn Louis numb underneath him, with the most soothing expression ever.

His mind begs for it, his body moves for it and when he is close enough from Louis, their faces mere inches apart to the point of sharing the same air, Harry looks into his blue eyes and sees the ocean. Louis is the one soothing him without even kissing him –without even touching him.

“All I want to do is that, making you feel happy.” Harry ends up saying, he stays that close from Louis but supports his head on the palm of his hand, elbow pressed against the mattress. He raises one hand to softly put a lock of Louis’ hair to the side. “You deserve to feel fucking happy all the time.” Louis snorts, letting him share those gentle touches.

“You’re doing a good job, you piss lord of Shit Mountain.” Harry throws his head back in laughter dropping his hand from Louis’ hair to instantly grab his wrist.

“At least I’m still the lord of the mountain.” He keeps laughing, not noticing how he is brushing his fingertips on Louis’ skin.

“The _Shit_ Mountain.” Louis corrects him, his available hand on top of his own chest, trading his eyes from Harry’s features to his hand on his wrist.

“The Shit Mountain, sorry.” Harry tries to say seriously, failing when laughs, this time softly just by looking at Louis and noticing how he keeps touching him without even using his hands. “Does that make you the queen of the ass explosion lake?”

“ _Oh mon Dieu_!” Louis makes a face, groaning. “You’re just awful.”

“You can laugh, Louis I won’t tell anyone.”

“I’m okay, thanks.” He tries to keep his firm face while Harry just keeps laughing nonstop.

Eventually he stops, the inside of Louis’ wrist catching his attention to the quotation marks inked on his skin that Harry remembers first capturing when Louis laid down on his arm chair for the first time, to be drawn.

“It means that any speech people do about me will never represent my essence, which will be preserved. It also represents the meaning of the silence and the irony of life, which is unwritten.” Louis explains, just like that, his voice suddenly becoming soft, his accent not as thick as the normal but smothering Harry’s ears with his words. “I’m inked with cliché shit even though I hate those things.” He carefully pulls away Harry’s touch, his hand resting above his other one on his stomach.

“I quite like it.”

“I know, you’re a sap _Harry_.”

“It has meaning, I like it.” He repeats, smiling fondly.

“The birds mean freedom. I made it when I moved here.” He points at the bottom of the inside of his forearm and then the inside of his upper one, showing the _Far Away_ tattoo. “And this one I made it when I met Liam and quit the photographic job. It means whatever I end up doing, wherever I go I will always want to be far away from… from the dark. It hardly ever feels like I’m in the light, it never felt like I was far away enough.”

Harry only nods, knowing that words aren’t the thing Louis is waiting for as a reply. So he saves those and respects the moment of silence for a little.

“I want to make a tattoo. Have been thinking about it for a while now, just don’t know what to get.”

“Don’t think too much about it, don’t feel obligated to ink something that has a meaning. Do something that you think it’s nice and you enjoy.” Louis suggests and Harry finds nodding a good reply once again.

Perplexed with the way Louis naturally reacts, the luck that the universe has to just have him there, looking around the room, breathing as if his presence didn’t have a meaning, Harry finds himself staring at him with such interest it becomes embarrassing at some point.

Louis meets his eyes, acting as if he didn’t notice them on him –maybe he didn’t, maybe he feels like he is not even worth looking at like the way Harry is, as if he doesn’t want to have the knowledge that it’s possible to someone to admire him that way so he pretends he doesn’t notice it.

“You’re extremely gorgeous, Louis Tomlinson.” Harry passionately speaks out. He is a _quiescent_ , a quiet, soft-spoken soul at times and right now – with Louis in general – Harry does his best to burst out what’s kept inside of him and share with the blue eyed guy. “You are…” He repeats, Louis looking at him similar to the way he looks at the acquaintances, who compliment him that way – Harry has seen it on those parties. But they don’t know Louis like Harry does and he waited until knowing him this well to actually show Louis that he shares this opinion. “You’re incredibly beautiful. You shine, you’re so bright upon my eyes.”

There’s a trace of embarrassment on Louis’ cheeks that he is good at hiding but Harry can’t stop smiling because of that.

He chuckles due the way Louis turns his gaze away and Harry rolls his body to the side to grab his phone from the bedside table. While unlocking it he stands up on top of the mattress, Louis’ eyes quickly opening wide seeing Harry’s tall, naked and board figure in his bed.

Harry casually stands over Louis, his feet on each sides of his torso, catching the way Louis looks at his naked body. When he points his phone down, ready to take a picture Louis giggles –literally giggles calling “ _Harry_ ,” in a thick French accent, throwing the back of one of his hands to his face covering everything but his stunning smile and two days beard.

“Yes darling?” Harry jokes, mimicking his giggles and looking at the picture on his phone, capturing not only Louis’ face but his chest as well as his own feet.

“You’re making me blush.” He uncovers one of his eyes to look up at Harry, who finds impossible to stop smiling.

“How cute is that?!” He jokes, Louis groans in embarrassment especially because Harry’s dick is so exposed to him, with the light from the huge window hitting half of his body and making it glow.

“Not cute.”

“Very cute.” Harry corrects him, slowly getting on his knees, still with Louis between his legs, his body and thighs stretched.

“Do you like me only for my beauty?” Louis asks, drastically changing the humour between them, his face fully uncover, showing his rosy cheeks and concerned expression.

And this is a serious question, one that Harry knows how to answer perfectly but wished Louis would ask it sooner since it makes him consider the fact that he thought this the whole time: Harry likes to spend time with him like this just because of his physical appearance. It’d seem that in the beginning by Harry’s thoughts but _hell_ , now? _No_.

“No.” Harry replies straight away, still not moving from his position, placing his phone on the side. “ _Fuck_ , no way near that Louis. I like your mind. I love your soul and all I wish to do is touch your heart in a way that will make you forget all the people who have reached for your body instead.”

Louis’ chest moves up and down rather quickly, his lips part a bit, his eyes pop open and Harry gets to see all of this and so much more. He lets his body fall down, chest to chest, skin to skin, his hands placed cautiously at the sides of Louis’ head and he hovers his lips above Louis’. Almost brushing. Louis’ breathe hits his own lips so dangerously that makes Harry want to taste him. But he speaks again instead.

“Never, for one minute, think you’re only what the eyes can reach. You’re not just your body, you’re so much more, my dear.” He moves one hand to place it above Louis’ chest where his heart should be. It’s beating so fast. “You’re what’s inside of you as well.” He takes his hand to the side of Louis’ neck. “You’re what your own eyes see, your own heartbeat tells you, what your emotions are and what you chose to be.” He leans over, brushes their lips, feeling the softness of them finally touching and then moves to the side to kiss Louis’ cheek, close to the corner of his lips. “Do you understand want I’m saying?” Louis nods. His body is frozen. “Good.”

Finally Harry allows himself to move away from Louis’ body, laying down on his side, on the same position as Louis.

“I –I…” The older guys tries to speak, voice weak, breaking. “I don’t do this.” He says, Harry understands.

“I know.”

“I don’t but… thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I will try not to do it a lot.”

_I will try not to show you how in love I am with you._

“Thank you.”

“Again, you’re welcome.”

Louis takes a deep breath and then simply laughs. It’s an amazing sound, one that makes Harry want to tell jokes forever so he can hear it all the time.

“Okay. Reverse, reverse.” And Harry doesn’t feel mad nor sad that Louis wants to break this moment. He decides to smile, not planning on looking away from Louis’s profile ever again this morning, instead, when Louis laughs he does the same. “I want to talk about your friends.” Harry nods, Louis’ hands following the slow motion of his chest moving up and down due still being above his chest. “They’re… they’re nice. And funny.”

“I’m funnier.”

Louis scoffs as if he had heard the most absurd thing ever and says, shaking his head on the pillow. “Naïve, naïve _garçon_. But anyway. I like them.”

“I’m glad you do.” Harry sees the small, tiny, _tiny_ dimple Louis forms on his cheeks making its appearance.

“They seem very genuine people. I’m… It’s good you have people like them in your life. Zayn cares a lot about you.” Harry looks carefully at Louis, whose eyes keep observing the dull ceiling. “He kept asking me these questions about us when you weren’t on the table. He sounded like he was joking but I know he wanted to know if I was… you know, hurting you.” Slowly, so very slowly and cautiously, Louis turns his head again to meet Harry’s expression. He sucks his bottom lip, as if thinking about his next words. “I don’t really want to hurt you, _Harry Styles_.”

Harry doesn’t want to know the meaning behind the words he just knows that he believes them. He trusts them and in the person whose voice belongs to.

They spend the day just like Louis said so. In bed. And the difference from now and months ago is that not only Harry’s voice is heard, Louis’ is as well. When Louis brings a bowl of corn flakes and pieces of fruit on a board, it’s not Harry eating alone, it’s Louis and Harry eating together. And maybe for the first time Harry is able to truly read Louis. He feels safe. He especially feels safe when, with shortness of breath, Harry explains the infinite and how rare and beautiful it is to even exist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shout out to [aatyo ](http://aatyo.tumblr.com/tagged/OKAY-ILL-AD-MY-SMUTTY-HEADCANNON)and [nsfwtomlinson ](http://nsfwtomlinson.tumblr.com/post/122521092795/ok-but-imagine-this-louis-with-a-butt)for the prompts.


	7. VII. Wild eyes;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry makes Louis cry and that definitely isn't the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [touch](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U05QfLENZA8) by troye sivan
> 
> [easy to love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbMLBx3uM3c) by Ivan & Alyosha
> 
> [skin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4M5lZdwOicw) by sixx am
> 
> [tears of an angel](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FULPliwzjcs) by ryandan
> 
> [imagination](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXEx0DyIMks) by shawn mendes
> 
> [if i had a boat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KO45Mii4oE8) by james vincent
> 
> [big girl cry](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NhKWZpkw1Q) by sia

**Chapter VII. Wild Eyes;**

** **

"Night is young and we're living  
Hands move, moving steady  
And the time is moving slower  
I can feel we're getting closer, closer"

\- **Touch by Troye Sivan**

 

~*~

**_2:56pm I wish you lived with me so we could like nap and fuck all the time_ **

_2:57pm we have work you know? All the time would be impossible_

**_2:57pm thanks for ruining my dreams harrrrrri ……_ **

_2:58pm oops?_

**_2:59pm hi._ **

**_2:59pm let’s do this again_ **

**_2:59pm tomorrow im fucking you for a few hours_ **

**_2:59pm so get some rest_ **

**_2:59pm and tell me im your queen while I do it_ **

_3:01pm you’re my queen even when you’re not fucking me_

**_3:01pm that’s really nice_ **

**_3:01pm your queen now has to go because needs to have his ass painted_ **

**_3:01pm text me when you get home from work_ **

**_3:01pm good bye broccoli_ **

_3:01 good bye pumpkin_

**_3:01pm ew._ **

_~*~_

“Why do you always come over so early?” Harry’s says in his morning, husky voice, opening the door for Louis to come in, brushing his eyes with his knuckles. “And how did you get upstairs?”

“A nice old lady opened the door for me.” Louis says happily, getting in with a plastic bag in his hand. “And it’s not early, it’s almost nine, _Harry_.” He looks at Harry’s bare, long legs due him being in only underwear and a shirt.

“Oh Jesus.” Harry groans, shutting the door behind them to lean his back against it then, eyes semi opened.

“Don’t fall asleep there, seems uncomfortable.” Louis warns him, walking to the kitchen to put the plastic bag. “Sorry though,” Harry hears his voice far away and decides to drag his body to go to Louis’ encounter. “I fell asleep really early last night, right when I came back from work so I woke up really early as well.” He looks over where Harry is, offering a smile when sees him now leant against the wall from the kitchen. “I was bored and thought about you. Erm… you don’t want me here?” he asks suddenly, stopping what he is doing with the bags on the balcony. His eyes show realisation and his shoulders tension.

“Of course I want you here.” Harry laughs lightly. “I’m just still a bit tired. Long day yesterday. Was that why you didn’t answer my message? You were asleep?” Louis nods as an answer and continues rummaging through the bags. “How was your job?”

“It was okay. Needed to go a bit far from the centre. It was for a class though, seemed like an important academy.” He glances over Harry, who offers him a lazy smile. “Go back to bed then. You have day off, right?” Harry nods for a moment. “Today I decided to cook, so no need to worry about breakfast.”

“Won’t you burn the house?”

“Pinkie promise that I won’t.” He walks over Harry and raises his hand so Harry can hold his pinkie finger. He does so, the touch during longer than the necessary.

“Okay then, be safe.” Harry pulls away his hand and leans over to kiss Louis’ temple without thinking much about it.

He walks away casually then, going back to his bed and falling asleep right away with the thought of a domestic Louis downstairs.

He wakes up hours later with the presence of a body next to him, something on his legs and a hand on his shoulder. He hears Louis whispering close to his ear and it’s enough to make Harry quickly sit up on the mattress.

Harry then realises something he can’t understand how he didn’t realise before when opened the door earlier that morning. Louis is wearing the lavender sweater he gave him two months ago. _Two_. He hadn’t seen it since and now Louis decides to appear on his bed, wearing that after cooking a meal. Plot twist warning.

Louis simply smiles and tells him “Seemed like the right day to wear it so.” And they’re so close, Louis looks so soft, smells so well, looks so gorgeous… it makes Harry feel the need to take notes of every time he feels like kissing the life out of Louis and the reason why.

The tray on his lap catches his attention then. There are toasts of all types of seed bread possible, Greek yogurts, tones of fruit and eggs. It might be a weird mixture of food but it’s colourful and Harry can see a lot of effort there because Louis made it look pretty. Besides he seems to finally be able to cook scrambled eggs.

It goes like that and then Louis shows Harry the cuts on his fingers from cutting the fruit – _I think your guts are going to come off_ , Harry jokes until he becomes serious when Louis makes him kiss it better.

It’s a lovely morning, which ends up being evening since the breakfast ends up being more like a lunch than anything else. Harry never had someone like Louis that would like to spend days in bed like they do. Someone who mess the sheets with him the way Louis does when starts jumping around, laying in all different positions while telling all type of stories – fictitious and real but Harry still can’t tell them apart yet.

But the bed –that small object starts looking so big, starts feeling so much like home that warms Harry’s bones. He loves looking at the way sometimes Louis lifts his legs in the air, looks at the tip of his toes while curling them, the sweater falling a bit and showing his hip bones… it makes him look tall, long, which is something strange since Harry tends to describe him more like the otherwise.

Louis doesn’t look small in his bed –in any bed at all. He is comfortable enough to look at Harry with messy hair and not feel the need to fix it straight away. He doesn’t feel the need to suddenly block their thoughts away, pull Harry away, much the otherwise he pushes him closer every minute they spend together.

They don’t feel uncomfortable at all, to the point that when Harry keeps pushing his loose hair off his brow Louis gets behind his back, sinks his knees on the mattress, brushes Harry’s hair with his fingers, strokes his temples and forehead while scraping all his hair up into a bun for him. It’s… sweet.

Louis also starts teaching Harry French, which is more like a joke since he just teaches Harry nonsense and bullshit, literally. Harry doesn’t mind though he listens to him, he _looks_ with his eyes, he honestly observes Louis there so giggly and comfy and everything becomes so bright even though the weather outside is a grey spring day.

At some point Harry gets his little book that he draws his random, small sketches and doodles while Louis keeps his head laid down on his legs. Harry starts drawing Louis’ hands. He sees them so well placed above his chest, the crinkles of the sweater perfectly lined, the shadows amazingly projected and he thinks it’s the most opportune moment to try it.

Louis is talking about pigeons and Harry still listens to his voice.

“It’s so not fair that they’re considered rats of the skies. Are they that dirty? You know, they might have feelings, _Harry_. People in France usually treat them like garbage but here I see them sitting down and feeding them and I think that’s beautiful.”

“Deep thoughts from an anus.” Harry mocks him, taking his tongue between his lips once again while focusing on the paper in front of him.

“Don’t joke about serious businesses.” Harry laughs, filling up more the shadows projected on the fabric of the sweater. “What are you drawing anyway?” He asks, trying to reach for Harry’s book.

“No!” he says loudly. “I’m trying to draw your hands. Go back to the position. Fuck, Louis it looked amazing,” He argues making Louis lay down back like he was before, touching his wrists, trying to put them like they were before, with the same shadows and everything.

“ _Uhh_ , I’m sorry mister.” Louis plays around but also helps on being in the same position he previously was. “You can’t draw my dick so you try to draw my hands now?”

“Louis…” Harry groans embarrassed, sulking with his cheeks flushed. “Stay still, I’m almost finishing.” He twists his knee to call Louis’ attention. “And for the record, your dick isn’t the problem. I’ve never reached that point even.” Louis laughs loudly, stopping himself from moving his hands to cover his mouth. “ _Shh_ , you were talking about pigeons. Keep going.”

But Louis doesn’t keep going, he stays quiet and after two minutes Harry decides that he finds it weird so when he looks over from his little black journal he meets Louis’ soft eyes and a tiny grin, staring at him.

He goes “What?” and Louis answers “Just you.” And inside his stomach a war starts and butterflies take all over the land.

It’s Louis looking at him while he draws, just like it happens downstairs. He lets that happen, definitely not taking advantage when he looks at Louis’ hands to find another new detail to look at his face as well. _What_? No he definitely doesn’t do that he – okay he fucking does that.

He is thankful drawing hands for him is a basic and easy thing to do so he finishes it after some more minutes and actually feels proud of the result – _oh_ he drew Louis… okay he drew Louis’ hands but he had to start with something, right?

“Done?” Louis asks and he probably notices it by the way Harry’s face changes.

“Yeah,” Harry answers, giving him the book so Louis can see it.

Louis takes it, probably staring at the drawing two minutes long until he looks up at Harry with a smile. The smile consumes Harry’s soul, takes over his heart and blood. Louis is on Harry’s veins now and it’s his smile’s fault only.

“I want it.” Louis says then, putting the book away and touching Harry’s bare knee.

“You can rip it out I don’t –“

“I want to fuck you.” _wow_ , all right. Harry’s heart just stops, his throat becomes dry and his eyes open widely but nothing special, he is okay…

He isn’t.

“You want to – _oh_.” Harry stutters, impossible to form words and it doesn’t help the way Louis looks at him, full of lust, the way his hand is stoking his thigh and each time it gets closer to the end of his underwear. “Okay, that’s… yeah –interesting.” He gulps watching Louis biting his lip and crawling closer to him, his bum up and Harry just wants to squeeze it in his hands.

“Yeah? So you want it?” Louis is brushing the tip of his nose with Harry’s –so he gets this close so fast now?! One of his hands rest on Harry’s hip while he throws his legs next to Harry’s, getting on his lap. That simple gesture makes Harry realise that he has been half hard all this time –humiliating. “Want to feel me deep inside you again, _chéri_?”

“Yeah… fuck yeah I do.” Louis smiles with Harry’s shaky answer.

He licks Harry’s bottom lip and just like that Harry feels the huge urge to just close that space between their lips, however Louis turns to attack his neck, not a surprise and not like Harry dislikes it as well. Not at all.

“Will you teach me? Will you help me to fuck you good?”

Harry’s hand travel to the back of Louis’ hair, pulling it so he can lean Louis’ head to the side. His other hand goes resting on the side of his thigh and he sucks hard on his neck then, it’s wet and a bit painful but makes Louis leave a surprised, yet pleasing moan from his lips.

“I’m sure you’re going to make me feel so fucking well, Louis.” He confesses, meaning every single word he breathes out.

Louis’ hands cup his cheeks just to make them look into the eyes, a grin plays on his lips automatically –on both of them.

Harry realises Louis takes a deep breathe before taking Harry’s shirt, exposing his chest. He brushes his hands up and down his torso until reaching his nipples, twisting them and then leaning over to lick one, preparing it to suck it into his mouth.

Harry hums with the contact, his eyes shutting automatically in pleasure, especially when Louis starts rocking his hips on his lap. It’s slow, probably even not intentional, just by intuition, but it still creates some type of friction that is clearly welcome.

“Can I take your shirt off?” Harry asks, his voice low and needy even. Louis pulls away and nods.

Even though he loves seeing Louis with his sweater, this time he wants it off. He throws it away leaving both of them in their underwear.

Louis attacks his neck again, his fingers still playing with Harry’s nipples. Harry sinks his nails deep on Louis’ back, holding himself and building up his strengths for what is about to come next.

Harry doesn’t know how long they stay like that just touching and knowing each other’s body. At this point kissing doesn’t even seem needed because Louis’ lips –their lips are in other parts of their bodies, equally pleasing.

Then Harry takes his hands between their bodies and starts stroking the shape of Louis’ cock above his underwear. Louis’ hot breathe hits his collarbones, feeling a bite afterwards.

“I should be the one drawing your hands instead.” Louis says and it makes Harry move them actually inside Louis’ boxers, feeling how hard he is. “They’re so… big, soft and –good.” He breathes out, Harry feeling the nerve along his strength, touching it with his thumb then going back to stroke the head. It seems like he knows Louis so well that he doesn’t even need to look down to know how his body is shaped.

How the hell can he not draw him then…?!

At some point Louis stops everything he is doing to Harry with his hands and mouth to rest his forehead on his shoulder, breathing heavily and feeling Harry wrapping his hand around his whole length and touching him faster than when he initiated.

“How do you do it?” Louis asks between pants and soft moans.

Harry squeezes his thigh before trying his best to grab Louis’ balls above the fabric of his underwear and giving two slower strokes before going back to do it fast. “Do what?”

“Making me feel so –so good with a simple… hand job, _ugh_.” He bites Harry hard on his shoulder his both hands holding on his upper arm.

Harry doesn’t answer –he doesn’t know how to, so he just keeps doing the best he can with his hands while turning his head to the side to quickly kiss the hair he can reach from Louis.

“After that party I went with you… the one you, you know– _oh god_ ,” he sinks his face deep on Harry’s shoulder, when Harry reaches his balls under his underwear. Harry just really wants to lay him down and see his expression. “I went home and finished… finished, thinking of you.”

“Fuck, Louis.” Harry strokes him even faster, putting the right amount of pressure.

“It felt so good thinking of your hands… your lips. You’re so fit and – _merde_ , I’m gonna come.” He wraps his arms around Harry’s neck, raising his head to look over at Harry and starts thrusting his hips, meeting Harry’s fist.

“No.” Harry stops and puts his hands on Louis’ waist. “You’re only going to come inside of me.” Louis moans –impressive –and rests their foreheads together, one of his hands touching Harry’s cheek.

“Okay…” he breathes out above his lips. “Okay, let me prep you. Fuck, I can’t wait to feel you around me.”

Harry hums, about to lean over when Louis pulls away, lifting himself on his knees to take Harry’s boxers off. Harry ends up doing it himself, looking at how Louis’ cock his rock hard against his belly, out of his own underwear while Louis takes it off as well.

There’s a flash between the two when they stay some seconds just looking at each other naked –literally checking each other out, no shame there – until Louis is parting Harry’s legs wide, totally exposing him right there, knees up. He takes one pillow and puts under the bottom of Harry’s spine, with his help.

He smiles mischievously fitting himself between Harry’s legs, one of his finger teasingly making its way from his balls to his crack.

“Condoms and lube?” Louis asks and Harry manages to move to the side to open his drawer. He probably destroy what’s inside since he tries to look for it with only one hand, trying his best to keep in his position, Louis still between his legs. He knows there’s lube from the times they used it and there were at least two condoms left from the last time he – _voilà_.

He immediately adjusts himself and gives everything to Louis who smirks accepting it. Harry hears him opening the bottle and he knows Louis is spreading the liquid in his fingers.

“How many do you think you can take?” he starts putting a little bit of pressure in his rim. Harry takes a fist of his sheets, feeling the coldness.

“How many do you want me to?” He challenges and _oh_ Louis liked that, he very much liked that answer.

And Harry had had Louis’ fingers inside of him before, yes, but it never felt like this, the thrill he feels knowing that soon he is going to have Louis’ cock inside of him instead, is astounding.

Harry totally offers his body to Louis and frees himself to let out any noise about to come in that moment. He doesn’t omit anything, he shows how good it feels to have Louis stretching him out and how much pleasure the burning when he pushes in another finger offers him.

When Harry’s legs are already shaking, showing how weak they’re getting, his chest quickly moving up and down in the middle of two fingers, Louis leans over, gets the third finger inside of Harry so roughly, so unexpectedly that brings a surprised gasp from Harry’s lips.

The way Louis moves his body, now closer to Harry’s, in synchrony with his fingers, makes their dicks brush each other in the way, which only makes Louis and Harry’s moans sound in union around the room.

“I can feel how stretched and wet you are.” Louis says oh so pleased with how the words sound and how they come out. Harry clenches around his three fingers, his eyes shutting with small tears in the corner of his eyes because Louis is a bastard, he is trying his best not to directly touch his prostate making Harry feel like he has enough but still needs that one thing to see fireworks so it’s a desperate feeling. Whatever he does, however he moves, he doesn’t feel _it_.

“Louis –I’m ready.” He whimpers, wrecked on those messy white sheets. “Want you now.”

“ _Hmm_ , I want it too.” Louis says even though it doesn’t make much sense. He seems like he is hovering the clouds just like Harry. He smiles softly, his lashes touching Harry’s cheekbones, his body moves one more time forward at the same time he goes deeper with his fingers inside of Harry before taking them out completely, carefully. “I bet you hate feeling this empty.” Louis whispers in his ear, biting his earlobe.

Harry does some sort of sound that might be a reply to it but it’s not like it’s meant to be understood.

Louis doesn’t take his eyes off of Harry while he gets the condom and rips it off. It wouldn’t take much time for Harry to start dribbling watching how Louis gets his hands on his own cock to slide the condom and then gives two slow strokes, biting his lip in pleasure, showing how desperate he is.

He leans over, presses his hands on the side of Harry’s body and stares down at him. “What now?” he asks, almost innocently. Well Harry knows Louis doesn’t need instructions for this it’s just –getting in. Still, he is asking Harry, he wants Harry to help him to make him feel good – to make both feel good. It turns Harry on more than what he imagined it would. The thought of helping Louis doing this, to give him instructions is exciting.

But truth be told, Louis doesn’t even need to try, doesn’t need to do much because anything Louis is up to give, the minimum he has even, would be enough to make Harry last for at least five minutes. If that. Louis is like a drug, the best one, he poisons Harry’s blood, he consumes him so fast and takes him to places he had never seen. He makes him feel so fucking good.

Either way, Harry speaks, wrapping his legs around Louis’ torso. “Okay, now you…” he trails off, his hand goes between their bodies, he sucks his bottom lip and keeps his eyes locked with Louis’, who watches him in fascination. Literally in fascination. Along his words, he grabs the beginning of Louis’ cock leading it towards his own hole. “… now you push in slowly.”

“Yeah?” Louis asks slowly and lowly. His look… Harry is so in love with the way Louis is watching him. He is in love with the idea of Louis. With his soul. With his body. With his everything. Harry literally loves Louis in a whole and he can’t get away from this now. Not when Louis is naked above him, looking at him _that way_ and ready to just give him everything.

“Yeah…” Harry answers, feeling the head of Louis’ cock making some kind of pressure on his rim.

Louis bites his lip, never breaking eye contact while Harry is so careful touching him. His available hand travelling to the side of Louis’ torso, encouraging him to move forward by a simple squeeze and slowly leading him.

“All good? This is okay, right?” Louis makes sure before going along with Harry’s gesture.

“Yes, Louis, yes.” Harry answers softly. Slowly, oh so slowly he feels Louis getting inside of him, stretching him even more, feeling how he enters along his hole.

His eyes shut tightly, his head relaxes in the pillow and his both hands are now holding Louis by his waist. He feels Louis’ eyes still on him, burning his bare skin with its power.

“Am I hurting you?” he hears Louis’ voice and if he didn’t know he wouldn’t recognise it.

“No. Not at all. But you’re so thick.” He breathes out and it’s not only the fact Louis is entering him is also the fact that he feels the warmth of his body, his angelical presence, which makes him feel so pleased. “It feels good.” His lips twist into a smile and he opens his eyes, his lashes fluttering in the air.

“Hi.” Louis smiles back. So beautiful.

“Hi.” Harry answers, pressing his fingers on Louis’ skin and pushing him all the way in. Completely in. “ _Oh wow_ , you’re inside me.”

“ _Oh wow_ , _Harry_ Styles.” Louis laughs, leaning down so their faces are even closer. It’s safe, it’s still safe so Harry _hums_.

“All right. Now you move.” He says so and Louis looks at him as if he is warning him, or calling for his help. “Just like this.” He completes at the same time he helps Louis by his hips to move half out and then in again. “Again.” He repeats, Louis follows the instructions perfectly.

“So… like this.” Louis moves on his own this time, taking more than half of his length out and slamming his hips forward, deeply getting in again.

“Oh fuck,” Harry groans by how quick and harsh the movement is. Louis’ eyes open wide, in alert and is ready to speak up, maybe to apologise but “Yeah… _god,_ yes do it again.”

“O –Okay…” So Louis does, holding himself safely with his hands on the mattress

“ _Ah_ –Just keep doing that over… and over –“ his words get stuck on his throat when Louis keeps thrusting his hips, his pelvis hitting Harry’s skin, the sound of the their bodies colliding almost echoes in the room. Harry doesn’t understand but Louis might know very well how to do this and just made it look like the otherwise previously.

“ _Merde_ , sorry.” Louis apologises embarrassed when ends up sliding his whole length out from Harry and ending up failing his hole again.

“No, no… totally okay.” Harry helps him getting inside again, completely tranquil.

When he feels Louis all the way inside of him again, his whole body sinks on the mattress like a feather. He moves his hands to Louis’ shoulder blades, making him almost lay his whole body on top of his own, while Louis decides to move slower than the first time.

Harry attaches his mouth on Louis’ neck, it’s not considered biting neither kissing, it’s just there, it’s doing something, which Louis seems to give him a positive reaction to it. “You’re doing amazing.” He inks those words lowly on Louis’ sweaty skin.

“You –you feel amazing around me.” Somehow Louis answers, making Harry purr against his body. His hands slide down through Louis’ spine, causing him to move differently inside of Harry, who leaves a small whimper escape from his lips. “So fucking good, _Harry_. So warm and tight and… _uh_ –“ He joins their temples and Harry needs more. He is so desperate because it feels like Louis is fucking teasing him, especially when his chest just barely brushes his hard cock.

“Fuck, Lou.” He moans and this time he truly sinks his teeth on Louis’ flesh, his hands sliding all the way down until he is cupping each Louis’ butt cheeks in his hands respectively. He squeezes and parts them at the same time he helps Louis to move inside him.

“That’s _oh_ , yes…” Louis is the one moaning louder this time, finding his own rhythm and keeping it up.

One of his hands leaves the mattress to part Harry’s right leg wider so he can have even more access and go deeper. It makes Harry do the same with his left one so Louis has the precise and perfect angle.

“Right there.” Harry gasps feeling how Louis quickly found the way to brush his prostate every time he moves and yes, it’s perfect. His whole body shivers underneath Louis, his legs start to shake, he starts to feel weak, clenching around Louis here and there.

“Does it feel good? Am I doing it… right?” Louis asks, he dares to ask. And he has no right to speak with Harry with that voice. Husky tone, breathless at the same time sounding like he is whining.

Harry can’t really reply properly so he lets out little _yes’_ s while Louis rocks his hips faster, deeper while his hand messily grabs Harry’s dick to give three teasing strokes. Harry squeezes Louis’ cheeks tighter because okay, Louis’ ass is just the best thing to grab and touch, besides it’s smooth and fits perfectly on his big hands. With that he also keeps trying pushing Louis in deeper, even though it seems impossible at this point.

Louis likes it. Louis likes when Harry touches him that way but when Harry meets his gaze, his lips matching Harry’s own pinkish colour, shining above them; his eyes look dark. Not only because there’s only a small, blue ocean circle, the iris, around the pupils but also because it transmits obscurity. However Harry is too over the moon to understand and analyse it.

So Louis pulls his body away, consequently Harry whines with the lack of warmness and contact but that’s shut down when Louis pulls Harry’s hands away from behind him and pines them down over his head, against the mattress. He doesn’t stop when does it, his hips move perfectly back and forth, causing the bed to slightly move forward and hit the wall.

Harry is liking this. A lot.

Louis keeps holding Harry’s wrist above his head, a cocky smile playing on his lips, which Harry answers with a rather sweet one, unable to actually move and touch Louis –or himself. Stupid, stupid Harry.

“You like it rough, don’t you?” Louis asks out of nowhere, blocking his own moans.

“Yes, Lou. Please. Harder I want it faster.” Louis tilts his head and keeps one hand holding Harry’s both wrists while his other one travels to the side of his neck.

His fingertips tickle his skin but Harry can’t react at that since Louis is hitting his prostate and moving so roughly. It might not match the touch of his hands close to his jaw.

He moves his whole hand around Harry’s neck but is quick to pull away and move to brush his index and middle finger on top of his plump lips. Harry stops breathing, which might not be true because his moans get louder and Louis is beautiful. That doesn’t make sense in that particular sentence but in Harry’s head does.

Louis keeps giving him that dark look even though Harry is quite sure he is petting his lips for much weird that might sound. Until the green eyed guy is forced to shut down his moans and his thoughts. Even his vision turns dark and dizzy, the feeling on his belly builds up and Louis parts his lips even wider to shove them inside Harry’s mouth.

_Oh okay._

_Fucking okay._

_Fucking amazing_.

“You don’t only take my cock this well, you also take my fingers, _chérie_.”

Harry hums around Louis’ fingers and that just causes him to get them deeper.

Is Louis – fuck, Louis is trying to gag him. _Oh shit fuck_. He was sure Louis said he would never do it and Harry was okay, damn he was, apart from everything. The thought of Louis doing this to him is too much to handle, too hot, it embarrasses him. Yet now it’s real and it seems like Louis just changed to a whole different person.

He can still breathe but tears are forming on his eyes and less oxygen gets on his lungs by how breathless he already was. The feeling of Louis’ inside of him is out of this world to even describe. He is so hot, Harry is literally sweating looking at him.

He dares to try to lick Louis’ fingers, looking at him so daringly, arcing his spine to get friction –that he sure won’t get – feeling himself getting so close any second it passes.

“Come on, Harry. I’m gonna come. Fuck, come with me, please.” Louis is so desperate, so out of himself by the way he moves inside of Harry, clearly wanting release that he even loses his accent. He forgets how deep he might be getting with his fingers on Harry’s throat but hell Harry is not there. Harry is probably going to die and come back to life seconds later with come on his belly and a Louis spread down next to him in post orgasm bliss.

That’s basically what happens.

He is in the verge of starting to cough due Louis’ fingers when he comes untouched all over his own belly, come reaching his chin and Louis’ forearm. The way he clenches around Louis during his orgasm seems to be Louis’ limit point as well because he takes his fingers out of his mouth, letting him breathe, moaning Harry’s name after a whimper.

So when Harry gets his conscious back he is already cleaned and Louis is laid down next to him, still completely naked and looking at the ceiling.

“Lou?” He calls for him, sounding as if he has a sore throat. Apparently he had adopted the nickname and Louis seems to have a normal reaction to it.

“Hi, fuck,” He answers relieved? Is he relieved? He does look stressed while turning his whole body to Harry. “You’re okay…” He whispers followed by a sigh. “You’re okay right?”

Harry frowns. “Yes I am.”

“Christ. I didn’t mean –fuck, okay. I thought you were like… you weren’t moving but you were breathing. I didn’t want to do that. Hurt you I –“

“Louis!” Harry immediately holds one of Louis’ hands in the air, trying his best to make his voice sound normal. “Breathe.” Louis attentively looks at their hands locked, yet he nods and does it so. “All right. You didn’t hurt me.” He simply announces, knowing what Louis was referring to.

He drops Louis’ hand and shyly lays belly down, hugging the pillow and hiding half of his face.

“I’m sorry. It usually happens to me when I have sex… like this.” Louis looks attentively at him, a bit confused but curious. “I get too overwhelmed and go into trance or something. It happened the last time too, that’s why I almost fell asleep on top of you.” His voice sounds a bit muffled but he inspects Louis’ face. “I guess this time it felt so good that I basically didn’t feel anything afterwards.”

“ _Wow_ ,” Louis coos after some seconds in silence, processing Harry’s words. “That’s… kinda hot.”

“Kinda hot.” Harry chuckles, his laughter muffled by the pillowcase.

“Just… the fact I did that. I made you feel like that. Pleases me.” Harry knows that it probably isn’t the occasion for that but he smiles. Louis has no idea that only the fact he is laid down next to him in his bed pleases _him_.

“Yeah, that was really amazing Louis.”

“Yeah?”

Harry nods but speaks anyway. “Yes. Fuck, I literally felt so… so… I can’t even find the words to describe it. It was like I wasn’t here. I came so hard, it was literally the best sex I had ever had.” It’s Louis’ time to laugh.

“If you say so.”

“Why did you do it?” Louis raises his eyebrow questioning. “Why did you… you know.” He keeps trying to hide his face. “You said you weren’t into it, it triggered you and you didn’t want to hurt me. You didn’t hurt me, don’t worry I’m just confused because you said you wouldn’t be able to do it.” And Harry hopes Louis understands he is referring to the fact that he had two fingers down his throat, making almost impossible for him to breathe.

“I…” Louis turns his gaze away from Harry. “I wanted to try it for you. Wanted to make you feel god.”

Oh. Okay.

“Lou… you know you didn’t have to. If it makes you uncomfortable and you don’t like it you don’t have to. Just… you already make me feel so good and you don’t even have to try hard for it.”

Louis quickly looks back at the green eyed lad… surprised? Harry doesn’t understand how Louis always looks at him as if hearing things like this are something unusual for him. Or even the first time he is listening them. Harry knows Louis deserves to be respected and if in the past he wasn’t he wants to make up for it.

“It –it made me freak out a little bit.” Harry nods once. “It was hot though, the way you reacted.” He confesses but then presses his lips shut together before continuing. “I just don’t think I can make it again because of how I saw it,” he points to his own head. “in my head, you know?” Harry nods once again and gives him a smile in assurance, which Louis understands and accepts.

There’s more silence between them, this time it lasts longer so Harry takes advantage of that to start managing to breathe properly after everything. They reached the time of the day where the last rays of sunshine get through the opened window, turning the room in a slight gold colour. Dust of a size of crumbs fly in the air, passing just in front of Harry’s nose, which he crosses his eyes to look at. He hears the sound of the cars on the street outside and then the sound of the sheets, closer to his hears.

“Where are you going?” Harry asks, looking to the side automatically, seeing Louis getting up from the bed. “You won’t freak out, will you? You will come back right?”

Louis looks over his shoulder at Harry, his bare back almost gets more attention from Harry’s eyes than his profile. “I guess you’re hungry after this… Or dehydrated?” Harry doesn’t even speak. “I’m not… I’m not just going to leave you naked in this bed, alone, after what we did.” He sighs, standing up with the help of his hands pressed against the mattress, on his sides. “I’m trying to take care of you.”

And like this he walks away downstairs, Harry’s ears capturing every sound possible he can get from what seems Louis’ interaction in his house. He doesn’t feel abandoned, not when Louis comes back with food and a movie in his hands.

~*~

Harry comes back from work to find Louis naked in the kitchen trying to find the sweet potatoes he normally has on a bowl, which Harry had cooked in the oven earlier for when they want to snack –and this is a big development, whatever struggle Louis has with food, nowadays, around Harry is inexistent.

When Louis turns around, startled with the noise Harry does coming in, the smirk the green eyed guy gives him says everything.

Right, the potatoes are forgotten and Harry eats Louis out against the counter, feeling the cold tile on his knees, the pressure Louis does rocking his hips to get Harry’s face deeper on his ass and the wetness on his pants just because Louis’ whimpers are fucking beautiful.

It’s all too casual but Harry thinks that’s what he likes about Louis and him together, the familiarity they feel with each other. How quick they can go from loud moans and rough bites in each other’s bodies to being pressed on the couch, watching TV when they can’t fall asleep.

So that’s what happens next… Louis’ head on his lap also happens and he doesn’t remember when that started to be a thing Louis was okay doing. His legs are hanging out of the couch, his calves pressed against the arm of it while commenting what’s playing on the screen, here and there. Louis is sure one of those people that won’t let others hear what’s on TV. He insists on telling what’s happening, even though Harry is right next to him, watching the same thing.

“We’re not watching Netflix ever again, Louis.”

“What? Why?” Louis takes his eyes off from the screen and looks over at Harry, his thin bottom lip is literally popping out.

“Because you’ve clearly watched every series and can’t keep quiet for one second.”

“No, I just watched this one.”

“And the Hawaii one. American horror story season one I recall you know all their lines. Same with Shameless but only Mickey and Ian’s ones, I wonder why.” Harry rolls his eyes in fond. “Let’s not forget when we watched Hemlock Grove and you gave me all the spoilers you could think of.”

“It didn’t stop you from getting horny with Roman Godfrey.” Louis teases, flinching his eyebrows.

“We agreed on not mentioning that.”

“Oh, _Harry_ … I can be your vampire if you want.” He raises his head, ready to get into sitting position.

“He is an _upir_.” Harry corrects him coolly.

“It doesn’t matter, as long as I can suck on your neck.” He teases, throwing himself on Harry’s lap, parting his legs on both sides of his thighs and tilting his head with a smirk, waiting for the proper invitation.

“You can suck on anything you want.”

Laughing out loud, Louis leans over, his hot breathe hits Harry’s skin exposed between all of his locks. “You’re fucking awful.” He softly pulls Harry’s hair behind his shoulder to connect his lips with Harry’s skin, biting it straight away.

He does it deep and harsh, bringing a loud groan from Harry and when he decides to suck on the same spot, Harry’s hands go straight away to his arse, gripping tightly both cheeks in his hands, respectively.

“I find myself not getting enough of you…” Louis confesses, sinking his face on the crook of Harry’s neck not actually doing something, just staying there and breathing Harry’s sense in and out.

“Well that’s good isn’t it?” Harry asks, a grin playing on his lips. He just wished Louis could actually see it, to show how much his words mean to him.

“I’m not sure…” Louis replies, his hands sliding down to rest on Harry’s waist and snuggling on the crook of his neck, his nose brushing his skin now.

“Are you smelling me?” Harry decides to argue instead of pointing out Louis’ words that he is sure Louis doesn’t want to go any deeper.

“It’s only fair, you do that to me all the time.”

“That’s a lie.”

“You even smell the back of my knees, you weird asshole.”

“Maybe I just can’t get enough of you as well.” Harry admits, turning his face to Louis, brushing his own nose in his hair and temple.

“Isn’t that a song?” Louis asks, his voice is still soft, which Harry doesn’t understand but still laughs at.

“I don’t think so, maybe you could write one.” Louis hums, not pulling away from his neck. It starts feeling warm, an unfamiliar warm since Harry is not at all used to have Louis on his lap just suddenly snuggling there.

It feels like a cuddle.

It definitely does and Harry wants this more than anything.

When he decides to bring his hands up to hold Louis by his back, the blue eyed guy speaks. “Talk to me about your fears.” So they’re going to have their type of conversations like this.

One of Harry’s hands gets the remote control, already being _eaten_ by the couch and turns down the volume from the telly.

“Well…” he starts noticing how Louis plays with the ends of his shirt and stays in the same position. He wants to hold him like this all the time. “I know you’re kind of expecting me to talk about like heights, closed spaces, maybe my fear about loneliness and lost?” Harry laughs lightly. “But honestly I think that’s not something that can define me now or that I can truly relate to since I can manage it.” He takes a long sigh. “Did you know that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it?” Louis slightly raises his head upon his shoulder to meet Harry’s eyes watching him.

“Is it?” Harry nods as an answer and Louis goes back to his previous position with the difference that he does his best to keep his eyes open to look at Harry.

“Their lover’s once endearing stubbornness becomes refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity. Their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life. You start seeing their flaws and stop being able to handle and manage them. You get tired and nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.”

Harry feels Louis’ body stiffing on top of him and then he slowly feels a small coldness replacing the spot Louis was resting his head on. They meet each other’s eyes after Louis straightens his back. Their hands still hold each other on the same places though.

“Lou I…” He thinks twice before speaking the next words, Louis waiting patiently. “I see the stars in your eyes and that’s…” He sighs thinking _and that's scary as hell because I don't know if you also see them in mines or if it's just a reflection._

“ _Harry_ …”

“Look we don’t have to put a label on this. That’s fine. I get it. But, you know, I just… I need some consistency.” Harry says almost urgently.

“I know.” Louis nods, his hands travel from his waist to the front of his chest.

“I need to know you’re not going to wake up in the morning and feel differently. I need to feel safe.” He knows maybe this is too much, this will give out too much information that he is not ready yet to speak out neither is Louis to listen to but he also needs to protect himself somehow in the middle of this mess.

He admits it. He and Louis are a mess right now, might be a happy mess but he knows it can quickly turn out into a miserable one later on. He doesn’t want it, he wouldn’t handle it. Not this time. Not with Louis.

“And I can’t give you that. Nobody can.” It’s Louis’ reply.

"Yes you can Louis... I believe me, you can." Harry says softly, his eyes looking for any trace of anxiety Louis might be feeling. He raises his hand to lead it to Louis' cheek but at the same time he does it, Louis drops his head, his hand gripping Harry's shirt on his chest.

"Let's just stop this conversation here. Please."

Harry can't say anything, especially when Louis isn't even looking at him - isn't even showing his face to him. He doesn't know what nerve he touched from Louis, what boundaries he crossed so he is not sure what will be the right thing to say. He decides staying for the silence and after some long seconds Louis takes it as his final answer.

The difference from all the times Louis had reacted this way to things, when he wants to change topics, is that this time he seems to take more into consideration Harry's feelings. What Harry might be feeling and what might be the right thing to do. He drops his grip on Harry's shirt and passes his hand along his chest, softly. Then he slightly raises his head, not really meeting Harry's curious gaze but enough for Harry to see him looking at his lips. It means nothing. But he is having some type of reaction.

And Louis is still on his lap, he didn't run away neither pulled away immediately.

Louis' right hand then gets close to Harry's face until he is touching his cheek. The touch is warm and tender even though it's barely there for Harry. He strokes the skin, ever so careful and whispers "Thank you." Before sliding to his previous seat next to Harry, in the same position he was before going to his lap.

Harry realises then.

It's going to be okay no matter how long it takes.

~*~

"So when are we going to hang out with Louis again?" Niall asks, clumsily leaning over the balcony where Harry is behind the reception.

It was his turn to be greeting the costumers and walk them to their tables. He doesn't particularly hates it since it's less exhausting but it reaches the end of the night and it becomes boring. He hates keep saying the same words _thank you, we hope seeing you again, have a good night_. Also he is the first one getting the impolite costumers when he checks their reservations - or lack of them since that's what brings them the bad manners. He honestly can't deal very well with that.

"Why would you want to hang out with Louis again?" Harry raises his eyebrows, a playful smile making its appearance.

"We liked him. I was just talking to Zayn -"

"While you should be working."

"-and we agreed on keeping him." Niall continues, ignoring Harry's words.

"He is not a dog, Niall."

"Fair point. But he got Zayn's approval, isn't that something big?!" Harry thinks about it before answering, more seriously.

"It is. It is something big."

"I was sure he didn't like the lad after everything that happened." Niall says to himself out loud, bringing Harry to say quietly _yeah me neither_. "But anyway, it's been almost two weeks, I miss the lad."

"Oh you miss the lad." Harry laughs.

"Something I'm sure you don't, right _Harry_." Niall tries to mimic Louis' accent, ending up extremely exaggerated at the same time he winks, which is brutal. Niall doesn't know how to wink, he is the type that struggles to keep the other eye open and his face ends up looking horrified. Harry can't cope with that.

"I don't know what you're talking about but I'm sure Cassandra just called you and she doesn't look happy."

"Oh shit." Niall curses, looking quite scared. It happens when the woman's name is spoken but he will be safe this time.

He will.

So the end of the night arrives and Zayn ends up helping everyone to clean up everything since he needs to wait for Harry, who has to do the same. Might as well get more work done, to be faster.

While Niall talks about something related no his experience with dolphins - that Harry tries not to laugh at because he doesn't like the fact Niall supports theme parks that keep animals trapped – his phone rings from his pocket.

The rest of the people in the room don't really pay much attention to him, since they're already doing two things at the same time - listening to Niall and cleaning the work place - so Harry reaches over it frowning because he doesn't get much phone calls, especially at this time of the night... and especially from this ID.

He answers the phone by asking. "Louis?"

The older guy's response comes seconds later followed by what seems to be a shaky sound. "Are you still working?"

"Erm, we're cleaning up. Everything okay?" No. He knows something is not okay otherwise Louis wouldn't call neither sound like this.

"How long will it take?"

"Depends, not longer than thirty minutes." A whimper. He is sure he listens to a whimper.

There's a muffled sound before Harry hears Louis' weak voice. "Can you come home?" _Home_. "Can you come now?" If Harry had to describe Louis' voice it'd be like that point when you feel like you're falling over the chair but at the end you don't really hit the floor. But it's that constant feeling, it doesn't stop. So he sounds desperate and scared.

"Louis, what's wrong?" He can only hear the muffled sound of Louis breathing. He is breathless and Harry can't handle the fact he is not with Louis right in front of him now. When he left home Louis was okay. He was completely fine, he even asked Harry if he could see all his sketches and art. So Harry left a tiny Louis sat on the floor of his atelier with Harry's five black sketch books on his lap and his record player playing some old music.

"Hey, Lou? No, no, no, speak to me." He starts anxiously walking around and the sound of his loud voice and the noise he is making brings the attention of the other people. "What's happening? Ae you hurt?"

"I just need you to come home."

"Okay I will be there just tell me are you hurt?" Everyone is staring at him, his hands on his head while his fingertips are pressed on his temples, rubbing it there. "I just want you to tell me that, what’s the situation because you're making me sick worried."

"I just..." Long pause and Harry needs to count to five and breathe deeply not to start shouting to make Louis speak. No, he can handle this. "I need to breathe. And I need you here."

Harry sinks his teeth on his bottom lip until he can taste blood, either way he nods even though Louis can’t see it. He waits to see if Louis says something else but when he doesn't he allows himself to speak. "Okay," he says calmly. He has no time to think about what is happening and the logic of it. "breathe in and out deeply, remember? Think about good things, open a window and put your head between your knees. I'll be there as soon as possible. Okay?" Silence. "Okay, Louis?" He repeats.

"Okay." He hears Louis' tired voice, whatever is happening must be affecting Louis for sure otherwise he wouldn't feel the need to actually call for Harry's help. Tell him he needs him.

Harry hangs up immediately and locks eyes with Zayn, who nods at him quickly, dropping the cloth he has in his hands. Then Niall speaks up. "Whatever is happening, just go. I will cover up for you, yeah? No worries." He smiles at Harry, genuinely worried but caring.

"Thank you, Ni. Really." He runs to the employees’ room and gets his stuff, not even caring if he is still wearing the shirt and bow from work. He will change at home if he has got the opportunity for it.

When he walks out, Zayn is already outside waiting for him next to his car. Okay, Harry has to keep calm. _Louis is going to be okay, he is on his way, Louis is safe at his place_.

Zayn starts the car and Harry lets out a sigh of relief and anticipation. "I don't know why I'm feeling so anxious..." He says, meant to be to himself but is loud enough for Zayn to glance at him and hear it.

"What did he say?"

"Nothing. He only told me he needed me next to him." He can feel Zayn frowning next to him, riding the car a bit faster than he should. "I know it seems crazy but it must be something really bad. He doesn't do this. He doesn't say _I need you_." He pauses, Zayn keeps giving him his attention besides being looking forward at the road. "And he has this thing... when things get too bad he freaks out and has panic attacks."

"Ouch, man."

"Yeah... I'm so worried right now," he laughs wryly, shaking his head and looking out at the window by his side. "I feel like I need to have him always under my arm. I know I shouldn't but I see him as such a fragile person. I'm not the right guy to protect him from whatever he needs to and has built up on his mind but I want to. I can't bear with the thought that he isn't all right."

"Harry..." Zayn's tone is low and soft. Harry understands, he understands as well as Zayn does.

"Yeah I'm gone for him. So fucking gone." He looks at the corner of his eyes and sees Zayn opening his mouth to speak. "It's not for his looks Zayn. Not for the sex either. Not this time. I never... this is real. And scary because I'm willing to keep up with this as long as he is okay and happy." Zayn sighs, shaking his head and Harry doesn't know if he is disappointed, tired or just feels like this is Harry telling him the same story over again and there's no progress.

"I think something great will come out of this if you two find those thirty seconds of insane courage and then embrace bravery." Zayn says carefully, gripping the wheel on his fists.

Harry craves those words into his brain and repeats them the whole way to his flat.

He thanks Zayn a million of times – who just tells him _you're a good guy and I just want to do nice things for you_ – before shutting the door from the car.

Zayn's advices keep playing on his mind. What did he truly mean by them? Is it required that the two find that courage at the same time? What if only Harry finds it and Louis refuses to? What if Harry never gets the chance to find it and Louis gives up half way? He doesn't know if Zayn stressed him out even more or actually helped.

With everything said he reaches his door quickly, running two steps at time, not daring to get the lift upstairs this time. He opens the door, keys shaking on his hands and when he gets inside it's all dark. He sees into the living room and there isn't the usual Louis on the couch, illuminated by the lights from the telly. He looks into the kitchen and everything is nice and clean with any tracks of movement. He doesn't think about walking upstairs to check on his room because he knows Louis would never go there if Harry wasn’t present.

So he goes straight to the atelier, since the door from the bathroom is opened and there's no chance Louis is there.

He slowly cracks open the door, voice failing to himself and he adjusts his eyes into the darkness.

When he looks forward at the opened window and sees Louis sat on the windowsill, exposed to the spring's breeze of the night, the big moon shines in the background above the roofs from the other houses. Louis has his arms around his legs looking so small and no one can blame Harry for seeing Louis as a fragile figure, especially when he gets to see him in such vulnerable states of his.

"Hey," Harry dares to speak, his voice slow and kind.

Louis, who was previously locking his eyes to whatever was happening on the road downstairs, slowly turns his head to the side, meeting Harry's concerned expression. Harry's heart seems to drop but he relaxes his shoulders after realising that he is there, he is there with Louis, finally.

"Harry..." His voice fails and his accent seems to disappear on him for a moment to call for the green eyed guy.

Harry takes three steps forward getting closer, afraid that if he gets nearer Louis without his permission, he will fall from the window and fuck no, he can't think like this.

Louis' eyes seem to shine with the poor light and Harry wonders if it's because they're wet. It probably is, it's not like Louis would suddenly feel better, for whatever reason it is, only because he sees Harry.

"Is it okay –okay for me to get closer?” Harry feels the need to ask and that’s the right thing to do and maybe that’s why Louis reacts so well to that.

He doesn’t look surprised anymore because, thankfully, he seems to understand that Harry is there for him and never to make him feel uncomfortable. He now smiles, he actually smiles and looks so relieved, that smile shows relief with a trace of sadness.

Louis nods and opens his arms. “Oh, Louis…” Harry breathes out and it even seems like he jogs those three steps left to erase the space between the two. The moment he gets right next to the blue eyed guy, he wraps his arm around his body while the other one goes to his hair, pushing Louis’ face to his chest. Louis’ arms automatically hold Harry’s torso, dinging his thumb into Harry’s back, still on the same position above the windowsill, sinking his face on Harry’s white shirt.

And it’s confirmed Louis seems to feel anything but relief to have Harry there. His limbs automatically relax and he starts breathing normally.

“I’m here.” Harry brushes his nose on the top of Louis’ head, smelling his hair.

“You are…” Louis breathes out and Harry lets him be in silence for some seconds, just receiving the warmth from Louis’ body pressed against his. “Can we go for a walk?” He asks, surprising Harry when pulls a little away to look up at his face.

They’re so close, Harry could just lean over and press his lips on Louis’ that they would make their way and fit perfectly.

Harry raises his hand, eyes locked with those –now – dark blue ones and pulls a small string of hair away from the top of Louis’ eyebrows. His hair had been styled with that so well cinnamon roll all day but now it just seems like a mess made by the hair spray.

“Of course we can.” Harry murmurs.

He helps Louis to get back on the floor and they get out of the flat quietly, who doesn’t know would say they are walking on their tiptoes. Otherwise other times, Louis walks side by side with Harry, not close enough for them to brush their arms but not far enough for Harry to feel like Louis would want to be seen alone walking on the sidewalk.

They respect and appreciate the silence for a while, it’s too late to have people walking around on the street but there’s still cars driving by here and there, flashing their lights on their eyes.

“I don’t want to… to tell you what made me feel like this.” Harry quickly looks over at Louis, whose eyes are locked on the dirty path and lip is being bitten by his small, white teeth. “It sounds so bad but I don’t feel ready to share this with you.” He continues then, Harry never once slowing down his pass. “I will _Harry_ , I will tell you, I promise.” He finally looks up, probably knowing that Harry had been staring all this time. He is being so gentle, his voice so soft and above everything he is being genuine.

“Why don’t you feel ready?” Harry interrupts, leaving Louis speechless for a minute.

“I don’t want to tell you here. I also am not ready to deal with your reaction.”

“You’re answering me with my question. You don’t feel ready to deal with my reaction. Why don’t you feel ready, in general?” He asks calmly wanting nothing but cooperation from Louis’ part.

“Because I’m still scared. I don’t think we’re both prepared for the outcome of what –“

“Louis…” he warns the smaller guy. He is not answering, he is just repeating himself.

“It’s a big part of who I am.” He cries out, bringing a different expression from Harry. Astonishment. “It’s _that_ thing. That big story, what scares me the most, what made me be like this, what still haunts me and I simply don’t want to share it with you yet because I’m still learning. I don’t want to destroy what we have, I don’t want to change the person you are next to me because of this and I still can’t be sure if it’s the right time. Or if it would make this… toxic.”

Harry couldn’t be more confused, Louis seems to speak with him in code about these things, a code that Harry will never be able decipher so he will have to wait until Louis gives him the solution.

Harry looks forward, he looses his black bow from around his neck and kicks a rock from his way while shoving his hands on his pockets.

“Can I ask you to be totally honest with me?”

“Of course.” Harry replies numb. He can’t feel anything at this point and the way they’re walking, towards the darkness brings him shivers through his spine.

“Am I taking advantage of you? Am I being selfish to you?”

“Lou –“

“Be honest. Please.”

Harry has never met such insecure person like Louis is, which is kind of ironic since he is a model. A nude model. A person who is complimented every day, who is shown to be good, the best… but Louis doesn’t love life, Louis doesn’t love himself and Harry can’t pick up the pieces for him he can only lend him the glue.

“You’re not.” Harry replies. “This is not an _one one_ situation. If that’s what’s locking you from talking to me –“

“No.” Louis denies, shaking his head and now yes, Harry notices that their pass has slowed down. “I just feel I’m asking so much from you.”

“I want to give it all to you, Louis.” Louis shakes his head with his words. “Stop it. This is how I feel, how I think, it won’t change just because you don’t believe it.”

They don’t stop from being similar, Harry points out in his mind.

“It scares me, everything, I’m making everything such a hard time on my mind and I can’t stop it. I trust you like crazy, you make me feel so safe…”

“That’s a good thing.”

“No. Because it will hurt.”

Harry stops walking, Louis looks widely open at him one step ahead. “You just said you trusted me.” He reminds the blue eyed guy, louder than he normally would.

“What about you? Why don’t you think about yourself?”

“I am.” Harry struggles, gripping his hair to keep his frustration in. “That’s why I didn’t walk away yet, you dumbass.” Louis yelps, giving a small step backwards. “Lou, I’m sorry.” Harry raises his two hands in defeat. “This is just making me very upset because you don’t see what I see and I can’t suddenly turn you into the person you wish to be. If it helps a little bit, I think you’re enough, damn, you’re more than enough. For me. For Liam, I’m sure. For so many other people… I’ve told you Louis, you shine. It just saddens me that the only person you blind is yourself and you can’t see how the others get life with your presence.”

Louis shakes his head. Again. _Fuck_. “But I’m not happy… I can’t… I’m –“

“Louis, you wanna know the fucking truth?” There’s a pause. “Nobody is fucking happy. Nobody has skin made from oil paint and sunlight. Nobody fucking understands this world. You’re here one day and the next you’re not. So don’t put yourself down because of that, you’re never alone. You said you’re learning? I admire you for that and I believe you’ve ate acid and swallowed pills trying that. You said and are afraid that I pity you. Wanna know the fucking truth? Pity is just another word for pathetic and I want to help you to learn about everything, so that’s not me. I would never pity you. I want to help, believe me. And it can’t be easy, it might require us drinking beer and watch the sunrise from every rooftop, take photographs naked… take photographs kissing, take photographs having sex. Let’s not make a big of a deal out of everything. Neither about a kiss Louis, or some words.  Let’s just… let’s get brave. Nobody really gives a damn of what we do, nobody gives a damn of who you were in the past. Wanna know the fucking truth? I learnt that there is no such thing as the right person. People leave, I know you know that. They change like ocean currents, they leave you with bruises in your calves. But you get better. You learn to love. You find that insane courage in between the cracks of a wall when you’re puking your limbs out. And you wanna know the fucking truth, Louis? I love you.”

And just like that Harry found what Zayn told him. Those words craved on his mind stayed long enough for him to make use of them. And the truth? The truth is that Harry doesn’t regret it. He knows it’s never wrong to tell someone how you feel about them, especially if that someone is Louis and he has great feelings to share with him. Words like this won’t fix anyone but won’t make them any more bruise.

The moment his speech, word by word, curls around Harry’s tongue and reaches Louis’ ears, the older guy stays on his place with dull eyes and mouth in a straight line just so in the next second he opens it to let out a chuckle, giving a step forward close to Harry.

“It’d be funny taking pictures while having sex. Kinky, I will save that for later.” He comments, his eyes crinkling and confusion invades Harry. Or Louis is a really good actor and can easily look amused or he really didn’t listen clearly to what Harry just confessed.

But, he knows. Harry is sure Louis knows that he loves him because Harry isn’t that subtle. He has been saying _I love you_ to Louis so many times, he had just been using other words or simply doing actions to prove it. It’s so fucking obvious Louis has to know. 

“Also, you know I don’t drink beer, _Harry_. Come on.” He continues and Harry is the one frozen in the middle of the path, with Louis casually speaking in front of him.

“Louis…?”

“But good speech. You really know how to speak.” He ignores, yet clearly being honest with his words. “Inspiring, really.” He smiles briefly and turns around continuing walking. “You come or what?” He calls for the green eyed guy.

“No…” Harry answers, voice low but Louis listens. He turns around – he is worried at least – and meets Harry’s nervous expression. “Don’t do this to me. Did you hear what I said, Louis?” Louis furrows his eyebrows and oh, he really is a good actor.

Harry shakes his head and scratches the back of his head making his way to the bench two steps on the right side of him. He sits down, knees bent over so he supports his elbows there, holding his head between his hands.

“Don’t act like you didn’t hear it Louis.”

“ _Harry_ I –“

“I do really love you.”

“Really, you are so nice to do this to me,” Harry feels sick with the way Louis is speaking. His accent is thick, he sounds just like he was having that conversation about pigeons with Harry the other day. “but you don’t need to. You already are nice enough to me. I appreciate it. No need to –“

“I’m not kidding Louis.” He slowly raises his head, Louis’ amused expression slowly fades out at the same time he gives tiny steps backwards. “I wouldn’t say this just to be nice.”

“But –Oh. Oh I get it,” he smiles nervously. “We’re best friends, they say that all the time to each other. Of course, yes. That’s –“

“Fuck, I’m in love with you.” Harry says a bit louder, stopping Louis right away. He finally gets the reaction he expected Louis to have, while listening and understanding the meaning of those words. “I love you and I’ve been trying to ignore it and not saying it because I thought it’d be the best but you deserve to hear it. You deserve to know you’re loved every day and I want to tell you. Make you believe it. You’re in my head all the time. I want to be able to take care of you and help you the best I can with the fight you’ve been having with yourself. I want the best for you, Louis.”

Louis blinks once, twice, thrice, he reaches the fourth time with his mouth agape and almost with an apologetic look on his face.

He gives one step, two steps, three steps and on the fourth one he reaches Harry, his legs brushing his knees, he looks down and crouches in front of him, knees on the hard concrete.

His hand grabs Harry’s and he starts tracing the veins from the back of it so gently but at the same time looking at the gesture so dully and vaguely. It messes with Harry’s mind until he cannot think any further because Louis raises his other hand to touch Harry’s face and bring their foreheads together. His thumb goes across Harry’s cheekbone, their noses barely touch but they’re _that_ close, Louis’ eyes are shut while Harry’s are widely opened. The way Louis’ hot breathe hits his pink lips makes him gulp to the point his Adam’s apple is more visible in the flesh of his throat.

While his thumb still brushes his skin kindly, Louis moves his head so Harry doesn’t feel his forehead pressed in his but instead his lips. It’s not totally a kiss but it’s probably the close Harry got to that from Louis.

“You precious thing.” The blue eyed guy whispers.

Harry is sat on a bench, on the side of the sidewalk with Louis kneeled down whispering such things after he had confessed. He just fucking confessed and honestly, Harry doesn’t regret it one bit. Louis didn’t run away. Louis didn’t freak out. Louis didn’t react the way he did when Harry tried to kiss him and comparing the two situations to this one, this one is way more drastic. Louis’ development as a person next to Harry had changed and this is the proof.

Harry took the step he needed and didn’t feel tired. Louis is still there he just needs to hold his hand.

And it’s almost what he does next. He wraps his tiny hand around Harry’s wrists and the moment he stands up, he pulls Harry up with him. “Let’s go home.” His voice is so sweet, it literally sounds like listening to his favourite song.

Harry obeys so, he follows Louis, who never lets his wrist go and watches his back, not really because he is running away but because he is bringing Harry with him. And he can’t say a fucking word now.

~*~

Harry gives the universe to Louis, wishing he could give more and that’s a fact not open for discussion.

When they reach Harry’s flat he gives Louis the space he needs. He doesn’t comment on anything, he doesn’t say a word because he knows that the smallest thing would make Louis flinch. He makes sure the shorter guy is safe and comfortable on the couch before walking upstairs to his bedroom, not insisting with Louis to sleep in his bed this time.

He actually falls asleep quite easily not letting his mind to flow over things he doesn’t need to keep thinking about but is harshly woken up by the buzz of his phone on the bedside table.

He is so confused and dizzy, still half asleep that only on the fourth buzz he ratiocinates that it’s actually his phone and he is getting a shit tone of messages. He finally moves, his body going all the way across his bed to grab the phone, unlock it and feel the burn of the sudden light in his eyes.

**_4:00pm I feel like I’m hurting you so much with this_ **

**_4:00pm I don’t deserve half of what you’re giving me_ **

**_4:00pm And we’re both going to be in pain later on_ **

**_4:00pm I’m honestly so sorry_ **

**_4:01pm you didn’t have to get attached you could simply tell me no on the first day_ **

**_4:01pm you don’t have to be with me_ **

**_4:01pm you don’t have to be seen with me_ **

**_4:01pm I don’t want to ruin you the way he did to me_ **

And _fuck, fuck, fuck_ … Harry’s heart is beating so fast now, he is fully awake after reading these texts, his fingers tremble above the screen to type something.

_4:02pm LOUIS_

_4:02pm NO NO NO_

_4:02pm STOP LOUIS_

_4:02pm YOU_

_4:02pm DESERVE_

_4:02pm HAPPINESS_

_4:02pm AND EVERYTHING YOU COULD POSSIBLE DESIRE_

_4:02pm AND I AM GOING TO WORK MY ASSSSSSSSS OFF SO I CAN GIVE YOU EVERYTHING_

_4:02pm because I want to_

_4:02pm and because fuckkkkkkk you are SO SPECIAL_

_4:02pm are you still here with me?_

**_4:03pm yeah_ **

_4:03pm okay good listen_

_4:03pm you’re far from hurting me I won’t let you do that_

_4:03pm and I’m not going to hurt you as well_

_4:03pm I want to show you off, I want to tell people about you, I want to take you to places and kiss you in public because PEOPLE WOULD BE JEALOUS AND I’D BE LIKE AH! LOOK WHAT A CUTE FACE I AM KISSING_

_4:03pm I want to do whatever with you_

_4:03pm I can’t even think straight_

_4:03pm and I don’t want you to freak out_

_4:03pm but I know I want you_

_4:04pm god I love you so much_

_4:04pm that came out of nowhere but I just wanted to remind you_

_4:04pm please come upstairs yeah?_

_4:04pm you’re okay, I’m okay, we’re okay_

_4:04pm I’m so okay when I’m with you_

_4:04pm I have you louis_

_4:04pm please_

Harry waits, curls himself up on the bed, sheets falling down from his knees to just cover his feet and focuses his eyes on the less dark spot forward: the stairs. He knows Louis is still downstairs and didn’t just simply came back to his place, he feels it, he feels his presence so he just hopes instead of listening to the buzz of his phone he hears Louis’ footsteps walking to his bed next time.

Harry deserves it, he is not asking too much now. He fucking deserves it. He doesn’t ask Louis to give him the universe too, instead he tries to earn it and he did it.

The sound is almost inaudible, might be because Louis’ weights so little or because he decided not to take off his socks, but it’s hard for Harry to distinguish the sound of him walking up the stairs. Then he sees a silhouette and to Harry’s eyes Louis always looks like an innocent, little and fragile kid but this time, the time that it’d be kind of logic for his eyes to play that prank on him, Louis looks like a lost and unsure man.

He just looks like Louis.

If there was enough light in the room Harry’s eyes would sparkle looking at the petite figure standing on top of the stairs, looking down at his feet, holding his own fingers in front of his body.

Harry thinks about speaking, perhaps because Louis looks hesitant on stepping forward but he decides to wait until the blue eyed guy finally takes the initiative by himself.

He slowly walks towards Harry’s bed, to the empty side. He never looks up and maybe it’d be useless because Harry is staring at every movement he does but due the darkness he can’t really see much. Yet he feels. And at the same time he feels relief to see Louis getting close to him, he feels the warmth Louis provides him just by his presence and now… Now he is literally feeling Louis’ body being pressed against his.

He is waiting, Louis is just pressing their arms close, looking at whatever point it catches his attention that is not Harry’s face and waiting – hoping – to see the signal Harry will give to tell him that what he is doing is all right.

It takes Harry some time to understand and process what’s truly happening and what Louis really wants until he realises and wakes up from his trance.

 _Oh, right_.

He quickly moves to wrap his arms around Louis and somehow he manages to move their bodies to lay down side by side. His front is pressed against Louis’ back, his arms wrapped around his torso so tightly but still comfortably to the point Louis places his hands above Harry’s wrists to make him stay.

They’re fucking spooning and Harry doesn’t even have the time to think about the fact his dick is pressed against Louis’ perfectly shaped arse. He simply hides his face on Louis’ nape, breathes in his sense – and _oh_ he smells like mint mixed with perfume from this morning and this is new because usually Louis smells like Christmas or spring it depends on the weather – and shuts his eyes, relaxing.

He can’t think, he can’t even talk and honestly he doesn’t want to do neither of those. It becomes impossible for him to comprehend what is happening and what he has to do besides breathing and holding Louis but they’ve been communicating without words and Harry now realises how connected they are.

“I –I… promise that…” Louis starts, taking a long pause before continuing. His voice is low, it sounds like he had been crying but it probably just sounds like this because he is tired. “…that I’m not afraid of love. In fact I crave for your love but I am so afraid of falling, yet I can’t… I can’t get away from you. And I don’t want to hurt you because that’d mean hurting myself.”

Harry honestly wants to cry but he knows that’s not the best thing to do, he knows Louis wouldn’t handle – himself wouldn’t – so he nods, presses his lips on the skin of the back of Louis’ neck that he can reach and squeezes the smaller guy in his arms, wanting for him to fall asleep just like that.

Louis has an answer for the kind gesture and it’s not pulling away, as an alternative he gently squeezes Harry’s wrists and seems to bend down his head so his lips reach the skin of Harry’s hand, also making him feel his hot breathe.

Then Harry realises, those harder to love need it most.

Louis needs a hell of it.

~*~

Harry was always a slave for waking up with someone special next to him. Not only would the first thought of the morning be that, leaving him in a good mood but also the anticipation of a new and better day would invade his veins just with the simple fact that a different warmth was surrounding his body.

Harry is a simple guy, doesn’t ask for much, which makes his wishes more valid and distinctive. He wouldn’t mind to sit by the river watching the sunset, walking around the city later on the afternoon or look at the stars in silence if it’d imply feeling comfortable and like home even though he’d be outside.

Louis makes him feel that way. Doesn’t make him feel lost since he can guide him but he makes the simpler moments worth it and more than it probably would look like in other people’s eyes. This is how Harry knows it’s the real deal.

When he opens his eyes and sees Louis’ head pressed against his chest, feels their legs locked under the sheets – apparently they changed their position during the night – he doesn’t feel, neither thinks the same he would when it was with his ex-boyfriends. He doesn’t feel worried about what Louis will be thinking after looking at him in his morning appearance, he doesn’t feel the obligation to go right away preparing breakfast and bring it to bed to make everything perfect and cliché, he doesn’t have naughty thoughts while looking at the sleepy guy curled up against his chest… Harry only feels grateful for having him there and admires the peaceful expression Louis carries.

It’s healthy, normal and probably the best thing he had ever felt –it’s definitely different and new but Harry is already addicted. He wants to get used to it.

So he smiles, lifts his hand from Louis’ hipbone and pulls a small piece of hair to the back of his ear. It didn’t seem like it was bothering the little guy, it didn’t even cover his face but Harry wants to experience that intimacy.

It still feels like is too early but the sun is shining out of the window and it seems to be a bright and warm day. It matches Harry’s emotions at the moment.

They’re so close and comfy, Harry thinks he can live this moment in different and maybe better ways – is that even possible – for the rest of his life. Waking up next to Louis like this, after the night they had seems just the perfect ending.

It had been referred a while ago but Harry doesn’t believe in perfection as something touchable or something alive. Basically he would associate it with art, something someone can create… not with a person, not with anything similar for that matter. But that seems to change this morning. What he is feeling, what he is living, what he is _seeing_ … feels and is perfect.

A lie is never a compliment so Harry wouldn’t call Louis perfect, he would call him an erratic damaged and insecure mess instead and then tell him he loved him for it. That’s what’s perfect. The acceptance and realistic view.

Louis gets closer, Harry notices how his shirt is almost glued onto his body due how he had sweat during the night and Harry too, he feels sweat on his temples, his whole body is too hot but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t pull the sheets away, he even encourages Louis to get nearer him.

A little sound comes out from Louis’ parted lips, his lashes keep making soft shadows above his cheekbones and Harry’s eyes don’t leave his features. There’s another sound when Louis presses his morning bulge against Harry’s thigh, who chuckles with the sight and moment.

Only Louis could look adorable while trying to get off in his sleep. Literally Harry can’t believe he actually thinks this by looking at Louis’ face, trying to rock his hips close to Harry’s crotch.

But it’s not just adorable… the sounds he makes are pitchy, soft, like he is whining and that also turns Harry on… a lot.

“Hey, Lou…” He whispers, placing his hand on Louis’ jaw, his thumb caressing the skin he can reach. He is not sure if the sound Louis makes next is to answer him –he is just sure that he feels Louis’ dick hard getting close to his own –that’s why he calls him again. “Louis, darling.” He slightly brushes his thumb on Louis’ bottom lip. He doesn’t recall the last time he used a pet name with Louis, so he hopes the blue eyed guy is too sleepy to realise the impact it has.

“ _Hmm_ …” Louis lazily cracks one eye open to look at Harry as if he had the light of the sun hitting his face.

“Good morning.” He says calmly because he is so scared to what is about to come. He doesn’t know how Louis is going to react after noticing they slept in the same bed, to wake up in the same bed, together… cuddling. They’re fucking cuddling, Harry feels so alive and accomplished.

“Hi.” He is thinking and then looks down between their bodies and back up at Harry’s face, both blue eyes showing, cheeks a bit rosy. “Sorry.”

“No problem at all.” Harry chuckles and he swears he sees Louis’ lips twisting a bit.

“ _C'est tellement chaud. Je transpire.”_

“That’s what happens when you sleep so close to someone in a warm day… Body heat.”

Louis makes a face but then laughs, rolling his body to the other side, facing his belly up, one of his arms stretched next to him, taking the sheets with him covering just a bit above his hips.

“I’m impressed you understood what I said.” Harry almost pouts not only by how far –not that far anyway –they suddenly become but also because Louis’ voice is so sweet, Harry comes back to comparing it to flavours and this time it’s definitely honey biscuits the chosen one.

The green eyed man uses his both hands as a pillow on the side of his face while looking at Louis, who keeps his eyes focused on the ceiling.

“Did you at least sleep well?”

“Very well actually.” Louis replies practically straight away.

“That’s good.” Louis hums as an answer. “Do you want to talk about… last night?”

Slowly, Louis turns his head to Harry’s side and meets his gaze. It’s a bit mysterious but at the same time feels familiarity upon Harry’s flesh. His eyes travel from Harry’s, to his lips and then quickly to the shape of Harry’s cock on his underwear.

“You seem to be up for something else.”

Harry bites his lips but tries to shake his head in his position. “We can ignore it.”

“We can…” Louis trails off but he rolls his body to face Harry, quickly raising his head and then kneeling on the mattress. “But I don’t think I want to.” He finishes, a smirk playing on his lips and Harry is still so weak to fight against it, he has no strength to refuse this.

He is about to move his body when Louis is the one doing that for him. His fingertips pressing on the side of his upper arm to make him lay his back fully on the sheets at the same time Louis throws his legs to the side of his body, his knees next to Harry’s, his body a little bent forward so he can reach his mouth close to Harry’s.

“Do you mind if I don’t ignore it?”

Harry shakes his head and when Louis makes some kind of move so his belly brushes his dick he lets out a “No. Please, don’t ignore it.”

Louis smiles and does something unexpected. He kisses Harry’s cheek. Okay, that’s a first and something new.

He then sits up on Harry’s thighs, quickly straightening his back to take off his own shirt. Louis’ body shines on the morning sunlight and _oh_ , Harry does really want to get used to this.

His hands, by instinct, reach for Louis’ bare hips but the smaller guy has other plans. He pins Harry’s arms above his head and presses his thumb hard into the muscle, causing Harry to writhe. Louis’ thumb though sinks deeply in his skin warning him like _be a good boy._

Obviously Harry obeys and when Louis lets him go, Harry keeps his position, with a red mark on the place Louis’ thumb was previously pressed on.

Okay it’s happening. They’re okay. Louis is just slowly taking his underwear off to be faced with what he does to Harry: rock hard on his belly right away.

“Good fucking morning.” Louis jokes looking at his naked body and pinches the inside of Harry’s thigh to hear him yelp and both laugh, while Harry just tries to open wider his legs while Louis is still sat on top of him.

It doesn’t take too long until Louis leans down, his eyes now focused on Harry’s cock. Harry never received a blowjob right in the morning –in good days he was the one giving, so or this is really for real or it’s going to be a good fucking morning like Louis said. Yeah, there’s no bad side in this sentence.

Louis starts from being coy and teasing, dragging his tongue down the length and pressing kisses to the tip of the head, taking Harry down inch by inch until he’s deep throating him, Harry’s dick hitting the back of his throat. Harry is never one to be that loud but the view and just the whole thing doesn’t work in his favour.

When Louis bobs his head with a steady rhythm, Harry grabs whatever he can from the top of his head –the sheets, the headboard, whatever it does the job for him to release his strength from his fists. And then… Then Louis stays still and Harry fucks his mouth because he knows that was basically Louis’ call. He then looks up at Harry through his long lashes and smirks around his cock; gasping and moaning and tugging at his own cock as he sucks. And honestly, fuck the sheets or the headboard, _whatever_ , fuck it, Harry leads his hand to grip Louis’ hair, throwing his head back on the pillow and groaning deeply because it feels so good.

He is not even sure if he speaks something –probably, he always has to make Louis know with words how good he is and how hot he looks – before releasing everything in Louis’ mouth, who fucking eagerly swallows and then pulls a bit away so what’s left hits his face, licking his thin, pink lips with a satisfied grin when he’s all finished.

And _wow_ … “ _Fuck_ ,” Harry breathes out biting hard on his lip and it’s probably because he is still enjoying his orgasm – and Louis is too, _jesus_ he came on his underwear just by sucking Harry and slightly touching himself – that they’re a bit out of themselves so what’s happening is not something they have much control over. Thus Harry raises his hand to place it on Louis’ rosy, wet and warm cheek and he starts pulling him down. And Louis follows it, he is leading Louis for a kiss and he is not stopping Harry.

Harry swears he is about to feel those beautiful lips in his when they’re interrupted and probably awake by Harry’s phone ringing.

Harry’s hand stays on Louis’ cheek for a moment while Louis is the one looking at where the sound comes from. Harry slowly and casually lets his hand fall to reach for the phone at the same time Louis straightens his back and looks at the green eyed lad’s movements.

On the ID Zayn’s name appears and Harry is not impressed now that he reckon that he had planned going with him to that new vintage music store. “Hello?”

“Hi mate,” Zayn speaks on the other side and Harry admits he is not fully concentrated on that by watching Louis still on top of him with his hands pressed against his chest. “Just making sure our plans are still up.”

“Yeah, sure. But, erm, do you mind if Louis joins us?” Louis raises his eyebrow at the sound of his name and Harry assures him by a gentle squeeze on his wrist, with his available hand.

“Louis? Of course not, Niall is going to jump in excitement.” Zayn laughs and Harry joins.

“I’m sure he will.”

“Do you still want me to pick you up there or you’re coming with Louis?”

“No need of that. I’ll go with Louis.” With that Louis looks even more confused but after saying goodbye to Zayn Harry places his phone back in place and lifts himself up in sitting position, so consequently Louis wraps his legs around his waist and his arms on the back of his neck, holding on.

There’s something so much more intimate in this that Harry can’t describe.

“I had plans with Zayn and Niall to visit this new music shop that sells vinyls and it brings that vintage and classic atmosphere.” Harry starts, his thumb making invisible circles on Louis’ hip bone. “It’s really cool so I’d like you to come.” He smiles.

“Since when are you this hipster?”

“Louis, since never, oh my god I just layer my clothes and cook all organic and gourmet shit.”

 Louis throws his head back in laughter. “I think I will deal with this just today.”

“Jesus, _Lewis_ , you’re so not cool. I can’t be seen with you.”

“Shut up.” Louis grins and gets his had between their bodies to squeeze hard Harry’s dick before quickly pulling away from his lap and run away to the bathroom, shouting. “I won, first one using the toilet today.”

“You mean like every other day.” Harry shakes his head reaching the point that he doesn’t realise his own smile.

What the hell was all of this?!

~*~

Being in the music store and seeing Louis integrate so well in Harry’s group makes the taller guy have that kind of vibe that it was always like this. That’s the best kind of feeling. Zayn is showing him some vinyl that he has been looking for so long and Harry is smiling like a fucking dork. He looks around, sees Louis laughing at Niall at the corner of the store, the honey coloured sunlight hitting him on his profile, contouring his features perfectly and everything seems right in place.

It makes Harry think if his life was different and if Louis’ life was different, if they would still be destined to know each other… Maybe they’d be in another music shop in other circumstances. Maybe they’d have met each other at college, they’d all take arts, Louis and Harry would become the best of friends, who Niall and Zayn would secretly conspire about liking each other.

So this would happen. They’d share glances at each other here and there, mentally making plans for later – just the two of them but Zayn and Niall didn’t have to know even though they _knew_ – and then Harry would play the new record he’d buy in the shop and Louis would pose for him. In this alternative universe Harry would be able to draw Louis, he’d never be shy and insecure about it around the blue eyed guy… everything would be great and at two in the morning, too tired to go back to his own place Louis would lay down next to Harry and they’d kiss with no problem.

In this universe Louis would be happier and no dark past would haunt him.

It’s not like Harry wants a peaceful life, without sadness, without chaos, without excitement… a life where he’d be always happy and feeling like he was hovering the clouds would be boring but he almost wishes that for Louis in terms of him being okay with himself and not having to deal with the mess he had been through.

“Are you going to take those two?” Zayn asks Harry referring to the two vinyl’s he has in hands. Harry didn’t even notice that Zayn had stopped talking and suddenly he had _The Stones Roses’_ vinyl in hand adding up to _Made In Heaven_ by _Queen_.

He simply nods, looking down at what Zayn has and he remembers him referring to the discount the store was doing so that’s why he is taking so many – Zayn loves classic and instrumental music, at least it’s everything he listens to in his car, but the tables turn quickly when he has _Kiss_ , _The Rolling Stones_ and _Nirvana_ vinyls ready to be bought. Why is this so obvious…

“I still didn’t decide yet if I’m taking _The Beatles_ as well.”

“Oh Zayn, come on.” Harry cringes, sounding like he is in pain just by listening to his friend saying that.

“You’re such a fake.” Zayn rolls his eyes but walks past The Beatles section without giving it a glance.

While waiting for Zayn to decide himself with his collection, Niall and Louis approach them. “We’ve been here for almost an hour, are you two done already?” Niall asks, not really sounding annoying – Niall never sounds annoyed – just really joking with the situation.

Louis automatically switches sides to press his arm against Harry’s, who has to stop himself to just give him a touch or simply squeeze his waist as a signal.

“Zayn hasn’t decided yet. Tough decision, difficult man.” Louis chuckles by his side.

“I’m also in heaven. I don’t think I want to leave this place in the next hours.”

“Fuck you, I didn’t have breakfast yet.” Niall complains, mouth half open in indignation. “I’m starving man, I thought we were going to eat half an hour ago.” Zayn groans and looks down into the music again, taking a step away from his three friends.

“Niall and I here had full, deep, long conversations in this short –“

“Long,” Niall corrects.

“–period of time.”

“Then it was worth the waiting, wasn’t it?” The question is more direct to Niall but Harry looks down at his side to meet Louis’ eyes.

“Definitely.” Niall replies anyway. “Don’t expect me to tell you what we talked about. Louis and I here have our own secrets.”

Harry catches the moment when Louis’ eyes crinkle and he shows his teeth for a laugh. “We’re best mates now.” Louis steps a bit aside from Harry, who would fume in jealous if Louis’ arm was around other person’s shoulder, but it’s just Niall. “Zayn though, he would bond with Liam, for sure.”

“I still want to meet this Liam you talked about.” Niall comments, Harry seeing how his arm goes around his waist and his hand stays there.

“He is very similar to Zayn in the way of speaking and acting. Just with a thicker accent than mine and with Harry’s craziness for art.”

“Sounds lovely.” Niall nods smiling.

“Oh, _second coming_.” Louis pulls away from Niall and grabs the vinyl from Harry’s hands. “The famous album with ninety nine tracks from _the stones roses_. My favourite.” Harry smiles back at Louis and he swears for a moment everything else is blurred.

“We can listen to it while I cook for us.” Harry suggests, feeling cosy in the little bubble he created around him and Louis.

“ _Hmm_ , just if we listen to it all day until the end.”

Harry nods and when he is about to actually use words –that would come out so gently and lowly – Niall interrupts. “No way, you two are staying with us, right _Zaynie_?” Niall brings Zayn close to them by his arm, who looks disordered for a second.

Harry can instantly feel how tense Louis gets next to him and he doesn’t need words to know what to do next. “I’m a big fan of homemade breakfast, I’m disappointed you didn’t know that already.” He tries to joke. “So we will have to turn down that option. Besides I have everything ready in the kitchen would be a waste of time leaving that there.” He can hear Louis breathe in relief next to him.

“You’re such an old man, Harry, _jesus_.” Zayn is the one remarking, shaking his head and releasing Niall’s touch, stopping the blonde man from strangling him. “How do you put up with him?” he asks Louis, who easily shows not to be shaken up by the previous events.

“I ask myself that every day.” Louis replies, hugging the vinyl he had taken from Harry’s grip, against his chest.

“I’m sure you do.” Harry rolls his eyes, ending up just chuckling in fond.

He is so fucked.

~*~

“You didn’t have to buy me that.” Harry states, referring to _The Stones Roses album_ Louis has in a bag, right after they say their goodbyes to Niall and Zayn.

“It’s a thank you gift.” Louis pauses. “Erm, you could have stayed with your friends, you know?” Harry frowns, yet they keep walking side by side in the path, to reach Louis’ car that they had to park a bit farther away due lack of space.

“I know but… leaving you is not an option.” He feels Louis’ gaze on him but fights against his will not to look back this time.

“ _Harry_ …” Harry can’t describe the tone Louis uses, neither tell if he is calling him or just simply breathing out his name. “Are you this good to everyone? I mean… do you magically know what each person has and needs to hear so you can say and make them feel so… special and alive?” Louis is talking about himself. Harry makes him feel special and alive, Harry says the right thing and Harry just fucking wants to dance in the middle of the sidewalk.

“I guess I –“ he stops to think better about what to say and finally looks at his right at Louis, who stops and takes his time to analyse his expression. “I don’t.” he admits. “I am only like this with people who mean a lot to me.”

“I mean a lot to you?”

“You mean the world to me.” Harry replies with no hesitation. “I thought I had made that clear last night.”

“That’s so dangerous.”

“And you’re so worth it.”

Louis’ breathe gets stuck on his throat. He gives a step –two steps backwards until his back hits the street lamp. There’s that short moment when Harry’s heart seems to jump out of inside of him by how fast is beating, anxious about thinking he had gone too far.

Louis speaks and it’s a beautiful morning soon to be a beautiful day.

“I was dying to hear someone say that I didn’t need to try so hard to be perfect, that I was enough and it was okay… I don’t need to wait any longer because you appeared in my life and right in that moment my soul was like _oh hello there, I was waiting for you_.”

In that instant, in that very instant, while people walk through the street oblivious of their moment, of their existence and what they share –of everything; while the sun appears from behind the clouds, what normally doesn’t happen every day, and the wind blows not really strongly, still able to let the birds fly and sing in the sky, Harry witnesses it. Harry realises it. He realises that he is stuck with this feeling, stuck with this boy forever. And at this point he wants to be stuck forever. He isn’t worried anymore, he doesn’t feel threatened, he simply feels ready.

He witnesses a miracle because loving Louis more than he did a day ago seemed impossible. But it happens. He does love him like he never loved anyone before. This isn’t a lie, this is the truth. This is close to perfection and he can't wait to reach the moment this love is corresponded, because god dammit he is too deep into this to give up.

And if it happens to never be corresponded he hopes he is strong enough to keep Louis next to him. He hopes Louis allows that and they can have what they have for as long as the forever that is destined for them.

~*~

It’s a normal day when Harry and Louis share their first real kiss and at the same time Harry sees and makes Louis cry.

It’s Harry’s day off so he decides to do some errands during the afternoon and ends up eating a pizza around in the city after starting to rain. It had been a lovely day, the least London could give them since summer starts next week but just right when he wants to catch the tube, the weather stops him from even taking a step on the concrete without getting himself all wet.

Only when small rain drops hit the ground, he finally runs to the closest underground and goes back home.

He had expected spending the rest of the day alone since Louis had something to deal with Liam or whatever work related he had scheduled. He is never very specific when it touches that subject and it’s not like Harry is insisting for the short lad to tell him everything he does during the day. He just sends simple messages if he thinks it’s necessary to remind Louis he cares. He rarely answers but Harry knows Louis doesn’t want him to stop them even if it’s just to text him _drink enough water_.

When he gets out of the lift he immediately sees a small figure crouched down in front of his door. Louis had been there waiting long enough to create a small puddle of water around him.

“Louis?” He softly calls the little one, rapidly walking towards him, crouching down in front of him, without even thinking twice. “Hey, hey, hey…” He admits he starts panicking a bit because Louis seems paralysed there, he is freezing and Harry can tell that only by a simple touch on his knee. “Lou…” He doesn’t react. Harry squeezes his knee, places his hand behind his neck to make Louis look at him but his eyes don’t meet Harry’s, he even seems dead. His expression is emotionless, his eyes a tone of red and purple due the cold and his shaved face pale.

Harry hadn’t dealt enough times with Louis when this happens to exactly know what to do and how to take care of him but he has some basic tricks just by simply hanging out with him daily.

He got this. He just needs to keep calm for Louis’ sake.

“Okay… are you hurting?” Louis doesn’t move, doesn’t make any type of noise so Harry softly strokes the small pieces of hair from the back of his neck and keeps the distance between their faces. “Shake your head or nod, please. Just tell me did someone hurt you?”

In that short second Harry notices how he breathes in as if he had dived in in the water and came back to the surface after a minute. Then he shakes his head.

“So you aren’t hurting, are you?” Louis shakes his head again, his eyes finally stopping on Harry’s face –not on his eyes, it probably stays on a piece of hair close to his ear. Relief takes over Harry for a moment. “Is it okay for me to be this close to you?” He asks a question at time so it doesn’t get confusing for him and for Louis, who ends up nodding his head this time. “Are you cold?” Another nod. “I will take you inside, all right?”

Louis doesn’t nod neither shakes his head now but he does something incredibly surprising but at the same time so heart-warming and reassuring that Harry never thought he would live through this instant. He smiles. It’s a small smile but it’s so fucking sweet, Harry can read this expression. He can actually read it. Louis’ eyes seem to shine after looking so dull upon his skin, his smile is genuine enough to reach them and make a small dimple appear right in the corner of his lips.

That’s his answer.

“Oh Louis…” he hears himself breathing out, not sure if it’s loud enough for Louis to get it –he probably hears it anyway.

Harry is always adrift when something like this happens with Louis, when his body seems to give up and he looks on the verge of having a panic attack –if he isn’t already having already on that very moment. It’s still so new for Harry to deal with, even though he wants and makes his best to do it right. He simply wants to help and this time Louis is clearly allowing him to.

He is quick then to stand up, get his key on the lock over Louis’ head and open the door. Afterwards he crouches down and gets one hand on Louis’ back and the other behind his knees.

“One, two, three.” He counts before lifting his body from the ground. Louis gets his arms around his neck straight away, holding himself.

Harry doesn’t take his eyes off of him to catch any different movement or change of expression Louis might show, which he doesn’t see it but he feels Louis’ heart beating fast on his chest. That’s worrisome.

“Are you breathing correctly?” It’s a weird question but it gets a shake of head from Louis. Harry bites his bottom lip and shuts the door with his feet from behind. “I don’t know what to do, love… you’re really cold, I don’t think if a warm shower now would do you well.”

“Bath.” Louis says wearily as if a minute ago he hadn’t had the strength to smile at Harry. He hides his face on the crook of Harry’s neck, who only by luck doesn’t let him fall from his arms by the surprisingly closeness and warmness they are sharing, especially when then Louis says “Take a bath with me.”

 _Oh well_. What the fuck is going on?!

Harry can’t even answer with words he simply starts walking upstairs to reach the bathroom. He gets inside and sits Louis on top of the toilet lid. Again, he seems so small, he looks at Harry like a lost puppy looks at someone begging with its eyes to be taken care of.

Harry is going to take care of him. Whatever is going on with Louis, in his head, he is going to deal with it and help him.

He opens the tap of the bathtub so it starts filling in, then reaches for a small brown basket he has on display on the edge to get the last bath bomb Louis had brought from his own flat. Harry doesn’t really know what this one does but it has a mixture of colours like blue, pink and purple. 

He crouches down again in front of the older guy, this time his hands rest on his thighs and he does his best to be at the same level as Louis, ending up just reaching his chin. He brushes his hands back and forth through the wet fabric of Louis’ jeans and only then he gets them on the buttons.

“Can I?” He asks for permission, which Louis gives, biting his bottom lip and nodding. He doesn’t look unsure but he does look nervous.

Harry starts undoing his jeans and Louis lifts himself a bit to help Harry to take them off along his underwear. When Harry throws them at the corner of the bathroom he grabs Louis’ foot to start massaging it a bit with his fingertips. Louis isn’t looking at him anymore, is focused on some point on the tiles next to him but Harry knows that what he is doing is okay.

He brushes his hands all the way up through Louis’ legs then to reach the end of his soaked shirt. Louis lifts his arms up automatically so Harry can take it off at the same time he stands up from the floor.

Louis wraps his own arms around his torso after being completely naked in front of the taller guy. Harry admires his posture for a moment before starting to undress himself, hastily.

“Come on, gorgeous.” He whispers walking towards Louis and resting his hand on his shoulder.

Louis looks innocently up at him, green meeting blue and it’s actually a magic moment for Harry, especially when he helps Louis to stand up from the toilet lid, he never breaks the contact between their eyes.

Harry truly wants to smile at him but they end up walking side by side to the bathtub already covered in an immense variety of colours and glitter. “ _Whoa_ look at this.” Harry comments and it’s actually the first time he sees something as beautiful as a galaxy on his bathtub. He could recreate this in a panting and it wouldn’t have half of the magic it brings to his eyes.

The sense is also amazing and now he understands why Louis’ smell changes from time to time. How he changes from something sweet, to something fruity and then to something more delicate and soft. He doesn’t really have the vocabulary to describe the smell of this one but he knows that from now one it’ll always remind him of this moment. It’ll always remind him of Louis.

Harry catches Louis carefully staring at him, when technically Harry had told him to look at the water instead. The difference between any other times Harry had caught Louis looking at him is that he doesn’t look away, he locks eyes with him and it’s all about that. They’re basically communicating with looks and expressions that the other has to solve and decide if he keeps it in his memory or not.

Harry wants to keep it all.

He nods, thinking that that way he is answering Louis at whatever he is telling him with his eyes.

Harry is the first lifting his left leg up to dip it in the coloured water from the tub. He reaches for Louis’ hand when he is completely in and helps him to get inside as well. He doesn’t know how they don’t make a mess of it but they’re all very coordinated when Harry sits down. Louis does the same but placing himself between Harry’s parted legs, his back almost touching Harry’s chest.

Harry has the sight of Louis’ freshly new haircut. It was getting long, making it impossible to have that familiar cinnamon roll but instead a nice and soft fringe pulled at the side, so he had shaved a little bit his hair from the sides leaving the top and front a bit longer and if Harry loves it… fuck yeah he does. As long as he can still get a bit of grip of hair behind his neck, Harry is happy. And even if he couldn’t, damn he wouldn’t care for sure, Louis can pull everything off.

He looks down and sees how well Louis’ skin matches the lilac, blueish and pinkish shades. Jesus, Harry doesn’t only want to paint this moment he also wants to take photographs, he wants to sculpt it, he wants to crave it on a rock, draw it on the sand… And when he gets his hand out of the water he notices small glimpses of glitter shinning on his skin and instantly gets a handful of water to let it fall like a waterfall through Louis’ back. The shinning pieces of glitter get glued into his body, sparkling there for him.

“Lou…” Harry whispers, getting his face close to his shoulder blades. He doesn’t know what expression Louis carries now, doesn’t know if he is playing with his hands, or twirling his toes under water or if he sucking on his lips to keep what he wants to say inside. “It looks beautiful. You’re beautiful.” He continues and this is not only a compliment, this is a statement, the reality Harry’s eyes give to his brain.

His hands can’t leave Louis’ body now. He stays massaging every piece of skin, every tensed bone he can feel. He brushes up and down the side of his hips, gently squeezes his upper arm, tickles with his fingertips the sides of his neck… everything he thinks he is able to do, he does.

“It’s like painting your skin.” His voice echoes between the walls, his index drawing random shapes through Louis’ muscles. “I wish I could kiss every square inch of your body without coming up for air.” He swears he hears Louis whimper with that one, somehow he is the one out of breathe here. “I’m sorry.” He sighs, adjusting himself on the tub, the sounds of the water bouncing invades the small place. “I don’t mean to make you feel worst, I don’t want to hurt you by the way I feel about you. I just want your best.” He gets his face closer to Louis’ back, his forehead almost reaching Louis’ nape. “Believe me when I say this.”

Harry doesn’t know if Louis is crying, he hopes he is not, he hopes if he’d look at his face now he’d see it wet only due the bath. He hopes if he’d kiss him he wouldn’t taste salty tears but instead he’d taste the bittersweet of the soapy water.

“I just want you okay. I don’t want to leave you but if the otherwise would make you feel better I’d do that sacrifice for you.” Louis flinches, he actually flinches but Harry doesn’t have time to react at that when Louis’ hand makes its way behind to squeeze his leg.

That’s his way to say _stay_.

“ _Oh_ Louis I –“ _I love you. I love you. I love you_. And Louis squeezes his leg again. “I want to make you forget about everything that makes you sad. That makes you feel like you aren’t worth it and stops you from wanting to breathe.” Louis takes a deep breathe. That’s probably his answer as well.

Harry brushes his lips on his shoulder and he realises they had never shared such moment. Their naked bodies would always touch for the only purpose of sex but now it’s just sweet intimacy, unbelievable trust and responsibility. There’s nothing beyond Harry’s hands on Louis’ skin besides wanting to calm him down, there’s nothing beyond his lips on Louis’ shoulder besides wanting to assure him that he is there and everything will be okay.

They’re naked, in a bathtub filled with warm and glittery water and Harry wants to sing for Louis, wants to pain on Louis, wants to _feel_ Louis. Feel in terms of knowing he is alive. And at the end he just gets to whisper sweet nothing against his flesh, hoping he truly listens to those words and honestly that’s more than enough.

He gets to do that when no one else can. When no one else probably ever did and that’s the saddest part.

Harry doesn’t know how long they stay there, he doesn’t know what else he says –but he sure speaks a lot more and receives the same reactions from Louis, a whimper, a sigh or a squeeze – but the water gets cooler and his coccyx starts to ache.

“Let’s get out now, all right?” Harry asks, hands resting on Louis’ shoulders. He tilts his head a bit and sees Louis nodding once.

Again, he leaves first to get Louis’ towel and open it, making signal for Louis to step out as well and cuddle in the dry cloth. He looks at the opened towel ready for him and carefully steps out of the tub. Their bodies aren’t even all wet but Harry wraps it all around his small body.

“There you go.” He kindly says brushing his hands on Louis’ arms, above the cloth.

Louis flickers is half wet lashes to Harry then and stares at him again. His expression doesn’t seem dull anymore but his eyes are still red and his lips turned a shade of purple.

“You’re still cold. Your lips are purple.” Harry states and Louis licks them, not dropping their gaze.

“Can we go to bed?” His voice is husky, as if he has a sore throat and is getting sick.

Harry nods at that even though it’s probably not even ten o’clock and Louis hadn’t had dinner –he makes a mental note to deal with it in a moment. He cleans himself with his own towel, Louis’ eyes remain focused on him and he also realises how himself had developed around Louis. He doesn’t mind Louis looking at his body, seeing every flaw and virtue of his. He doesn’t feel insecure because Louis had showed numerous times that he likes Harry’s body in a whole. He doesn’t mind the visible fat on his hips, the small belly he has, his strong thighs… it helps Harry to accept and like it as well.

Louis knuckles are white from grabbing the towel in place so tightly. Only his legs from down his knees and a bit of his collarbones are also shown from the grey fabric making him look more adorable, especially when he looks at Harry… like that. There’s something different.

And it’s probably because Harry is still learning but he takes it as a signal that Louis doesn’t really want to step his bare feet on the cold floor, so Harry lifts him up from the floor again. It’s a bit like a movie scene, Harry thinks, which makes him mentally sing _Can’t Help Falling in Love by Elvis_ , reminding himself of the scene in the supermarket a month ago.

Louis doesn’t protest anyway, which Harry is grateful for because he really, really enjoys carrying Louis like this to places. And to places he means to his bed. Also, he is only with a towel and he smells like lavender, ending up being a bonus.

He gently and cautiously lays Louis down on the mattress, who seems not to want to let go Harry’s neck. Or let him go in any way.

“Louis…?” He asks, frowning. He is acting so weird, so not like the Louis he is normally used to so Harry is so torn if what is happening is good or not, if it’s a case for him to get worry or just go with the flow, be careful _or go with the flow_ …

“Lay down. Please.”

He was going to anyway but maybe finding some clothes would get them a bit warmer and comfortable but Louis’ eyes show such fear and concern that if Harry turned his back to him, he’d might start screaming –and he looks calm at this point.

“Tell me what’s wrong. Can you tell me now?” He pleads after laying down sideways, facing Louis, who moves to be on the same position as him, towel slipping from his shoulder.

Louis doesn’t answer, he just keeps staring and Harry’s heart hurts on his chest. Everything is painful and upsetting… it’s confusing.

“I want to help you. I don’t know what’s going on, Louis.” He is being so calm and gentle. Harry was never this patient with someone. He is good and kind, he is everything society wishes for people to be but Harry would never be around someone for as long he has been with Louis if they’d give him so much worry and stress.

Still not saying a word, Harry sees how Louis is shaking a bit and not being sure if it’s because he is cold or anxious, Harry moves a little to get the sheets and duvet to cover their bodies.

He looks unsure for a moment but gets even closer to Louis and starts pushing to the side the humid towel from underneath the bed linen, always supporting his height with his hand pressed on the side of Louis’ neck, on the mattress, not to crush –or even touch –the small guy. When he throws it to the floor he starts listening to the same noises he heard in the bathroom but this time they sound more real.

He looks down, eyes widely open, mouth agape and sees Louis in tears. In fucking tears. Plenty of fat tears slide down through his cheeks from his watery blue eyes –and they look like glass. Harry had never, ever saw Louis cry –he had heard, he had seen him making his best to stop the angst to show but he had never seen the older guy shed a single tear and now, out of nowhere Louis is crying in his bed.

“Lou… Louis?” Harry’s voice changes completely, concern taking over him. He doesn’t know what to do, his hand stays hovering Louis’ face not knowing if he is able to touch him or not.

Louis covers his face with his small hands, more sobs coming out from his lips and Harry doesn’t want him to hide, he doesn’t know if he should feel ashamed but he thinks Louis looks beautiful even crying. It’s the sappiest thing ever, maybe even rude to think that someone slipping tears, related to sadness, looks beautiful and should be admired. However, normally people who cry tend to hide it, they feel ashamed and think it’s somehow humiliating. Harry doesn’t want Louis to think that.

“Love –Louis, please.” He corrects himself, hesitantly touching Louis’ hands and taking them away from his face. “I’m here. It’s going to be okay. Hey,” he places Louis’ hand on his chest. “Feel my heartbeat? Just focus on that.”

“No, no…” Louis struggles to say and perhaps is related to the fact that focusing on Harry’s heartbeat doesn’t help since it’s beating so fast. “Harry… it’s –it’s okay.”

“You’re crying, you –“

Louis pulls his hand away from Harry’s touch and leads it to Harry’s cheek instead. Everything stops from there –maybe not Harry’s heart, that one keeps beating as fast as ever.

“They’re happy tears.” Harry frowns, Louis bites his lip but a small twist appears. The tears don’t stop, he is smiling, head on the pillow case and breathing heavy, making his chest going up and down but he is actually smiling. “I’m crying for you.” Harry shakes his head. _This is not right_. _What’s going on? What the hell?_ “No, _mon chéri._ Remember when I told you…” He cleans his cheeks with his available hand, he still looks so vulnerable but has that grin on his lips, looking up at Harry in hope. He changed so quickly. “If you’d make me cry I would… I would fall. Harry I fell –I fell so hard for you. But I know I’m not going to get hurt. I never thought I would feel like this.”

Harry heart stops here.

“Liam… Liam helped me to open my eyes and stop being this… afraid. I’m sorry I get you so worried. It got me this long to drop on my knees on your door and I’m sorry that it had to be like this. I was just in shock. In shock that it is you. You are the one. And I couldn’t believe it.” Harry holds his breathe until here, green eyes so big looking down at Louis. Tears getting small but cheeks still red and wet. “Hey, gorgeous.” Louis brushes his thumb across his cheekbone. Harry is probably dreaming. His soul isn’t on his body, what is happening isn’t real. “You’re so good to me. You’re everything. You’re… _mon dieu, Harry_ … Just kiss me.”

Oh fuck.

“Do you still want to kiss me?” he is insane for asking that, Harry would think if he was able to do it so at this time.  He feels Louis’ hand sliding down across his face, his thumb now on his bottom lip, barely touching really. “I’m ready now. I’m sorry that it has to be like this. But it’ll get better.”

Due feeling tired from his arm by being holding on for so long, Harry slowly lets his body fall, half of it getting on top of Louis. His right hand rests upon Louis’ collarbone, this time he doesn’t feel the urge to pull his face away from Louis by how close they are.

“Louis, I…” He starts but words don’t come out. He can’t formulate anything actually valuable for this confession.

So he gently presses his lips on Louis’ neck. Just like that, starting out really slow. He then drags them up to pepper kisses along his jawline, trying his best now to hold Louis’ face between his both hands and now being him the one smoothly rubbing his thumbs on his cheekbones while pressing his lips to every part of Louis’ face. All those times he wanted to do it, he is doing it now. His forehead, his eyelids, the tip of his nose, even his cupid’s bow and the corner of his lips.

He looks up and sees Louis still smiling. It’s all okay. He is washing away his tears, drying out his eyes and after licking his lips Harry leans down once again.

His hand moves to cradle of Louis’ head tangling his fingers in the small pieces of hair he can get, while his other one cups his chin, running his thumb over his lip like Louis had done with him seconds ago and finally pulls Louis’ face to his, pressing their lips together.

A sigh of relief and maybe surprise gets out from both of their mouths, the two holding on the other so strongly. It’s actually happening, everything is happening tonight and when Harry saw Louis sat in front of his door, expression so dull and terrified he would never think they’d be kissing –only and exclusively kissing –in his bed.

Harry is so tender, softly kissing Louis’ lips, his hands moving to cup his jaw again, while Louis runs his fingers up and down his bare back. When Harry parts his mouth and flicks his tongue along his lip to taste Louis, he reaches the top to also grab Harry’s hair between his fingers. It got so freaking long and Louis reminds him every night when they’re sat on the table having dinner how much he adores it.

Maybe simple words like _I like your hair like that, I can’t get enough of you, thank you for cooking, let’s listen to some music_ , were Louis’ ways to confess to Harry not using the three words. He didn’t need. He showed it. Every time he looked at Harry and actually saw him, pointing out small habits and features of him that Harry didn’t pay much attention to, were Louis way.

And now by how amazingly he is corresponding at this kiss he is showing as well.

Louis had said to Harry he loved him plenty of times and he didn’t need to use the words neither needed to kiss him to actually show the feeling behind those.

It was always there. The fear just consumed him for a little until he was ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reference to a quote from 500 days with summer and part of Harry's confession comes from [this](http://blu3v3ins.tumblr.com/search/you%20wanna%20know%20the%20fucking%20truth)poem


	8. VIII. Out of the shadow;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> louis feels free and it's not just because of harry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry for the delay of this chapter, i wasn't finished with it and i wasn't very confident with the result of it then. after a lot of tries i ended up letting it be like this and i want to apologise in advance if it's confusion and a bit unrealistic *sigh*
> 
> [all about you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OwK-WAnIWIw) by birdy  
> [paris](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXqeNm9cfms) by lise  
> [flashlight](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzwkcbTQ7ZE) by jessie j  
> [salvation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IEMnWhT_7c) by gabrielle aplin  
> [mercury](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJsF7sHpaPs) sleeping at last  
> [let it all go](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6u0DGIh3wLA) by birdy
> 
> **[trigger warning, be safe and careful]:**

**Chapter VIII. Out of the shadow;**

"You don’t have to do this on your own  
Like there’s no one that cares about you  
You don’t have to act like you're alone  
Like the walls are closing in around you"

**\- All About You by Birdy**

~*~

**_3:03am Are you awake?_ **

**_3:03am I really fucking miss you_ **

_3:04am I am now_

_3:04am heyyyy_

**_3:04am you keep not putting your phone on silent mode before going to bed because…_ **

_3:04am because times like this might happen_

_3:04am and you don’t need to miss me you know_

**_3:06am BUT I MISS YOU_ **

**_3:06am I AM MISSING U RIGHT NOW_ **

**_3:06am I MISS U EVERY TIME YOU ARE NOT WITH ME_ **

**_3:06am I MISS U RIGHT AFTER I LEAVE U AT YOUR DOOR_ **

**_3:06am FUCK U FOR MAKING ME MISSING YOU_ **

_3:06am you used ‘u’ and ‘you’ in the same sentence_

_3:06am what’s the purpose_

**_3:06am I just tried to be like you by saying some lame ass stuff_ **

**_3:06am Because I’m fucking trying to do this_ **

**_3:06am And tell you what you deserve to listen_ **

**_3:06am And what I have been keeping on my chest all this time_ **

**_3:06am And you didn’t help now_ **

_3:06am fUCK_

_3:06am LOUIS I’m sorry_

_3:06am I fucked here okay_

_3:06am but I don’t know how you want me to react_

_3:06am what makes you feel comfortable and what I’m allowed to say and do, you see?_

**_3:08am yeah I’m sorry too_ **

**_3:08am I guess I want this to be as natural and normal as possible_ **

**_3:08am as well as I want you to be the real you_ **

**_3:08am what you want to say, say it_ **

**_3:08am don’t keep anything from now on, okay?_ **

**_3:09am if you want to kiss me, fucking do it please_ **

**_3:09am I let you_ **

**_3:09am I want to_ **

_3:09am I’m keeping that in mind_

_3:09am anything else you want to share?_

**_3:09am yes_ **

**_3:10am just give me a minute_ **

_3:10 of course darling_

**_3:12am Like I really want this_ **

**_3:12am I guess I’m very serious about us_ **

**_3:13am I want you and only you_ **

**_3:14am I just need your help because I don’t know how to do this right_ **

_3:14am can I just reply to that really quickly?_

**_3:14am yeah_ **

_3:16am just be you, be who you’ve been with me. Like you said to me, I want you to be as real as possible. Don’t be afraid to show me, to tell me anything even if you think I will hate it. I won’t. Don’t try to only please me, think about what you want and how you feel too._

_3:16am you can continue_

**_3:18am I might still freak out once in a while_ **

**_3:18am I know you still respect that a lot and will understand it so I just want to thank in advance_ **

**_3:18am I want to be good to you because you showed to be so good to me_ **

_3:18am can I just say something?_

**_3:18am no wait let me finish_ **

**_3:18am and I know you’re going to say for me not to thank you but I want to so don’t say anything_ **

**_3:20am I like when you call me darling and baby by the way_ **

**_3:20am warms me up a lot_ **

**_3:20am so yeah you can call me that, I know you always felt like you couldn’t but of course you can_ **

**_3:20am just don’t call me sweetheart that brings me to dark places_ **

**_3:22am I also want to tell you something I always think about_ **

**_3:25am I like looking at you when you’re not paying attention because I think that’s when you’re the most beautiful_ **

**_3:25am not that you aren’t other times, fuck YOU ARE_ **

**_3:25am I stare so much, I’m sorry you’re just too fucking pretty_ **

**_3:25am but the point is_ **

**_3:27am you are not trying, you’re just being you and to me that’s better than any picture someone could take, any work of art I’ve seen_ **

**_3:28am I just feel that sometimes you try too hard, afraid that I might not like you_ **

**_3:28am just like you do with art, you push yourself, you expect the best, you want it to be perfect_ **

**_3:28am with me you don’t need to worry about any of that_ **

**_3:30am you don’t need to try AT ALL_ **

**_3:32am just like you’ve told me, I’m not here to just please you, I’m not here to be perfect. You aren’t either._ **

**_3:32am you’re already doing amazingly, you’re enough and you’re so worth it_ **

**_3:32am you’re like a fucking angel upon my eyes god dammit Harry_ **

**_3:35am right_ **

**_3:35am I think I might be gayer than I originally intended_ **

**_3:35am that’s all for now. I hope you’re still there_ **

_3:35am after this I think my dick is so hard_

**_3:35am TO FIND_ **

**_3:35am *falls on the floor from laughter*_ **

**_3:35am I’m so good_ **

_3:36am you’re such a piece of shit_

_3:36am but I love you so much_

_3:36am I’m so proud of you_

_3:36am thank you for letting me stay with you_

**_3:38am actually that’s the thing here_ **

**_3:38am I wish I could be next to you right now so I’d be able to fall asleep in seconds_ **

_3:38am let me quote you “actually that’s the thing here”_

_3:38am when I said you didn’t need to miss me like I don’t need to miss you_

_3:38am I meant that we don’t need to be this apart_

_3:38am whenever you want your space, tell me and it’s okay_

_3:38am but if you don’t you can always stay here_

_3:38am I know your flat is better but you said you preferred mine_

_3:38am you don’t need to come back there after work, after you meet up with Liam even if you think it’s too late_

_3:38am you can stay here even if I’m not. Even if I don’t tell you anything just come up on my door I don’t mind, I would be happy even_

**_3:39am I will keep that in mind then_ **

**_3:39am but for tonight, can you sleep with me on the phone please?_ **

_3:39am of course_

_3:39am I’m gonnat call you_

_~*~_

“Is Louis picking you up?”

“What kind of question is that, Zayn?” Niall laughs, patting his shoulder when walks past him with the last pair of tablecloths to put in place.

“What’s that supposed to mean, _hm_?” Harry asks, with the funniest tone of voice he can manage to do, bringing a laugh from his two friends.

“You know too damn well, curly.” Niall clashes his hands in one another, as a way to say _work done_.

“Answering you,” Harry rolls his eyes and turns to Zayn. “I think he is already outside even.”

“Great.” Niall jumps in excitement and runs to the door outside, leaving the other two looking at his back disappearing, with wide eyes.

“I would get my eyes on him, man.”

“Yeah… I don’t get it, I can almost say he likes Louis as much as I do.” Zayn laughs but still offers him a warning look.

They say their goodbyes to the rest of their co-workers and walk outside as well, Harry getting a smaller headscarf to hold his long hair in place while Zayn gets his pack of cigarettes from his pocket. When he starts lighting it up, both catch sight of Niall and Louis chatting close to his car.

“Hi Louis!” Zayn greets, stopping next to Niall’s side and blowing the smoke out.

“Nice to see you, mate.” Louis smiles but it changes right away when he turns to look up at Harry. “ _Salut beauté_.” And Harry doesn’t really answer, at least not with words, he gives his biggest and most genuine grin, fond plastered in his eyes making them shine in the dark of the night.

“I was just talking with Louis –“

“What a surprise.” Harry comments but Niall continues like it was nothing.

“ –and I invited him to hang out to drink something. You guys up for it, right?”

“I need to get home.” Zayn informs, receiving a look from Harry, who knows that things might not be going that well around there. He makes a mental note to maybe invite him to come over in the afternoon tomorrow so they can relax together, especially since Louis has something scheduled till five.

“And I’m very tired for that Niall. I’m craving a cup of tea and fresh sheets.”

“Well, here you have my answer, Nialler.” Louis speaks looking between Harry and Niall, who gets closer to the short guy. Harry doesn’t really realise the way he is looking over the Irish lad at the same time he thinks that they even got nicknames for each other.

“Oh, come on.” Niall pouts and Harry follows his whole movements especially when Louis chuckles with his face.

“Niall, for your own health please don’t insist any further.” Zayn warns his friend, mostly joking but with a glimpse of seriousness there.

“Erm, what –“ The blonde guy meets Harry’s eyes and takes a step back. “I’m a straight man, I’m a straight man.” He throws his hands up in the air and it’s when Harry realises and reacts, waking up from his trance.

“Christ,” Harry laughs a little, brushing his face with his hand. “I’m sorry. No, I know, Niall.” He keeps laughing, a bit uncomfortable now, avoiding Louis’ eyes. “I didn’t mean to –ugh, yes, okay. You can go if you want Louis, don’t feel stuck with me.”

Louis laughs gratefully, literally showing off his gracious, tiny and pitchy voice by the way it sounds. He steps away from Niall and gets close to Harry’s side, his hand sliding down the pocket from the back of Harry’s work jeans, who turns his head to the side and looks down, meeting his blue eyes.

“I might have some tea waiting for us at home and I also crave a bed with fresh sheets.” He whispers but the two men are able to hear those spoken words. “I hope you don’t mind it Niall.” He breaks their gaze and looks over at Niall.

“Not at all. I will just cry here because of you two.” He comments, his eyes focused on the small space between Harry and Louis’ bodies that is in fact so small. Zayn’s laughter is swallowed in the dark because Harry hardly hears it while staring at Louis’ beautiful profile, whose cheeks get a bit pink –is he blushing?

“Right, can’t wait to watch next episode of _keep up with Harry’s jealousy_ but I’m off now.” Zayn throws his cigarette on the floor to step with his foot on it. “Hope you all have a good night as well as good vacations” He smiles, winking and waving at the three. All of them say good bye as well, Harry mouthing a _talk to you tomorrow_ and a special smile that Zayn nods and answers back the same way, appreciating the gesture.

“Don’t think you can get rid of me, just because we don’t have to work for a while now it doesn’t mean we won’t keep in touch.” Niall protests, picking on Harry’s chest.

“Of course not. We’re already lucky to have vacations at the same time.” Harry chuckles but nods anyway, feeling the warmth of Louis’ presence next to him.

“Very well. I will see you two soon, then.” Niall smiles big, steps forward and wraps them in a group hug. Harry hears Louis giggling but sees how he hugs Niall back while his other arm goes around Harry’s waist. “Good luck for everything.” He says when pulls back and it sounds genuine, his eyes are warm upon their skin. Niall has a good aura, Harry used to say, and he can’t be wrong on that one for sure.

“You too, take care.” Louis is the one answering, eyes crinkled at the side and then Niall is walking away.

It’s a warm night of July, so warm and cosy that Harry wouldn’t mind to sleep outside instead, forgetting the sheets. It’d be a good idea for Louis to take him to that small garden from his flat and fall asleep there again.

However, the look Louis gives him, where the two stand up in that path walk, tells him that for bed they go.

“What?” Harry chuckles, steeping aside from him a bit and walking closer to Louis’ car.

“Jealous? Really?”

“Of course not.” Harry tries to sound as believable as possible. “Niall won’t try anything.”

Louis raises his eyebrow. “What if he tried?” Louis takes a step forward and Harry already feels the cold door from the car pressed against his back.

“You wouldn’t let him.”

He smiles, giving one last step ending up with the minimum space between them. “I like that answer.” Harry smiles back with that one.

“But I meant it, the part when I said that you don’t need to feel like you have to stick up with me all the time. I don’t want you to feel trapped –“

“Trapped is the last thing you make me feel.” Louis says seriously but calm. “Believe me, if you did, you would know.”

“Okay.” Harry nods, relaxed.

“Now… hum,” He bites down on his bottom lip. “why didn’t you kiss me in their presence?”

“Did you want to?”

“Did you?” Louis asks instead.

“Yeah.”

“You could have to.”

“I wasn’t sure if you were comfortable…” Louis snorts, rolling his eyes. Harry knows it’s not in an annoying way but still.

“I think we already talked about it.”

“Yeah but one thing is when we are at home other is public affection. If it was for holding your hand,” Harry reaches over for Louis’ hand, intertwining their fingers together. The space Louis had somehow created previously disappears and he looks down at the gesture. “I would without hesitation. But kissing is a big deal, isn’t it? You said so too.”

“I kind of wanted you to kiss me.” He looks up through his eyelashes, not totally facing Harry.

“I can still do that now.” Harry smirks, Louis mimics that action but he looks away, his eyes landing on the people getting out of the restaurant, ready to walk past them. “They work with me. They can see the cutie face I’m so lucky to kiss right now if you want to.” Louis laughs and turns his face to Harry again, nodding slowly. Harry doesn’t really get his lips ready because he leans over still smiling, cupping Louis’ face with his available hand and joining their mouths together.

It starts off from being messy because both can’t stop smiling, teeth get in the way, giggles come out from their throat but somehow along the way they get a grip of themselves and properly kiss, right there.

Harry hears the people walking behind them –who surely comment on the fit guy Harry is kissing because it’s finally proved that the boy Zayn and Niall tease him about is real –but neither of them feel bothered with it, they don’t react.

When Louis’ also available hand presses even tighter Harry’s body against his, the green eyed guy notices that he also doesn’t want to let go. That grip is from need and compassion. It’s a wonderful sensation he feels when Louis gets so into it when he kisses him, saying those three words without even speaking them out loud.

He doesn’t need any of that.

He is so happy.

And when they get home, the tea gets as cold as Harry likes it but he doesn’t end up drinking it because maybe for the first time, he thinks, Louis fucks him slow in bed, might even forget that he is inside of Harry because they kiss a lot. A whole fucking lot.

So the fresh sheets weren’t forgotten.

~*~

“I still didn’t get over the fact you said my dick was hard to find.” Louis looks over the book he is reading –recommended by Harry –, eyebrow raised, hair half dry stuck on his forehead, after a long day. Harry puts his phone down on his lap and meets his gaze from the other side of the bed.

“When did I –“

“In a text message, see.” He grabs his phone again and gets the screen in front of Louis’ face, who squeezes his eyes to focus on the bright light and read the message. “Right in the feelings.”

“What the hell, _Harry_ , that was ages ago why did you come up with this out of nowhere?!” Harry pulls his arm away, slowly but quickly looks away putting down his phone one more time, a bit embarrassed. “Oh my god,” Louis chuckles. “were you reading those messages again?”

“Hey, don’t joke.” Harry pouts, crossing his arms against his chest. “I do that sometimes. With our messages. Makes me happy, okay? Don’t blame me.”

“How cute is that? All _lovely dovey_ over some text messages.”

“Stop mocking me you butthole.” Otherwise the words of both of them, they try their best to contain their smiles.

“Oh _Harry,_ you were better at insulting me before. Did your heart melt on the way?”

“That doesn’t even make sense. I guess your heart has melted as well.” Harry smirks, his face getting closer to Louis, who smirks back but ends up gently slapping him on the face, keeping his hand there then. “Yes Louis, you’re so romantic.”

“Stop.” He gets half of his body on top of Harry so quickly that the book almost flies from his body to the floor. “I’m not romantic.” Harry starts laughing, especially when Louis’ fingertips get on the skin from his neck, tickling him. “ _Je suis une fleur bleue_.”

“Why the hell are you a blue flower?!” Harry asks, voice loud and eyes shut and crinkled at the corners. He has been getting better at understanding Louis when he speaks in French, since they started those little lessons. It has its perks.

“That’s what Liam used to say.” Louis stops shrugging, his leg is thrown on top of Harry’s tight, who is now half laid down on the mattress. “Apparently French people say that.”

“You’re so full of shit.” Harry starts laughing again and it’s his turn to grab Louis by his upper arms and press him down against the mattress. He shouts a _Hey_ when Harry sits on top of him and is the one tickling him now, his fingers deep on the sides of his torso.

Louis is shouting something but it gets nonsensical due his laughter. His smaller hands get a grip on Harry’s forearm, trying to stop the tickles and that makes Harry look down at his grin. “You’re the worst.” Harry manages to understand from him, watching a small tear streaming down Louis’ eye due laughing so hard, this past minute.

“I’m so not the worst.” Harry teases and quickly gets a grip from Louis’ wrists, throwing them above his head. He keeps smirking down at the older guy but approaches his lips to his exposed neck. “I hardly ever get you like this,” he brushes his nose along the crock of Louis’ neck, smelling him. “it’s good.” He feels Louis trying to release his wrists from his touch but still leans his neck to the touch, kind of encouraging Harry to continue. “You’re so vulnerable to my touch.” Louis makes some type of sound that Harry doesn’t know if it fits to be quite a whimper.

He instantly attaches his mouth then to the skin he reaches. First small pecks and then he goes with his teeth. “ _Harry_ …” Louis breathes out. His lips work on the skin exposed from Louis’ collarbones, to his jaw until he slowly –almost discretely – starts rocking his hips close to Louis’ crotch.

“You drive me crazy.” He whispers in Louis’ ear, licking his earlobe. “Want to do so many things with you.” He confesses, his hips still moving slowly, this time in circles, just by instinct and without noticing his grip on Louis’ wrists gets stronger just when he goes straight ahead to kiss Louis’ lips.

Louis messily kisses him back at the same time he tries to get away from Harry’s grip, who doesn’t even notice that at this point. “ _Harry_ ,” Louis calls him again between their lips and Harry hums as an answer.

When Harry pulls away he changes his grip to place Louis’ wrists next to his head, enjoying the power he is having right now, understanding how Louis feels when he does it to him. He doesn’t waste time on sucking on Louis’ neck again, eyes full of lust previously spotting the already wet and red skin.

“What do you want baby? I want to make you feel so good. Just like you make me.” Harry asks, voice low upon Louis’ skin, who doesn’t really answer in words, he kind of moves his leg between Harry’s crotch maybe without meaning it ending up creating some friction. “Lou…” Harry gasps with the sudden contact, squeezing his wrists and licking the mark previously done on Louis’ neck.

“ _Harry_ ,” Louis calls him loudly.

“Yes?” Harry breathes out against his skin.

“No.” He tries again to release his wrists. “I said no. Stop. Just stop. Please.” He cries out and Harry stops. He releases his wrists and freezes but only to seconds later finally look up and see Louis’ eyes wet and shiny, just like crystals. His heart stops and notices how Louis looks at him and starts trembling, his body struggling and having some kind of fight to get out of there.

Harry only has time to ratiocinate that he has to get out from the top of him, so he does, almost falling out of bed but managing to sit up on his side.

Louis heavy breathing fills up the air, he starts hyperventilating while tries to move as far as he can, looking like he is in pain by the way he curls up and grabs one of his wrists, his hair covering most of his face.

“Louis?” Harry is about to cry, his voice shakes and breaks at the end.

“Stop, stop, stop.” He lets his face fall between his knees. Harry doesn’t know if he is crying at this point or just trying to get a grip of his breathing. Harry though doesn’t know what to do, his hand hovers in the air wondering if he should touch Louis or not. His own eyes burn by how hard he is trying not to start crying. “I don’t want to. Stop. Don’t touch me.”

He lets his hand fall, tries to move away further, his heart on his sleeves and his lips agape looking at what is happening.

When he is about to get anything out from his mouth, his voice fails to him and Louis breaks out completely rambling things that get muffled by his sobs and the way he has his face placed between his legs.

Harry can’t even get to tell him to breathe and he is hating every second he stays there just looking at Louis completely broken, not even knowing why and what truly happened. Only that he was a completely idiot for grabbing Louis that way even though he didn’t mean to harm or trigger him.

“ _J’ai fait tout ce que tu voulais_.” More sobs. “ _Je suis désolé_.” More crying and pants. “ _S’il te plait, laisse-moi partir. Je ne m’enfuirai pas. Je te promet je ne partirai pas. Christian, s’il te plait._ ”

_Fuck no._

Even though Louis’ sobs and cries fill the air, for Harry it seems like he is in the grip of the silent. His eyes open wildly, his pupils dilate, his heart is racing and his brain is on fire, its synapses firing like a hyped up internal aurora borealis, like a cluster bomb exploding in his brain, turning everything to a mental soup of conflicting instructions

He can feel it, building like an unstoppable snowball in the pit of his stomach. He would think it’s wrong to start freaking out when Louis is the one in front of him breaking down but he can’t concentrate on anything besides the feel of his heart starting to beat harder and faster, the adrenaline levels rising and the tears that decide to stream down through his eyes. His brain starts to fire out negative thoughts like a machine gun, like waves on rocks, as sweat starts to happen all over his body.

“Louis,” he calls him, voice almost unrecognisable by how the tears and sweat had taken over him. “It’s me.” He presses his lips together, his nails sink on the palm of his hand wanting it to hurt.

He wonders how Louis is feeling. If his thoughts are accelerating inside his head, wanting them to slow down so he can breathe and hear Harry’s voice. He can listen to his breaths coming in gasps and hopes he doesn’t feel like blacking out even though his heart might be hammering inside his chest like it belongs to a rabbit running for its skin. He wonders if for Louis the room spins like it spins for him, only wanting to make everything slow to something their brain and body can cope with.

Whatever it is Harry did that to him.

He tries to take a long and slow deep breathe, filing his lungs with the oxygen they need but a loud sob coming from his own parted lips interrupts him. “It’s Harry.” He says desperate. He might be as scared as Louis, fear filling their veins. “Love, it’s me.” He dares to crawl closer and touch Louis’ shoulder but he recoils right away, letting out a louder whimper and spitting more French words Harry isn’t capable to understand. “Louis please, it’s me. It’s Harry. I’m not going to hurt you. It’s not Christian, it’s Harry.” He overcomes his own tears and speaks louder than his voice would allow him at a time like this. He had heard Louis saying that name between his rant being probably the only word he could understand.

Louis’ sounds get lower and even though he keeps curled up, making himself look smaller, he raises his head very slowly so Harry can see his eyelashes dripping tears, his eyes, cheeks and nose red and his fringe all over the place. His bottom lip is trembling like his whole limbs but he meets Harry’s as well wet eyes and that’s a fucking relief.

“ _Harry_ …?” He calls almost as if he was asking for help, more tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Yes, yes, it’s me. Harry.” He cleans his face with the back of his arms, failing at hiding how nervous and sad he is. “I’m not going to hurt you, Louis. I love you. I’m going to protect you,” he opens his arms invitingly, which Louis looks at terrified but curiously. “Please, let me hold you. I’m sorry, come here darling.”

Louis bites his trembling lip but finally moves towards Harry, who honestly just wants to grab him and get him in his arms as soon as possible, yet he waits so Louis can do it on his own pass.

But Louis desperately reaches over for Harry’s touch, falling with his head on his chest, curling up between his legs and getting a fist of Harry’s shirt. Harry can feel the wetness from his tears on the fabric right away so he wraps his arms around the blue eyed guy’s body keeping him close. He feels his heart beating and his body shaking and it’s probably the worst sensation Harry ever lived. He can literally _feel_ his pain.

“I’m here,” Harry pets his soft, half dry hair. “No one can hurt you now. I’ll stay right here. You’re everything to me I’d never hurt you. Never. I’m so sorry if I made you think that. It’s okay now.” He keeps whispering assuring words like he usually does but now it seems like he has a bigger responsibility in hands.

Louis sniffles when his cries start to slow down and his body gets less tense. Harry slides his hands down to his shoulders and gently pulls Louis away, making him look up. “Are you calmer now?” He asks carefully.

Louis’ is still breathing heavily but is not as bad as previously. He presses his lips together until they turn white and looks down automatically locking away Harry’s gaze. “I’m so sorry…” His voice is husky and cracks at the end like it happened with Harry minutes ago.

“Louis, no.” he gets one hand under his chin, lifting his head up once again. “Don’t apologise please. No need of that. You don’t have to talk about anything if you aren’t ready. Or if you don’t want to. As simple as that. But what happened here, happened. I’m respecting your choices and accepting you just like you are.”

“You say it like I’m just broken and something is wrong with me.” He pulls Harry’s touch away but keeps close, only stares at the wall next to them. The position they are is kind of uncomfortable but Harry doesn’t even try to focus on that.

“Louis, I didn’t say that. You’re not broken, you’re a person. I’m just saying that something has been bothering you for a long time, something happened that left you some scars –“

“They’re not scars. They’re not healed yet.” He confesses and Harry feels the tears prickling his eyes once again but he can’t fucking cry.

“That’s okay.” Louis shakes his head. It’s not okay. “It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.” He takes his hand to cup Louis’ wet cheek. “If there’s something wrong with someone here is with the person who did this to you.” Louis winces at that, shutting his eyes and letting the tears that gathered there fall. Harry cleans them with his thumbs. “You know that I would never hurt you, right?”

“God Harry, _oui je sais_. I know.” He translates this time, looking up and meeting Harry’s face that is so close to his.

“You just tell me stop and I stop. I’m sorry that I didn’t get it sooner.” Louis doesn’t answer at that but doesn’t look away either. “Do you want to talk? Do you want to go to sleep? Take a shower? Drink some tea?”

Louis looks like he is about to break down with those simple words and then lets out “I just don’t want to be like this with you.”

“ _Oh_ Louis,” He hugs him, holding him against his chest, rocking their bodies back and forth on the mattress. “Stop. Please stop that. Stop putting yourself down, stop counting your flaws, stop the dark thoughts. For you, baby. You’re so good, so much more. You just need to work on that, throw those monsters away.”

“They keep getting back.” He cries out, shoving his face on Harry’s collarbones and holding him back.

“Lock the door. Throw the key into the ocean. Fight them back because I know you can do it, you’re strong. I know no matter what I say, no matter what I do won’t magically make it better. It doesn’t help much but I –“

“Shut up.” Louis hits him on his chest, it’s not harsh, it doesn’t hurt but it works as a warning for Harry to stop and surprisingly look at him. “It helps. You fucking help. If it wasn’t for you now I’d be giving my body to whoever wanted it, not caring if in the morning I’d panic because of how those hands felt. Maybe I’d be overdosing on drugs thinking that no one would care if I stepped in front of a car.” Louis stops, lifting his hand and whipping Harry’s tears away, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “Now I have you. I’m not using you as my medicine, this is not toxic, it’s not unhealthy because you made me open my eyes for life. For what’s around me. It got better and it’s not wrong if you helped me. It’s not because you don’t let me feel alone and empty. I hang out more during the day instead of staying at home sleeping on the couch, I like taking my time looking up at the sky and feeling grateful to breathe the air that hits my face... now I appreciate being alive, I like people better and I want to take care of myself. I used to want everyone to believe I live a reasonable life since most days of the year aren’t remarkable, they begin and end and most of them have no impact in a course of a life… but it got better. I’m excited to wake up in the morning and if that’s because of you then be it because it shows what you’ve done for me isn’t in vain. You care for me, I would never think you’d hurt me like he did.”

Harry sniffles, rests his hand above Louis’ that is still above Harry’s cheek, his thumb cleaning and caressing his cheekbone. He licks his lips and leans over to press their foreheads together.

“Please don’t answer at what I just said. Let it be. Just keep that in mind.” Louis whispers above his lips. Harry nods slowly and notices that Louis has his eyes closed, focusing now on his breathing.

“Just… Just one thing Lou.” The blue eyed guy sighs but doesn’t protests neither pulls away, his hands just lose their grip on Harry’s cheek. “The he you talk about… is his name –“

“ _Christian_.” Louis continues for him, not letting that name come out from Harry’s lips. It’s his cue to pull away, Harry watches him, how he gets back to his side of the bed –not that they had settled it already –and grabs his pillow, hugging it against his chest.

Harry doesn’t say a word, still getting confused what type of reaction Louis is having. He knows he wants space but not too much to the point of wanting Harry to leave but he doesn’t want any contact.

“I want… I want to tell you.” Louis starts, his voice a bit muffled due the pillow. His eyes are locked on the wall forward and he digs his fingers on the pillow case. Harry keeps immobile staring at him. “I’m not scared anymore, I know exactly how you will react after this. I just don’t want to look at you, I don’t want to see the way your face will change after every different thing I will tell you. I know I wouldn’t find pity but I’d find sadness and I can’t handle that.”

“Can –Can I say something after –”

“No. Don’t say anything. I don’t need you to comfort me, I just need you to understand why there’s some things I can’t do, why I react certain ways in some moments. I know… I know telling you this will help.” He says lowly, changing his position and laying on the side, facing his back at Harry. 

“Okay.” It’s all Harry’s says and expects to say for the last minutes.

There’s silence and he waits until Louis is ready to speak. Harry is somehow scared of what he is going to listen to, he knows it’s going to be bad, he knows it’s a big part of Louis otherwise it wouldn’t make him the person he is today, wouldn’t make him feel this way.

“Everything started right at the end of high school.” So then he starts. Harry keeps immobile on his spot and stares at the way the muscles from Louis’ back look in that tank top, he focuses on how soft his skin looks upon his eyes, how Louis laughed some minutes ago, how welcome his touch on his skin is and how the colour of his eyes always fascinates him. Harry expects to repeat that in his mind every time he feels like he is going to cry through the conversation. “My best friend caught me making out with a dude and my parents were really good friends with his, I think that’s why we were so close, but as I said to you they were both very religious. We would go to the church every Sunday, we would pray before every meal, everything you imagine a good Christian needs to do, we would do. So being gay for them was a sin. He told my parents… my adoptive parents,” he finds the need to correct himself “and for the first time I started believing in hell.” Harry flinches with the way that sentence sounds. The way it hits Harry’s chest is harsh and painful. “So the night they threatened me to kick me out of home if I didn’t… didn’t heal from that disease, making very clear they couldn’t love me anymore, I ran away.”

Harry can’t imagine the way this story is going to take and the palpitation from his heart tells that he fears at the same time wishes to know about everything. When Louis stays a long time without speaking, Harry reminds him that he is there and he is listening. “Did you stay living on the streets?” He slowly asks.

“No. This is where everything began. A week or so before, I went on a trip to London with school since it was the end of the year. A French guy had come up to me on the street talking about modelling and how I’d be perfect on his company. I said no right away, especially because it was very difficult for me to travel to London and then to France like he had said. I didn’t take it seriously, I was planning on doing some apprenticeship or trying out for college after turning seventeen but he still gave me his card and said he was going to stay in London for the rest of the month.” Louis is talking very casually for now, it all sounds normal and he hasn’t shown any signal of being uncomfortable on sharing this part of the story. Harry wonders why he can’t be looking at him at this point. It’d make him stop playing with his fingers by how nervous he is.

“Believe it or not but if I knew what would happen to me if I caught that train to London to meet up with that guy… with _Christian,”_ he states. “I would still do the same thing. I had nothing and I was hurt. _Merde_.” He swears, burring his face on the pillow. Harry needs to sink his fingers on the flesh of the back of his hand to stop himself to reach over for the guy. “I accepted his offer, we talked about the contract, we signed some papers, he managed to send it to my school to show that I’m still doing something and a month later I’m flying to France. He had filled my head out with how good my future was going to be, the amount of opportunities I’d have and how happy I’d be by moving away. He had put my self-esteem so high and in a week I didn’t only see him as a tutor I’d see him as an inspiration.” Harry tries to give a face to the man Louis is talking about but for now he looks like a tall man with nice dark hair and a long black jacket. “I got on that plane, looked down through the window and thought that I’d finally be free, I was promising that I’d be truthful to myself and more importantly, be happy.”

“Lou…” it’s so painful…

“ _Harry_ , please.” Louis hugs the pillow and keeps half of his face buried in it, his voice sounds weak while saying Harry’s name. “Let me do this.” Harry bites down on his lips and grabs a fist of the sheet next to him. “I spent an amazing first year there. I met new people, I made new friends and we were all a team. I learnt that I actually liked modelling, whatever type it was I loved posing, I loved showing my body, I loved being complimented. Especially by _Christian_. He complimented me a lot, he said I was his favourite. For every compliment I’d hear, his were always the ones that I believed the most and saved in a special place. He was preparing me to be big in the industry, he showed me to people, he’d make me do jobs that maybe he would never ask to _Frederic_ do for example.” There’s another long pause and a shaky sigh. “I know what you want to ask me and I’m gonna answer you. No, _Frederic_ and I never had sex. We and the rest of the boys used to play around sometimes but nothing serious, nothing extravagant, I didn’t want to lose my virginity with neither of them so we just explored insignificant things. It’s nothing like… serious, I don’t even think about it. I guess that time with them made me be sure that I only liked boys, I didn’t need to feel ashamed of it, unlike what I was thinking back on high school. Still there?”

“Yes.” Harry answers right away, as firm as he can.

“Good, okay. So this is when everything gets dark. After turning nineteen and things had gotten more serious for me in the company, I started looking at that as a real business and something I’d want to do in the future… so a lot changed. _Christian_ would take me to private photoshoots with other photographers, more relevant ones, he would take me to his parties and that was when I started drinking and doing drugs… he kind of would leave me without no choice, he’d make me take them. He would do it without my consent.” Harry thinks about that time Samuel got him high on ecstasy and took advantage of it. Chills start going through his spine, his breathing gets unsteady. “I’d meet more and more people, I’d get more offers and I thought that was good. I just didn’t notice the pressure I was in. _Frederic_ started to warn me about how hard I was pushing myself but I’d tell him I was just being professional. _Christian_ was happy, he was complimenting me even more so I was happy too. The thing was… I was just giving him more money while I wouldn’t even touch half of what I deserved.”

“But I was getting blind, I didn’t see that detail. I’d only see the drugs, the flashes of the cameras and… _Christian’s_ eyes on me. I loved the attention but his attention felt even better. One day I was having a monologue with myself and decided that I never wanted to lose my virginity with the other guys of my age that worked with me because I liked older ones. I liked _Christian_ and I wanted him. It wasn’t hard seducing him, especially since we were so high after an amazing shoot I’ve done for Calvin Klein; he was taking me to Calvin Klein and I wasn’t even twenty. He got me in bed and fucked me so hard that I cried more in pain than in pleasure. But he said I made him feel good and that I was perfect; he would say that a lot of times so I wanted to make him keep saying that.”

“Of course we repeated it. Over and over and over again until it didn’t hurt anymore; I’m not sure if it ever felt good though. I didn’t mind, I didn’t care as long as I was with him next to me telling me how good I was. How gorgeous I was. That was everything I had and everything I’d see myself having so I didn’t want it to end. I was doing what I wanted, what I liked thanks to him basically. After a while, a long while, he started –“ His voice cracks and Harry notices how so suddenly Louis has a small fight with himself, limbs trembling a little, shoulders tense and fists tightly grabbing the pillow, wanting to do anything but throw it against the wall or just rip everything off with his teeth. “He started getting weird, different. I don’t know if it was because I gave him the impression I liked him too much or because I was doing more for him and for myself than for the company but he started being very strict with everything I’d do. He’d control every step I’d give because I just _wasn’t being perfect enough anymore_ , he’d say. I couldn’t hang out with the boys, I couldn’t hang out on my own just to relax, I stopped doing everything I liked because he said I needed to be focusing on my job only. I needed to stay working out, putting up with his crazy and stupid diet that consisted in eating less and less every week, puking what I had left on my stomach so the next week I’d eat those awful meals he’d make me that were supposed to be healthy.”

Harry whimpers and Louis hears it, hears it too well because he stops instantly breathing out heavily against the pillow case. “I know…” Louis’ voice is not normal anymore and Harry’s heart is not beating as it should. “It was so wrong and so awful but I thought I was doing the right thing because it was what he wanted, what would make him happy. So I’d do it, feeling proud of myself for not putting up any weight, for working out until blacking out, for not liking food anymore, for dressing up like he wanted me to, for doing drugs and having wild sex with him. That was my life, the boys noticed that something was off, something very serious was going on so they talked to me and I said nothing. Until two weeks later more or less, after thinking about everything that was going on, I talked to _Christian_ and he…”

“He beaten you up didn’t he?”

Harry knows Louis starts crying right there, he knows he shouldn’t be talking but he swears if he ended up listening to Louis saying those words instead he wouldn’t be able to hear any more of it.

“ _Harry_ ,” Louis repeats, this time more desperate. “I loved him.” Harry starts crying too and this is totally serious. It’s silently, he doesn’t even feel it at this point so Louis will never know. “I don’t know how but I loved him and he said he loved me too. He would say that every morning, every night, every time I’d do something good for him. But then those words got replaced by shouts, by bruises everywhere on my body, yet on my mind I would still hear him say it instead of every hateful one he’d spit on me. He was rich, he had everything in his hands, he could cover up the bruises on the photos and getting away with everything with the photographers because he was respected and feared. No one knew what was behind closed doors.”

“I was so broken that every nice word, every nice touch of him would make me the happiest. He made me go mental, I had an eating disorder, I wanted to die every time I was alone, he abused me, he would make me have sex with him otherwise he would hurt me badly, he threatened to leave me on the streets because _he was the one giving me a place when I was alone so he could easily do the otherwise_ , he was the worst human being I had met on earth but I would still see something good in his eyes when he looked at me and said he loved me, when he would cuddle me to sleep when he… when he would take care of my bruises and blood, apologising every time.” Harry can’t fucking stop crying but Louis can’t listen to it even if he wanted to, the words he is speaking and his own sobs cover everything up. “I don’t know who was sicker me or him.”

Harry wants to scream _stop_ , but he sticks on listening to the end. If Louis wanted to stop he wouldn’t reach this far. He thinks it’ll be good to vent that out so Harry lets him, even though it hurts like hell.

“I went through that until I was twenty three and he… he was thirty seven.” _Fuck, fuck, fuck_. “Liam appeared then. All posh, owning one of the best and most prestigious galleries in France, smelling incredible talent from his hands and I don’t know what would have been of me if _Christian_ didn’t go to that party to meet him. I went with him, following him like the puppet I was in his hands and stood by his side all the time. I listened to the conversation Liam was having with him, about how he paints people, who posed for him. I’d find myself interested because I’d see a lot of familiarity with what I was doing. But maybe better. It woken up my passion. I wondered how it would be to be painted with such detail or technique. People would feel prouder to paint or draw me rather than just taking me a picture, it’d be mutual. I showed so much interest on it that _Christian_ had to shout at me to shut up. Liam started to notice the way he talked to me and the way I looked at him in fear and worry. I never want my eyes to look that sad again.” He confesses, voice so husky and damaged. “That night _Christian_ was drunk from the expensive wine and was also angry. He didn’t wait until we got home, we were in a guest’s room from the host of the party, one of Liam’s old friend, I can’t recall. He started yelling at me first. I think it was because I was finding interest in something, something I shouldn’t and even though I said he didn’t have to worry he continued. He was afraid to lose me and I never understood why because he clearly had a very wrong way to show his love.”

Harry wants to yell at him and tell him to stop saying the word _love_ because Christian never loved him and a part of Harry thinks –and fears –that Louis thinks the otherwise. That still today Louis wonders if that man actually loved him but had that different way to show it. No. Harry wants to open his god damn eyes, make him listen to his voice while looking deeply into his eyes, to understand that love doesn’t work that way. _Christian_ didn’t love him, _Christian_ didn’t care, _Christian_ was a fucking asshole that didn’t –and don’t deserve anything. Especially a Louis in his life if at the end he decided to damage.

“He slapped me so hard, so fucking hard it made my nose bleed. Liam saw that through the small crack of the opened door. I know _Christian_ was freaking out on the inside, maybe afraid but Liam reacted calmly. He got into the room and said he would help to stop the blood. Liam had and probably still has more power than him so I think that was why _Christian_ let him do that without arguing. Liam took me to downstairs to bring some ice and tissues while _Christian_ went for another drink. While that happened Liam was trying to silently talk to me. _Christian_ had done worst to me but somehow I’d never felt so scared as I felt that night.”

“Liam just asked me –more like checked that it wasn’t the first time _Christian_ had hurt me and I didn’t deny it. Tears had filled up my eyes and that was the last time I had cried in front of someone until now with you. I wonder if that opened my eyes, if that one moment, the concern and seriousness of Liam’s face made me see how cruel I was letting him treat me. He gave me his number and simply told me that he would help me to get away from him. Just. Like. That.”

“We went back home. _Christian_ was drunker. He trapped me in bed,” A loud sob comes out from Louis’ lips. “he forced himself onto me even though I kept shouting that I didn’t want to, _Harry_. He was saying that he had to make sure I knew who I belonged to and that I couldn’t leave him. I was so used to assure him I’d never do such thing, always saying I’d never leave him, I’d always love him, never putting the option that maybe I was lying… I didn’t lie that time, I grabbed the closest thing from me, hit him in the head, got the most important things of mine and ran away. I just ran, flashbacks from the night I left home haunted me, I was having a fucking panic attack at the same time I tried for dear life to call Liam.”

“I was a mess, I told _Frederic_ I was leaving everything and to be honest I think he and the boys knew the reason why but they were and are afraid of _Christian_. Liam picked me up at some place I had described him and I think I was so desperate to see some light on the black of my eyes that I forced myself to trust Liam and believe he was actually a good person. My only hope. I begged for him not to call the police but somehow he managed to deal with everything. And when I say everything I mean every fucking thing, I had no contact with _Christian_ after that night. He made sure he had no connection with me. Me and the others, mostly _Frederic_ , kept in touch even though we always had to be discreet so whatever Liam did he didn’t end up with his career. He is still going strong and the others can’t get away from him that easily, especially if after that they have no way to go. And that scares me, they’re such good people that are still being messed up with him. I was just lucky that I was helped. Knowing me only for a couple of hours, Liam helped me. Liam looked after me after years and years of me not being treated like that –with respect and kindness. I didn’t know what that was by that time but it felt good and warm. It didn’t hurt later on. I learnt to deal with what happened to me. But I never recovered from all the shit that bastard put me through, I’m still so damaged on the inside and in my head. Liam couldn’t heal that for me, he just gave me a job that I decided I wanted to have after months and months of doing nothing and helped me to start all over again. I couldn’t heal myself, I didn’t accept help and here I am today. Telling you this.”

“Now you know, Harry. You know why I’m so scared of this, why I freak out over little things, why I put myself down so much, why I can’t fucking eat in front of people since I was taught that food was bad for me, was wrong and started hating it so much. I panic because I still have those images of him on top of me hurting me. Hurting every piece of me. In and out. I don’t understand why I keep giving my body to everyone, keep wanting to please them… but it never felt good. It always made me want to peal my skin off, start crying while they looked at me, I just would think that it was what I was supposed to do. Please people even if everything was fake. I still didn’t learn that I’m a person like every other and need to be respected by others, I can’t let them taking advantage of me… I didn’t but I’m getting there I –“ He sniffles, voice failing wholly. He lays completely belly down and hugs the pillow around his head, sinking his face there, crying.

While Harry is frozen in his place Louis is still speaking, words muffled by the pillow case being impossible to understand also because of his husky and low tone. Harry is so shocked, not that half of what Louis said is a surprised –he feared his thoughts being right and here it is – but because everything is too much and Louis just told him how much he had been through. How in pain he had been. How it’s much more difficult than what Harry thought when saw the same guy on that supermarket for the first time when he wanted to buy a DVD, everything won’t be okay only with some words, love and kisses.

It’s not simple and Harry wants to tell Louis all he has on his chest, all the thoughts built up during the revelation. He wants to assure Louis that it will get better, that he truly needs help not only from him and himself but professional. He wants to show Louis how much of an asshole that Christian is, how he didn’t love him, how he should have been truly punished and Louis shouldn’t have protected him when said to Liam not to call the police. He wants to make Louis see how he didn’t deserve any of this, how he didn’t deserve living through hell more than half of his life time, how his existence is so valuable and how it’s normal and okay that he still hadn’t recover completely. He also wants to express to him how proud he is for just holding on, for trusting himself after everything that he is still alive, he still fought and is now doing something he likes and has the best mind, the strongest soul Harry had ever met.

He doesn’t do any of that especially when he knows Louis doesn’t want to hear it, at least not now.

So Harry blokes everything out of his mind. He takes a deep breathe, cleans his wet cheeks and carefully rolls over on top of Louis. The small guy takes it by surprise, his limbs going numb underneath Harry’s body with such sudden contact. However, Harry doesn’t wait for a proper reaction, he knows he is not hurting Louis, he knows it’s still his comfort zone so he basically pulls a little bit the fabric of Louis’ tank top to the side to start kissing all over the back of his neck. Louis instantly scrunches up but Harry feels his shoulders relaxing so he brushes his thumb there, gently drawing an invisible circle over and over again.

“I love you.” He whispers as if he is saying it for the first time out loud but putting all the feeling there, wanting it to be understood and believed. Even though Louis whimpers, like he used to when Harry would do some kind gesture, Harry keeps kissing him, knowing it’s still okay. “I love you much it’s insane.” He assures him, worried that Louis would think the feeling would change just because now Harry knows all of that.

The feeling of Louis’ skin under his lips, the smell of him so close and the warmth its body provides Harry makes him slowly form a closed mouth smile. Louis is there, what he had been through he doesn’t need to anymore, that will not happen. Harry won’t let it and even if Liam still didn’t handle with the situation back then in the best way, he won’t let that happen as well.

Louis said he was getting there, he was getting on the right path and yes, it’s true. He is getting there and slowly he will. With or without Harry’s help but what depends on him, Harry will be there to do what he can and support Louis.

He goes down, brushing his lips on the expose skin from Louis’ back, reaching the bottom of his spine showing off through the tank top, a little pulled up, and places another kiss there. He doesn’t stop, he goes down reaching the back of Louis’ knees, which are showing due him being wearing shorts and keeps with the gentle touches.

Louis slowly starts calming down, cries getting quiet while Harry keeps repeating the same three words and damn does he mean them? He does and they never lose their power.

He even gets on his ankles, holding Louis’ foot on his hand and kind of massaging them. Louis scrunches again but this time a giggle escape from his mouth and _oh_ that’s different and it’s so much better than listening to him crying.

Harry finds himself grinning and slightly brushing his fingertips on the plant of his foot this time, bringing another giggle. Harry feels like he discovered the fucking Atlántida but he just found out Louis is ticklish there and that brings out the most amazing and pleasing sound ever from his mouth.

“ _Harry_ ,” he protests between laughs but Harry still holds his ankle in place while Louis tries to kick him. “It tickles, no.” He says louder, voice still not sounding normal but it’s different, he is laughing and Harry’s heart is beating normally again.

“Oh he is laughing.” He says lively, keeping the tickles on his foot and watching Louis curling his toes trying to fight back but failing due his lack of strength and laughter. “Beautiful. Just what I wanted.”

“I’m gonna pee my pants.” He kicks his other leg, almost hitting Harry on his hip, eyes still filled with tears but half of them now being from laughing so hard.

“If you do so you clean up my sheets.” Harry says so but doesn’t stop. He drops Louis’ foot to try on the sides of his waist, where Louis is in fact also ticklish.

“ _Harry_!” he keeps calling out loudly, now being able to turn around on his back and face Harry, who this time doesn’t place himself on top of him but this time on the side.

Harry ignores though and happier now that he sees Louis’ face –even though his eyes are red and Louis notices his are too – he ends up attacking his neck quickly and moving fast his fingers. Louis’ whole face crinkles, while his body scrunches up again, trying to stop Harry’s hands.

“This isn’t fair, I’m tiny and inoffensive.” Louis pouts and says, voice higher than the usual. Harry stops right there to look down at his face in fond, with a smile and shiny eyes showing off. “ _Ugh_ ,” Louis rolls his eyes but doesn’t fight back his smile. “there it is, you’re doing the face.”

“What face?”

Louis’ expression softens with the question and his own hands travel to touch Harry’s. “The face I always wished someone would make while looking at me.” Blue meets green like a wave crashes against a rock. Harry leans over right away to peck Louis’ thin lips on his.

“I love you.” He feels Louis’ heart beating a bit faster with that one. He takes that as a good signal.

“I believe in you.”

And Louis is sure getting there because maybe he didn’t entirely believe Christian loved him and that’s why he says this to Harry.

Harry kisses him again and this time doesn’t think about stopping, ever.

~*~

“I have to go back to Paris.” Louis’ eyes stay fixed at the way Harry’s head is bent down while panting Louis’ nails.

They had walked past a drug store where Harry talked about how he loved when his sister used to paint his nails when they were younger. Louis ended up buying a red polish for him and black for himself, then asking Harry to paint them for him now, after brushing Harry’s locks of hair up in a bun –who always purrs with the touch.

Louis catches the way Harry ends with the brush at the tip of his index’s nail after covering all of it in black tint and stops humming some song that Louis was actually enjoying to listen to. Then he raises his head, not quickly but not slowly either, Louis can clip the surprise in his face with the sound of those words though.

“You what?” Harry asks, just to check, to be sure he heard correctly.

“I have to go back to Paris… in like, a week or so.” Harry drops Louis’ hand, who still carefully places it on his lap not to mess his nails up.

If Harry is screaming on the inside, he doesn’t show it on the outside. “In a week… Oh, such short notice.” However, it doesn’t mean Louis doesn’t get it by the way his voice shakes, his breathing gets unsteady and his green eyes avoid Louis’s blue ones.

“I don’t… I don’t want to leave you here.”

Harry focuses his eyes –like Louis did previously looking at the tips of his small hairs on his forehead –on the waist line from Louis’ boxers, which lays around his bare hips perfectly. He inks the image of a half-naked Louis, sat Indian style on the floor in front of him, getting his nails painted.

“But you… you’re staying there? Is it permanent? You –“

Louis stops Harry from continuing by carefully wrapping his hands around his exposed wrists. The nail polish is still intact. “Nothing in my life is permanent unless I want it to be.” Louis confesses and Harry isn’t sure how he should interiorise that. “But I still have my house there, it was never meant for me to stay here forever, you know? It was just a little change I wanted to try out.”

Harry still doesn’t lock eyes with Louis, instead he burns his gaze on the touch they’re sharing. “I didn’t know about that little detail.” He says quietly.

“I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t something I was sure about.” Louis sighs and squeezes Harry’s wrist. “ _Harry_ , _regarde moi beauté_.” And Harry sure does what said, he looks up at Louis. “I won’t leave you.” Harry nods. “Can you… Do you want to come with me?”

“I can’t leave –“

“Just for now. Like small vacations, how do you feel about that?” Harry studies Louis’ face, he knows he won’t find traces of something that can hurt him, show him that Louis is simply playing around with him, yet he still feels unsure. “I –I have to go either way, _mon beau_. Liam has some jobs there for me and I’ve been delaying it because I just didn’t want to leave yet, didn’t want to have this conversation with you.”

“What if I go with you and then have to come back alone, Louis?” he asks and Louis swears he had never heard such serious tone on Harry. He opens and closes his mouth, thinks really well how to answer at that fragile question.

“I won’t let that happen.” Facing the floor, Harry tries to pull away, Louis almost forgets his fingers sunk around Harry’s wrist. He squeezes tighter his touch and pulls Harry closer, almost stumbling onto his lap. “I said I won’t let that happen. Even if it takes me declining jobs, meaning I can get into a plane next to you. I’m not letting you go, I won’t fucking disappoint you by doing this. That’s why I’m talking about this and asking you to come with me, otherwise I’d just leave this door without a word and you’d never see me again. That’s how important you are to me, this is how much I care for you, I’m willing to drop everything to stay by your side.”

Harry had stopped breathing in the middle of that confession, his other hand making its way to Louis’ wrist, attached to the hand that his holding his, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t hear it and replayed it over and over again in his head before reacting.

“Small vacations, _Harry_. In _Paris_. _Ville de l'amour et des lumières_. I know your sappy heart always dreamt of that.” Louis smiles this time, trying to erase a bit of the tension. Harry licks his lips looking from his blue eyes to his reddish lips.

“Small vacations? The two of us?” Harry asks, still unsure but already lightening up.

“Just me and you.” Louis’ face gets even closer. “We stay at my place, which I’m sure you will love. The view is amazing and I have this balcony where you can stay at drawing. I can’t promise being with you all day, every day since I have meetings with Liam and stuff to do but you won’t even notice I’m gone.”

“I will always notice when you’re gone.”

“I will make up for it every time.” He smiles cheekily, throwing his arms around Harry’s shoulder, locking his hands on the back of his neck. “We will find a way. I promise.”

Harry doesn’t answer at that, he bites his bottom lip and looks down at Louis’. He finds some hesitation on Louis’ body, discretely moving forward and backwards with his head towards Harry’s lips.

“You can kiss me, you know?” Harry assures him, a smile playing on his lips.

“I still don’t know what to do at times like these.” Louis chuckles nervously, staying in the same position –old Louis would pull away… old Louis wouldn’t even feel comfortable to be this close to Harry and touching him this way.

“Please kiss me.” Harry begs breathily, placing his hands on Louis’ tiny waist.

The older guy, however smaller, gulps in dry but shuts his eyes first –Harry watches the usual interesting pattern the shadow from his eyelashes form on his cheek bones, due the artificial light – wets his lips in second and finally leans over, Harry meeting him half way through, not wanting to wait any longer.

Their lips still aren’t used to each other, which it keeps being hard to find the right pass with each other’s movements but maybe they’ve been dragging the practise since they literally don’t care. The feeling of their lips touching is already so freaking good that makes them see the stars in the back of their eyelids. It’s enough so they’ll get there.

Louis always gets too much into it, Harry had realised and _whoa_ isn’t that an amazing surprise?! So Harry stopped doing that little noise in astonishment when suddenly Louis is pushing his hair from the back of his head, ruining his bun and pushing him closer to his face, pressing their lips even tighter. He doesn’t feel surprised when Louis is biting and licking Harry’s bottom, his wet and warm tongue all across it, to make him part his lips to get his tongue inside his mouth. Harry doesn’t feel amazed but it doesn’t stop his heart from beating as fast as it does when he jogs to catch the tube in the last minute.

Also, Harry knows when Louis is about to pull back as well because he slows down the kiss, he gets his touch softer on his hair until isn’t there anymore and his hand makes its way to Harry’s jaw, Louis’ thumb pressing close to the corner of his bottom lip. He gets his lips slightly opened and brushes them along Harry’s from the upper lip to his chin. He pulls away gracefully, taking his time like Harry does when finishes a canvas and steps away to see the final result. His eyelashes flutter looking up at Harry and there it is… Harry’s sun warming him up.

“I will take that as yes...” Louis comments hopefully, giving Harry a sideways smile.

Harry raises his hand to rest it on Louis’ cheek, pushing a bit of his hair away from his ear and glares at him with his head tilted. “I wouldn’t stand being away from you at this point, especially when you’re going back there and I don’t know when you’re returning.”

“I’m coming back with you, _Harry_.” Louis leans his cheek to the touch.

Harry nods and leans forward pecking Louis’ thin lips quickly, not giving him time to return it. “Now, I’m sure I have to get the acetone,” he pulls his hand away and gets Louis’, raising it and putting his nails in front of his face. “look at this mess, Louis. I can’t believe it. I probably have it on my hair as well.” He says hastily dropping Louis’ hand and feeling dirt and dry spots on the back of his locks.

Laughing but rolling his eyes, Louis stands up. “I will take care of that you fucking dildo. And I will make sure to get a towel and plenty of cotton disks because if you really want me to paint yours well, get ready because the queen is going to make a mess.”

“So you’re the queen now?” Harry asks, grinning and looking up, watching Louis walk past him.

“I’m the queen, king, prince charming, fucking horseman if it needs.”

“What about me?” Louis stops meeting Harry looking from the back of his shoulder with an expectant smile.

“The troll that invades the kingdom.” Louis wavers between finishing his sentence right there and walking back at Harry for a moment. He goes for the last one, bending over a little and placing his hand on the top of Harry’s head. “A special and pretty one that falls in love with the prince and makes him open his eyes to turn his kingdom a better place to live.” He whispers, leaning over and his intension was never kissing Harry so he stays on brushing, just _touching_ his lips on Harry’s for a quick moment before walking away.

There’s a metaphor somewhere in those words that Harry thinks about wanting to paint, challenging himself in the fantasy theme, before Louis comes back with everything he said previously plus bobby pins: _Harry I won’t be able to do your hair over and over again while my nails are drying but I still want to kiss you._

It doesn’t make sense.

Nothing has been doing since Louis came into Harry’s life.

He doesn’t complain about it like he used to.

~*~

Louis is sleeping next to him, on the window side, confessing it’s his favourite spot. He wasn’t able to sleep much during the night, too excited to pack Harry’s baggage and then rambling about how packing should be properly done while doing his own, back at his place. Louis packed a lot. Like. A lot of stuff, probably everything he had on his closet and on his bathroom. He is bringing a big suitcase and a smaller one by his side during the flight. Harry doesn’t know how to see that. Maybe it’s just the type of person Louis is.

Harry trusts him though. Especially when he thinks about the fact Louis left his lavender sweater there. That’s a promise. That’s how Louis is silently assuring Harry that he is coming back to get it. Is the only way besides words he has to show Harry that he doesn’t have to be worried.

Harry also thinks about the ice cream parlour close to the restaurant he works at that Louis loves so much, that he said, quoting, _I’ve only ate ice creams like these in Italy but I still like this place better because it doesn’t smell like sewage. I want to keep coming here until I’m old._ So, Louis isn’t old yet. He has to come back.

There’s also Harry’s flat that Louis confessed liking it better than his own. Harry still didn’t have the courage to completely suggest Louis to move out because it’s too soon, he knows Louis isn’t ready… But Harry wants to reach that time. So Louis has to come back.

And there’s Harry in general as well, of course. So Louis has to fucking come back.

He only realise he has been tense all this time when Liam, next to his side, hands him a cup of warm tea.

“Anxious for the flight? It’s not too long until we land really.” Liam comments with his thick French accent. It was a bit hard for Harry to get used to it and understand some words.

“Erm, no I –“ he sighs. “It’s the first time I actually am on a plane.” He lies. Not about being his first time but the actual reason why he is nervous.

“Not the travel type?”

“I try to save my money for other things.” He drinks from the white cup, first only wetting his lips to check the temperature and then taking a sip. Liam forgot the sugar.

“He bought your _ticket_ didn’t he?” Liam asks, using his head to point at the sleepy Louis with his temple almost falling upon Harry’s shoulder.

“I wouldn’t let him if I knew.” Liam chuckles a little at that.

Liam is very charming, smells like expensive cologne, dresses warm coloured suits all the time, no matter how the weather is apparently and his teeth are too white to be only due the tooth paste. His image and tough voice don’t portrait the real person he actually is. Harry’s proper first impression –since this is technically the first time he actually gets to be with Liam in a calm environment –was that he is very warm hearted. He genuinely laughs at Harry’s jokes and it might be to act polite but he hides that very well. His hands are always warm as well and Harry knows that because he is very touchy. He protectively touches Harry in the arm, shoulder or back all the time and it seems like he got that habit from dealing with Louis.

“He wouldn’t let you pay for it anyway.” He confirms softly yet seriously. Harry doesn’t ask why he is so sure of it. “But don’t think he is trying to buy your company. Or anything for that matter, when he spends his money with you.” Harry shakes his head, he would never think of that. He wouldn’t even let that point reach. “Accept his help when it comes to the way then.” Harry furrows his eyebrows. “He tells me how worried sometimes he is because of you.”

“What is there to worry about me?” He laughs it off though, the thought of Louis talking about him at his friend makes him feel some type of way. He wonders how much Liam knows, how comfortable Louis feels with him and for how long. It took so long for Louis to start opening up with Harry but he has Liam next to him, the person Louis didn’t hesitate in trusting on. He must be some type of Greek God.

“He told me how you two once had a conversation about money.” _Oh_. “I’m sorry if you feel like I’m intruding in your personal life or –“

“No. Not a problem.” Harry assures him, placing his hand on Liam’s shoulder sending the type of comfort Liam’s touch offers him. “I’ve noticed Louis talks a lot with you. I know who you are, what you did for him,” Liam nods. He knows a lot then. “and I appreciate every single thing. Especially how present in his life you are.” Liam smiles warmly, both keeping their voices low. “I think it’s good that not only Louis and I know about these things.”

“ _D'accord_.” He does a small pause. “He doesn’t like the fact that you work so hard, so many hours just to pay your rent and your food. He doesn’t like to see you stressed over numbers and your savings. He told me about your parents,” He says carefully and Harry nods. “and how during that time it was a struggle for you and your sister. He doesn’t want you feeling the way you felt when you were a teenager when you’re an adult now, working for your own living.”

“But it’s life isn’t it, Liam?” Harry laughs a little. It doesn’t bother him. Everything revolving money, he still doesn’t have problems with it. It lets him do something extravagant once a month, which mainly includes spending on art supplies. But he is still okay. He doesn’t feel too tight.

“Yes it is but it’s hard when it stops you from seeing your sister for example.” Harry’s heart tightens in his chest and Liam notices his reaction. “That’s exactly the look Louis can’t stand.” Liam points out. “He doesn’t know how that type of life is.” Harry nods once again, just to make Liam sure that this conversation is still okay. “In terms of materialistic things he always had everything. He owns two houses, he wears the best brands, he always made a lot of money. So he doesn’t know how it is to live without those things so his eyes trick him, you know what I mean?”

“Yes.” Harry speaks instead of just nodding this time.

“So he looks up for other things. He doesn’t do it on purpose.” Harry doesn’t know where this conversation is going, if _it is_ going somewhere but he realises talking with Liam is a bit like talking with Louis. Everything flows easily and he feels good. “The way he deals with things sometimes… he doesn’t do it on purpose. He only wants your best.” Liam grins looking at Harry, who chuckles because Liam grins a lot, like full teeth, wide mouth and crinkled eyes, always. There’s no small smile on Liam’s face ever, apparently. “So he does what he can.”

“I know. I appreciate everything.”

“I know you do.” Is Liam’s turn to nod. “It took him a while but… he got there.” Liam’s brown eyes are soft upon Louis. “And you deal so well with him, _Harry_.” He still prefers the way Louis says his name but the way Liam does, it touches his heart as well. “You might think I do, but I don’t. At least, not as well as I should. Since the beginning I was freaking out, thinking too much about how I should help him, what should be the right thing to do that everything got mixed in here.” He points at his head. “And here.” And then at his heart. “But I’m glad you know exactly what the right thing is. That’s why I also appreciate your help.” He grins again, Harry answering the same way. “I feel like you won’t give up and that’s what Louis needs. People who don’t give up on him and see him as a person. Like you do.” There’s a pause. “Just a random thing but the French don’t easily fall in love they _voir un coeur d’artichaut_. They have the heart of an artichoke,” he translates. “Ask Louis if he does. But keep in mind that he is not French. He hides himself behind that persona. Louis is himself with you, so the real one will answer you.”

Harry can’t say anything else after that. Liam gets it and asks if he can teach him playing cards. Harry likes him already.

~*~

Louis has a pool. Louis didn’t tell Harry that he had a freaking pool. So of course Harry spent the whole day there. His skin already has a glow and colour from the sun, the mark of his – Louis’ – swim shorts already visible if he pushes it up a little from his thigh. His skin is also a bit crinkled from how many time he had spent in the water and his hair is curlier than the usual by drying out naturally.

He hasn’t seen any other place from the house besides the first floor and the garden, which is already bigger than Louis’ flat back in London. Obviously the garden catching the most his attention and maybe it’s because it’s not as big as the house itself would make it be. It has the perfect size to fit the big, circular pool, an area for the sun loungers and then the green spaces. 

Harry feels like a prince in his mind but also a bit lonely. Maybe it’s part of it.

When they arrived Liam and Louis had to leave right away letting the house to be explored by himself –he didn’t adventured himself that much like it’s seen. Later on Harry finds some money on the balcony from the kitchen and a note from Louis saying _feed yourself there’s a nice pastry right in the corner that I’m sure you will love. Find the girl with short black hair, she speaks English_.  Which was… very nice. The note was very, very nice. Now dealing with the euros were quite harder and he ended up humiliating himself a little, but bringing giggles to the girl Louis said so.

Apart from feeling lonely he feels cosy and not at all bored, while enjoying himself in the water and if out, with his sketch book. He decides it’s a good day to just take it for himself and well, make Niall and Zayn jealous with the pictures he sends them by snapchat – Harry had the app for so long and it’s the first time he got to use it.

 _Can’t wait to find a boyfriend to spoil me as well_ , Niall sends, basically drawing half of the sentence along with a picture of himself with his head and arm back and mouth opened. It’s a weird thing of him. At the same time Zayn sends, _boyfriend material_ with a picture of himself winking. Harry sends a picture of him as reaction to their snaps, drinking from his glass of cold tea.

He doesn’t say anything else.

Mainly because he falls asleep, the tiredness of the fly finally taking over him. He wakes up around five in the afternoon, feeling relief that the shadow from the big tree close to him covered most of his bare body, not having to deal with a sunburn.

_5:06pm miss you :(_

_5:06pm also miss your ass_

_5:06pm and your voice_

He knows that the answer won’t come quickly, if Louis really ends up answering but he still stands up and places the phone on the floor close to the pool before jumping into the water again –he is sure Louis has some kind of maid or gardener that keeps these things clean and the house in order and looking like it has been inhabited.

The contrast of the warmth of his body with the coldness of the water feels good on his bones. He stays under water for as long as his lungs let him and then swims to the edge of the pool to rest his back on the wall, feeling the jet of the water close to his arse. He sighs, shutting his eyes and thinking that he really, really wants Louis next to him.

With wet hands he texts him again.

_5:15m is it weird that I’m feeling horny because of the jet of your pool?_

_5:15pm or maybe I just really, really want you here_

_5:15pm my hands haven’t been on your body since last night._

_5:15pm that was a full point meant to be rude_

He sighs again, he is living in a soap opera.

After some minutes feeling the sun warming up his wet face again and slowly drying out his hair at the top he gets out of the pool using the strength of his arms, causing the muscles from his back to get more salient and prominent.

He’d take a shower but he might want to go for another swim later and perhaps with Louis joining. He decides to take his sketchbook with him, after drying out most of his body with his – again, Louis’ – towel that he so struggled to find out in this massive house.

He finally decides to go upstairs, grabbing his and most of Louis’ bags and walks to what it seems to be Louis’ room. It’s similar with the one from London although the furniture is more sophisticated and there’s a bit more colour besides black and white. His eyes catch the balcony Louis had mentioned to him and Louis… Louis knows him too well by now. Knows what inspires him, what Harry loves to actually _see_ with his own eyes, knows what will please him and make him feel warm, cosy and with that belonging and home feeling. Besides the fact that the small balcony is actually so well decorated and pretty, with the tiny vases with flowers and green plants –another reason why Harry is sure someone comes to take care of the house once a week at least – and with the amazingly, detailed, dark handrail the view is astonishing. He can see the Eiffel Tower not too far away, some rooftop in front of it, birds flying in the warm coloured sky, buildings with that so unique and familiar architecture from the city… it reminds Harry his own window back at London. He loves the urban landscape, he loves the noises, the polluted air has trapped him into the beauty that obscures its darkness.

He spends the rest of the time sketching, sat on the dark green, metallic chair with the matching table until Louis’ swim shorts seem to be half dry. It feels pretty uncomfortable on his butt and his chest is cold by now so he gets inside, grabs a tank top from his suitcase and goes back downstairs reminding himself that he left his phone by the pool.

He has fifteen messages when he unlocks it. His heart skips a beat and that’s Tomlinson’s power over him, after months of texting over and over again it still makes Harry feel this way.

**_5:37pm you’re such a cute cinnamon roll_ **

**_5:37pm I will stop by the market first, I have no food in the fridge and I’m sure you will want to cook us something tasty_ **

**_5:52pm I’m going to buy the ingredients to cook hachis parmentier, if you don’t know what that is GOOGLE IT RIGHT NOW AND CHECK THE RECIPE_ **

**_5:52pm Liam likes to call it deux tranches de paradis_ **

**_5:52pm translation for your dumb arse: two layers of heaven_ **

**_5:52pm it’s easy to do DO NOT WORRY_ **

**_5:52pm I will help you…… of course …… ;)_ **

**_5:53pm really I just want to hear you moaning over how tasty it is_ **

**_5:53pm a red wine goes well along it_ **

**_5:55pm does alsatian pinot noir sounds good to you?_ **

**_5:55pm you don’t answer me and this annoying man next to the beers are scaring me trying to check what I’m typing_ **

**_5:55pm no manners around here_ **

**_6:01pm daily reminder: I hate doing the groceries alone now_ **

**_6:01pm your fault._ **

**_6:01pm you do not deserve the surprise I’ve ready for your_ **

_6:02pm HIIIIIII_

_6:02pm IM HERE HELLO CUTIE PIE I MISS U_

**_6:02pm oh look who decided to give me attention_ **

**_6:02pm it’s been 84 years………….._ **

_6:02pm yeah yeah I’ve been in this huge ass house alone the whole afternoon_

_6:02pm we type the word ass a lot I’ve noticed_

_6:02pm story of my gay life_

_6:02pm anyway you said surprise………._

_6:02pm am I smelling sexy lace panties………._

**_6:07pm HARRY STYLES U PERVERT KINKY MOTHERFUCKER_ **

**_6:07pm (I can spot a cute store close to where I am and I can carefully check some red ones this time) (just saying)_ **

**_6:07pm OF COURSE NOT I SURE AM NOT THAT TYPE OF PERSON_ **

**_6:07pm CAN U STOP JUDGING ME THIS WAY JESUS_ **

**_6:07pm it’s other type of surprise because I’m an innocent, virgin saint_ **

_6:08pm amen_

**_6:08pm okay start learning the freaking recipe I’m home in twenty_ **

_6:07pm twenty minutes to choose a lingerie lewis, jesus christ what are you? A woman?_

**_6:07pm a hot sexy woman that will later fuck you good and hard_ **

_6:07pm innocent, virgin saint…._

_~*~_

Harry feels some hands close to his temples, gently making their way to his ear to take off his earphone. The touch awakes him from the small trance he had created while reading through the letters on the bright screen.

He quickly takes them off completely, putting his phone on his side turning his head to the side to see Louis walking around the island – where Harry is shamelessly sat on, legs swaying in the air – following him with his eyes. His lips automatically twist into a smile, Louis mimicking his action while resting his hand on Harry’s thigh in an electrifying way. He places himself between them, Harry needing to look down to meet Louis’ eyes, no word shared yet. The breeze from the evening hits the side of their body, from the door that goes to the backyard. The lights turn on progressively at the same time it gets darker.

“Honey, I’m home.” Louis breaks the silence, voice low but still with a trace of amusement.

Harry grins, hands travelling to the back of the blue eyed guy, fingers stroking the small locks of hair there. He pushes Louis’ head forward crashing their lips in one motion. Since the moment Louis told him he could kiss him whenever he felt like to, he can’t stop. He is addictive to the way the different shape of each other’s lips fit so well and seem to beg for more and more contact. He feels proud of the colour and shine he leaves on the older guy’s mouth. He loves how he tastes, loves the connection he feels with their bodies this close. It’s like a ritual performance but not in the way that is perfunctory, always the same, but in the way that is so carefully and perfectly done.

Harry’s hand alights on Louis’ face, moving down past his collar bone. Harry’s brain is on fire only with a few delicate touches of Louis’ warm lips, so when his mouth drops to Harry’s neck, his resistance crumbles. His hands start doing his bidding, his head swims, previous thoughts stop in their track. Louis is an angel, an angel with fingertips of flame and that’s the best description Harry had come up with.

“Can we skip dinner so I can eat you out on the counter for an hour?” Louis asks, slowly pulling away but his hands stay on the side of Harry’s thigs. Harry laughs lightly pushing Louis closer to him, by his slim waist.

“I feel tempted but I have only seen you having breakfast today, darling.” Harry points out, voice a bit serious.

“I had lunch with Liam, when we arrived at his place.” Louis sinks his thumb on Harry’s skin. “But you’re right, I bought such good wine, it would be a waste.” He smiles and Harry knows Louis wants to kiss him again but he still doesn’t make the move.

“You went to Liam’s place?” Harry asks instead of doing it himself.

“Yeah, we spent most of the time there, talking about business.”

“Business?” Harry raises his eyebrow and Louis sighs, that type of sigh Harry is too familiar with. He won’t talk about it. Too many questions.

“Boring stuff. I will tell you later.” He smiles. Interesting.

“Okay…” Louis pulls away and Harry feels cold again, his bare legs not only feeling the cool furniture but also the breeze from outside. He decides to jump out of the counter, stepping out in front of Louis. “Open the wine while I start dinner, all right?” He points at the plastic bags behind them.

Louis looks at him for a minute, knowing that Harry didn’t feel that please with his previous answer but is still making that usual effort.

“How was your day though?” So Louis decides to ask, doing what Harry suggested so.

“It was all right, pretty relaxing.” Harry gets the recipe he found on his phone and starts finding the ingredients from the groceries Louis brought. “I was at the pool most of the time. Draw a lot as well. You were right, the balcony is amazing.” Harry doesn’t really look back at Louis, who still only has the bottle of wine in his hand, hips leant against the counter with a drawer open next to him.

“You look tanned already.” He drags the words, voice almost breathless.

“It’s really easy for my skin to get colour after some hours in the sun. Especially if I’m always under water.” He answers, starting by cutting the vegetables to a pan where he runs the water.

“My swim shorts look good on you. You can have them.”

“Louis, they are too short and tight.” He finally gives a glance at the smaller guy, both with smirks on their faces now.

“Exactly.” Louis literally winks and turns his back around, to finally open the wine.

Harry shakes his head, yet the same smirk plays on his face, going back on focusing on the food. Five minutes later he stops listening to the noise Louis does with the glasses and probably plates to set the table, and feels those radiant hands on his body once again.

“Do you need any help here?” Louis whispers close to the back of his ear, just a little bit closer and Harry can feel his lips there. His hands are grabbing Harry’s bum cheeks, his groin pretty closed to them as well.

“I’m sure you’d only distract me.” Harry tries to sound confident but he obviously fails.

“All right then.” Louis instantly pulls back and Harry wants to cry. “Guess I will just take this uncomfortable underwear.”

“What?” Harry turns around automatically looking at how Louis swings his hips to each side while walking to the door.

“Nothing, _Harry Styles_ , don’t feel like I’m distracting you with this information.”

~*~

Louis made sure to make Harry know that his _Hachis Parmentier_ is the best he ever tried – Harry is sure he only tried once but that time was Liam’s recipe, which is apparently is speciality (aka only dish he can actually cook). The wine was an excellent choice and Harry wouldn’t mind having another bottle but Louis didn’t even let him finish the one they have saying that he wants him as sober as possible –it’s not a bad thing, at all. Harry sure doesn’t need a bit more alcohol to feel looser around Louis by now.

“These kind of dinners always make me feel like this is a date.” Louis confesses, placing the fine glass on the side of his plate, looking deadly in the eyes at Harry.

Harry stops a little bit there just appreciating the kind gesture the earth gave to him that is having Louis Tomlinson looking at him so fondly, in front of him, at the table.

“I mean, I don’t know what a date really feels like but I’m pretty sure it’d feel like this. Even if we always eat at home. I’d rather have you cooking for me than other people doing it and serving me at a table where everyone is around us making noise.”

Louis never went on a date. No one ever picked Louis up from home, with flowers, nicely dressed to take him out, showing him places and hold his hand until it was too late to be outside. Harry doesn’t think they need that but it’d be nice if Louis experienced that in his life.

“This can be a date if you want.” Where he is wearing swim shorts and a tank top while Louis looks like he is coming out from a perfume advert.

“It’s a really nice date then.” Louis shuts his eyes, long lashes making their pretty dance on his cheekbones. “But does it mean that I can consider the days we spend in bed a date too?” Harry chuckles but nods anyway. Honestly anything for Louis, anything to make him smile that way and look so happy. “Oh, or when I took you to that small garden at my place? Or that day you showed me London.” He says too excited even, Harry goes with his hand across the table to hold Louis’.

“Yes love. Everything you want.”

Louis sighs dramatically, intertwining his fingers with Harry’s and then sinking his chin on the palm of his hand, elbow on the table –fuck the manners, he looks adorably cute with eyes sparkling and lips red and wet.

“You got me feeling used to these sappy stuff. I like it a lot.”

“The ice from your heart melted.”

“Okay, I take it back.” Louis untangles their fingers, throwing his hands up. Harry laughs hysterically, head thrown back after already expecting this kind of reaction. “You’re not a poet _Harry_. You just paint art, nothing else.”

“Okay, okay, I apologise to open my horizons.”

“No, don’t do it.” Louis shakes his head and there’s a pause. A pause Harry wasn’t really expecting.

He sees Louis biting the side of his bottom lip, trying to peel off the skin there. Harry frowns with that, he has been learning to read Louis a bit better. He likes the fact he has control over that, he doesn’t read him too much, giving him his space and respect that he thinks both need. He couldn’t anyway. However he can read him in a useful way. He now knows when Louis is worried, when he is upset, when he wants a kiss, when he needs space and when he wants Harry to say something.

Right now he wants silence and he is having a monologue with himself in his head. Harry still can’t decipher when it’s a bad or good moment.

He gulps, plays with the steam of his glass and Louis might have been improving on reading Harry as well. “How about we go outside for a little?” Louis suggests, Harry catching the honest smile on his face, which he nods as an answer.

They both stand up from the chair, knowing that the mess on the table will be forgotten. The lights are all completely on now, most of them on the ground and close to the bushes. The ones from the pool create exquisite flashes, some of them meeting in the middle. It smells like magnolias even though Harry knows it’s not the time of them and the trees by their side is only filled with the big leafs.

By the corner of his eyes, Harry catches Louis taking off his black, oxford shoes and rolling up his tight jeans around his ankles, the best he can. Harry is still barefoot so he only follows Louis towards the pool. Harry knows Louis didn’t end up taking the panties off – he wonders if they’re really red but they’re keeping that subject for later apparently– and that is proven by the way he fixes his jeans on his groin area before placing his feet on the first stair, the water covering most of them and then sitting by the edge, his arms wrapping around his shins.

Louis rests his cheek on his knees, facing Harry and he is… he is smiling, full grin right there looking at Harry as if he has a bowl of stars in his hands, sparkling and looking like galaxies right there to give Louis. He doesn’t have, he wished though because that’s what Louis’ smile makes him be able to have.

“Are you all right, gorgeous?” Harry asks, chuckling in fond and not fully in himself since that moment Louis said that thing about their dinner being a date. It’s not a new thing because everything with Louis ends up not having sense but that doesn’t mean Harry doesn’t like it. Harry fucking loves every moment of it that he feels strange but alive.

“I am.” Louis simply answers, the stars are in his eyes. No really, they literally are, Harry can see the reflexion of them. Or maybe it’s just the light – probably (definitely) –but it doesn’t matter. “You’re so talented.” Harry smiles bigger in a grateful way even though that comes out of nowhere. “Are you conscious of the things you draw and paint that are saved on your atelier? They’re just there. It’s a waste.”

“Well, that’s why I have you.”

There’s days Harry leaves for work and Louis spends the whole time alone on his atelier, with his little notebook, with Harry’s old record player always playing something different –Louis had been purchasing a lot of music to listen on it, at Harry’s – and he looks so pacific and attentive that Harry feels so inspired when comes back. He loves how Louis looks at art not only with his eyes but with his soul and heart. He touches it with his fingertips so carefully, afraid to break it that it had become a privilege for Harry to have Louis admiring it.

He used to have canvas pilled at the corner of the room but now they’re on display not only on the floor but also on the wall since Louis made sure to spend a whole day working on it with him.

There’s things like this that make Harry love him.

“It’s not enough, _Harry_.” His smile doesn’t disappear. “You’re aware of how good you are, right?” Harry sucks his lip, not answering. “It’s okay to say yes. It’s okay to recognise our talents, it doesn’t make you cocky nor arrogant. Makes you self-conscious and it’s good for your self-esteem.”

“I –Yes.” Harry nods, it’s the first time he is admitting this, it’s the first time he actually says it and believes it, otherwise the times he thinks about it in his head.

“I want to start giving you the universe.” Louis admits, raising his head and taking his hands behind his back, on the floor, arcing a bit his spine to look up at the dark sky. “I want you to have your own gallery. And I know you want that too, for yourself. You deserve it.” Louis looks back at Harry and smiles again. “Liam wants you in his. You can have your own exhibition. Baby steps, right?”

Harry’s life literally flashes across his eyes. There’s a spark and every disappointment and sadness appears in front of him… it suddenly disappears and his lungs are filled with air that seems more like flowers.

Life is a random string of beads; a chaotic sequence of sparkling, dull, ostentatious and revolting. Each one is linked to the next by the string, by time, but cannot predict what comes next. The mind must take what it is given and make the best of it, never loosing hope that more beauty will come.

Beauty has come to Harry.

Beauty is in front of him and it shines. It has eyes in the colour of the ocean… or the sky, each one is not less beautiful than the other. But it’s there, _he_ is there and it brings Harry’s heart beat steadiness, quietness to his soul and calmness to his thoughts that before he had come they didn’t see the light.

“Lou…”

 _Accept his help when it comes to the way then_.

“Surprise!” Louis throws his arms up, shaking his hands and with the biggest grin Harry had ever seen, he is not exaggerating it’s the best one yet.

“Fuck, Lou…” Harry can’t move, can’t change his face expression, he can’t even breathe. He forgot, he doesn’t know how that process is done.

“Breathe, my love.” Louis chuckles standing up –and Harry can only move his head to look up and follow his body with his eyes – only to sit above Harry’s legs, his feet on the side, next to Harry’s. “I know,” he brings his hands to Harry’s temples, tucking his long pieces of hair behind his ears. “it’s going to be great.” He brushes his thumbs across Harry cheekbones, the curly haired lad still looking at him astonished, eyes wide open. “You deserve something big like this.”

“Lou,” Louis chuckles due the third time listening to him saying his name that way, almost like a sigh. “Louis I want to cry. I might start crying.” Louis shakes his head and joins their foreheads together, the tip of their noses nearly touching.

“I’m gonna kiss you now.” Harry simply nods, seeing the way Louis shuts his eyes first before attaching their lips.

He is in no rush, starting off by slowly and softly moving their mouths together in                              coordination. When Louis’ head tilts to the right Harry’s stays still and when it’s his turn to tilt to the left Louis helps by sucking on his lip. His hands are all over Harry’s face, just squeezing his cheeks and pulling their faces closer and closer.

Harry is still in shock, his hands are kept on the side of his body while trying hard not to cry with the passionate way Louis is kissing him after telling him those news.

Louis parts his lips, trading his tongue along Harry’s upper and bottom lip, in a way of permission to slip his tongue in. Harry opens his mouth then, waking up for the moment, tightly shutting his eyes when feels Louis licking the inside of his mouth and wet tongue. Harry hums with the way he sucks on it afterwards and finally finds a way to move his hands to Louis’ spine, close to his bottom and pushing his body against his.

Louis lets out a noise in surprise but smiles between the kiss, curling Harry’s hair around his fingers and going with the flow when presses his chest on Harry’s, lifting his bum a little. Harry feels tempted right there, sliding down his hands to grab Louis’ arse cheeks on both his big hands.

“ _Ah_ ,” Louis breathes out and Harry knows the effect his hands on his arse make on Louis. “Again.” He pleads and Harry realises this is not a soft kiss anymore, they’d stepped the second and third level and are already shooting the scale.

Harry obeys by squeezing his cheeks again, his hands perfectly cupping them, noticing how easy – too easy even – is to feel the flesh underneath Louis’ jeans. With that one movement Louis’ thrusts his hips forward consequently brushing his groin on Harry’s belly, having to tilt down his neck not to separate his lips with Harry’s.

“Thank you.” Harry manages to whispers, their teeth crashing –this is by far their best kiss, they’ve never hold on this long without it getting messy. “Thank you so much. I love you. I love you, Louis –“

Louis crashes their lips together harshly, swallowing Harry’s words. He tugs on his chocolate curls again in a way of saying you’re welcome at the same time Harry knows it’s his method to tell him not to thank him, he doesn’t need to.

“Ready for the other surprise?” Louis asks, licking Harry’s half parted mouth. His blue eyes are opened and he brushes his fingertips on the helix of Harry’s ear to make him open his too. When Harry’s green ones meet his, his smirk gets cheekier and he flutters his lashes down at him. Harry bites his lip obscenely and gropes Louis ass one more time as an answer. “I want to give you a lap dance.”

“Fuck,” Harry is close to rolling his eyes to the back of his head in pleasure just with the thought of it.

Then Louis is leaving his lap and he wants to scream. He tries to grab him back by his thighs when he stands up, literally pouting but Louis makes a gesture for him to stay and wait. His feet leave the water and he walks back inside. Harry looks behind his shoulder seeing the way Louis can still walk seductively.

He knew he was screwed right in the moment Louis walked in in his class with that fucking white robe.

He nervously taps his fingers above his knees, curls his toes under water, suddenly feeling so hot that jumping into the pool would be the best idea ever. He stays still though, patiently waiting for Louis to come back, his lip already bleeding a little by how he nibbles at the same place. Who is he kidding? he isn’t patiently waiting for Louis, he is right the opposite. His own hands touch his neck, craving Louis’ touch instead, he shuts his eyes and thinks about Louis’ lips all over his body instead of the fabric of his clothes and he breathes in hoping to smell Louis’ sense instead of the chlorine from the water.

“Don’t look back.” He hears Louis’ voice from behind after what seems to be ages.

Harry knows better than anyone else if he wants this to be good, to be worth it, he has to follow Louis’ rules –which he loves by the way.

It’s hard not to look back but he shuts his fists, nails sinking on his palm and holds on. Music starts playing, probably from Louis’ phone and Harry recognises the beginning of the song. Louis has been obsessed with that guy’s album but Harry can’t quite put a finger on the name of it now, mind too overwhelmed to think about it.

It might be because the song starts slowly but Harry still doesn’t feel Louis presence. He might be close but he has to feel him.

Everything turns black then. Harry feels a soft fabric covering his eyes and he probably deserves more than feeling Louis’ fingertips on his forehead.

“Louis!” he protests, whining like a kid throwing a tantrum.

“Be quiet.” Louis whispers from behind right when the song hits the lyrics: _I see swimming pools and living rooms and aeroplanes_. He feels his presence then on the side, hears the sound of the water and soon has Louis’ hands on both his knees.

He sucks on his lip, it’s thrilling to think about how Louis looks like in front of him. Especially in the moonlight and _fuck_ , next to the lights from the pool. He probably –definitely –looks gorgeous and Harry can’t fucking see it.

Louis’ small hands brush his bare thighs up and down, causing Harry’s breathe to be caught on his throat. His fingertips are harsh on his skin, still pleasant though. _More than pleasant_ , especially when he feels them slightly touching his semi under his shorts.   

He gets the chills on the hairs from his arms and through his spine, gulping in dry. Louis’ hands go to the end of Harry’s tank top and by the way Harry senses him getting a grip on the fabric, a small breeze coming through his hips, he knows Louis is going to undress him.

“Hands up.” Harry does it immediately, _too hot, too hot_. Then he is without his shirt. Louis lips are attached to his collarbone and a hitch of pain flows through his body when Louis sucks a spot, biting afterwards. “Mine.” Harry is sure it wasn’t meant to be heard but being blindfolded improves his others four senses. So Harry reacts to that, producing some kind of sound and raising his hands to find Louis.

Obviously Louis stops him. “I will guide to where to touch me when we reach the time.” Louis explains, voice close to his lips and his hands gripping Harry’s wrists. Harry agrees but is really paining him.

Louis is sitting on his lap then and _oh_ , Harry feels _the_ minimum of _the_ lace fabric. He would never forget how it felt like from the last time.

 _Don’t give a fuck, not giving up, I still want it all_ , the song continues and that’s the moment Louis finally moves. His hands grip Harry’s shoulders in some kind of support, Harry’s feels the warmth of their chests so close and Louis thrusts his hips right there. Not only once, nor twice but constantly. His little legs move his body perfectly and Harry can feel his strong thighs resting over his. There’s something else there, something that Harry can’t really tell what it is but he doesn’t over analyse for now.

He wants his hands on Louis’ body, on his waist helping him to move in circles, as if he is… fuck as if he riding him slowly and deeply. His ass hovers Harry’s obvious bulge teasing the shit out of him. It’s fucking hot, it’s not like dry humping, it’s not like Louis is trying some friction against Harry. It’s Louis doing that for him, moving so flawlessly along the song, getting the right angle so his cock from under his shorts slides through his arse crack, it’s his fingers sinking on his shoulder blades probably leaving mark.

“Louis… you are amazing…” Harry moans and Louis doesn’t stop and it gets worse – better, more like –after breathing out those words Harry feels Louis’ warm mouth around his right nipple, his tongue getting it hard and wet. “Fuck,” his voice gets higher, which is definitely not normal for someone with such husky one as Harry has.

“Do you like it, baby?”

“Oh my god,” Harry moans again, Louis has the best coordination, he is capable to do so many things at the same time, running pleasure through Harry’s veins.

The songs ends but it starts a new one right away. Harry definitely knows that one, he had heard it on replay the whole day but at the moment he doesn’t recognise it.

Louis hums, showing how much he is actually enjoying sucking on Harry’s nipple. Harry’s fingers turn white next to his body and he arcs his spine a bit, his head falling back. It’s literally an invitation for Louis to mark his right on his Adam’s apple.

“You should see yourself right now.” Louis teases, his hips moving a bit faster and Harry thanks to the music. “All flushed just with me on top of you. Rocking my hips for you.” He drags the movement slowly forward, their bare chest touch. Louis is definitely shirtless. “All marked and so pretty.” He leans over to lick Harry’s half parted mouth, Harry following forward when Louis tries to pull back and crashing their lips together.

Louis loses a bit the movement of his hips while Harry kisses him deeply but is quick to recover when forces himself to pull away right when Harry hears the female voice singing _all we do is think about the feelings that we hide_. Louis might still hide on his chest so much, so much he hasn’t said to him but Harry doesn’t feel concerned about it.

To replace his lips he taps Harry’s with two fingers and he instantly sucks on them, spreading his tongue along his fingers and obscenely bobbing his head back and forth.

After a little while, Louis grabs Harry’s hands, hope exploding with his insides, and places them on his waist. “Ready?” Louis asks, Harry’s fingers instantly grip his small waist, humming as an answer. Louis leads his hands down and Harry feels the harsh, lace fabric. It’s thin and small and when he is about to react at it, with hips slowing down a bit and moving in circles again Louis gets Harry’s hands even lower, running them through his thighs.

Harry feels something else and he fucking knows it right away. Louis Tomlinson is not only wearing panties but is also in thigh highs and garters.

“Louis? Fuck, are you...? Oh my god, oh my god...” He hears Louis softly laughing at that and he squeezes his thighs in his hands not wasting time on grabbing him and rutting against his ass at his own pass. He forgets about the music, he only hears Louis heavy breathing, who completely gave himself to Harry. “Fuck, you must look so good. You’re so good to me.” His voice is weak, he is turned on, feeling the wet of the pre come on his tight shorts but Louis is brushing his ass over and over again, pleasuring him in all the ways possible.

He pushes Louis’ body against him the best and most he can, just with the strength he has, by his thighs. He blindly tries to find Louis’ ear, his lips brushing on his cheek all the way till there.

“I want to see you. Let me see you baby.”

“ _Harry_!” Louis whimpers, holding himself now on Harry’s hair, helping with the thrusts. “Yes, okay. You deserve it, you deserve it _mon chéri_.” He grabs onto the knot he did with Harry’s scarf on the back of his head, working it up to take it off while saying –more like moaning when Harry parts his butt cheeks, slipping his hard on between them. “You deserve the world”

Harry sees Louis’ blue eyes right away and both don’t care when the scarf is thrown away at the water, floating close to them.

“Look at you,” Harry gasps and he is only looking at Louis’ face. They both slow down, breathless and Harry takes that opportunity to look down and catch a glimpse of the red panties and black thigh highs and garters. “Jesus Christ, Louis, look at you.” He repeats, he is going to have a stroke if he doesn’t breathe.

Louis is giggling, he is fucking giggling, Louis acts nowhere near to the top he is being right now. His hands are locked behind Harry, around his neck and he doesn’t take his eyes off of him.

“Kiss me.” Louis pleads and Harry doesn’t think twice before kissing those red and thin lips, hands all over Louis’ legs and arse. It’s desperate, full of lust, it’s wet, their moans meet between their tongues and send vibration along their throats.

“I want to eat you out.” Harry stops the kiss but that doesn’t mean he will stop touching his lips with Louis’. “Ride my face on this floor if you need to but I want to have my mouth on you. Wreck you with my tongue until my jaw hurts.”

Louis groans and pushes Harry’s hair at the same time he throws his head back. “Fuck, _Harry_ , you can’t say things like this without warning me.” He sucks another mark on his throat. “Otherwise I will come right away.”

“Jesus.”

“No,” Louis pushes his hair again and smirks looking at Harry’s face, eyes shining like crystal and his lips wet and plumper. “Louis. Say my name only.”

“Louis.” Harry moans and Louis’ pleased face seems like a constant.

“You were the one suggesting so I’m gonna ride your face. Right here.” Louis states, Harry doesn’t complain neither fights against it. He lets Louis’ hands on his chest carefully push him backwards, to lay down on his back on the wet floor. “You know people might be able to hear us. You know I’m loud.”

“Yes. I want that, be loud, Louis. You’re so good and I will make you feel even better.”

“You will, won’t you _fleur_?” Louis cups his jaw, his thumb sliding through Harry’s bottom lip and Harry nods, parting his lips.

When Louis stands up, Harry can’t stop but look astonished at the sight above him. He tries to stretch his legs forward, placing them on the second stair from the pool, splashing a bit of water in the air.

 “So how do you plan on doing this?” Louis asks, hands on his hips, looking down at Harry with his legs on the sides of his torso. Harry has to reach for his cock and just lightly stroking above his shorts because everything is starting to be too much. Louis is just there, doing that for him, all exposed and Harry is a bit unconscious to be honest.

“Leave – _ah_ , the panties. Please, I will push them to the side. Doesn’t –Doesn’t matter just sit on my face Louis, god dammit.” Louis laughs at the way Harry looks and sounds so desperate. He bites his lip though and changes his face to serious pretty quickly. He gets on his knees then, never breaking eye contact with the guy on the floor. He parts his legs as much as he can and places his knees on the side of Harry’s head, his legs touching Harry’s upper arms.

“You smell so good.” Harry comments because Louis _that_ close to him and soon he won’t be able to control himself.

Louis smiles at the comment and speaks “Not telling you my secrets.” He winks but Harry knows that he probably put some perfume between his thighs when he left previously.

After one last stroke on his hard cock, eyes shutting tightly in pleasure –and even pain, Harry drags his hands to the bottom of Louis’ spine always brushing his fingers on Louis’ skin cautiously.

The blue eyed guy shows his excitement when he is literally trying to subtly rock his hips maybe trying to find friction in the air, which he knows he won’t find. Harry smiles even though Louis probably can’t see his lips from their position –Harry can’t imagine the strength Louis must have on his thighs, which turns him on even more. 

Harry slides his hands down and then inside the little underwear, cupping Louis’ cheeks and parting them. Louis throws his head back, looking at the dark side, a loud sighs comes out from his parted lips while lowering his hips closer to Harry’s face.

Harry breathes out something like “ _Oh god_ ,” and doesn’t waste time on getting his hands on Louis’ groin then patting his balls from above the panties.

Louis is sensitive, Harry doesn’t know if it was always like this or if it’s simply because it’s him, _Harry_ , which okay it’s a privilege and like this Harry feels like he isn’t alone. He isn’t the one feeling too overwhelming with Louis’ presence, Louis’ everything.

When he catches the reaction he brings to the older guy he makes sure Louis is as close as possible to him so then he pulls to the side the bit of the fabric covering his crack, revealing everything to him.

Hands cupping his butt cheeks, trying to keep the fabric away, parting them the most he can Harry licks Louis’ rim right away. He remembers Louis telling him yesterday that he was going to shave, so he is now smoother than ever, making Harry to _hum_ in joy.

“Don’t tease. Please, just don’t tease me.” Louis whines, changing completely from the way he was acting previously. Harry smirks with that but when feels Louis’ hands on his hair, pulling and just grabbing him tightly he can’t do anything rather than moaning at the touch. “Come on, _Harry_.”

Harry moans once more, his tongue licking around Louis’ entrance again, this time more forcefully and all around where he can reach. Harry realises that Louis is really not up for some teasing like he always seems to be because he is slowly rocking his hips back and forth when due how Harry’s tongue feels.

It’s his cue not to stop –and he is focused not to. He will do his best, he will only stop when his jaw hurts, spit his drooling from his mouth and Louis’ legs are shaking so much he can’t seem to get a grip of himself.

He gets the best access to Louis’ rim getting it the wettest he can and trying to stretch his hole with the strength of his tongue only. He decides to suck on it then, the sound of the water from the pool mixing with the sounds they do when breathing and Harry with his mouth on the guy.

With Louis’ help Harry goes from Louis’ rim to his balls, feeling a bit of the fabric on his tongue. He is back on his hole right away, Louis takes on of his hands from Harry’s hair to pull his own away from his face and then slapping his own ass and helping Harry to pull the panties to the side.

“ _Fuck_ –Just fuck me.” He cries out, pushing down on Harry’s face, taking his breathe away. He can’t even react at that he is already so focused that is impossible to do anything else.

He moves his hand that is tangled up on Louis’ and leaves the other to help parting his cheeks wider. He decides to press one finger inside of Louis with the hand he previously moved, stretching his hole in a _come here_ motion, trying his best not to actually brush on his prostate inside. His tongue still works around his finger.

“ _Harry_ …” Louis moans and Harry knows he is probably with tears building up on his eyes. There’s that feeling on his belly that is enormous but it still isn’t enough because Harry is avoiding that one spot. “You’re so mean, you’re so fucking mean.” Louis rambles, the muscles from his body contracting and Harry smirks quickly.

After that he pushes his finger a little bit out, just leaving his fingertip and gets his tongue inside of his now more stretched hole. It gets a bit deeper and he dares to move his finger slowly at the same time. It’s freaking hard doing all of that especially when his back hurts and his arm is going numb but he doesn’t care and wants to overcome those things.

Louis’ knees are probably getting hurt, he will most likely need something to support himself besides Harry’s hair and Harry can’t wait to see him begging.

It goes like that, his tongue never stops, from circling motions, to quick and small licks, to literally fucking Louis with his tongue, trying to taste him inside. He adds a second finger, just quickly brushing Louis’ prostate but still not giving him enough –what he truly needs but that still gets to drive him nuts –alternating from fast to slow as well.

He is dribbling and Louis is all wet as well, which helps a little as lube for his fingers, yet Harry still knows it might had hurt Louis a little. He didn’t show it to bother though.

“This feels so good. It’s insane.” Louis pulls at his hair, not stopping to move his hips meeting Harry’s tongue and fingers’ movements, getting them even deeper. At this point he can’t keep his mouth shut and it’s not only to tell the green eyed guy how good he is and it feels. His moans are incredibly loud, sometimes whimpering even, which Harry loves it to death.

“God Louis,” He pulls his head a bit away, doing his best to be audible and his voice not coming out too muffled. “you’re so loud baby. I love it. Fucking love it how people that walk past the road might hear you. Knowing how good I make you feel.”

“ _N'arrête pas_ , _s’il te plait_. Don’t stop, _chéri_.” And Harry doesn’t, he is the one shutting up and continuing where he had left with his mouth and tongue.

He is leaking in his shorts, rock hard, which is even painful. He feels Louis shaking above him, each thrust getting weaker and weaker.

“Your belly.” Harry says after a minute, his voice rougher than the usual. God he is reaching the point he just wants to press Louis on the floor and eat him out completely, fully in control and not stopping until he had come three times and the sun starts rising.

“What?” Louis asks, not really sounding confused just breathless.

Harry takes his hand from Louis’ ass, the one cupping his cheek and grabs Louis’ to place it above his belly as saying “ _Here_ ,” He applies a bit of pressure and when Louis gets it and does it himself, Harry’s fingers get deeper inside of him. Louis doesn’t know and honestly doesn’t care but Harry does something with his tongue that is beyond amazing, his finger brush his prostate in the right spot and Louis becomes a mess. His moans crack at the end, he sounds like he is crying but at the same time everyone would say it’s all from pleasure.

He literally feels so weak that all his strength is used on the pressure he does on his own belly, seeing sparkles and fireworks in front of his eyes. His legs give up, his knees hurt like hell and all his body stumbles forward, falling with one hand on the floor but messily rocking his hips on Harry’s face.

Harry’s hand that isn’t working with his fingers inside of Louis, travels its way to his own cock, taking it from inside his shorts and feeling all the relief.

It’s too much, everything is so huge, so hot… Louis is a wreck right now, Harry is so consumed with everything that with only three hard strokes he is coming all over, some bits hitting Louis’ ass cheeks.

“ _Harry, Harry, Harry_...” Louis doesn’t stop but he moves, pulls away from Harry’s face and sits on top of his dirty chest, ready to start touching himself in front of Harry.

Harry gets a look at him, bloodshot eyes, messy hair, lips wet and showing that they’d been bleeding before and Harry is trance. Still aware of everything but in trance, getting hard again because apparently having one orgasm is not fucking enough.

For much hot it is to see Louis like that, getting a grip of himself inside his red panties, Harry stops him right away, tightly gripping his balls knowing that with only one stroke he’d be coming. Louis’ head falls back, his eyes shut and Harry gets his knees up so Louis can rest his back on his legs.

“Fuck, no.” Louis’ chest moves up and down quickly, not seeing any traces of annoyance for having Harry’s come all over him –clearly. “Why would you –“

“I won’t let you come yet.”

“Fuck you.” Harry laughs –or tries to. Louis can’t move and Harry doesn’t let his grip away neither. He pushes himself up, it’s painful especially since he was laid down on his back on something so hard, for not talking about how dizzy his head is, but he still gets on Louis’ level.

He puts his available hand around Louis’ hips and brings their lips together, flicking his tongue in so Louis is able to taste himself. Both hum with the gesture.

“Fuck me. I want you to come inside me.” He whispers, lips still touching. He gets his other hand from between their bodies and cups Louis’ cheek, his thumb parting his bottom lip and passing his tongue through it. “We did the exams, didn’t we? We’re fine.” Louis nods, both of their eyes are shut but it’s like they can see each other. “I want to feel you filling me up and then…” he sucks on Louis’ lip, the older guy gasping with that. “you’re going to lick me clean.”

“Fucking fuck. _Merde.”_ Harry opens his eyes and grins due Louis’ state.

“Is that okay, gorgeous?” Louis nods frenetically, lazily opening his eyes and meeting Harry’s.

“It hurts though.” Louis whimpers, one of his hands getting around Harry’s neck while the other tries to start palming himself again on top of the fabric.

Harry joins their foreheads by Louis’ nape, his other hand pulling Louis’ to the side so he is the one touching his cock. “You should have never said to me then that you liked orgasm control.”

“Why didn’t I ship you to Antarctica yet?” Louis breathes out, rolling his eyes but Harry isn’t sure if it’s to match his words or just by the pleasure. Maybe both because he also pitches Harry’s nipple.

“I’m still waiting, you promised me that a long time ago.” Louis laughs and then Harry stops, receiving a groan from protest. “Bed?”

“Bed.” Louis confirms and standing up is the hardest thing but walking inside and upstairs is even worst. “Piggy back!” Louis pleads behind Harry and when the younger guy glances over his shoulder to see Louis in such vulnerable state and so, so gorgeous, he can’t resist even if his legs are killing him.

“You’re lucky you look hot as fuck right now.” Louis smiles widely when sees Harry walking back and squatting with his back in front of Louis so he can jump on it.

“Your cock is picking out of your shorts.” Louis points out, looking over Harry’s chest when he starts walking, a rude giggle escaping from his lips.

“My shorts?”

“Yes. They’re yours now.” Louis says and Harry can’t stop the desire and squeeze his strong thighs. “I really, really wanted to suck you off right now.” He says, emphasising his words when rocks a bit his hips on Harry’s back, breathing out beside his ear.

“Louis…” he groans, legs shaking when starts climbing the stairs.

“It’s calling for me, you know…” He jokes, his arms wrapping around his neck making almost impossible for Harry to breathe.

“Bed is also calling for us.” Louis agrees with that this time. When Harry reaches the top and spots the room he speaks one last time. “You really do look amazing in those.” Louis rests his cheek against Harry’s as an answer.

“Just for you.” He smiles and Harry puts him down when they reach the big room.

He is really in need. In need of coming again because why not. In need of feeling Louis inside of him – bare, no condom this time. In need of listening to Louis’ beautiful noises. In need of having his boy coming hard. _His. Boy_.

Louis pulls down his swim shorts and pushes Harry down to the bed, who falls on his knees, calves out of the bed. “I’m going to get us lube.” He sounds like he can’t get a grip of himself.

“No need of that for now.” Harrys holds himself by his elbow and sucks on his index with his other hand, getting it nicely wet. He tries to look over his shoulder, smirking when sees that Louis has turned around to look at him and simply gets his hand behind, pushing inside his own finger.

It’s only one, the stretch isn’t much and the pain is inexistent.

“Jesus Christ.” Louis breathes out, walking closer.

“Only Harry remember?” He jokes, remembering what Louis had told him long minutes ago. He nicely tries to stretch himself with his one finger while Louis gets impossibly close and after throwing the lube next to him on the bed, he strips himself completely. “I’m gonna miss those.” Harry comments, not enough air on his lungs to actually sound coherent.

The thing is, he feels so exposed and bare but Louis’ eyes are not intimidating at all. He loves the attention now, it pleases him.

Harry feels Louis’ hands on his wrist, pushing his finger out. At first he thinks Louis is just going to do it himself but he sucks that same finger plus another one on his mouth, again getting it really wet.

“Open yourself for me then, love.” Louis pleads. “Really stretched, nice and ready.” Louis leans over and kisses the bottom of Harry’s spine, leading his two fingers inside of him again. Harry does it so and he has no mercy. He isn’t gentle with himself, neither slow, he fucks himself nice and deep, in ecstasy to be ready for Louis. “So gorgeous.”

Harry feels and hears Louis touching himself from behind. He is like that only because he is watching Harry fingering himself but. “No, don’t touch yourself.” Harry cries out and instantly adds three fingers, bucking his hips back and forth, finding that spot instantly. “Fuck, Louis… Don’t – _uh_ …” he doesn’t know if Louis really obeys but he gets too overworked with his own fingers then. If he feels like this he can’t imagine how it’ll be like with Louis’ bare cock.

He hears the lube being opened, he can’t see anything at this point, his arm feels tired and his wrist hurts. It doesn’t bother him one bit.

“Okay enough.” Louis takes his wrist again and pulls his fingers out. Harry feels the warmth of Louis’ tongue right away around them and then drops his hand to the side. “May I?”

“Yeah. Fuck me, please.”

Louis chuckles. “So polite.” Harry can’t cry for him again when Louis is slamming his whole cock inside of Harry, skin meeting skin, fingers sinking on the side of his waist. Harry’s body is almost pulled forward causing his face to be smashed against the mattress.

Harry would never imagine that feeling so helpless could be such a good thing. But then again, Louis always made him question so much about himself. Like it happens the other way around.

“You feel so good, oh my god.” Louis gasps but neither of them move.

Harry can feel the coolness of the duvet turn warmer and warmer against his cheek as he tries to keep his breath steady, yet it’s hard when Louis is completely inside of him. In only one go.

Louis’ hand goes all the way up through his back, wrapping it around the back of Harry’s neck, the sweat dripping from his hair collecting there. “You know I won’t last.” Louis warns him, the grip making Harry keep his head down and his back arched.

“Doesn’t matter. Just like this it feels… it feels good.” _It feels comfortable_ , which is strange but Harry won’t complain. Louis’ hands on his body are nice… very, very nice. The warmth and connection they share feels like it’s from another world.

Even though from this position Harry can’t see Louis, he feels his gaze burning his spine, he know he is smiling. This is more than a physical thing at this point and Louis can’t deny it anymore, Harry can’t pretend it’s not there.

Louis slides his sweaty hand, gets a hold of Harry’s other hip and moves his own back slowly, feeling his cock slide out of Harry. He looks down at how his tip remains in and the veins from his length look so full.  Harry buries his face down now, making it impossible for him to breathe.

“Be good.” Louis massages and parts his cheeks guiding his cock back to Harry’s hole, bringing him a muffled shout. Harry arches his back even more, opening his legs wider for Louis just so he can get an even better angle and sigh. “ _Quel bon garçon_. You’re being so good for me.” Louis murmurs, pulling his hips back slightly to give little humps with his hips.

“It feels amazing, Lou.” Harry whispers, his voice is so rough, so hard to listen to but the fact that Louis is so focused on him makes it an easy task for him to pay attention to every noise it comes from the guy. “It’s so good. You make me feel… so good. And so full.”

Louis’ cock barely brushes Harry’s prostate, not that he can’t really reach it nicely –just like Harry needs to –but he sees it as a little pay back. His hand reaches under Harry only to wrap it around his cock and as predictable is fully hard, as if some minutes ago, the last orgasm didn’t happen. Harry squirms with the touch, wanting nothing else but Louis to move his body, his hand and keep talking to him.

“I know, _princesse_ , I’m going to make it even better for you.” He smirks with his own words. When he leans down he doesn’t cover Harry’s whole back since it’s so long but he reaches what he pretends to, kissing his shoulder blades. It’s sweet, Louis became sweet. However his hips start accelerating slowly, building up at just the right rate and it isn’t too long before he’s fucking in hard, hips hitting Harry’s fleshy ass with a slap and Harry can’t decide if whether he wants to keep his eyes open or closed.

“Fuck, _Harry_ , we were made for this. We were made to do this together.” Louis cries out, while Harry grips the duvet on his fist, his eyes ending up shutting due the pleasure –and also Louis’ words, he thinks he is about to cry. He can’t really answer with a sentence so Harry ends up moaning louder than the usual. “You’re going to come untouched this time.” Louis’ voice sounds different and Harry wonders if he is trying hard not to come already.

“Okay… yeah…” Harry answers, voice and every part of his body shaking.

Louis feels Louis’ hips stuttering while he lifts his one leg to plant his foot on the mattress and then, after looking down at his halfway in cock, he shoves the rest and Harry feels the length grazing right along his prostate.

“Fucking…. Finally.” Harry wails, Louis wearily chuckling as an answer but keeping pounding on his spot. Now sobbing, with tears streaming down his cheeks – it’s the first time Harry actually cries with so much pleasure – he tries to speak slowly and lowly. “Inside –come inside me. Please.”

“I will baby.” Louis answers right away, squeezing his hip slightly. “Want it so much. How’s it feels? Talk to me, _mon chéri._ I’m so close.”

“Feels… So good.” His cock hangs heavily beneath him while Louis doesn’t stop moving fast. “I love your cock. I –I want us like this all the time. You’re so good.” Louis keeps going hard, fast and as deep as he can. Harry’s sobs are getting louder but Louis’ moans overcome everything and Harry knows Louis won’t last longer –but for who said that wouldn’t last that much he did a pretty good job.

“Fuck,” Louis’ voice cracks and then he stops, still buried inside Harry. Harry’s whole body freezes too, suddenly feeling so weak as if the way Louis was pounding behind him would give him everything he needed to survive.

“No…” Harry whimpers, trying his best to look through the corner of his eye, from behind him. He spots Louis looking down, his sweaty, small fringe falls in front of his forehead. It shouldn’t look as hot as it does. “Don’t stop.”

“ _Shh_ ,” Louis shushes him, starting to grind against Harry’s bum, his cock moving inside Harry so that’s constantly rubbing right up on his prostate. Harry is fucking trembling, it feels amazingly good and he shows it by the way he pulls gasps through his bitten lip. “I was so close. I don’t want to come yet.”

“No, please, please come. Fill me up. Lou!” Harry helps Louis by gridding along, his hands craving to touch Louis’ skin.

“ _Harry_ ,”

“I want you to come hard on me by how good you fuck me. Louis, I beg you. I love feeling you all over, so full and _uh_ –“ His voice is swallowed in the air when Louis starts rocking his hips again, his chest is leant over, pressed again against Harry’s back. His hand goes underneath him, rubbing with his fingertips Harry’s nipples. He sinks his teeth on the skin he can reach, shutting down his own moans and never losing aHarr

Harry’s spot.

While Harry keeps crying out _I love this_ and _so good_ Louis calls his name over and over again. So Harry knows. Not even a minute later Louis is shouting his name one last time before Harry feels him shooting come inside him, so hard and deep it brings him a loud but still soft whine.

Louis pounds two more times before looking down at how his dick slides out from Harry’s stretched hole and come starts dripping out from inside him. Harry doesn’t feel as empty as he would the other times, he still feels full yet sensitive. Not the type of sensitive that hurts and makes him want to lay down and breathe, stopping everything. Is the type of sensitive that pleasures him and makes him wish for more, almost like he is desperate for it to continue –he definitely is.

“When I give you a slap, you’re going to be a good boy and come for me.” Harry can only hum, still overwhelmed and not paying at attention at how Louis sounds –just like he is still enjoying his orgasm, Harry admires him.

There isn’t much he can do before feeling Louis parting his cheeks and cleaning him with his tongue all over. His teeth grip the duvet as well as his fists but then Louis’ tongue gets inside him so easily that is impossible to stay quiet. His tears wet the light, coloured fabric. The way he pushes his hips closer to Louis’ face is immediate, bringing a throaty noise from the blue eyed guy.

Louis tries his best to lift Harry’s waist in the best angle for him to lick down and reach Harry’s balls. “Lou –Louis, I’m –“ The way Louis puts the right amount of pressure and goes back to Harry’s hole, blocks the words to come out. Louis’ tongue quickly flicks inside him one more time and everything is so fast that Harry is glad he feels the brief ache on his right cheek and the loud noise from when Louis slaps him.

He is coming between his chest and duvet so hard that his orgasm seems to last an eternity, definitely much longer than the previous one. He doesn’t hear himself, he might be doing the most obscene and loud noise that he can’t listen to it because Louis’ voice and the way the pleasure and joy is built up on his stomach over shadows every sense, every smell, every other movement and shadow in the room.

“Fuck _Harry_ , so pretty for me, so good my beautiful, beautiful boy.” The tears seem not to stop even if his eyes are shut and he had let his whole body fall on the mattress. His head is a galaxy of thoughts, his chest a constellation of emotions. Even like this Louis sees beauty on him, even like this Louis seems to get even closer to him… Especially like this Harry feels a huge connection between them, one that he doesn’t want to break ever. He wants to take Louis on a ship and anchor it in the middle of the ocean. The sea is theirs. The world is small but the sky is an infinite.

“Hey!” Harry doesn’t know how but he is belly up and his whole body is pressed on the mattress. He feels Louis’ fingertips on his cheekbones and when slowly opens his eyes, lashes fluttering with the way the small light hits his face, he sees Louis looking down at him. “Can you come back to me, _mon amour_?” Louis smiles when sees Harry’s eyes fully open. “There you go.”

“Hi.” Harry wearily smiles, his arm going around Louis’ small waist to pull him _closer_ to his side. He finds peace feeling both their naked bodies pressed against each other, being that such intimate gesture.

“What a ride, _hum_?” Louis jokes, grinning, not averting their eye contact.

“It felt… really good.”

“It did.” Louis agrees, their voices sound far away.

Harry slowly raises his hand to rest it on Louis’ cheek, who by instinct leans over to the touch. “I do really love. I love you so much Louis.” He says genuinely and the thing is, Harry had confessed this before but tonight it seems like the first time he is saying it. The way the words slip out from his tongue seem to have a deeper meaning, seem to sound so much differently and he notices that he has never said these words this way. Not to Louis, not to anyone, ever.

“Say it again.” Louis’ hand makes its way to Harry’s bare chest.

“I love you.” Harry says right away, not even a single trace of doubt comes from him. And Louis knows it and that’s so much better than listening to an I love you back, in Harry’s opinion. He trusts him enough to believe in him and that’s all Harry wants.

Louis’ opens his eyes, his perfectly separated and curled lashes flicker above his cheek bones. He bites his bottom lip tentatively but this time doesn’t hesitate on joining their lips together. And if Harry falls asleep that way, Louis doesn’t wake him up since his body seems to be so attached to his that sleep takes over him as well.

~*~

Somewhere in the middle of the night Harry had adjust themselves to a better position. Not really letting Louis go from under his arm, he had pushed their bodies up, thrown the sheets on top of their cold, bare bodies and fallen asleep right away listening to Louis’ calming breathing close to his ear.

However, otherwise that little moment late through the night, Harry now feels hot. Burning hot, sweating. And that’s his first thought while he tries to wipe the sleep away from his eyes. He doesn’t really understands the reason why he feels this way until he feels a zip of pleasure course through him, eyes flying open. The crinkled sheets are rising and falling between his legs, there’s a line of sweat he has developed falling down his temple and it’s easy to put two and two together.

“Holy shit.” Harry gasps, bucking his hips up to chase the amazing feeling. At the same time that happens they’re shoved down, might be from shock but can be from strength as well. Unfortunately, the warmth and wetness he feels around his cock disappears and he whines. This is new.

The sheets are thrown back, leaving Harry’s torso bare while Lois’ head pops out, next to where Harry’s cock lays hard against his belly. And what a view.

“Good morning, _fleur_.” Louis squeaks and from the look in his eyes he had been awake for a while now and he is happy. Too happy for someone who was probably muffled inside the heat from the sheets.

Harry doesn’t think twice when reaches over and rests his hand on top of Louis’ jaw. “Come here, love.” Louis obeys immediately, looking like he was wishing that since those pretty lashes fluttered open when he woke up.

He settles with his thighs straddling Harry’s hips and arse hovering Harry’s cock. _His bare arse_.

Harry leans over in a hurry, capturing Louis’ thin and wet lips in his. It’s a sweet and languorous kiss, like the whole world is theirs and the whole day is already planned to be spent in the hot mess of those sheets, in the warm, coloured sunlight coming from the window. It reminds Harry of many, many mornings waking up next to this beautiful man and he wonders how he previously lived waking up in an empty and cold bed. He was losing so much. Those are wasted times.

Harry’s hands make their way behind Louis’ back, brushing them up and down for a bit, listening to the sound they make along Louis’ soft skin. His cock gives a shaky twitch and it’s his cue to go down fully and grab Louis’ bare and full ass.

“ _Ah_ ,” Louis breathes out, mouth parted obscenely. He always goes crazy when Harry touches him like that but it never stops from being exciting and thrilling.

While he brushes his lips down to Harry’s chin he sits down right above Harry’s hard cock. Harry leaves a hum from his lips and looks down to see the contrast of their skin and… Louis’ dick between their bodies already leaking, watering Harry’s mouth a little.

With the sight, Harry runs his hands along Louis’ thighs, they look and feel thicker than what they were months ago when Harry first saw –first touched Louis naked. That’s good.

Harry is happy to know he isn’t the only one simply liking Louis’ touch. Louis bites his bottom lip, stopping a smile and gives a slight tweak to Harry’s nipple.

That brings Harry’s attention to Louis’ face again. “You’re beautiful.” Harry compliments him.

Might be as an answer but Louis clenches his butt cheeks reminding Harry that he is sat above his cock, which is between his arse. Okay, all right… he can sure handle this.

“Wanna know what I was doing while I sucked you?” Louis asks voice an octave, a tentatively smile playing on his face while rocking his hips a little.

Harry can just imagine millions of naughty things but he doesn’t dare to say one.

“I was fingering myself.” Louis leans over and says now close to Harry’s ear. He bites his earlobe, giving it a lick afterwards. It’s an overload of information that Harry didn’t know he couldn’t live without. “Two fingers deep.” He finishes and Harry sinks his fingers on Louis’ curved waist, pushing him into his chest causing more friction not only for him but for Louis’ cock between their chests.

“Oh Christ, it feels better than last time.” Harry moans, throwing his head back, giving access to Louis’ teeth close to his Adam’s apple.

“It does.” Louis agrees, hot breathe hitting Harry. He is addictive to every type of connection between him and Louis. “Think about how close you are to be inside me.”

Harry’s eyes open widely and he dares to gulp in dry, his hips unconsciously meeting Louis’ thrust. 

“You’re leaking too. Feel so wet.” Louis sucks on his neck, hips rocking faster. Harry’s eyes now shut tightly, impossible for him to speak, one of his hands grab the sheets on the side, afraid of hurting Louis by how tight he would sink his fingers on his hip.

“ _Harry_ ,” Louis whimpers, not losing his rhythm. “I just want… I want to ride you. I want you inside me so badly. I want you to fuck me.”

Harry stops everything, it seems like he even stops the blood from running through his veins. His both hands grab Louis’ upper arms and he pushes him away so he can look at his face.

He is not surprise when sees Louis’ lip trembling and eyes shining looking down at him.

“Baby,” Harry tilts his head, an understandable look on his face, which Louis shakes his head at.

“I really want to. I just hate the fact I can’t do it.” Harry presses his lips together and nods not sure if it’s as an apologetic or sad way. “It must feel so good.” Louis’ shaky hands make their way to Harry’s cheek. “But I don’t want to see him instead of you.”

“I know baby.” Harry grabs the same hand and leads Louis’ knuckles to his lips, kissing each one of them. “And it’s okay, it’s okay. I can wait.”

“What if it never happens?”

“That’s okay too.” Harry smiles, eyes locked with Louis’. His available hand wipes away the thin tear falling down close to Louis’ nose.

“I don’t want to disappoint you.” Louis tries to pull away his face.

“No, Lou…” Harry sighs and immediately switches their position, throwing his arms around Louis’ waist and knocking both their bodies to the mattress, side to side, face to face. So close he can feel Louis’ breathing hitting his chin. “You will never disappoint me. Especially with sex. Sex isn’t everything but like, ours is already amazing, Louis.” He kisses the tip of his nose, forgetting the fact they’re in such position, naked. “And you don’t own me anything. I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this for me. You definitely don’t, this is not how sex works.” He tucks Louis’ hair away from his face and covers Louis’ check, reaching his ear with his hand, their heads on the pillow. “Sex is all about feeling good with each other, with ourselves and with everything that is around us. You say green we go forward, you say red we stop. Immediately. All right?”

Louis takes some time looking with his wide and bright eyes at Harry before speaking. “Yeah, okay.” Harry smiles with his answer and goes forward to peck Louis’ cheek, however he is stopped by Louis’ hand on his chest. He looks at him questionably but then Louis’ voice is heard again. “Do you think you will ever get tired?”

Harry pulls away but they stay in the same position, his hand going back down to hold Louis’ sides.

“I don’t want to –“

“Because you once said that you can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in your eyes, so what they loved about you they started to hate it. What if that happens to me? What if you get tired of me? What if you realise one day that you didn’t love me that much and wasn’t worth it.”

Harry doesn’t know if he should hate himself for saying such things to Louis – it definitely was his worst way to give him the hint he was starting to have feelings for him –or if he should cry due Louis’ insecurity.

“Oh Louis,” Harry erases the small space between their bodies in one go when presses Louis’ body against his, hugging him like that. “I…. I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how to answer you.”

Louis nods. “It’s okay, you don’t always have to have a good answer for everything. The right words.” His voice comes muffled but he raises his head, his hair brushing Harry’s chin and he takes that signal to look down at Louis too. Their noses almost touch. “It’s a bit selfish to ask, isn’t it?” Harry doesn’t answer and Louis sighs, resting his forehead right above his bottom lip. “I don’t want it to be always like this. But we’re just starting and I guess I still need these conversations.”

“I like these conversations. We can have them all the time.” Louis hums and plants a kiss on Harry’s jaw. “You know Louis…” he takes a deep breathe, his thumb making an invisible circle on Louis’ salient hip bone. “I’m a person’s lover as you already know. I love people. I love to love people and back to the days my self-doubt wouldn’t come in waves, would come more like storms, I didn’t know how to do it right. However I’ve taken years to develop and stone my confidence and became a hell of a fighter.” Louis hums one more time as a way to tell Harry he is listening and wants him to continue. “So I will be loyal to you, like freaking trustworthy in all types of things but I don’t want you to mistake it for clinginess. Of course I crave to see you all the time, to be with you, to know how your day was and I will always, always be there when you need me. But I’m very aware that we’re two separate beings and you more than anyone had make me realise that it’s important to see that, not trying to mesh our lives completely together.”

Louis locks eyes with Harry again, he nods. He simply nods, agreeing with Harry’s words. He seems calm but Harry feels his heart beating quite fast on his chest.

“Yeah? So we can have moments of insecurity but we have to think that time has become one of the most valuable intangibles, we can’t waste it trying to think other people can fix it for us. What do we do then? We think about how worthy it is to be living. There’s so many things that make life so simple and easy so we have to think about those. Those small things.” Louis offers him a small smile, his whole face in trance listening to Harry’s voice. “You know what mines are right now?”

“What?”

“It seems like it’s gonna be a hell of a good and warm day to be spent on the pool. And yesterday you bought that huge pineapple that we can use to make a smoothie, _hmmm_ , how good does that sound?”

“Very good.” Louis grins.

“I know right? And we’re in Paris and I just think about the time you’re going to take me out to explore it like I did with you when we were in London.” He brushes his nose along Louis’ jaw.

“Maybe tonight. We can go on a date outside this time.” Harry chuckles with that one and slightly bites Louis’ cheek.

“See? one more thing to think about. What else?” He smells the crook of Louis’ neck. “I get to kiss you. That’s bloody amazing.” He shuts his eyes and pecks Louis’ skin with small but wet kisses.

“Ew, go away.” Louis grabs the back of Harry’s hair, pulling him away but getting their lips on the same level. His smile is huge now and that’s Harry’s achievement of the day.

“Are you going to kiss me now?” Harry smiles cheekily.

“Not yet.” He bites down on his lip. “We should talk about last night. The gallery.” Harry nods once, an automatic smile appearing on his face. “What we talked about here made me think… Would you move out to Paris for some months because of it?” he presses his elbow on the mattress, his head rested on the palm of his hand. “And would you move out with me?”

Louis is a box of surprises, those kind of surprises that people receive in random days that don’t include Christmas and birthdays and are truly shocked about. Louis is exactly that to Harry.

“Move out with you?” he opens his eyes widely, he was hoping to be the one asking that to Louis… definitely some months later.

“It’s going too fast, isn’t it?” Louis asks calmly, he doesn’t even look like the same person. “And it’s contradicting what you’ve told me previously. We would mesh our lives. You would leave everything behind.”

“I… I haven’t thought about that.” Harry moves his position so he is belly up and looking up at the ceiling.

“Of course. There was no time to.” He rests his other hand on top of Harry’s chest, close to his collarbones. “I don’t know how I am so relaxed about this.” He chuckles then.

“About living together?”

“Yeah, I should be freaking out but I guess we kind of have been doing that already. Is that bad?”

Harry carefully analyses Louis’ expression. He is an attentive person like Harry is but while Harry is attentive to people’s actions Louis is to their words. Words and what comes along them. That’s what he does with Harry a lot of times. That’s why he stops everything when Harry speaks and stays so focused, that’s why he likes to have these conversations with Harry because it’s his way to trust him, to know him.

“A lot of people live together…” Harry tries not to sound stupid but Louis laughs either way. “It doesn’t mean we become one person, for example we can become roommates.”

“But we sleep in the same bed.”

“Yeah but you have your own pillow.” Louis laughs loudly at that, his hand going down on Harry’s navel, brushing the small hairs he has.

“You always have to say something that doesn’t make sense.”

“We will figure this out.” Harry says anyway, his hand wrapping around Louis’ wrist, gently. “Moving out to here scares me a little but –“

“It probably wouldn’t be permanent. If everything works out and you succeed here, which I’m sure you will, Liam can transfer your works to London.” Louis pulls away Harry’s touch from his wrist but only to intertwine their fingers together in the air. Harry doesn’t know if he should look at Louis’ face or at the gesture. “I can imagine you being so popular around there, everyone wanting your works, paying a fortune for them.” Harry laughs but really his smile is taking over his eyes. He leans the back of Louis’ hand towards his lips and kisses it, going down to the inside of his wrist.

“Thank you so much. I want to thank Liam too.”

“Of course.” Louis nods but gets his face closer to Harry’s.

“It’s really generous of both of you…” Harry drags the words, lost on the way Louis is looking at him and getting their lips close. “I’m really, erm, grateful… and stuff…”

“And stuff.” Louis grins but grabs Harry’s cheek, getting to the point that only the space of a piece of paper is stopping them from kissing.

“It’s very… important for me… and hum…” Louis tilts his head, their lips brush, Louis close to suck Harry’s on his but the phone ringing on the bedside table makes him pull away.

“Seriously,” Louis groans, he holds Harry’s hand anyway when rolls his body and stretches his arm to reach his phone. “What the hell?” Louis frowns, glancing at Harry before answering the phone. “ _Bonjour Frederic,_ _que me vaut l’honneur de cet appel?_ ” (Good morning Frederic, what do I owe the honour of this call?) what Harry listens to a frenetic voice on the other side, which Louis listens with a serious expression on his face. “ _Oui, Liam disait que c’était planifié pour demain_.” (Yes, Liam said it was planned for tomorrow.)  Another pause. “ _Okay calme toi pour que je puisse comprendre ce que tu me dis._ ” (Okay calm down so I can understand what you’re saying.) Louis says a bit loudly, speaking with his hand.

Harry can’t understand anything by now since Louis is speaking so fast and sighing too much. Suddenly his face falls, looking like he even stops breathing right when Harry stops listening to Frederic’s voice from the phone. He literally freezes, the grip on Harry’s hand, which he hasn’t dropped until now, has loosen its strength.

“Louis? Love?” Harry calls him concerned, sitting down and resting his hand on Louis’ shoulder. It seems like fire approaches the ice and it starts melting immediately because Louis moves and turns around to look at Harry, face showing how worried he is.

“ _Oui, je suis toujours là_.” (Yes, I’m still here.) Louis speaks, slowly and voice low and husky after Harry listens to Frederic calling his name from the other line. Louis doesn’t take his eyes off from Harry while the guy keeps talking. His available hand travels to Harry’s jaw, his thumb passing through his bottom lip. He brings Harry’s face close to his, pressing their foreheads together. “ _Je n’ai pas peu_ , _je ne disparaitrais pas cette fois.”_ (I’m not afraid, I won’t disappear this time).

He presses his lips together like he normally does when is about to cry. This time the tears don’t fall, he slowly pulls away –but still keeps close –and ends the call. He carefully places his phone next to him on the mattress, Harry doesn’t dare to say a word.

“ _Christian_ … He didn’t –“ Louis shakes his head, looking deadly in the eyes at Harry, who is already with his heart on his sleeves. “He hasn’t given up on me.”

~*~

Everything is in slow motion to the point that is even hard to understand the sounds around Harry. His vision seems to play pranks on him here and there as well, it looks blurry once in a while and it definitely isn’t because Liam is driving so fast that he can’t see the real shape of the trees outside the window.

Harry doesn’t want to think Liam and Louis are fighting on the front seats because he always thinks when French people speak they seem like they’re arguing. That’s him being a bit bigot. Yet Liam seems stressed behind the wheel, Louis is looks insecure and Harry… Harry feels like an ignorant because the two are having a full conversation in front of him and he doesn’t understand a thing. He also doesn’t know where he is going he just knows he has to be there now.

Liam might be mad because Louis is basically making him drive to Christian’s encounter since he is the only one who knows where to find him. Harry doesn’t know how to react to this, to everything that is happening right now basically.

Long story short apparently Samuel works for Christian, he was basically paid to get into Louis’ life and make him get the job he was supposedly offering. Since Harry appeared and fucked their plans, they had to find a new way, find a new person so Samuel asked for a co-worker of him to talk with Liam and find a way to get a meeting in Paris. This might be the reason why Liam is mad, not only because Louis actually wants to meet Christian but because he feels like it’s his fault. He was naïve.

Christian has been trying so hard to never stop having track of Louis’ steps that is sick. It’s insane and what they’re dealing here is something serious. They’re dealing with an abusive, obsessive and manipulative person.

Frederic found out, he overheard some kind of conversation and he decided to tell Louis. By telling him he was basically warning Louis to _run away_. To disappear and not falling for this trap. However Louis doesn’t want to.

He grabbed Harry’s face, pulled him as close as possible and said seriously. “I want to stop this. I can’t live like this, I can’t live running away from everything. Help me.” This is the reason why Harry couldn’t say no, grab his hand and walk to the airport.

Harry is going to respect his decision. It’s not a bad one. It’s a brave one. It probably is the right one even though it isn’t that safe. Christian seems to be capable to do everything to win what he wants, to control and have power of everything.

Harry is afraid and seems like Liam is the only one joining him in that feeling.

“We have to call the cops.” Harry explodes, the two man stop talking and turn around, Liam too since they’ve reached a red signal.

“No,” Louis frowns. “No, I don’t want to deal with the police. I can’t –“

“Yes. Yes you can and you will, Louis.” He decides to speak up. He leans his body forward, the seatbelt following his movement. “What are you planning on doing? Having chat with him? Saying, stop trying to have me and he will listen? This is serious.” he pulls a strand of hair to the back of Louis’ ear. “I just want your best, darling. I want you safe and this is what we have to do, do you understand?”

“He is right.” Liam speaks up, driving away again when the light turns green. “It was a mistake not doing it the first time. It’s what he deserves and you have enough evidences to prove he deserves to be behind bars.”

“I don’t have. I don’t even have scars or anything. This was years ago.” Louis protests, pulling Harry’s hand away and turning around.

“I’m a witness. Frederic and the others are too. It’s our words against his. And it wasn’t years ago, Louis. It’s still happening.”

“He has power. He will get away with it.”

“I have too.” Liam complains. “And I will use it the right way this time. I won’t let that happen.”

“He will talk about the illegal drugs that I consumed.”

“He forced you.” Liam points out and when Louis tries to talk again, Harry raises his own voice.

“Are you really protecting him? Are you trying to make him not look bad?” Harry unlocks the seatbelt while Liam is parking the car in front of a glassy and tall building. “He doesn’t deserve you defending him. He deserves shit, he has to burn in hell for what he did to you.” He shouts, unware of the impact of his words. Louis and Liam have the same face expression, listening to the hate Harry’s voice shows. “He is a fucking bastard, who hurt and has been hurting you for all these years. If you don’t put him in jail I will fucking do it myself.” He finishes, grabbing Louis’ phone from the compartments in the middle.

Louis has no time to react when Harry is opening the door and scrolling down his contact list. He reaches Frederic and hits the call button.

“ _Harry_!” Harry turns around and sees Louis stepping out of the car. “What are you doing?”

“Calling Frederic. If you want to talk with Christian, fine. Do it. But the cops are coming.”

“No, stop.” Louis’ eyes are already looking like glass. Harry ignores it.

“Stop? Are you fucking kidding me? What do you expect me to do? What are you planning on doing?” Louis’ breathing evens, he opens his mouth but shuts again.

“ _Louis?_ ” Harry hears from the other side of the phone, a thick French accent.

“It’s Harry.” He answers. “I want you to make me a favour.”

“No.” Louis doesn’t shout this time, his tone is calmer. “Let me talk to him. You’re right… let me talk to him. I will ask him to call the police but… let me explain him this. We have to make a plan.” He points his hand around and the sticks it forward so Harry can give the phone to him. Hesitantly he does it so and Louis doesn’t give him a second glance after picking it and starting to speak with Frederic.

“Listen to what he is saying and tell me if he is really telling Frederic to call the cops.” Harry says strictly when Liam reaches his side right away. He nods and Harry walks away, leaning his body against the car, waiting.

Long minutes later Louis turns off the phone but is Liam who walks towards the green eyed lad. He nods, Liam looks like he is about to burst into tears and this is how Harry knows he truly cares, he is there for Louis and wants what Harry wants as well. Justice and the best for Louis.

“He wants to go inside.” Liam informs Harry, who is purely looking behind his shoulders and watching Louis walking in circles with his phone in his hands. “He wants to talk to Christian.”

“Why?” Harry says stressed. “I might shit my pants because of that guy, do you realise how scared I am for Louis?” Liam nods.

“He is capable of everything but I heard _Louis_ saying he wants to prove something to _Christian_. He also said he wants to do this not only for himself but for _Frederic_ and the boys.”

When Harry is about to answer he sees Louis walking towards them, green meeting blue in the middle of the sidewalk.

“I want… I need you to come with me.” Louis steps in front of Harry, who straightens his body and looks carefully at him, gulping in dry. “Both,” Louis looks at Liam and Harry simultaneously. “I need both with me but…” Liam nods, not letting him continue. He offers his friend a sweet and understandable smile and then turns to Harry.

“Everything is going to be okay.” Liam rests his both hands on Harry and Louis’ shoulder, squeezing them.

He is the one taking the initiative and guiding both of them inside the building forward. Harry hears Louis taking deep breathes but he stops listening to it –listening to him breathing even, when Liam calls the lift. They get in, Louis stands right next to him but he feels like they’re far away. The three looking at the door closing and then the small lift moving.

Harry looks down, Louis’ hand is right there. He slowly moves his own, first he caresses Louis’ fingers, slowly brushing his index up and down and then he finally decides to hold it. They mould together like a sculpture.

Louis reacts at it by simply squeezing their hands together.

The doors open and Harry sees a type of waiting room on the right and then there’s a long corridor with different doors. They step out of it, Harry doesn’t let go Louis’ hand while Liam goes talking to the lady behind the desk. There’s a lot of people walking around, women nicely dressed as well as men. There’s two people sat on the small arm chairs, at the corner.

Harry looks around and he can imagine Louis in this type of ambient, however he only sees the Louis he met at the beginning. They all look like him. Now the one, who is holding his hand so tightly doesn’t seem to fit in this ambient.

Harry sees the lady talking on the phone and then nodding at Liam, who thanks her right away. He turns around to them and makes a gesture for them to follow him. While they walk along the corridor Harry notices at least two men staring at Louis, almost worried and surprised too, who Louis greets with a small smile.

They reach the end of it, a big and matt door with two glossy glasses is standing in front of them. Harry can still see shapes behind it but nothing coherent.

“I just want to tell him some things.” Louis speaks realising Liam isn’t opening the door before his word. “I will let you know if I can’t do it anymore but… I want to do this. I need to.” Harry nods, not sure if Louis sees it. “ _Frederic_ must be here soon so. What happens after that won’t be easy.” Louis glances over at Harry and then gives him a small smile followed by a _thank you_ , no sound coming out just the shape of the words.

He knocks at the door however his hand makes its way to the knob right away, opening it.

Standing in front of them there’s a huge desk, just like in the movies. There’s an enormous window that covers the whole wall behind and around in the walls there’s paintings and photographs decorating it. Then, behind the desk there’s a man. Harry describes it as someone that has the age to be his father when he was seventeen. He is well dressed, there’s no signals of getting bald any soon.

Harry can see the fascination for this man that Louis saw back then. Taking him some years Harry can agree and say that he looks charming. Even some feet away his eyes pop out, a bright and light colour obscuring the signals of his age, he also notices the many rings in his long fingers. He looks expensive but instead of cologne, the first sense Harry smells is alcohol.

“Louis…” Harry wants to grab Louis in his arms and run away by the way the man says his same. It’s husky, breathless and he sounds… relieved, as if he was happy to see Louis.

He is quickly to stand up from his black, leather chair and walking around the desk towards them. His eyes are fixed on Louis that it seems like he isn’t aware of the presence of the other two men in the room yet. He looks crazy, his eyes are widely opened eating Louis’ flesh, they shine and Harry can’t stop but notice the way he is clenching his fists next to his torso.

By instinct Harry drops Louis’ hand and pushes him backwards, a step away from the man by his chest. Christian stops and his gaze burns Harry’s figure now.

“You must be _Harry_.” Christian states slowly. It sounds dirty especially when his French accent is so clear and rough. Harry doesn’t like it one bit, he doesn’t want to listen to his own name – even to Louis’ name – coming from that man’s mouth.

Harry feels Louis’ heart beating fast, he drops his hand down and locks his fingers with Louis’ again. The fact the smaller guy hasn’t even opened his mouth when he had said that he actually wanted to talk, is worrisome.

Harry only nods as an answer, predicting that Samuel has been probably updating him with everything. Harry made it very clear in front of the guy that he and Louis were kind of together.

“You are with him?” Christian asks, clearly meant to be a question for Louis to answer.

Harry slowly looks next to him, he wonders if Louis’ eyes have stopped on Christian since they walked in, if he has even seen the man in front of them. He keeps frozen looking at some spot next to the strong body of the man. That’s another thing Harry had noticed. Christian is probably taller than him, much stronger and built up. It’s not fair that he had used his body against Louis. Someone so fragile and much smaller.

Louis nods slowly, it’s not like he is unsure but he seems hesitant before doing that. Harry can feel Liam’s breathing behind his neck and somehow that makes him feel protected. He is afraid, he admits he is.

“I wasn’t expecting you.”

“ _Liar_.” Liam speaks up, Harry almost jumping with the shock and sound of his voice.

“Not today at least, am I right?” Christian looks at Liam, an invidious smile threatening to escape. “Who told you?” The question is more direct to Louis but he seems to be deep in his thoughts.

“Doesn’t matter.” Liam answers in Louis’ turns but Christian seems like he doesn’t even need a coherent answer for that.

“Why so quiet, sweetheart?” _just don’t call me sweetheart that brings me to dark places_ that sentence comes up on Harry’s mind “You left me Louis…” His eyes open widely, just like Christian’s did when he saw Louis. Harry is shocked not only because of the words spoken but because of the tone used. He is faking it, he has to, but he seems so good at it that he clearly sounds like he is sad. He wants Louis to pity him and feel bad for what he did. For leaving him. “You hurt me so badly. I gave you everything and you left me with nothing.”

Harry is about to open his mouth but Louis squeezes his hand to warn him. Liam also places his hand on his shoulder, his fingertips sinking on his skin carefully.

“They need to know Louis. He needs to know.” Harry feels sick and mad. He doesn’t know how long he can take this and he doesn’t understand how Louis hasn’t said anything, hasn’t reacted. Harry wonders if it was always like this. “How much you loved me – how much you love me.” He continues, correcting himself emphasising the word love. Harry is probably going to start crying for Louis. “You promised me you would stay but you didn’t and I miss you. Do you know how that hurts? Missing someone who means the world to you.”

“Stop…” Harry whispers, squeezing his eyes shut and he presses his lips together right away. Christian might not hear it but Louis does. He wakes up from his little bubble and turns his face to Harry, studying him. Harry instantly feels Louis’ thumb caressing the palm of his hand.

“You’re hurting him.” Louis speaks finally and it shocks everyone. “I won’t let that happen, you won’t win this time. Seeing you here now doesn’t frighten me anymore.” Louis drops Harry’s hand and gives one step forward. Harry notes that he is three steps close from Christian. “Your words mean nothing to me and if you can’t see that I don’t love you anymore then you’re a fool and need help. You’re sick Christian and I’m sorry… I’m honestly sorry that I kept feeding that disease into you because when I left I should have done something to make you stop. You have to let me go from your mind, it’s not worth it anymore.”

Louis plays with his fingers next to his body, his index brushing and tapping his thumb over and over again, a habit he had developed to keep himself calm and focused only on that. His voice is still shaking but is able to intimidate since it can still sound strict and honest. His figure in the middle of the room stands out, not even his own shadow dares to appear.

“Louis, why are you lying? Why are you doing this to me?” Christian gives one step forward, frowning, his eyebrows almost joining in the middle of his forehead.

“I’m not lying. I lied to you years ago, now I’m telling you the truth. Back then I wished I could have been more but not for you. Fuck you. I wished I could be more for myself. Now… now I am. I am good to myself, to others and I love being alive. I confess it, you won back then, you had me in your hands, you made me hate myself” Louis is the one stepping forward now, pointing his index to the man in front of him in a superior position. “but now you don’t and you won’t have what you want. I only came here to tell you this and leave this fucking weight out of my shoulders. I’m doing this for me because I couldn’t stand the fact that you would live thinking that I’d be always afraid of you, always hurt and broken. I’m not broken. I got over you.”

Christian’s face is red from anger, his façade disappears, losing his character that he had made up. He gives the last step that keeps him and Louis apart and raises his hand to put it all around Louis’ wrist. “Are you sure you want to do this?” Christian’s voice seems to change, it gets huskier and cruelty is seen in his eyes.

When Harry hears the little whimper Louis lets out from his lips he quickly steps forward, pulling away Liam’s hands, pushing Christian away and standing between the two, hiding Louis behind his back. “If you touch him again I will fucking kill you.”

It all comes back to the night Samuel tried to hit on Louis and Harry lost it in that moment. He can’t describe what he feels, he can’t catch any more details besides what his eyes are focused on. Christian seems surprise as if someone challenging him is something unusual, something that no one has ever thought about doing.

He raises his eyebrow after recovering his balance, the smug look on his face is obvious, especially when he brings his tongue to the top of his mouth while smirking. “I see that Louis has a preference.” He starts walking towards Harry, who doesn’t lose his posture, he doesn’t even blink. He keeps his head up, back straight and face strict. “He goes for the crazy ones. I see you’re not better than what I was.”

The way Harry sinks his nails on his hand hurts his skin, expecting to leave mark even. “You’re wrong. I’m not a psycho like you are and I can recognise how and when he wants me to touch him. I don’t need to feel insecure about him leaving me because I don’t give him reasons to and you know what? You’re pathetic just to feel the need to tell me that in a way that would actually make me consider how well I treat him.”

Christian keeps smirking, whatever Harry tells him it won’t change him, his mind and how he thinks. It’s sick, annoying and irritating even, his smug face makes them want to punch him but doing that won’t help, it will make matters worse even. Louis’ anxiety builds up, the inside of his lip will eventually get swollen and taste like blood by how many times he bites on it.

“You know, I can have whatever I want. You’re no one and –“

“ _Mon Dieu, ferme la bouche!”_ Liam’s voice interrupts Christian’s useless comment. He hits his feet hard on the floor, making so much noise that is far from delicate. He steps in front of Louis and Harry, who had brought the blue eyed guy towards his side, under his arm, and quickly grabs Christian’s wrists together in one hand. He presses his chest against the closest wall, his own body next to his torso, the side of Christian’s face is plastered on the wall, facing Liam’s. “I’m going to speak this in English so our friend _Harry_ can understand it.” Harry carefully looks at the scene, shocked by how strong Liam is and how much his aura changed, making Christian not even fight back. “I’m going to make sure you have the end you deserve what I should have fucking done to you when _Louis_ first asked for my help. So you’re nicely going to be quiet,” he pushes him even more against the wall, his knee hitting the back of Christian’s putting some pressure. “and under my touch while you wait for the cops to arrive. Yes, Louis wasn’t lying, you lost and he –we are not afraid of you. You’re just a fucking coward, who thinks money and power can get you everything. Well if that’s the case I’ve got more of all of that so technically you’re fucked. Remember the last time? Our nice little talk? I’m buying this whole company right after you get the hell out of here.”

Harry looks right next to him where Louis is covering his mouth with his tiny, shaky hand. Everything is confusing but somehow it feels like peace is hovering them, overshadowing this heavy ambient. Harry squeezes Louis closer to him, he isn’t crying, the tears had dried right before having time to slide through his eyes. “You’re so strong.” Harry whispers, his lips pressed against Louis’ temple.

He doesn’t know if Louis listens to it, especially since right in that moment loud noises invade the hallway and the door is being opened by three officers and Frederic right behind them. It kind of happens in slow motion but Harry knows somehow everything is happening so fast that there’s no time for him to open his mouth and ask all the questions on his mind, to actually understand what happened in the last fifteen minutes.

“Lou…” Harry whispers, watching Liam’s back out of the door following the four people plus Christian handcuffed. He is afraid that if they listen to their voices they’re coming back and something really bad will happen.

“ _Harry_ …” Louis breathes out as if calling his name is the answer.

“Are you okay?”

There’s silence, actual silence, no one is seen on the hallway, the noise seems to be so far away it might reach the lift. Harry looks to his side and Louis is already looking at him, his eyes telling him poetry. Harry might let out a sigh of relief and he doesn’t even notice it.

“I feel free. I feel free, _Harry_ and I’m not even on a plane.” Louis smiles looking up, his arms instantly hug Harry by his torso. He presses his face on the side of Harry’s body, close to his armpit, possibly even breathing out not caring if it smells like deodorant or laundry detergent. His next words are muffled by the fabric of Harry’s shirt, but warms up his whole body. “Now let’s have that date I promised you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be the epilogue, which i hope it will end up being better and more clarifying. it might take me a little to upload because i haven't done it yet and now school started and i have to organise everything so it'll be a mess until then. hope you all understand. love your comments and support xx
> 
> some references here [here](http://nsfwtomlinson.tumblr.com/post/120794741085/can-can-we-discuss-louis-getting-fucked-face) , [here](http://nsfwtomlinson.tumblr.com/post/126514989310/morning-and-lingerie-for-the-porn-meme-love-what) and [here](http://blu3v3ins.tumblr.com/search/Here%E2%80%99s%20the%20thing:%20I%E2%80%99m%20a%20lover,%20but%20I%E2%80%99m%20also%20one%20hell%20of%20a%20fighter.%20Please%20don%E2%80%99t%20ever%20mistake%20my%20loyalty%20for%20clinginess.%20Of%20course%20I%20want%20to%20see)


	9. IX. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's actually not the end for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well of course i had to take so long to update the last chapter. Honestly it was so hard for me to organise all the ideas i had and school was taking most of my time so i apologise.  
> you can listen to the spotify playlist i made for this fic [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/1199753094/playlist/4WUPpV2KDlfAfEg5a2b3VU) since it's finally complete i decided to share it.  
> (this chapter is not fully edited just because i wanted to post it today and am too lazy to read it for the third time, i will do it thoguh)

**IX. Epilogue;**

_ _

"Kiss me on the mouth and set me free  
Sing me like a choir  
I can be the subject of your dreams  
Your sickening desire  
Don't you want to see a man up close?  
A phoenix in the fire"

\- **Bite by Troye Sivan**

~*~

 

_12:11am comfy at home already?_

**_12:12am since eight you skittle tits_ **

**_12:12am hmmm wrong nickname_ **

**_12:12am you actually have nice tities_ **

**_12:12am always hard breathing fresh air_ **

**_12:12am I def like that sheer shirt with more buttons undone than done_ **

**_12:12am very nice_ **

_12:13am I have zayn next to me I can’t believe I’m reading this_

_12:13am I asked a simply question that required a simple answer_

**_12:13am required_ **

**_12:13am such a posh word to use in a text message_ **

_12:13am did you eat the food I left for you in the fridge?_

**_12:13am why did you ignore my amazing comment??????_ **

**_12:13am but yes I did_ **

**_12:13am and yes I did eat all thirty seven peas_ **

_12:14am louis did you count them?_

**_12:14am did you?_ **

_12:14am LOUIS_

**_12:14am jesus christ no harry I was joking_ **

**_12:14am I can still joke about food k_ **

_12:15am I’m sorry_

**_12:15am required_ **

**_12:15am such a posh word to use in a text message_ **

_12:15am I’m a posh man_

**_12:15am a posh man in bed too?_ **

_12:15am if you want me to be, then yes ;)_

**_12:16am weren’t you next to zayn…….. :)_ **

_12:16am dickhead_

_12:27am I’m a floor close to you!!!!_

_12:27am prepare your ass because I’m coming_

Harry is quick at putting the key in the locker, enthusiasm rushes through his veins. It’s not like he misses Louis, he woke up next to him in the morning and with morning he means afternoon. At two o’clock they got up from bed and ended up making some brunch, which Louis admitted that didn’t eat one since he was fifteen.

It was raining but that didn’t stop them to open the window to feel the cool air and listen to the rain ponding on the windowsill, with music playing on the background, smelling the scene of warm coffee and French toasts.

What Harry does miss is that jiggly feeling he gets when he is right next to Louis, the goose bumps right above his skin, the unsteady breathing, the huge butterflies having a fight on his belly, the warmth he feels with a simple touch… Harry was always a sap but with Louis he is definitely above average.

“Lou?” he calls from the hall, he puts the keys on the little bowl Louis gave him to put his keys and random things he would have around the house – _it really gets on my nerves how you always forget where to put these little things and you know, normal people have places to put their keys on the hallway_.

He gets rid of his denim jacket, putting it on the coat rack along with his bag and walks straight to the living room where he is sure Louis is, watching how the light from the TV screen and lamp stand drives across the floor.

“Hi!” Harry’s face lights up as much as Louis’ eyes shine when turns to glare at him. Louis automatically opens his arms and spreads his legs on the coach, inviting Harry to lay down with his back pressed on his chest. That’s what the green eyed guy does.

“How was work?” Louis kisses the top of his head and pushes his fringe back afterwards.

“Noisy, busy and tiring.”

Louis hums in awareness right when his hands drop to Harry’s tensed shoulders and then to the sides of his upper arms. Harry drops his head on Louis’ shoulders, looking up, catching the way Louis’ hair gets on his way and form dark shapes.

“You smell good!” Louis comments, burying his nose on the back of Harry’s ear and down to the crook of his neck. That automatically makes Harry grab his thighs, squeezing them above Louis’ sweatpants, gently sinking his fingers.

“I smell like sweat.”

“It’s more like cologne at the end of the day, sweet but salty at the same time,” Louis takes another deep breath and Harry giggles by how momentary it tickles. “sweat indeed. I love it.” He presses his lips on the exposed skin, leaving open mouthed kisses and a trace of saliva. “Taste good as well.”

“Cheeky.” Harry grins, tilting his head to catch Louis’ lips in his, this time. It’s brief before he speaks again. “Want to tell me how it went with your therapist?”  Louis pulls away his head instantly, to the point Harry stops feeling his hot breath hitting his cupid’s bow. He doesn’t stop touching the end of the sleeve from Harry’s tee though.

“It was intense this time.” He doesn’t take much time replying, however his eyes get focused on the corner of the room, the telly definitely forgotten.

“That’s why you didn’t text me this time? After you were finished?”

Harry catches the way Louis’ teeth sink on his bottom lip and slowly slides it out. “I went for a walk, it would be a lie if I said I didn’t get lost but it was nice. Got back here, ate and my head was always out of place.” He confesses, looking down at Harry by the end of the sentence.

“That’s okay.” Harry brushes his hand back and forth through Louis’ legs, his eyes never letting the blue of Louis’ go.

“Thank you.” Louis smiles small. “It’s helping though, which is expected after two months, I guess. I like talking better with her than what I did back then when I had to testify to the cops.” He sighs noisily. “It was worse on court. We talked a little about that today, maybe that’s why it got me so much.”

“It’s completely normal, Lou.” Harry leans over to his jaw. “You’ve been taking this very well, you’ve been very brave. I don’t know if it counts as something but I’m really proud.”

“It does. It does count, _Harry_.” Louis smiles genuinely, knocking their temples together. Harry smiling along noticing how Louis doesn’t try to fight back with his words and declining them. “I want to talk to you about something.” Harry nods once, Louis keeping their faces close. “I spoke about this with Mrs Smith today but I want to share it with you as well.”

“I’m listening.”

“I’m… I’m a bit afraid.” Louis finds Harry’s hand and intertwines their fingers.

“What are you afraid of, love?” Harry brings their hands to his lips and kisses the back of Louis’.

“That even though Christian is restricted to get near me… I’m afraid he finds me and somehow hurts me again. Me and the others you know? I have no way to know that and I don’t know how to defend myself.”

“Oh Louis,” Harry grabs both Louis’ hands and gets them around his own torso, hugging them against him and pressing his back on Louis, trying his best to feel as close as possible. “You know that won’t happen right?” Louis hugs him closer too, his cheeks resting on top of his head. “And I’m here with you. I won’t let him or anybody hurt you.”

“I know… _God_ , I know. I’m just a bit obsessed with that. Don’t want it to get worse so I’m working that out with her. I didn’t tell you earlier because I didn’t want to worry you even more. You seemed stressed by that time, I felt it even by the way you looked at me. Or kissed me. During that month you started treating me differently.”

“Lou…” Harry squeezes Louis’ wrists. “I didn’t mean that I –“

“I know,” he pauses, his head moving so he gets his cheek pressed next to Harry’s. “It wasn’t bad different; it just wasn’t normal. But I understand why, I admit I was a bit fragile. I’m very thankful for your support, yeah?” He smiles, slightly turning his face to the side to meet again with Harry’s, who nods mimicking Louis’ smile. Louis leans over and pressed a kiss on his dimple, Harry crunching his eyes by the gesture, forming crinkles at the corner.

“How about a long and warm bath and then we watch a movie on my laptop? So we can lay down in bed?”

“Can I choose it this time?” Louis grins, I eyes sparkling looking at the green of Harry’s, Unintentionally but very instinctively playing with the fabric of Harry’s shirt, from his chest.

“This time? You are always the one choosing!” Louis opens his mouth due the alarming statement.

“Excuse me? Can you please stop poisoning the air with those toxic comments of yours, you chicken?” Harry starts laughing right away, the way Louis’ face looks so serious not working on his comeback. “If you don’t stop laughing on my face I’m going to switch your apple juice with my own piss next time.”

“I’m sorry love.” He leans over and plants a kiss on Louis’ cold tip of his noise. “Is just you’re so small and cute so when you try to look mad and say those things it’s just funny and even more cute.”

Louis sighs but shakes his head while a smile cracks on his face, his arms hugging Harry tightly against his body, plastering a huge and wet kiss on Harry’s lips. “I guess I will set free my cute being while I’m with you for now.”

“Forever.” Harry pouts and Louis doesn’t contain himself on sucking Harry’s bottom lip right away.

“Forever.” He agrees.

~*~

“Happy birthday, lion.”

Louis gets one eye open, suspiciously looking at the side at Harry, whose smile takes over his whole face, dimples deep on the sides of each of his cheeks. His eyebrows form a frown looking nothing but adorable in Harry’s perspective.

Harry’s perfectly cut nails start tickling the naked sides of Louis’ body, the smooth skin turning harsher by the way he shivers, lifting his baby hairs from his body. Louis can definitely feel Harry’s morning boner next to his leg but none of them seem to give it much attention now, the way both are looking at each other takes all of their time.

The blinds from the window is fully open from yesterday since Louis insisted that he wanted to see Harry’s naked body on the bed with the last rays of sunshine hitting his skin. He massaged, kissed and caressed every inch of Harry’s body. Harry then proceed on telling him he felt like they were making love until the moon looked visibly bright up in the dark sky. Louis protested about it. Not because Harry used the word _love_ but because he used the word _love_ only that one time. Harry didn’t have to say nor ask anything else to know that Louis felt the same as him. They’ve been doing that from day one even in the wildest climaxes of their sex.

And Harry knows. Harry feels it but the glimpse of the moment and the high of the orgasm made him say those things without forming the perfect and right sentence he wished he would have said.

“When you say lion you mean what exactly?” Louis asks slowly, tone completely teasing but still very hoarse due the early hour.

Harry fakes thinking deeply, eyes looking at the ceiling and lips joining into a pout, dragging a husky _hmm_ from his closed lips. “I mean… fluffy,” he instantly drops his bigger body on top of Louis’, his hands never leaving his bare torso. “strong,” He sinks his fingers on Louis’ hip, his teeth biting down on the crook of his neck. Louis starts giggling and that’s his way to say good morning. “invincible,” Harry continues, raising his head and looking down at Louis, teeth showing by how big he is smiling now. “loud,” He laughs along with Louis, fingertips drawing invisible circles on his bone and then leans over. “And gold.” He kisses his lips.

“You taste like fart.” Louis speaks between their lips, not stopping kissing him though, even allowing Harry’s tongue invading his opened mouth.

“And you taste like rotten milk.” Harry laughs, legs parting on the sides of Louis’, his whole body covering Louis under the sheets and covers.

“We have intriguing tastes.” Harry agrees with Louis before kissing the sides of his lips and then down to his jaw. When Louis’ smile starts growing again he goes up to kiss his eye lids, one of his hand travelling to his cheekbones and then his lips, up again to his forehead.

“You’re very warm. You make me feel very warm. And happy birthday again.” Harry whispers, eyelashes now tickling Louis’ skin.

“And merry Christmas!”

“It’s Christmas Eve only.”

Louis’ hands go behind his back and places it right in the middle of Harry’s spine. “I’m only following what you told me once. You prefer the Eve so today is Christmas for us.”

“You remember that?” Harry smiles, Louis opening his eyes and facing Harry’s nose almost bumping his.

“Of course I do. I’m not that heartless.”

“Never thought that.” Harry laughs.

“Dammit, I forgot to wrap your present.” Louis tries to get away from Harry’s embrace. “Need to get a bow and put in on my body!” Harry starts laughing, stopping Louis to move by wrapping his arms around his body and laying his head down on his chest this time, feeling the vibration of Louis’ laughter.

“No need of that. Makes it easier for me.” Louis starts giggling when Harry kisses his right nipple, his nose brushing the small hairs starting to grow on Louis’ chest – he hasn’t been taking his usual time every week to shave now. “Loving the present so far.”

He starts kisses the inside of Louis’ bicep, making him start laughing harder. Harry knows if he kisses the way he is doing and then just brushes his lips above the skin will simply tickle him. However, he also knows if he parts his mouth a bit wider, gets the tip of his tongue out and sucks the spot there, leaving it also wet it turns some kind of spark inside Louis, lightening it right away.

He gets the reaction he wants, Louis arcs his spine, shuts his eyes tightly at the same time a small moan comes from his lips. “The present is _ah_ –“ Louis words are cut when Harry sucks now another mark between his collarbone and the crock of his neck, teeth and all, Harry’s belly unintentionally creating friction on Louis’ cock by the way he has to push his body up.

“The present is what?” Harry insists, leaving his lips on the wet spot, hot breath hitting the red skin.

“Is, erm, def –definitely enjoying the attention.”

“ _Mmm_ …” Harry now softly kisses the hickey he left.

“You… You make me feel like I’m hovering the clouds all the time.” He sighs comfortably, his arms wrapping around Harry’s board back.

“I make you feel free, then?”

“Yes… yes you do make me feel free.”

~*~

“Honestly Louis, leave the cookies to me.” Harry steps ahead, taking the tree and star shaped cookies from the oven right away – with gloves on, which Louis was only trusting on a simple kitchen’s cloth.

“You said the same with the fruit cake.” Louis rolls his eyes, leaning his hip against the counter, his arms crossed against his chest looking at Harry taking the overcooked pastries and put them on the special basket Louis got especially for them.

“Well because you were definitely going to ruin it.”

Louis sighs exaggeratingly. “All right I will take care of dinner then.”

“Jesus Christ.” Harry drops the cookies immediately, taking the gloves from his hands and opening his arms in a way to protect the turkey. “No, please.”

“I was just going to cut the potatoes.”

“Oh. But it’s only four, love.” Harry drops his arms on his side, smiling slightly. “You seem excited,” he takes the last step between them and places his hands on Louis’ waist, holding him firm. “we will eat turkey for two weeks due the size of that guy there.” Harry chuckles, Louis following him.

“I am excited. We won’t feel lonely this year.” Louis leans over on the tip of his toes to peck Harry’s lips in his.

“You used to spend Christmas alone?” Louis nods.

“Never had the courage to spend with Liam and his family. I don’t think it’d be good for me.”

“Well it’s you, me and the turkey this year.” Harry is about to push Louis against his chest when the sound of the door interrupts.

“Oh, and your second present.” Louis smiles enthusiastically and pulls away from Harry’s arms, running away to the hallway. Harry frowns but decides to wait for the guy to come back, looking on his recipes book for a birthday cake. He has been looking for an hour but can’t seem to find one to actually fit his – and Louis’, especially Louis’ – preferences.

A smile appears on his face while he flips through the pages of the book, his chin rested on the palm of the hand whose elbow is pressed on the counter. Louis makes him feel so full of joy he feels like he is going to explode flowers, real flowers as a gift to the blue eyed guy for everything he had done. For every minute and moment of happiness he gave to Harry.

He loves him so much, Harry actually loves Louis truly, in a whole. The love he thought he would never feel for someone he is feeling now and it’s real. It exists and it does make you feel like they said. It feels unreal, it feels like it’s happening in high speed but you feel every single thing fully and it doesn’t stop, you don’t want it to stop. There’s always a spark on you, you go to bed still not sleepy but you always feel warm and comfy. You drink your coffee in the morning rather per habit than to have energy because he does that. Louis gives Harry the energy he needs to go through the day. He never does the groceries annoyed because he has the thought that he is shopping for two. There’s no empty space inside him, Louis lightens every dark shell.

“ _Harry_?” he hears Louis and he reached the point he can also hear the smile on his face, he doesn’t need to see it to know it’s there anymore.

He turns around, his smile growing wider while he answers “Yes?” and when he is fully facing the slim figure entering the kitchen, his smile doesn’t particularly drop. In that case it should rip his face by how big it should be but instead his eyes get wider and his lips part forming a complete “o”.

“Gemma?” Harry looks at his sister feeling his hands going numb and his knees week. Then there it is, he smiles instantly when sees her doing the same, teeth on display and eyes crinkled. “Oh my god, come here.” He says but walks towards her anyway, opening his arms when she does what he said so.

It’s just like Harry remembers, her sister’s hugs always reminded him his mother and every time they hug tightly like this after a long time, tears prickle his eyes from nostalgia.

“How are you, big brother?” Gemma whispers, his face on his neck, brushing his hand up and down through his long back. Harry squeezes her tighter, one hand on her shoulder blades, the other under her arm.

“I’m okay. I’ve been very well.” He admits, opening his eyes for a second to catch Louis’ eyes on the moment, grinning in fond. He also catches another man next to him, who he has an idea who he is but lets his eyes fall shut once again, focusing on the embrace.

“Missed you. Missed you so much.” Gemma locks her hands behind his back, voice cracking a bit and Harry can only rest his hand on her hair, resting his cheek on top of her head.

“You’re here.” He smiles and she nods, sniffing.

They pull away long seconds later, yet Gemma keeps her arm around Harry’s waist, who keep his on top of her shoulders.

“Well,” Gemma clears her throat, glancing over Harry for one last time. He meets her eyes, she looks a bit different since they last saw each other – probably three years ago, Harry can’t even count –, perhaps she looks a bit older than she should, reminding Harry their mother even more, yet her hair is now blondish, her darker roots already showing but that still give her some elegance. Plus, she is wearing a burgundy dress with black thighs, her high heels boots making her almost as tall as her brother. “this was intense for me.” She takes a deep breath.

Harry pulls her closer, kissing her temple. “What are you even doing here?” He asks softly.

“Oh well I apologise if my presence is bothering you.” She laughs, the other three people in the room joining. “Louis here talked to me and put me some good sense in my head.” She squeezes Harry’s hip, looking straight in the eyes at Louis. “Honestly Harry, we’re still family you know?” Her tone drops a little, eyes carefully on the taller man. “I know a lot of things makes it hard for us to actually be one, but we still are.” She looks back at Louis. “So this handsome man invited us to spend Christmas in dear London with you. Hope that’s okay we invaded your house for two nights.”

“I don’t. I definitely don’t, you’re more than welcome. You can stay longer than two nights even.” He smiles down at her, not even bothering to joke about it. It even seems like the Christmas spirit grew stronger.

“Let me introduce you properly to my boyfriend!” She says excitedly, stepping away from Harry to walk to the man next to Louis, who is the same height as him. Dark hair, as dark as the night, a proper new Yorker, Harry thinks. Light eyes, not really blue actually far from that shade, more like a grey tone and a strong jaw line. “Harry, this is Christopher.”

“Really nice to meet you.” Harry steps forward, squeezing the man’s hand who then pushes him into his chest for a hug.

“Really, really nice to meet you too.” The man says, patting Harry’s shoulders twice before pulling away. “I always loved to visit London so I want to thank you for living here by the way.” Harry chuckles with the comment.

“Well, thanks Louis for actually doing something about making my sister come here and leave the busy city of New York.” Harry looks over at the blue eyed man, whose eyes seem to be frozen on Harry’s posture. “I sure am very grateful as well.”

~*~

“This is the best Christmas night I’ve spend since my parents died, you know?” Harry says walking into the kitchen.

He spots the back of Louis, covered in a nice black, formal shirt and when he turns around he sees how it’s buttoned up till his Adam’s apple, sleeves pulled up just a little above his wrists. Louis seems pleased to see him, even though the words he heard didn’t bring a smile to his face. He said he was going to bring the deserts so Harry didn’t need to leave the table and could stay to catch up with his sister.

Two hours at the dinner table were enough time to catch up with most of things –although Louis had more time since he was the one spending time with Gemma and her boyfriend while Harry spent the rest of the time cooking – mentioning the future gallery project in Paris that Louis helped him to achieve and of course random funny stories he always keeps in his mind – this time Louis participating in most of them. And of course Gemma told about all her little adventures in the city, her job promotions and how she and Christopher met –and details Harry didn’t really need to know but felt happy to hear about either way.

“Those are a lot of sad Christmas.”

Harry nods but he doesn’t look sad. Not even a little bit. “What about you?”

They keep the space between them, Louis supporting his hands behind him on the edge of the counter. He doesn’t need Harry to elaborate the question to answer it. “I don’t celebrate Christmas since my sixteen’s. We are kind of even, aren’t we?” Harry nods again, lips pursing into a straight line.

“I’m proud of you. It’s… it’s the first time I’m seeing you eating in front of people. That aren’t me of course.”

Louis turns around and busies himself with the deserts and bringing some clean glasses for the drinks to take to the table, he keeps speaking though. “It’s part of the recovering. I talked about this with Mr Smith before so I could feel ready. It’s good to feel normal.”

“You were always normal, Louis.”

“Yeah… But not to myself.” He admits, slowly turning around one more time. This time Harry wasn’t expecting such big smile on his lips. “But I’m doing good, am I not?”

“Definitely.” Harry nods frenetically. “You definitely are.” He finally starts walking towards Louis, who seems to expect him right away, parting his legs and discretely swinging his hips.

It’s like both had planned that as if it was a choreography, the moment Harry puts his hands on his waist Louis does a little jump to be place on top of the counter, right on the free place behind him. Harry attaches his lips under his jaw kissing softly before whispering. “Why did you do this?”

“Did what?” Louis chuckles, tangling his fingers on Harry’s long hair.

“This.” His lips brush Louis’ skin. “Inviting my sister for me.”

“Was that wrong?” He pulls Harry’s hair, detaching him from his own neck to make them look at each other in the eyes.  “I didn’t mean to seem nosy I –“

“No, no, no!” He interrupts Louis by placing kisses each _no’s_ he says on his lips. “I’m so grateful.” He pulls away, one hand gripping Louis’ cheek. “I guess I lost my courage to talk to my own sister and we were pulled apart by time. You appeared and did that one little step for us.” Louis leans to the touch. “I just… don’t understand. You keep doing these nice things for me. I feel like I haven’t done half of it for you.”

“It’s not about pay back, _mon ange_.” Louis places his hand on top of Harry’s, his thumb caressing the highest bone from his middle finger. “And if it really was about that… you are the one doing so much for me that I just feel like doing something in return. But honestly… I do this because I care for you.” He pauses, Harry dropping one hand to hold Louis’ hip, rubbing down to his thigh. “I want you happy and you deserve all of this. All these little things I do for you and so much more.” Louis holds Harry’s hand, bringing it to his lips at the same time he locks his legs behind Harry’s body, pushing him closer. “And don’t you see? _Parce que je t’aime_.”

Harry doesn’t need to have fifty classes of French and taking an A to actually know the meaning of that last sentence. He understands it so quickly that it becomes funny to Louis by the way he grins, eyes looking straight forward at Harry in pure joy. _Joy_. The way Louis says those words, slowly, so genuinely and looking at Harry as if his life depended on it. It doesn’t depend but he does a good job in being convincing.

The moment is quickly, the time Harry takes to think about answering in words or with a kiss is the time Gemma takes to appear in the kitchen and speak. “Oh. Am I interrupting?”

Louis unlocks his legs and Harry pulls away, face turning around to look at his sister. The lack of answer is enough for her but Louis jumps out of the counter and gets the desserts. “I will take this to the table and then prepare our drinks.” Harry doesn’t look at Louis’ face but he sounds nice, polite and actually comfortable. He is comfortable. They are _so_ okay.

“I actually came here to tell you that I can prepare it. I’ve learnt some tricks and I can manage to do some good mixtures with whatever Harry owns.”

“Well I will trust you.” Louis smiles and excuses himself out of the kitchen.

“Do you have gin? Strawberries?” Gemma asks, pulling the sleeves from her dress up until her elbows. Harry nods as answer, giving her space. “I know an amazing gin with tea that I’m sure you all will love.”

“Sounds interesting.” Harry smiles, immediately looking for the ingredients her sister might need to give her.

With a knife and strawberries on the counter, Gemma starts. “You never really came out to me, you know?” Taken back with the comment Harry sits on the bank made for his island. “I mean, I knew you weren’t straight but I always thought one day I’d hear it from you.”

“I’m sorry.” Harry hears himself saying.

“Harry,” Her head snaps quickly to look at him. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I always made you feel like you were a burden.” Harry looks surprised at her. “You think I didn’t know how you felt? I just didn’t know how to change that, how to make it better. I thought that leaving to America would solve everything, would make it easier but it was a bit of a bitch move, wasn’t it?” She chuckles, not that is funny but Harry understands. “I was selfish. I should have make us feel like a family, we should have been united after everything we’ve been through.”

“Jesus Gemma,” He shakes his head, walking towards her and bringing her under his arm. She places her hand on his chest and looks above his shoulder. “It’s been a long time, we should make up for lost time not remembering the regrets of our life. Don’t you agree?” She hides her face on his shoulder, groaning. Harry leans down and pecks her hair. “It’s okay sis! We have something to work on now. Make it better for both of us.” He brushes her arm up and down.

“Yeah… I want it. I want it very much.” She hugs him by the sides.

“Maybe start by talking to me about planning your wedding. I smell a proposal very soon and I only spent half a day with you two.” He teases, squeezing her arm. When Gemma looks up with a playful grin on her face he raises his eyebrows waiting for some kind of answer.

“I don’t want to sound snobby but I think he is going to propose on New Year’s Eve. He is that kind of romantic type and we’ve been discussing this a lot and about the plans for this day. He says he is going to take me on a surprise trip.”

Harry’s eyes open widely, his mouth agapes with a huge smile, teeth plastering. “That’s it, that’s the code. You’re getting married oh my god!” Harry starts jumping with her arms around her, Gemma starts laughing but quickly tells him to be quiet.

“You’re being like this with me and my boyfriend I don’t want to know how you are with Louis. Yes because we haven’t talked about your little not so little crush on Louis.” She slowly looks up at him, a similar smirk playing on her lips. Harry groans and lets her go with a small chuckle.

“Don’t call it a crush. I’m head over heels.” He pushes his hair back from his forehead laughing again by the way she flicks her eyebrows at him.

“I won’t even ask if it’s reciprocated or not. It’s obvious.”

“It is. It is, Gemma.”

 ~*~

When they sing happy birthday to Louis, homemade cake looking more like it’s from those cake’s competitions with a little bit of a cliché, Christmas theme, Harry is loud about it. He is grinning wider than the Louis, clapping his hands together not looking away from the blue eyed guy that somehow has now a red Santa’s hat on his head. It’s only three people singing the famous and familiar song but it sounds like a room full of people.

Louis only hears Harry’s voice though.

He blows his candles but doesn’t wish for anything in particular. If it was to wish it a year ago he would have a list of things, happiness above everything. Now that everything is being worked out, it’s seems selfish to wish for more after everything the universe chose to give him during the year.

And Louis isn’t a superstitious person, however when Harry appears next to him, his hands suddenly behind his neck, his thumb rubbing circles there and pulling their faces together for a kiss, Louis starts believing in magic… And the happy ever after kiss, something he never thought it would be there waiting for him in the future. Now is closer than ever

Harry whispers an _I love you too_ , those words painting his lips in red, redder than the cake on the table. The look Gemma and her boyfriend give to them make not only Louis, but the two see that what is happening is reality and is not something they have hidden between the two.

Harry gives Louis a ring as a gift, he doesn’t freak out because he knows it’s a promise ring. One that even has bears dancing craved in silver so it’s not too formal. He accepts the sappy gesture from Harry with a soft peck on the cheek, blushing with the way they’re still being observed.

Then it’s funny how Louis had bought a month later, planning to give Harry for Christmas anyway, a necklace with a pearl but he doesn’t think about any special meaning. Just the way Harry looks at him is enough to think about this memorable time as just that… special.

~*~

It’s the first of February and it is a mere coincidence that the date chosen for Louis and Harry to fly to Paris for the opening of his art in Liam’s gallery, happens to be Harry’s anniversary as well.

Harry’s idea of posh didn’t use to be appetizers being served by people dressed the same way, that taste like sushi when you try it for the first time, followed by champagne that burns your throat down till your stomach. There’s too many bright red lips on women and tall, middle age men with their hair brushed perfectly. The music is the type of one that appeals Zayn’s ears but makes Niall roll his eyes looking at the way he is swinging his hips with a glass on his hand. The space is very white but commodious, making their voices projecting to the walls. Also, he definitely didn’t know that such expensive suit would ache and be this uncomfortable on his body, however he does feel very charming.

He is wearing black pants matching a _Louis Vuitton_ blazer covered with silver, original symbols. Under that there’s a simple white shirt with dark grey buttons and an even darker grey bow with a chaff pattern, to compliment everything together.

Needless to say that it was Louis’ choice. And Louis’ present, who says he is the highlight of the night and that no one will step out of the gallery without knowing his name and not with the aim to forget. However, in his opinion, Louis stands out much more, might be just his eyes but he doubts that because he is sure there’s a spotlight following his slim figure every step he gives.

Otherwise Harry he is wearing a light grey full suit, with stripes a shade darker than the same grey, whose buttons are a very a very shinny white. His shirt underneath has the same pattern than the jacket but more discrete since the colours are a light –almost white –blue combined with baby blue stripes, a similar colour to the tie around his neck. His hair is styled with the famous and adored cinnamon roll and his beard is nicely trimmed.

And it’s not only his looks. His voice can be heard on the other side of the room, his grin shines and is probably doing a better job at illuminating the building than the lights on the roof, his smell is driving him crazy and is not just the expensive cologne. Harry’s ears are listening to the people complementing his works but his eyes are seeing the sun. _Louis_.

Liam had probably patted him on the shoulder ten times, his sister hugged and smiled at him the double of those, Zayn and Niall had spent twenty minutes with their arms around his shoulders but Louis’ small touches might had been less but felt like more, felt like he was being electrocuted and lived to tell people the feeling of it. His body is thrown backwards, he feels the blood rushing through his veins and his eyes can’t keep shut. There was a freaking explosion inside of him just when Louis walked by next to him and brushed his index up on his knuckles and that’s how he has been feeling. He has been feeling like the whole universe is hugging him.

Harry used to feel vacant on parties or any other event for that matter, yet tonight he feels present, he knows where he is, what he wants and who he is.

“I’m really impressed Mr Styles.” He continues listening to the man’s voice. Harry believes his name is George and he remembers Louis saying that he is obsessed with art and also has a lot of knowledge about it. He goes to every event possible and for the looks of it he might have a mansion with a room dedicated to all the pieces he invested his money on.

His wife apparently was the one with all the money and when she died all of it became his, since she wasn’t able to have kids and not even a sister had. Two glasses of champagne and one of wine, Harry got that whole story in the man’s Australian accent.

“Please, just Harry.” Harry smiles, he truly is trying his best to be polite but Louis is right behind the man, five feet away, a glass covering his smirk, waist leaned on a table, one hand behind his back to stand out his crotch to Harry’s sigh. Teasing, he is teasing and Liam, who’s next to him, had noticed that but is apparently doing his best not to react to it.

“I like to keep it formal.” George says instead, his voice reminds Harry his grandpa’s one. It’s sweet but rough, it can show respect but doesn’t frighten you. “You have a lot of potential here and I’m very interested in buying some of your works.”

“Really?” it’s not the first time Harry has heard this tonight but from this man’s profile he feels like it’s different. It’s more real. “That’d make me very content.”

The man nods. “I know Mr Liam since he started showing his works in other galleries when he was around twenty.” Harry licks his lips and with a discrete smile he turns his eyes away from Louis, to the old man’s face. “He is nearly thirty now, he grew up a lot, as a person and as an artist. He was always good, he achieved a lot but I’ve notice that what you do, your technique and how you seem to express what you want to the canvas is different from his. I won’t say it’s better,” George plays with the half empty glass in his hand and clears his throat, his voice sounding less husky. “but there’s a lot more in you than what there was in him when he was around your level. Do you know what I mean?”

“Oh,” Harry’s eyes open widely. “That’s… That’s a lot to hear.” George nods again, his lips twisting into a small smile this time.

“Don’t feel bad for it.” George places her hand firmly on Harry’s shoulders, his head falling to look down at his two hands holding his glass. “He knows it.” There’s a pause, Harry using it to look back at him, noticing that Louis behind them is looking attentively at them, changing his body language. “I noticed that you also get along with Louis Tomlinson. He has a lot of talent as well, he is special. Liam had painted him a lot but I noticed that you haven’t? At least there’s not any –“

“No.” Harry interrupts, answering right away. “Erm, no I haven’t. I don’t –I don’t paint him.”

“But you paint people.”

Harry nods, eyes shutting for that moment, George raises his eyebrows on his forehead. “I do. But not him. I don’t… we are –“

“Hello Mr George.” Harry’s head snaps to the right spotting Louis next to him with a big and wide grin on his face and a small string of hair falling on the side of his temple, making Harry feel very tempted on putting it in place.

By instinct Harry’s hand tries to reach for Louis’ hip, wanting to place it there but he pulls it away in time, stopping himself. Louis furrows his eyebrows, ending up with his own arm around Harry’s torso, his hand gripping his waist and pushing the sides of their bodies together. Harry’s shoulders drop, relieved from the tension.

“Tomlinson,” George greets him, his eyes go from the gesture Louis and Harry are sharing to searching for Liam’s figure that appears right away next to Louis. “Mr Liam.” He smiles widely, his hand resting on his shoulder.

“I’ve told you, it’s just Liam.” Harry laughs along with Liam and George. Louis’ head keeps tilted looking up at Harry’s profile. His eyes following the line of his jaw, stopping on his chin and then up to his lips.

Harry has been used to this, every time he feels like his sides are burning, it’s just Louis’ eyes on him. He looks away from the two men in front of him to meet Louis’ eyes. They smile instantly just like it’s natural from a candlewick to light up when fire touches it.

“Hey angel.” Harry whispers, his head leaning closer to Louis’, who seems like breathing stops being on his vocabulary and his brain stops receiving the information to how to do it. However, his face softens so much that Harry wonders if he touched his skin, it would melt. “It’s good to have you next to me.”

Louis’s lips seem to get even closer to Harry’s, exactly like he wanted them to touch – he probably does want. Definitely. Both want to.

“You smell so good.” Louis whispers instead, voice so soft it doesn’t even cracks by being talking so lowly. His eyes shut for two seconds as if he was inhaling the sense into his soul. Then he gets closer to Harry’s ear as if there was no one around them. “But I want you to smell like sex and my perfume.”

Harry’s hand makes its way to the back of Louis’ neck, his fingertips brushing the little visible skin there while pulling his head back to look at him in the eyes.

“Oh, I get it now.” George’s voice interrupts their little moment but they look away from each other slowly, their eyes only looking forward on the last moment when they can’t keep them looking at the other.

“Sorry?” Harry asks, his throat dry, now looking at the silver haired man.

“You paint him with your eyes.”

~*~

“Are you here by yourself?” Harry’s fingertips touch the middle of Louis’ back, then down through his spine following the almost invisible line from his jacket, where it folds in half. At the end he rests his whole hand flat on the bottom, just a little above the curve of his ass.

“Well…” Louis looks up from the napkin on top of the counter, where his body is leant on, still holding his pen between his thumb and index. “I was actually waiting for someone but I guess now he is too important to make me company.”

The building is now mostly empty and much darker since half of the light are off. Liam’s voice is heard on the background once in a while, the music is low and there’s employees, the same that were serving the appetizers, cleaning what is left and putting everything in order. It somehow feels like they’re alone.

“That someone must be an asshole.” Harry leans over discretely, his hand not leaving Louis. “Leaving someone as handsome as you all alone.” He smiles while Louis straightens his back and saves his pen on the pocket from inside his jacket.

“I understand his side. It’s his night, he deserves the fame. Deserves all the attention of the whole world.” Louis fixes the collar from Harry’s shirt, putting it nicely above the fabric from his jacket. His fingers travel up to brush his curls, previously stuck on his temple by the sweat.

“I bet he only wishes for your attention.” Harry pushes Louis’ chest against his by his back. Louis leaves a small surprised noise out of his mouth, his hands resting on Harry’s shoulders as support.

“He knows he has it.” Louis whispers above Harry’s lips, licking his own before dropping his eyes to Harry’s shiny ones, twisting into a smile.

“Lucky man.”

The blue eyed man is the one breaking the space between them, sucking Harry’s bottom lip between his, no teeth, just carefully and softly sucking. He seems to be desperate for more when stops to just kiss him nonstop, head tilting to the side, the tip of his nose brushing Harry’s warm cheek. Harry hums with the touch, hands gripping the fabric from the end of Louis’ jacket, pushing him impossibly closer. Louis smiles by the reaction he received with a simple kiss, pulling away slowly, a trace of saliva connecting them until it slips.

“It’s insane how much I missed to have you next to me.”

“I know.” Harry kisses just under his ear. “It’s like you were so far away the whole night. I only had you for like two times.” He pecks Louis’ lips, who was definitely asking for it. “Couldn’t kiss you in any of those.” Louis pouts, joking with the words. Harry chuckles kissing the pout and then biting down on his lip so Louis can part his mouth and he can taste him properly. Their tongues are used to each other by now but it always builds that warm feeling in each other’s belly as if it was the first time they were French kissing.

“Going to have you all to myself when we reach home.” Louis smirks, rolling his hips to brush their crotches together. “Might eat you out as if it was your birthday cake.”

Harry’s head falls back by laughter. “We can take turns.” His hands go down to grip Louis’ ass cheeks, receiving a gasp as an answer.

“Are Zayn and Niall gone?” Louis brushes his nose on Harry’s jaw, eyelashes flickering up and down to Harry.

“They just left now.”

“I talked to them half an hour ago, they loved the night.” Harry smiles, nodding. “They could have stayed over, booking an hotel only for two nights was insane.”

“If they stayed over we would have to invite my sister as well. It’d be an after party in your house and I definitely am not up for that.” He chuckles biting Louis’ nose playfully. “But tomorrow we’re meeting them for breakfast.”

“Breakfast?” Louis looks deep into Harry’s eyes, head tilting to the side and licking his earlobe.

“Okay… lunch.” He breathes out, Louis’ hands gripping his hair from behind, pressing their groins together in a way that is not at all painful. “Dinner?” he encourages Louis mouth in his skin, now placing single kisses down to the crock of his neck, luckily exposed.

“How about an afternoon snack?”

“Sounds even better.”

“I’m thinking about doing a new tattoo. And then we can have dinner out. Just the two.”

Harry’s face lights up. “That sounds amazing, darling.” Louis pulls away, being face to face to the green eyed lad.

“We should get going then.” Harry nods, hand making its way to hold Louis’, fingers intertwining. He looks at the side for no reason at all, and spots the napkin Louis was giving his attention at before he walked towards him.

“Oh,” Harry grabs it from the counter to look at it closer. “This is… This is really pretty Lou.” He looks away from the drawing Louis simply had done of a butterfly, with a black tinted pen, to look at the smaller guy next to him, who chuckles at that.

“That’s literally nothing. I was just trying to pass time while you were finishing talking with everyone.” Louis rolls his eyes when tries to take the napkin from Harry’s hands but I impossible to reach it when Harry lifts his arm up. “Honestly _Harry_ …” Louis shakes his head, the hand that was trying to get the paper rests now on his chest.

“Can I… Can I keep it?” Louis frown lasts mere seconds because then his face becomes emotionless, yet with the way he looks at Harry it shows everything and more. He ends up shrugging and bringing Harry with him when starts walking away to say goodbye to Liam and head home.

~*~

“Dinner was amazing wasn’t it?” Louis asks, even though it is supposed to be just a comment Harry knows he expects an answer with his full point of view. It’s not idiotic, it’s Louis’ way to deal with this.

His hand is touching the few and small strings from Harry’s dark green scarf around his neck, his eyes totally focused in that spot. They’ve laid a blanket on the floor, put three pillows around them and sat down in front of the huge fireplace from the living room. The light from the fire illuminates half of Louis’ face, making it look like it’s tanned.

Harry pointed out how it felt like they were back in fall, everything looks kind of orange-y and smells like cinnamon and chocolate so he totally had to light up a vanilla scented candle –just because Louis didn’t have an apple or cranberry one.

“It was. It was perfect.” Harry assured Louis, his hand resting on top of his. “You did great.” Harry brings his hand in front of his lips to kiss Louis’ knuckles, at least twice.

“I didn’t… I didn’t reach dead ends when I ran.”

Harry frowns, trying to reach closer from Louis even though they’re sitting Indian style in front of each other. “Ran? Ran where?”

“When I ran away.” Louis completes. “I didn’t reach dead ends because I’m very alive, there is plenty of light where I am now.” He grins, eyes wandering from Harry’s down to his lips where his hand is still in front of. “I’m proud of myself you know? I am but I’m also thankful for you, _mon ange_.” He pulls his hand away from Harry to rest it on his cheek, his thumb caressing his cheekbone while Harry does the same but on his wrist. “I don’t know if it’s wrong…”

“It’s not.” Harry shakes his head. “At the end it’s all your work. All your strength and own will but of course I’d help in what I could.”

Louis nods, hand moving to Harry’s shoulder, his hand then going to rest on Louis’ chest. “I feel like each morning I start over. We start over. It made me show you the real me and piece by piece you now have me in a whole and I trust you with it.”.” Louis joins their foreheads together, brushing the tip of their noses while he shuts his eyes. ““I trust you with me. You’re the first person I want to talk to when something comes up in my mind. You’re so good, you make me feel so much, _Harry_.” Harry breathes out, cracking a smile. “So much that sometimes it feels like I’m going to bust wide open.” Louis chuckles. “I know what they call this... and it’s okay. This can be my confession, right?”

Harry’s both hands travel to cup Louis’ cheeks in them. “Of course. Of course, my love.” He grins, so widely that if his smile had a sound it would be the loud sound of a waterfall;, if it had a sense it’d be the smell of fresh baked bread in the morning and if it had a texture it would be the soft and light touch of a clean pillowcase at the end of a tiring day; but Harry’s smile can only have a feeling –more than one actually, he just can’tcan enumerate them from the most important to the less. “I love you and Iyou know I’m not in this alone and that makes meI’m so happy.”

Louis laughs, he literally laughs, eyes crinkling atin the corner and Harry never saw and heard such amazing and beautiful thing. Louis is right;, Louis understands him, sometimes the feeling is so much that it feels like he is going to bust wide open. It’s exactly how Harry feels most of the time with him, thinking of him, smelling him, seeing him…

They say that you’re only truly happy if you’re unconscious, since you don’t think and are aware of the consequences of living but Harry is very well conscious of everything, he isn’t dumb, he is aware but meanwhile he is happy at the same time.. He achieved happiness –Louis achieved happiness, their level and definition of happy in a world of challenges. Happiness is never a constant but that’s where the pleasure of it is, the boredom, the value of it at the end. It doesn’t get boring.

Their lips crash not as if the world was ending like those happy ever after movies, not like as if it’s their last one –because they know it won’t be – their lips touch just like what they’re feeling at the moment.makes them to. They put into that kiss what the moment provides to their veins, with the same intensity as their heart is beating.

Louis lets his body fall upon Harry’s, who falls backwards on top of the covers so carefully, afraid that the floor willwould break and they’llthey’d hit the ground. Louis’ hands discover the discovered when they brush up and down the sides of Harry’s body, when he tangles his fingers around his hair, gripping as if his life depended on it, as if that was the only way to keep Harry in place. It’s not. The fact their lips are touching is the enough for him to stay steady with the light weight of Louis’ body on top of him.

He wants to nothing else but this.

Louis’ hands travel then to the top buttons of Harry’s shirt. At this point he doesn’t even need to look down to know how to undress him, he does it with lips attached and eyes shut enjoying the moment. Harry’s hands keep steady on Louis’ curvy waist. It’s a strong and soft place.

Louis pulls away, so quickly Harry doesn’t even have time to react properly at it. He slowly opens his eyes, lips still pouting, red and wet just like his eyes, crying in need for more and everything.

“What is this?” Louis straightens his back a bit, Harry’s chest is half exposed now, his small hand is placed on top of Harry’s hairless chest while the other one carefully touches the white bandage just under his chest and above his belly button.

Harry flinches a little in pain when Louis slightly makes some pressure with his fingertips, although he smiles looking up at the blue eyed guy. He looks innocent but at the same time handsome and sexy on top of his body like that. Harry had never seen someone as beautiful as Louis and even if they ever fall apart, he knows he will never forget his face, his body, his heart, he will always have the same opinion.

The warmth from the fire starts to be too much, Louis’ temple is shining with sweat but his eyes are still a cold blue. His lips look like Harry’s, redder than they should be from their hard kiss and his hair is all over the place since Harry always has to put his hands on it when they make out.

“Rip it off.” Louis frowns but Harry’s voice is soft, his hands make their way to Louis’ wrists to put them on top of the adhesive. “Carefully though.”

By the look on Louis’ face he has an idea of what it is, he has a similar but smaller bandage on his forearm from the small tattoo he had done this afternoon – a paper airplane and another small bird “rubbish” Louis had described, “Lovely” Harry had disagreed.

“You… You did it today? I thought you spent that whole time finding out what you wanted.” Louis says referring to the time Harry spent inside the shop while he was doing his own – Harry saying he wouldn’t stand seeing Louis with needles so close to him – and then when he went out to get food.

“I… I knew what I wanted all along.” He smiles. “Go on. Please.”

Louis bites down on his lip and delicately starts ripping one side of the bandage. “I’m nervous…” he chuckles, trying to pick from the small part he had exposed, nothing much, just a black line. “Who even chooses this place to be his first –“ He stops himself to finish the sentence when the whole tattoo is exposed.

An average sized butterfly is plastered on Harry’s chest, in dark ink. The same butterfly Louis had drawn in the insignificant napkin the previous day. His lips part and his eyes are focused on the drawing on Harry’s belly.

“It just… seemed appropriate.” Harry speaks but for the first time Louis isn’t really listening to him. His fingertips follow the lines of the butterfly across his small abs. “It’s how you make me feel… with butterflies in my belly.” Harry giggles, Harry actually fucking giggles. “I loved it so much I –“

Louis automatically leans down to crash their lips together, not saying a word to tease what Harry just said, as expected. A small ache goes through Harry’s body due the pressure on his belly but he doesn’t care, his arms wrap around Louis’ body and keeps him closer than ever. They get so into the moment that Harry doesn’t know how the kiss turns so heat and their breathing so uneven that they need to pull away to breathe for a second before continuing. 

Harry sees Louis rising on top of his lap again, this time to take off his cashmere sweater and throw it to the opposite side of the fireplace, their vinyl is playing but Harry doesn’t know how, his ears are also focused on Louis’ movements and the sound they produce, the sound their bodies do rubbing against each other.

Harry’s hands hold Louis bare elbows now pulling him down to another desperate kiss but Louis doesn’t let him when pushes him up so they’re face to face, sat on the floor, Louis’ legs tangled behind Harry.

“You’re so rare.” Louis finishes taking Harry’s shirt off, letting it slide down through his arms, looking as if it’s the most beautiful and sexiest thing he had ever seen by the way it falls down next to them. “You’re like art. Like a masterpiece that everyone would pay millions to get their hands on.” Harry’s breathe gets stuck on his throat, those words build up there because now he can’t say them. He can think them thought and that’s how he thinks of Louis, how he thought all alone since the beginning. “And then one day, this one person puts their hands on you.” He kisses Harry’s chest; one, two, three pecks at time. “and they put you in a place where everyone can see you so they know how lucky they are.” Louis holds Harry closer to his face by his hand behind his neck. “But no one can touch you. Only that one person can.” He kisses Harry’s collarbone up to the crock of his neck and close to his jaw. “The lucky one. They can touch you, feel how perfectly done the details are, how the texture feels like, the magic it portraits. Their fingertips burn, their veins boil but they feel immense. Who sees you though, they don’t know how it feels like, they only know how you truly look like up close. You’re so much more than what they can see from afar.” He looks down, his hands touching Harry’s fresh tattoo. “Make love to me tonight.” Louis pecks his lips for a second, pulling Harry’s bottom lip between his. “Touch me.” He puts his hands around Harry’s neck and pushes him down, both falling in the same position from previously only that now Harry is on top of Louis’ smaller body. “I want to be the one feeling you.” He grins, Harry’s green eyes shining on him.

“Lou…”

“ _Shh_ ,” he kisses the corner of Harry’s lips. “It’s all right. It’s much more than all right. It’s perfect.” He smiles. “Perfect does exists _Harry Styles,_ otherwise the word wouldn’t make sense to us. And I’m giving the use out of it now. _We_. We together are perfect. The two. Together. It’s real.”

One of Harry’s hand, that is supporting his weight next to Louis’ head, touches Louis’ cheek, his thumb bushing his cheekbone. He doesn’t say anything after that. He gets to undress both of them right away, first Louis and then himself, the blue eyed guy helping him messily along the way.

Harry kisses him, the fire warming up their naked bodies and giving them light, one that soon seems like nothing when their eyes are focused on the iris of each other, the dark colour invading them.

Harry’s body covers almost all of Louis’, making him feel more protected. Before everything Harry makes sure to kiss Louis, like properly kiss him. Not only snog him with the purpose of making them look redder, making both feel hotter, no. He literally kisses every inch of body he finds, every imperfection, every sensitive part, every soft or uneven skin, every finger, every bone; Harry is all up to it.

Louis giggles, Louis moans and Louis calls for his name. In his eyes there’s no fear but just lust and light. Harry wants to see fireworks and waterfalls.

Harry had fingered Louis before, so, so many times. He had come only with his fingers, he had filled a pillow with sweat and tears parting underneath Harry’s body, shaking, trembling and looking so fragile and wrecked. Harry intends to do the same tonight, he wants to see Louis enjoy that, wants him to be on the verge of his climax, wants to see him trying to look for something for his fists to grip, wants to see his eyes rolling to the back of his head, wants to hear and feel the pleasure on that guy.

So after getting the lube next to them –because of course they were planning on having sex before so everything they need was there before – and a clean towel under Louis he does exactly that. He opens him up until his fingers don’t feel tight inside of him, until he feels like Louis is wet enough, sees pre-come building up on his navel and his legs can’t seem to be steady on his sides and want only to squeeze Harry’s arm by how good it feels. He gets to the point that himself can’t contain anymore as well, his voice is rough, he gets out of compliments to tell Louis even though he wants to repeat them all because he deserves to.

At that point, condom on, body between Louis’ legs already, it feels different and for the first time in a long time Harry feels nervous.

“Are you nervous?” Louis asks, an amusing smile plays on his lips although Harry knows he is more than he is even though he had time to relax while Harry prepped him. His lips are trembling a bit while he speaks but one thing he doesn’t stop doing is looking right into Harry’s eyes, which he is glad for.

“I am.” Harry admits, hands brushing up and down Louis’ thighs.

“Keep in mind that I’m not made of porcelain, _mon chéri_.” Louis puts a lock of Harry’s hair behind his ear.

“But I don’t want to scare you. I don’t want you to stop trusting me.”

Louis shakes his head, hand resting on Harry’s cheek and it seems like it had been there the whole night. “Nonsense. I’ll be okay, I promise.” He grins, so widely that a small dimple appears on his cheek. “I want this so much, honestly _Harry_ I feel like I’m going to come just with the thought of it.” Louis thrusts his hips, their bare cocks brushing in each other.

“ _Jesus Christ_.” He breathes out, shutting his eyes and leaning over by instinct, their lips inches apart.

“Need you. Inside me. Now. Please. _Je suis désespérée_.” The amount of words shouldn’t complement each other but they do and Harry inks them on his mind.

Harry gets as much air in his lungs as possible, one of his hand holds Louis’ by his hip while the other one grips his own cock to direct it to Louis’ bare, smooth and red hole already wet and ready for him.

“All the way. Everything.” Louis rambles, hands linked together behind Harry’s nape. Harry looks down where their body connects, up to Louis’ face; his fringe in front of his eyes. Harry sees Louis’ smile change, his eyes shut tightly and he presses his mouth shut firmly at the same time his hips surge following Harry’s movement. “Oh my god.” Louis breathes out, head falling back, exposing his throat to Harry, who can’t resist to attach his lips and teeth there.

He doesn’t really get to actually kiss or bite him because he is so out of breath that just warm air hits the skin. When Louis’ head moves again forward Harry catches his face, seeing a tear track running down his face.

“Louis…” he can’t speak any more word when Louis surges forward to catch Harry’s lips in a kiss that’s really more tongue than anything. His hands go down to Harry’s bare, strong back and encourages him to move.

Harry knows that’s what he really wants, what he truly needs so he starts to slowly thrust in and out, every time receiving a gasp coming from Louis. Harry tickles Louis’ skin from his arm until he reaches his hand and intertwines their fingers, resting their foreheads together.

“Amazing. You’re doing amazing.” Harry whispers, watching the tears falling down from Louis’ face, getting another kiss as an answer from him.

He doesn’t stop from that on, every thrust he does it gets less tight and Louis’ gasps aren’t from pain but far from it. “I was wrong…” Louis breathes out, squeezing Harry’s hand in his. “I was wrong all along, this… this is so good.” He thrusts along Harry, the blankets under them getting out of place, the fire getting them sweatier. “And you… you’re so hard, doing it so well. It doesn’t hurt.” He whimpers, Harry’s cock hitting that sweet spot so well. “Faster, don’t worry. Please don’t worry. I’m okay.”

“Open your eyes for me then.” Harry breathes out, keeping his pass. Louis does it so, his wet eyes looking up at his dark green ones. “Gorgeous.” He whispers, starting to fuck Louis so well and so thoroughly, manhandling him in all the right ways, roughing him up just how Louis asks for.

It feels so much that the tears keep springing in his eyes, Louis’ available hand travels down reaching Harry’s ass, slapping him, making it jiggle, and pushing him down forcefully, biting his lip to the point he can almost taste blood.

“Is it… Does it feel good for you too?” Louis asks, Harry wiping his tears away, useless gesture since they keep streaming down.

“Yes… God, yes of course Louis. Amazing. All I ever wanted. You’re simply… exuberant.” Now Harry has leverage to fuck up into Louis when he slams down, Louis stuttering some answer in his rhythm.

“I don’t want this to end. Ever.”

“Oh darling,” Harry keeps with his movements, their fingertips inking each other’s skin with red marks. “I promise you our forever will last a long time.”

“Yeah… Yes, _Harry_.” Louis shuts his eyes, eyelashes wet and pulls Harry down again for a kiss until the moment he has to break it to gasp and hiccup, whimpering out. “Do it again.”

And Harry does it, watching how Louis’ whole body trembles, big sobs leaving his throat, hands pressed to Harry’s torso. _Hm’s_ and _ah’s_ invade the room while Harry pounds into him, hitting his spot over and over again and Harry is astonished. He is astonished by the way Louis’ face looks so relaxed and pleased, how he is so into the moment, giving himself to Harry, legs around his waist so tightly and following every move to feel more and _more_.

Harry can’t find himself to let go Louis’ hand but with his other one he goes between their sweaty bodies and grabs Louis’ hard cock, messily stroking it twice and rubbing his thumb in the head. “It feels so good. So fucking good oh my god.” Louis moans, pressing his body onto Harry’s and coming with no warning between their bodies, hitting his chin, hiccupping and shivering. Harry licks his own lips before licking Louis’ chin clean. “Keep –Keep going, call my name.” Louis begs, so out of this world, looking like a complete mess of tears and come.

Harry keeps his ruthless pace in Louis but doesn’t last a minute after that, Louis clenches around him by how sensitive he feels yet still being touched and Harry comes hard inside of the condom, moaning Louis’ name loudly as asked –but honestly Louis didn’t need to ask him for _that_.

Harry feels like he is going to pass out, his eyes are heavy, his limbs sore but he fights with himself. The adrenaline is huge, his heart is melting, his body is warm and Louis is a hot mess underneath him. It’s not dirty it’s just lovely and hot and Harry has everything in that warm room in a late night in Paris.

He bundles Louis in his arms, his bigger ones wrapping around his tiny body, completely holding Louis close to his warm body and peppers little kisses all over his face, his sweaty hair until Louis finally calms down and he feels like he can’t shut his eyes for one second, much less fall asleep.

When Louis stops shaking, tears drying on his face, not a word spoken yet just the sound of the wood cracking on the fire and their pants interrupting the peace, Harry presses their noses together. His hands run gently all over the soft body he just ruined and finally quietly whispers “I love you” not once, nor twice but until Louis opens his eyes and lets out a little sniffle.

He murmurs a tiny and barely there “Thank you.”

~*~

 

Harry has probably memorised every mark, every little hair, every freckle, every curve from Louis’ back during the last hour he had spent tracing his fingertips there. Belly pressed against the blanket, face laid down in one pillow but looking to the side where he can spot Harry, Louis is smiling. Harry had thrown more logs into the fireplace so it doesn’t die so now his face is pressed against the palm of his hand admiring Louis’ features –maybe not even noticing the blue eyes stuck on him.

“Your skin glows. How do you do that?”

Louis chuckles lightly, his feet brushing Harry’s ankle. “Didn’t have a rough puberty I guess.” Harry groans leaning over to place a kiss just under Louis’ neck.

“Not fair. I used to get the worse pimples. Not only on my back you see. It was frustrating.” He buries his face on the crock of Louis’ neck, his hand still placed in the middle of Louis’ spine. “Still get some, as you can see.”

“Only makes you human. I don’t mind them. You shouldn’t too.” Harry pulls away looking at Louis’ face, he pecks his lips this time. Slowly but wetly.

“It’s nice to have someone to love myself besides me.” Louis’ lips twist.

“Do you love yourself?” Harry nods frenetically. “That’s so good.”

“I think I wouldn’t be able to love you this much if I didn’t love myself first.”

“Oh so you’re those with that opinion.” Louis chuckles, his hand pushing Harry down so he can lay down on his side.

“Yeah, you don’t agree?” Louis tries to shrug in his position.

“Maybe. I think you can still love someone if you don’t love yourself. I just don’t think you would love them in the right way. How do I put this… unhealthy relationships grow from this issue. You don’t love yourself but you have the urge to love someone, you want to love someone, so you give everything you have to them even half of the portion that should be used in yourself. They end up having everything and you have nothing.” He sighs sadly, his eyes looking away from Harry’s.

“You… You aren’t giving everything to me, are you?” Harry asks worriedly, his hand brushing up and down from Louis’ neck to the crack of his ass.

Louis’ eyes come back to look at Harry, this time taking their time to stare at his lips, while he licks his own. “No. I love myself too.” He smiles then, somehow Harry finds himself sighing in relief. “I always loved even if in the past I didn’t love like I should. It was so little, so fucking little but it was still there, that portion I deserved just to myself. I’m better now. So much better.”

Harry kisses his bare shoulder, the sense of burn hovers in the air due the candle going out itself. They both scrunch their nose with the smell but laugh in union afterwards.

“We aren’t going to sleep tonight, are we?” Louis asks, amusement in his tone.

“Nope.” Harry answers popping the _p_ in the word. “I’m so hyped.” He chuckles, jumping from his side to Louis’ back, crunching him and making him groan but laugh at the same time.

“Day number four, it smells like sweat, slowly I’m losing the ability of breathing, that hard thing keeps poking my right thigh. I’m still trying to investigate what it is.” Louis jokes, consequently Harry’s head falls back in laughter.

His arms go under Louis’ torso, hugging him from the back, his legs parting at the same time his knees press on the blanket, kicking a pillow out of the way. “Jesus, I’m so in love with you.”

“Jesus is so in love with you too. He admires your faith and thanks for your religion beliefs.”

“Louis!” Harry laughs close to his hear, his nose brushing in his skin, biting is earlobe right away and then kissing down through his neck to suck a spot close to the curve of his shoulder, sinking his teeth there again, a red and purplish mark being created there.

“Jesus doesn’t like vampires. But Louis does like when you do that.” He turns more his head to the point he is able to catch Harry’s bottom lip between his teeth. He drags him close and sucks it, going for an opened mouth kiss then. When they pull away Louis licks his shiny lips and looks up and down to Harry’s face. “You would make a pretty hot vampire.”

Harry snorts. “Is that another discovered kink?”

“ _Hmm_ , maybe.” He kisses him once again. “If you chose to consider it.”

“I do.” Harry smiles, lips brushing. He pulls away then though, placing his hands one above the other, on top of Louis’ shoulder blades, as a pillow where he lays down his head.

“Comfortable?” Louis laughs, voice muffled.

“ _Mmm_ ,” He answers lazily. He moves one hand to start drawing invisible lines on Louis’ bare, soft shoulder. His eyes following his owns fingers.

“I’m starting to feel my dick numb. My whole body actually. I think my bones are torn apart.” Louis jokes once again. Harry is concentrated on his own movements with his fingers but he moves, standing up even replacing a cold breeze on Louis’ back. “Babe,” Louis looks behind, raising his body with the help of his elbow. “I was joking you know it wasn’t meant for you to…” Harry walks away from the room, leaving Louis frowning, naked on the floor. “… leave.” He finishes quietly.

“Stay there. Don’t move.” He can hear Harry’s voice from far away. He bites down on his lip, curiosity occupying his whole brain but he does what said so, laying down again like he previously was.

Three minutes later – it’s not like Louis is counting or anything (he is.) – Harry comes back, some loud noise following him. Obviously Louis looks behind to see what it is.

“Are you going to paint or something?”

“Yup. I felt inspired all of a sudden.” Louis frowns with his answer and sees Harry placing some kind of watercolours in tubes and brushes next to them and kneeling down between Louis’ legs.

“You weird ass frog where’s the canvas?”

“Right in front of me.” Harry grins, hands passing up and down through Louis’ board back. He grabs him from the side and rolls him around so he is belly up and he is sat on his thighs. Louis’ frown disappears so his eyebrows shot upwards, his hands patting the floor and supporting his weight to look up at Harry.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah…” Harry nods, biting his lip to prevent another smile. He massages the side of Louis’ body and leans over to get closer to Louis’ face. “You don’t like the idea?” Louis opens his mouth but no words come out. “Is just that… since I can’t paint you, maybe I can paint _on_ you.” He smiles cheekily and Louis breaks the space between them, teeth crashing instead of actually going for a kiss.

“That’s so lovely _Harry_.” He admits. “You’re so… so lovely.”

Harry pulls away, staring at the way Louis is looking at him as if everything he ever wanted was there. Is there. “Let’s get started.” He pecks Louis’ lips again and positions him in a perfect angle.

He ends up holding himself on his elbows, legs up and Harry supporting his bum on his knees. He kisses every inch he can get from Louis’ skin before actually getting a brush in his hands and opening the paint.

It’s not quick. It takes Harry so much time to actually paint what he wants perfectly. He makes sure it is perfect, he makes sure it makes him feel like it’s the best work he has ever done. He dips the brush in a little bit of water they had close to them and drags the colour in Louis’ clean and hairless skin. It’s better than any canvas, the touch is softer than any expensive shirt, the pride he feels on doing this on Louis is better than any work exposed in Liam’s gallery.

He is smiling all the time, stealing kisses from Louis here and there because he just can’t get enough.

Louis’ body turns out in a complete garden. The colours are a mixture of warm and cold ones but always a kind of pastel type. He has patterns drawn on his arm, he has magnolias, sunflowers, amaryllis, iris and birds of paradise –so well detailed, so well painted so well everything – on his body. He has leaves on his hip, petals falling down his neck and at some point he leaves Louis’ lap to grab his leg and paint climbing roses up until his thigh.

Every touch, every line, every colour is done and painted carefully and softly as if Harry is putting every skill he had learnt along his whole life. He is so concentrated that at the end, when Louis’ body is all coloured, gorgeous, shinning happiness and glory he blinks and the built up tears fall down his cheek.

He looks at Louis, who himself looks like didn’t contain his own tears all along. “Stop crying.” Louis protests but his face lights up and his lips twist into a smile. They start laughing, literally laughing nonstop –better so, giggling.

Carefully not to touch any piece painted from Louis’ body, Harry makes him lay down on the floor again, hovering his body, lips barely touching. “I’m so happy.”

“This is gorgeous.” Louis sobs but otherwise his tears he is grinning. “Fuck, I’m so happy too.”

“You’re my masterpiece see.” Harry joins their foreheads, they’re both naked but so, so warm. Harry feels warm all over, inside out. “I’m the lucky one. I’m the one seeing you up close.” He kisses under his jaw, looking down then at the petals he had drawn on his neck.

“ _Harry_ …” Louis calls him but Harry keeps staring at his work on Louis’ job. “ _Harry_ , my love, look at me.” Louis grabs both his cheeks and brushes their lips together. “ _Merci_. Thank you for lighting up my life, for giving me my vision again. Thank you for making me feel like art.” He giggles. “ _Je t’aime tellement, mon ange.”_

Louis looks down, admires the flowers on his chest and then his eyes catch the butterfly on Harry’s chest. His fingertips touch above the lines, both their art blending out amazingly, everything living on their chests.

Harry isn’t the only one having butterflies on his belly.

~*~

 _“Lewi_?”  

“Yes,  _Harry_?”  

“Did you know the wedding ring goes on the left ring finger because it’s the only finger with a vein that connects to the heart?” Harry looks over his phone, to see Louis next to him, laid down on the mattress as well but looking at the ceiling.  

“Are you reading those weird ass facts that people post on _facebook_?” Louis asks, his voice playful, yet he doesn’t even bother to meet Harry’s gaze. His eyes keep concentrated in one spot in the room. “That’s just the worst  _Harry_ , you are better than that.” 

“No.” Harry whines, childishly and Louis might notice that he pouts because he glances over at him for a second, to lean over and take Harry’s bottom lip between his. 

“Put the phone on the side and let’s sleep, yeah?” Louis suggests when pulls away, staying close from Harry’s face, who just nods slightly before putting his phone on his bedside table. 

When he turns off the light from the lamp, only two lavender candles are lightened up on top of his dresser. It gives a funny pattern to the ceiling, the flame faintly trembling. The sound of the sheets moving frenetically last at least a minute and a half until Louis feels completely comfy and relaxed on the side. 

Harry looks at the back of Louis’ neck, his body slightly moving up and down it’s just there looking comfy and asking to be bothered. He pulls the blanket to himself, hugging the best he can against his chest and then giggles.

“Stop pulling the blanket please.” Louis sighs.

“I’m not.”

“Stop lying you dildo.”

Harry laughs into his pillow and breathes out, he lays belly up and counts to five “ _Lewis_?” 

“ _Harry_?”  

“Why does toilet paper needs commercial if everyone eventually needs to buy them?” 

“ _Jesus Christ_ ,” Louis sighs loudly and mumbles something under his breathe before looking back at Harry over his own shoulder. “Sleep you giraffe.” He turns around again and pulls the blanket to himself, so it’s covering him like it was previously.

That action only makes Harry pulling the blanket again. Louis leaves a huff between his lips. “Are we playing some kind of game that I’m not aware of?”

“What did I do?” Harry asks, voice high pitch.

“You pulled the fucking blanket again!”

 “I didn’t Louis.” Harry pouts even though Louis is making his best not to look back.

“Harry I swear.”

Harry presses his lips shut and hears Louis sighing one last time. This time he counts to thirty before “Lou?”

“ _Hum_?” Louis answers, clearly annoyed. 

“Why does lol looks like a little man drowning? I bet he is not laughing out loud.”

This time there’s silence, not a _humf_ , Harry doesn’t think Louis even rolls his eyes. He is literally being ignored. So he pulls the blanket. Again. Louis reacts.

“That’s it you’re going down.” He jumps on top of Harry, blanket thrown to the end of the bed and starts tickling him.

“Please, I’m sorry! Stop!”  Harry tries to fight back, giggling loudly and trying to push Louis’ arms away, which is useless. “I won’t do it again. Please, babe, I’m going to piss my pants.” Louis laughs along with him but stops.

“One last chance, pretty eyes.” He smiles though, jumping out of his lap and taking the blankets up to cover both.

There’s silence for long minutes. “Louis… Are lobsters mermaids for scorpions I mean –“

“I said, last chance.” Louis shouts the two last words, not moving a limb. “I’m going to delete your facebook account. Who even uses it anyway?!”

“Zayn does.”

“Zayn is cool.”

“I’m cool.”

“You’re not. You’re sleeping. Night.”

“Okay, okay. Sleeping. I’m sleeping.” Harry shuts his eyes although he keeps smiling.

Not containing himself he opens one eye and pulls the blanket leaving Louis with nothing.

“Jesus Christ.” Louis protests, instantly ripping the blankets off from Harry’s body too. He yells from the gesture and starts laughing, tears in his eyes when Louis deeps his fingers on the side of his body. “You wanted attention here you have.” He says out loud, his laughter – giggles – almost echo around the room.

In a blink of an eye Louis is pushing Harry out of bed. There’s a winch followed by a loud crash and Harry definitely hits his feet somewhere. Louis covers his opened mouth with his hands, stopping his laughter and shocked noise. 

“Oh my god.” Harry groans and Louis peaks his face from the edge of the bed and sees him belly up brushing his sore body. “Louis…” 

“I’m sorry,  _fleur_.” He says honestly at the same time he lets escape a small chuckle. The blue eyed guy crawls on the mattress until it’s safe to get on the floor as well, laying down on top of Harry. “Hi.” Louis smiles softly, his nose brushing Harry’s chin. 

Harry fakes mad, looking away from Louis’ dangerous eyes but it doesn’t stop Louis to pinch his little dimple from his profile. “ _Je t’aime_.” Louis whispers as if it’s a secret that not even the walls can listen to, brushing his lips on Harry’s jaw. “ _Mon beau petit ami_.” 

“Yeah, yeah…” Harry rolls his eyes even though he rests his hands on Louis’ both sides of his hips. “You’re doing the brat face, you don’t mean it.” He fails at keeping his voice serious when chuckles.

“Well… true. The face I mean. But I do mean it.”  Harry raises his eyebrows and their eyes meet, literally meet. Looking so deeply in such intense way that Harry can feel the blood rushing through his veins by how numb his whole body feels. “I do love you. I love you very much actually, gorgeous.”

Harry doesn’t look shocked, much less surprised when hears those words. His heart though, Louis is probably able to feel it beat faster in his chest. “Well you won this time.” Louis laughs joining their lips even though their teeth crash and it’s just messy, however the connection is what is needed.  

“Do you love me?” Louis asks then, his eyes locking with Harry’s, showing traces of seriousness. 

“Of course.” He says genuinely. “Will love you like a promise.” Louis watches him carefully. “Will love you with my heart and not with my eyes.” Louis slips a playful smile with that one. “I love you my love.” 

Louis kisses him for the third time that night, which it seems like it’ll become a routine. A routine that they will never get bored of.  

“Let’s sleep on the floor.” Louis says then, wrapping his arms around Harry’s body and resting his head on his collarbones. 

“Everything for you.” 

~*~ 

 _6:03pm m8_  

 _6:03pm you wanna go_  

 ** _6:03pm yea_**  

 _6:03pm on a date with me?_  

 _6:03pm OH YOU DO_  

 _6:03pm OHHHH_  

 ** _6:03pm YOURE SAYING THAT LIKE I FELL FOR A CUNNING PRANK, IM YOUR BOYFRIEND_**  

 ** _6:03pm AND NEXT TIME JUST CALL ME_**  

**_6:00pm DON’T JUST GO TO THE TOILET TO TEXT ME WHILE I’M IN THE LIVING ROOM YOU EGG_ **

 

**_ _ **

**_art by[meuphrosyne](http://meuphrosyne.tumblr.com/post/96355608829/my-brush-on-your-body-non-edited)_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inspiration [here](http://mindsovoid.tumblr.com/post/120107103759/larry-in-bed)  
> such happy happy chapter, i feel like i'm happy with the way i finished it and quite proud of it. thank you so much if you read it, i'm really glad you took your time with this i appreciate if you leave some feed back and constructive criticism.  
> i have a lot more works to write in my mind but i don't think i will be able to share them soon since time to write for me has been shortened and i want to focus on my last year of high school.

**Author's Note:**

> Contact me on 
> 
> [Tumblr](http://fresharold.tumblr.com/)
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/blu3v3ins)


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